Hannah and I are standing on the doorstep. Kevin has stayed inside, ostensibly to finish clearing the table. I’ve never known him not to see any of our guests off as they were leaving. He would always wave until they’d driven off and were out of sight. But I expect he’s as confused as I am.
‘And Kevin? Was he the one who––?’
‘No. It never entered his head. I didn’t tell him until the results came back.’
‘How long have you known?’
‘A couple of days,’ she says.
That explains the strange look she gave me when I turned up at the salon. And it explains why Kevin needs to be alone with his thoughts right now.
‘Will you call us in a few days’ time?’ Hannah says. My cue to leave. ‘When you’ve had a chance to get your head round this?’
I can feel myself nodding.
She gives me a brief hug, then, and I can smell the fruity scent of her hair. I’ve missed you, I think, but there’s a lot to be sorted out and, although I’m going to be linked to Hannah through Kevin and Chloe now, I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends again. I’d like us to be, though. One day.
I drive to the promenade and fit Chloe’s car seat onto the chassis. Then I walk. When the Esplanade becomes a path that leads round the clifftop, it becomes too tricky for the buggy, so I turn around and walk the other way. Then, sitting down on a bench on the Esplanade, I close my eyes and inhale the salt air.
I’m not sure what to make of this. Opening my eyes, I look out across the Bristol Channel at the lights along the Welsh coast and I let my feelings churn every which way in my mind before trying to identify them.
Relief. I’m relieved that Chloe no longer connects me to Alex. I’m married to him, but that can be undone. When we’re divorced, there will be no reason whatsoever for him and me to stay in touch. I’ll be free.
Guilty. I have messed up – badly. And I’m going to have to put this right. I can’t turn back time or rewrite the past. I can’t erase what I’ve done. But I can use a fresh page to write my future. And Chloe’s future.
Nostalgic. I sigh, thinking of Kevin. Our relationship was one of missed chances and broken dreams. We were always in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or maybe in the right place at the wrong time. After all, we made Chloe, and I wouldn’t change that. Not for the world. But Kevin and I had run our course. There’s no going back for us, either. Only forwards.
Stupid. I can’t believe Hannah worked out that Kevin could be Chloe’s father when I had no inkling of that myself.
I’m wrenched from my thoughts, suddenly aware of the little hairs on the back of my neck prickling. Someone is watching me. I whip my head round and look behind me, but although there are a few people about, no one seems to be paying any attention to me.
I can’t shake that impression, though, the feeling I’m being observed, so I get up and hurriedly wheel Chloe’s pushchair along the Esplanade, past Butlins on the opposite side of the road and on towards the car park.
It takes me less than five minutes to reach Dad’s car and strap in Chloe’s infant seat. I whirl around every few steps, convinced I’m being followed. As soon as I’ve folded the chassis down and shut it in the boot, I jump in the car and press the button for the central locking.
It takes me less than fifteen minutes to drive back to Dad’s. Despite my grip on the steering wheel, my hands are still shaking as I drive past the sign for Porlock. I keep looking in the rear-view mirror, but there are no headlights behind me. Another false alarm.
As I pull into Dad’s road, I can see there’s a car in front of his drive, where he usually parks. Because it’s dark and the streetlights are dim, it takes me a few seconds to recognise it. When I do, I feel like my world has tipped on its side. I can’t see straight or think straight. For a while, time seems to stand still, at an odd angle. Then my brain kicks in.
It should be in the driveway of the Old Vicarage. What’s it doing here? Who drove it here from Grasmere? These questions tear through my head, but the answer is already racing after them. Alex is here. My first instinct is to drive off. Not used to the clutch on Dad’s car, I stall it as I turn it around in the road. Then panic takes hold of me as though someone is gripping my throat. Dad! I can’t leave Dad!
I park behind the red Citroën. There doesn’t seem to be anyone in it. He’s in the house. Getting out of Dad’s car on wobbly legs, I check the registration plate on the red car. It’s definitely my car. Clutching the handle of Chloe’s car seat with a sleeping Chloe strapped in it, I creep up the drive to Dad’s house. My eyes dart all over the place. I feel utterly terrified and yet faintly ridiculous at the same time. I open the front door as quietly as I can, but, as always, it sticks a little and I know I’ll have been heard.
