I could have saved her.
~*~
Aiden clutches his sister’s necklace to his chest and hums the lullaby she used to sing to him. Soft and sweet; it would always put him to sleep.
‘The Burning’, as the media dubbed it, was all over the news. News channels were losing their shit over what had happened to the royal family: “The Prince comes out alive!”
“Historian is killed in the fire.”
“Twenty-five year old Skye Kim was burned alive.”
“Skye Kim was pregnant at the time of her death.”
Aiden found out all the things he hadn’t known about his sister through the media. He grips the necklace tighter, the groove of the hook digging into his skin. She was pregnant…I would have been an uncle. “The King says a gang that has a long and hateful history with royalty was behind this fire.”
“It’s people like these that we need to keep out of our country. They hurt and kill those that are innocent and they could have taken my son away from me.” The King seemed so sincere, but Aiden could see behind his lies. He knew that his sister didn’t die by a “sad mistake”. This fire was intentional and no stupid gang was behind it. You’re a murderer, those words he sneered at the static image of the King on his TV screen. Skye could have come out alive if it wasn’t for the Prince. Yes, blame the Prince, it’s his fault. Everything’s his fault; his parent’s fault, his fault, his fault. Aiden flings the necklace across his room and grips his hair. He’d kill the Prince, he’d murder him a thousand times over, he’d do it…but his mother and father didn’t need to add another gravestone beside their daughters. Aiden clutches his shirt and the first of his tears begin to roll down his cheeks. He hurries to wipe them, but they continue to fall. “Damn it.” He clenches his fist, his nails digging into the skin on his palm. He cries in his room curling up into a ball and letting it all fall from him. The number of years that have passed since her death were growing, but the pain wasn’t becoming any duller. And eventually he would meet the Prince face to face and serve him, he’d put his life on the line for him. Aiden takes out his phone and instead of calling Jenna, he calls Kael even if it was four in the morning.
Kael was lying awake in his bed, his body glistening with his sweat. He couldn’t get rid of the voices, the feeling of being suffocated. “Kael!” A woman’s scream. “Go away.” He groans, struggling to sit up. His head was pounding. “Let’s play Butterfly.”
“My first friend.” He murmurs and deftly touches his right hand. Who is this person? Why do I see a strange woman’s face? He closes his eyes trying to relieve the pain in his head. But instead he sees flames and a bundled figure hidden behind a curtain of smoke. “Sk…ye…” The name leaves him and his eyes snap open as though he had been dosed in a cold bucket of water. “Why…?” A tear rolls down his cheek, plopping onto his blankets. “Skye…” he repeats the name and another tear falls, but he didn’t know why. His phone rings suddenly, he looks over, his eyes widening as he read the caller ID. “Hello?” Aiden answers, sniffing, trying to mask that he had been crying. “Aiden?”
“Yeah, sorry it’s kind of late.”
“No,” Kael tugs the blanket up over his legs. “I was up too.” Aiden relaxes at the sound of Kael’s voice. “Do you mind listening for a moment?” He asks.
“I don’t mind.” Kael noticed that the tone of Aiden’s voice captured what it meant to be broken all too perfectly and it frightened him. “I know it’s not his fault. I know I shouldn’t blame him, but it’s easier to do it.” Kael listens on. “She liked him—I know she did—she wouldn’t want me to blame him either.”
“Who?”
“My sister.” Kael’s heart gave a kick.
“Your sister…?” he murmurs and Aiden hums in response. Kael swallows before asking “What…was her name?” There’s silence before Aiden replies.
“Skye.” That name—Kael’s head sways. “Who…do you think killed her?” Kael suddenly felt sick, his heart racing and his neck prickling with sweat.
“The Prince and his family.” The phone slips from Kael’s hand. That couldn’t have been right. Skye was killed by the Prince. Skye was killed by me, I killed someone? He stumbles around in the dark for his phone and says softly. “Aiden, I’m sorry, can I—I need to…call you later.” He hangs up before the other could say anything.
He stares into the dark and saw the past dance around him in a faded glow. He could see Skye and he could see himself beside her. The memories rush back in a single wave nearly knocking him unconscious, but he fights against it because he can’t forget her again. He can’t forget. Not again. He sees the fire and he sees himself—safely in his mother’s arms. And then he sees Skye slowly dying. “I think you and my brother would get along well.”