‘Kaitlyn, is that you?’ My dad’s voice sounds muffled. I picture him in the sitting room, bound to a chair. ‘We’ve got visitors.’
‘Kaitlyn! Chloe!’ a familiar voice calls out. ‘There’s someone here to meet you! Come and see!’
Chapter 26
~
Even though I recognise her silky voice, I’m mistrustful as I walk towards the living room. What’s she doing here? What does she mean, there’s someone here to meet me? Standing in the doorway, I stare at the sight that greets me. My wariness evaporates, and so does some of the tension that has been building up over the previous hours with Hannah and Kevin’s bombshell.
Nikki’s here. In my dad’s living room. And she has brought a furry friend, by the look of it. My dad is holding the puppy, his face buried in its fur, and Nikki is watching, all wide smiles.
‘Hi there,’ she says to me. ‘Allow me to introduce you to Marley. He’s a goldador. His mum’s a golden retriever and his dad’s a yellow Lab. Marley’s twelve weeks old.’
In spite of everything, I find myself mirroring her smile. Dad has put the puppy on the floor now and he’s bounding around, his tail going, the spit of the Andrex dog without the toilet roll. I put Chloe’s infant seat on the floor in the corner of the room to keep her safely out of the way of this fluffy ball of energy.
Then I go up to Nikki and give her a hug. She’s wearing socks and I’m in my heeled boots and for once we’re the same height.
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, still bewildered.
‘I drove down in your car with as much of your stuff as I could get in it along with Marley and all his equipment.’ Her eyes flit from the puppy to me and back again. ‘Your dad knew I was coming. I rang him.’
Briefly, I wonder how she had Dad’s number. Then I remember I called Dad from Nikki’s mobile on the way down to Somerset in the car.
‘I thought it would make a nice surprise for you,’ my dad says.
‘It’s a lovely surprise,’ I say, adding to myself, especially after the shock I’ve just had.
I understand now why Nikki went round to the Old Vicarage with her mother. She picked up my things for me and loaded them into my Citroën. She knew where the keys were. She’d hung them on the hook when we left the house together. But Nikki couldn’t have known for sure that she wasn’t in danger. I hate to think how Alex would have reacted if he’d come home while she was there. Her selfless gesture brings a lump to my throat.
‘Nikki surprised me, too,’ my dad says. ‘She asked if she could bring a canine companion and I assumed she was bringing one of her dogs.’
I’m confused again. ‘Whose dog is this, then?’
‘He’s mine,’ Dad says, his face lighting up, like my nephews’ faces at Christmas. ‘Nikki says the shelter had some puppies. She couldn’t say no when they asked her, but she already has four dogs, so she thought maybe I could give him a home.’
Nikki winks at me. She must have been moved when she found out Dad had had to put his dog down, even though she’d never met Jet. And this is her way of making him happier. She has obviously chosen the puppy’s name, just as for the four dogs she adopted. Marley. I remember watching the film with Archie and Oscar.
/> Nikki has brought a crate for the puppy and before we go to bed, we make him comfortable in it with toys and a cushion. But Marley howls all night and we all look the worse for wear the following morning. Except for Chloe. She slept through it.
I’m not sure I would have slept anyway. I spent most of the time lying awake, staring blindly at the ceiling, trying to banish all thoughts of Alex from my head. I’ve also been absorbing the fact that Kevin is Chloe’s father.
At breakfast, I announce this news to Dad and Nikki.
There is a long silence that seems to reverberate around the kitchen.
Then Dad says, ‘That’s probably a blessing in disguise.’ He asks how I found out and so I fill him in.
Nikki hasn’t said a word. I study her face, but her expression is blank. I wonder what’s going through her mind. Maybe she’s thinking if I hadn’t made such a stupid mistake, she would still be with Alex. Or, at the very least, that she wouldn’t have been kicked out so unceremoniously. I feel the need for her moral support. But perhaps she needs mine, I don’t know. I just wish she’d say something.
I’m the one who brings it up as I’m driving her to the train station in Tiverton later that day. Dad and I invited her to stay for a while, but she said she had to get back to work.
‘Nikki, I feel I owe you an apology.’
‘What on earth for? I’m the one who deceived you.’
‘That’s all good, Nikki. You’ve more than made up for it.’ As I say it, I realise I really mean it. Nikki has been an absolute godsend. I would probably be dead if she hadn’t helped me. ‘I meant, you know, with Alex. I made a terrible mistake. I assumed Chloe was Alex’s. And, well, he left you because of me, didn’t he?’
‘He threw me out, you mean? Kaitlyn, I’m sure your situation was just a catalyst for causing Alex to break off our engagement. But you know what? I had a lucky escape.’
‘I think I’m the one who had the lucky escape,’ I say.
I turn towards her and she flashes me one of her contagious grins.
For a while neither of us speaks. Then, as I’m turning off the link road at the exit for Tiverton Parkway, Nikki says, ‘Kaitlyn, are you sure you’re not in danger?’
Her question throws me. I know she thinks I should have listened to DC Bryant about the women’s refuge. Am I in danger? I’ve been thinking about that, or rather, I’ve been trying not to think about that. I’ll feel a lot safer when Alex is behind bars, that’s for sure.
‘If he comes after you, he will find you. This is the first place he’ll look.’
‘The police are going to arrest him,’ I say. I’ve already told Nikki about DC Bryant and she bumped into the police officers from the Cumbria Constabulary at the Old Vicarage.
‘If he shows up.’
‘They’re keeping an eye on the Old Vicarage and his mother’s house. They’ve been driving by regularly and keeping a lookout for him.’
‘Yeah, me too,’ she says. This doesn’t surprise me.
I’ve been telling myself that Dad is right, that Alex has arrived home since I last spoke to DC Bryant. I’m hoping DC Bryant will call, the moment the police station in Minehead opens on Monday morning, to tell me Alex has been arrested.
But I’m not convinced. I suddenly feel jumpy. I look all around me as I pull into a space in the station car park.
‘Do you think Sandy tipped him off?’ I ask.
‘Maybe,’ Nikki says. ‘She’s his mother. Who knows how far she would go for her son?’
My hands are trembling as I unclip my seatbelt and open my car door. Nikki puts her hand on my arm.
‘No need to come in,’ she says. ‘Get back home to Chloe and your dad. And Marley.’
‘Are you sure?’
She nods. ‘Keep in touch.’
And with that, she pecks my cheek, grabs her rucksack and heads towards the steps of the block of brown bricks that is Tiverton Parkway Railway Station.
Before she disappears through the doors, I realise I don’t have her phone number. I get out of the car and, calling her name, I run after her.
I don’t think to lock the car.
Nikki turns round and waits for me to catch up with her. ‘I need you to give me your number again,’ I say. ‘I don’t have my mobile anymore.’
‘Yes you do,’ she says as I catch up with her at the top of the steps. ‘I put it and the charger in one of the bags. You’ll find it when you unpack.’
As I drive away from the station, I get the feeling again that someone is following me. I look in the rear-view mirror, but there’s no one behind me. I drive a little further, still checking behind me every few seconds.
Then I remember I didn’t lock the car. I only realised when I went to unlock the car, pressed the button and locked it instead. I slam on the brakes and pull over to the side of the road. Then I leap out of the car and run a few steps away from it. He’s in the back of the car.
Slowly, I approach the car and look through the back window. Then I open the boot. Then I get back in the car, put on the hazards and give myself a severe telling-off. Aloud. I can’t allow him to do this to me. I can’t let him win. He’s not here. This is all in my head. Get a grip, Kaitlyn. My anger has kicked out my fear. I’m furious with myself. I keep up the scolding all the way back to Dad’s.
Dad has been looking after Chloe and when I get back, we decide to take Marley out for a walk.
‘We’ll just go up the road and back,’ Dad says. ‘Marley will have to build up some strength, won’t you, Puppy? It will be a while before I can take you to Watersmeet or Tarr Steps.’ He ruffles Marley’s fur. ‘We might make it as far as the harbour.’