“My sister used to say this to help me when I was feeling down.”
“I want to protect my brother.”
“Did he lose someone close to him before?” Kael shakes his head because this wasn’t right, this wasn’t fair. “He lost his sister.” The pieces fall into place, Kael crumples to the ground and he shatters.
Deadly Nightshade
Night became an endless turmoil for Kael. He’d toss and turn, sweat rolling down his neck and pooling in the dip of his collarbones. When night came Kael could remember, his eyes would close and he would see everything, everything that was supposed to remain forgotten. He sits up in his bed, a hand placed to his forehead. “Stop it…” He murmurs painfully. “Leave me alone.” The memories look at him with a saddened smile. ‘Why must I leave you alone?’ Kael grips his hair. “Because, it hurts.”
‘Don’t you want to remember? Haven’t you been feeling as though something was missing?’ Kael shakes his head. “No…”
‘Now you have what you’ve been missing, Kael.’ The voice of memory softened. ‘Aren’t you happy?’
“No!”
‘You’re probably wondering how you can be happy like this.’ The memory continues to speak, Kael tries to ignore it, but whenever he does a new memory surfaces. He could remember the first day he met Skye; the games they played and the conversations they had. He could remember all the books they read together and all the times she had mentioned her brother…Aiden. She never said his name, but Kael now knew that they were related. He shoots up out of his bed and paces back and forth. ‘What’s wrong?’ The voice resurfaces. “There’s no way, he can’t be her brother.”
‘You know for yourself that he is.’
“No I don’t! If I keep telling myself that I don’t…maybe it’ll go away.” Kael’s legs were shaking, memory laughs. ‘You poor child.’ It fades away and memory after memory dances around Kael’s mind. The day of the fire he saw Skye—he could have saved her—“I could have…” The pain from that day comes to him in a single blow to his stomach, knocking him to his feet. This cycle would repeat; Kael would remember, he’d feel the pain and then he’d fall to his feet before sleeping it away. But sleep didn’t come easy, so when he awoke to head off to his classes, his father would stop him. “What’s wrong?” Kael looks to the King with a blank expression. “Nothing, I’ve just been studying late.” He forces a smile onto his face. The King peers into his sons eyes trying to determine what he was thinking and he could catch a glimpse of it, flickering in his irises. “Kael, have you—”
“I have to go.” Kael brushes past him, grabbing his coat and bursting through the doors. The king stands up straight, staring after Kael with squinted eyes. “Has he remembered?” The King recalls the conversation he had with his wife a while back. “This is why you kept him locked away.” He counters—blame her, make it seem like it’s all her fault. Make her begin to doubt herself, make her blame herself for Kael’s defaults.—“It was to protect him from the world and the past.”—appear like the good father, show that you care so suspicions won’t be raised. “Dear, he’s better off out there than locked away here where the past lurks, her death lurks.”—Yes, away from here so that the memories may appear sl
ower. The King turns away from the door. He knew that Kael would remember, it was his intention to place Kael in that university, to let Kael go off to his classes knowing that he would run into Aiden. Yes, let them destroy themselves. Once Aiden found out Kael’s true identity, he’d kill him, the King knew that he would. He has to, for his sister’s sake.
The King tilts his head up and smiles at the golden ceiling. “I couldn’t just kill my son…that would look,” He grins. “Bad for me.” He spoke with an amused sarcasm, the jewels on his crown glinting against the room light.
~*~
Kael was on his way to the university, his classes would start soon, but there was a feeling in his heart telling him to go to the greenhouse. Go there and ease your mind, it said. Yes…ease. “Could you turn left? I want to go to the greenhouse.” He tells the driver. “Yes sir.” Kael looks out of the window, the first drip of rain splatting onto the glass. This would be the last rain before summer came, at least Kael hoped it’d be. He’d like to go to the beach with Jenna and Aiden and maybe even Francis. He leans back against the seat and lets out a sigh. A beach trip…maybe someday...maybe never. He arrives at the greenhouse within fifteen minutes, the rain coming down in sheets. The driver gets out and walks around the car to open the door for Kael. “Your majesty.” The man held an umbrella out so Kael wouldn’t get wet. He dips his head down and whispers a thank you. Standing up straight he looks up and down the street, the air was damp and the overall image of the city in rain, was a gray glaze. He walks ahead and the man follows after him, holding onto the umbrella and making sure not a single drop fell on Kael’s shoulder. The greenhouse was bigger than most others you’d find in a neighbors backyard. The glass was fogged over and Kael couldn’t see inside because the plants had grown so much. He reaches forward and opens the moss covered knob, it twists and squeaks open. The greenhouse was becoming old, rusting away almost. But Kael tried his hardest to keep up with it, since he remembered now, this greenhouse was something special to Skye even though she never clarified why. Kael tells the driver to stay behind.
“I want to be alone.” He forces a smile onto his face, etched into his lips is his pain and the driver backs off with a bow. Kael watches him go before stepping inside and letting the door creak shut behind him. A fresh, grassy smell tingles his nostrils, he sneezes. He brings the back of his wrist to his hand and wipes under his nose. With a sigh he walks forward, pushing a few hanging branches out of his way. Now that he had his memories again, they were like a bag full of gold. Good for one and bad for the other. The gold could be used to retrieve what was lost or it could be used to take away something that’s needed. Kael knew that it could be used for both the good and the bad.
He swallows. “How can I face him…?” He thinks aloud shoving his hands in his pockets and closing his eyes. He turns slowly in the middle of the greenhouse. With his eyes closed like this he could smell everything, he could hear everything and he could relive the past.
“Look at these.” Skye places a stack of pictures in front of Kael, her brown eyes dancing excitedly. “These are pictures I took of the greenhouse me and my family worked on together.” Kael looks to her, catching the tone of reminiscence in her voice. “Is it special to you?”
“Of course.”
“Did you and your brother work on it together?” Kael asks, Skye shakes her head ‘no’ “He wasn’t born yet and I still haven’t told him.” With a sighs she picks up the pictures. “I’ll tell him eventually that this place exists.” She begins to flip through the pictures pointing out specific flowers and mosses (Kael didn’t know there were so many or that they all had different names) She looks to him with a smile. “I like recording history, but I also really like studying plants.” Kael looks up meeting her gaze.
“Really?” She nods. “Really.”
Kael sniffs and brings a hand to his cheek when he feels something rolling down it. Had rain slipped through and fallen onto my face? He wonders opening his eyes slowly and looking up. The rain was falling, but not a crack could be found in the glass roof. “Oh…” Another wet drop rolls from his eyes. “It must be raining.” He chokes. “It has to be.” He buries his face in his hands and swallows repetitively as though that would make the lump go away. His shoulders bob as more raindrops fall from his eyes. The grassy smell was becoming suffocating, stuffing his nose and filling his lungs with their mossy greenness. “Fuck, Kael.” He curses himself. “Fuck you, Kael!” He screams dropping to his knees and pulling at the thistle growing up from the dirt. His first friend was burned away by flames he could have stopped, his first friend was his second friend’s sister. He couldn’t hurt Aiden, he couldn’t, but he didn’t want to hurt himself. Aiden was becoming something that was needed; a breath Kael had to take, a plunge Kael would eventually do. “You’re so screwed up.” He curses crushing the thistle in his hand. I’m the Prince he hates so much. I’m the hate he still carries…I’m…Kael struggles to catch his breath, his lungs expanding out and pressing hard against his ribs. “I can’t tell him, I won’t ever.” The rain was falling harder, hitting the glass like free falling bullets. Kael slowly rises to his feet and stumbles back. He closes his eyes and counts to ten. “One…two…three...” Slowly, slowly, one at a time. “Five…six…” Eventually he regains his breath.
Kael looks around the greenhouse, listing off all the names of the plants: abies grandi, ambrosia trifida, fraxinus nigra, and many others Kael couldn’t recall at the moment. He places a hand to his heart and feels as his heart beats. It was a slow rhythm, almost as though it wasn’t beating at all. A thought occurs to him. “I’ll bring Aiden here.” The words roll off of his tongue. Maybe she never got to telling him, so this could be the least Kael could do. I can bring him here and tell him that this is my favorite place…he doesn’t have to know that it belonged to his sister. Kael hurries out of the greenhouse, the driver jolts startled. “Majesty?”