Dad used to take Jet to Watersmeet and Tarr Steps, local heavens for dogs. He avoided Worthy Woods, though.
As we reach Porlock Weir, Dad says, ‘The Ship Inn’s dog-friendly. Perhaps we should give Marley a bit of a rest before we head back.’ I suspect he knew we’d wind up here when we set out.
I offer to buy Dad a pint while the dog is recharging his batteries. I end up ordering dinner to go with our pints. I have to pay with Dad’s money, of course, as I still have none of my own. It’s a warm evening and we sit at the wooden pub benches outside.
‘Hi, Kaitlyn. What a lovely surprise! And Mr Best. How are you? On the mend, I hope? You’re looking well anyway.’
It’s Teddy. Edward Edwards. Dad’s physiotherapist who was in the year above me – and Louisa – at East Exmoor School. He’s wearing a short-sleeved shirt that shows off his toned biceps, but also reveals how white his skin is. I remember noticing how pale he was last time I bumped into him, but now I find myself wondering if he has worked all through the summer without taking a holiday.
He introduces me to his daughter, Olivia. He also introduces Chloe to Olivia. I’m impressed. He remembered my daughter’s name. I’d forgotten Olivia’s, but I know he told me last time.
‘What are you doing here? Just down for the weekend?’
‘Um, no. I think I might be coming back permanently,’ I say.
I exchange pleasantries with Teddy while Olivia fusses over Marley and then Teddy offers to give me his mobile number. (‘In case you want to go for another cream tea one day’). I haven’t had a chance to dig out my mobile yet and I don’t have a pen in my handbag, so I give Teddy my number instead. He and Olivia sit at the table next to ours.
‘You could have asked them to sit with us,’ my dad hisses.
‘Shhh. I hardly know him,’ I say. ‘I’ve only seen him once since he left school, when he came round to your house.’
As Dad and I tuck into our Sunday roasts, I can’t help glancing at Teddy from time to time. He catches my eye once and grins at me. But other than that, his gaze is glued to his daughter.
As Dad and I leave with Chloe and Marley, we stop by Teddy and Olivia’s table to say goodbye. They’ve finished their meal, too, and Teddy is vaping while Olivia is playing with her phone. When Teddy and I went for our cream teas, I remember, his e-cig s
melled faintly of lemon. This time I detect a trace of vanilla.
‘I’ll call you,’ he promises as we walk away.
I don’t mind if he does. He seems like a lovely guy, but I hope he’s only looking for a friend. I’m not ready for anything else and I doubt I will be for a long time.
When I get home, I go through the bags Nikki packed and brought down for me until I find my mobile. The battery is dead. I plug it into the charger before I go to bed. I want to keep in touch with Nikki and the phone will help me to feel a bit more connected again. Plus, I’ll feel safer with my mobile on me. Tomorrow I’ll go to the bank, I decide as I climb into bed. I need some money of my own so I can be more independent. At least I have my car now. Thanks to Nikki.
I ring Nikki the following day to check she got back all right. She hasn’t heard anything about Alex.
‘I’ll swing by this evening and take a look,’ she says.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her she would have made an excellent spy, but I check myself and instead I say, ‘Be careful, Nikki.’ I want to add that Alex may be dangerous, but I can’t bring myself to say it. Partly because I don’t want to scare Nikki but mainly because this is still my husband I’m talking about. He has drilled screws into my speech over the months I’ve known him and even though he’s no longer around, I continue to filter and censure anything I want to say.
Every day DC Bryant either calls me on Dad’s phone or calls round in person. But it’s Wednesday before he gives me any news of Alex.
‘We’re doing all we can. My colleagues have been questioning his friends. It turns out one of them saw Alex last Friday night.’
But the detective constable knows nothing more than that. He can’t tell me who saw him or if he met up with this friend or was just spotted by chance.
Two days later, Nikki sends me a text containing an internet link. I open up the page on my phone. It’s an article in the Westmorland Gazette. I read it, reread it and then read it aloud to Dad.
1st September
He Will Find You Page 26