“Bring me to the university now, please.” The man bows. “Yes, your majesty.”
It’ll be like a gift, wrapped over and over until the truth is hidden beneath all those layers. Wrapped over and over so Kael wouldn’t cause another one of his friends pain. Wrapped, forever wrapped away. It had to be like this. So Aiden wouldn’t hurt, so Kael didn’t suffer…so they could both live. The car drives down the street and with the rain falls a feeling stronger than protection, a feeling stronger than care and loyalty, what falls is stronger than love itself because what falls is a bond. A bond that Kael hadn’t noticed was being born. Their roles—unknown to each other—were temporarily being switched. Kael was now the one who possessed the will to protect the one he cared for. He was going to go to him and he would act as though nothing had changed, as though he hadn’t regained his memories. Kael was an expert when it came to acting, he grew up acquiring the skills; at dinners he had to be happy when he wasn’t, he had to feel alive when he felt like a ghost. He had to be what he wasn’t in order to make those around him happy. He had to be a Prince for his father, he had to be a son for his mother. With Skye he never had to be anything, with Aiden all he had to be was smart-mouthed, loud and fragile Kael.
~*~
Aiden was standing under an awning in front of the university. “Shit, it’s pouring.” He takes his hand out of his coat pocket and brings it to the rain. When the drops hit against his hand it felt like shards of glass were hitting into his skin. He yanks his hand back and dries it on the front of his jeans. Janus had said that he was coming to pick him up, but that was over twenty minutes ago. “Liar.” He says under his breath, rocking back and forth on his heels. He looks up and watches as the rain fell. If only it rained then.
“Skye’s been in a fire!” His mother had come running into his room, her eyes bloodshot from tears. “What?!”
“At the…at the castle…she’s—” His mother collapsed.
Why couldn’t it have rained then? He watches half-dazed as a car pulls up alongside the curb. He watches as the front door opens and the driv
er comes out to open the back door. He watches as a figure emerges and as the figure comes to approach him. His eyes widen when he realizes who it is. Kael was panting, his breath showing in the chilled air. “Aiden,” He breaks into the silence, his voice parting the rain. “Come with me.” Without giving Aiden a chance to reply he takes his wrist. Aiden stumbles as he’s yanked from under the awning. “H-hey!” He shouts struggling to break free from Kael’s grip. He’s really strong. “What are you—what the hell?” Kael looks back and Aiden’s shoulders droop. The longer he stared at Kael he couldn’t tell if it was rain running down his cheeks or if it was tears. “Kael…”
“Stop making things difficult and come with me.” The rain was pouring down on them both and eventually their clothes would be soaked through. Aiden stares up at Kael and in that moment as Kael leaned forward to rest his head on Aiden’s shoulder, Aiden forgot about Jenna, he forgot about everything. “Kael, hey, this is really unlike you…”
“What’s unlike me Aiden?” The rain continues to pour, dripping from Kael’s hair and running down Aiden’s shoulder. “Can you answer that? And while you’re at it answer why I’m like this.” Kael looks up and Aiden’s heart stopped mid-beat. “Do you know?” Kael’s voice was broken. Aiden swallows and wonders if Kael could answer a single question for him. You’re a guy and I shouldn’t find you beautiful, but I do. Why is that, Kael? Aiden’s hand twitches at his side and slowly he reaches up until his palm is cupping Kael’s cheek.
“I can’t answer that, but,” Aiden swallows, his thumb caressing Kael’s wet skin. “I can’t answer anything for you, Kael. I can’t even answer…” He trails off, his other hand fisting at his side. These feelings were never supposed to exist, they weren’t supposed to bloom like an angels trumpet. Kael stares into his eyes and watches as a trail of water runs down his ashen bangs and then the bridge of his nose. “But, at least for right now,” Aiden takes a step closer. “Can’t we forget that we’re both male…?” Aiden’s heart was pounding as fast as the rain now. Kael stares at Aiden, a smile teasing the corner of his lips.
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