Kael rises up from his seat and bows deeply, his hands placed stiffly at his sides. “I apologize in advance, because I will no longer be accepting a queen or any princess—I already have my Prince—my knight.” The reporters stay in their seats, their gazes locked on Kael’s stoic figure. “Love should be as it is, it should transcend time, heaven, hell and gender.” Kael lifts his head and smiles that bright smile of his. “It shouldn’t be judged. Thank you for your time.”
And during this time as Kael said his thanks, Aiden was staring at his reflection, clutching the sink and coughing as the water ran and ran and ran.
Drowning
The mind can make us feel that way, feel as though there is no escape from the psychological torments of the past. The mind can play tricks and make us think one thing when it’s actually another. That’s exactly what Aiden’s mind was doing to him as he floated down the hallway and back to his hospital room. When did everything start to spoil? He places a hand to the wall to keep himself from falling. Is this how it’s all going to end? His nails claw into the plaster. Did we even get a proper chance to begin? He forces himself to walk the rest of the way to his room, his legs anchors on his body. He places a hand to his hip and everything around him sounds muffled—distant.
Our promises, our late nights and caresses…where would that all go if I left him? He swallows the bitter bile in his throat and stands silently outside of his hospital room. He could hear the excited chatter of everyone’s distinct voices and the static of Kael’s voice from the TV screen. “What am I going to do…?” he murmurs to himself hopelessly, already having concluded the worst. He may not have known what it meant to have blood in his urine, but in his current condition he knew that it wasn’t good. Not at all. His right hand folds around the steel of the doorknob, he clutches it for a moment and then his left hand comes up to rest together against his right and he holds the knob as though it’s the only thing he can hold onto without hurting. He hunches forward resting his forehead against the door and his shoulders begin to bob up and down.
Silently. Quietly. So no one will know.
His knuckles turn white and his chin quivers.
“Aiden’s still not back?” Jenna questions from inside the room and Francis laughs under his breath. “Probably taking a dump.”
“But why…” she begins to say but stops herself. Aiden listens to them and breaks away from the door to lean against the wall. He buries his face in his hands, his shoulders rising up before sinking back down. He almost wants to laugh so that the tears would stop. If he kept crying he feared that he’d drown himself. He sighs shakily his hands dropping back to his sides. “…calm down…” he tells himself. “You have to calm down.” A nurse passes him, her steps slowing as she grew closer to him. Aiden flashes her a quick smile and hurries into the room so as to divert her attention from him. The door swings open and everyone looks to where he had come. He beams. “I feel refreshed!” he exclaims with a thumbs up; Jenna blinks, Janus smiles and Francis ignores him entirely. Aiden walks across the room and towards his bed, Samuel watches his movements intently and isn’t at all surprised to see Aiden staring back at him. “What happened?” his eyes read and guilt rose up in Samuel’s throat like a toxin. He quickly looks away from Aiden and instead looks towards Janus who was also staring at him. His dark eyes as penetrating as the sunlight. But then Janus smiled and turned away. Samuel stood stiffly beside Jenna, his throat dry.
Aiden crawls into his bed tugging the blanket up to his chin and sinking into the pillows. He wanted them to devour him, to pull him in and make it all go away. Jenna glances at him worriedly and hesitantly asks. “You alright?” he nods in response. “Just a little tired.” He murmurs and her gaze continues to wade over him before she finally looks away.
~*~
Kael sits at the dinner table, a warm cup of coffee resting in his hands. It took a couple of hours for the reporters to dwindle away, but once they did Kael did a little celebratory dance for himself before showering and changing into something comfortable. Now he was sitting at the table, sipping his coffee and sighing happily to himself. He didn’t want to intrude on his mental peace by suddenly thinking about the effects of his speech. So for now he would dwell in the fact that he had delivered it and had said all that he wanted to say. He places his cup down and stretches his arms above his head. He glances towards the clock on the wall and reads the time. Ten-fifteen—Aiden was probably still up. He slips his phone from out of his coat pocket and places it face up on the table. He plays with the lock screen tapping the numbers and gliding over the keys as he contemplates whether or not he should call. “What if he actually is sleeping…?” he thinks to himself and groans in frustration. He snatches up his phone and begins to rise up from his seat, but stops short upon noticing the figure standing at the opposite end of the dining table. “Kael…” his mother spoke softly. “Oh, mom, how long have you been standing there?” he asks settling back down into his seat. “Just…for a moment.” She replies her eyes resting on his face. She looks to him, her eyebrows furrowed and the corner of his lips drawn down. “Mom.” He says her name unsurely and she smiles. “I just…I didn’t know you thought those things.” She murmurs and he blinks confused and then his eyes brighten with recollection. “Are you talking about my speech?” she nods. “It was beautiful, son.” He hesitates in replying, his hands resting atop his lap as he clutched them together. “Thank you.”
“You found someone whom you could confide in and trust.” Her eyes, Kael noticed as she neared, were glistening. “I’m glad.” She adds and he rises up slowly to his feet. “Mom, are you alright?” he asks and she nods, a faint laugh bubbling past her lips. “Of course of course….just a little disappointed in myself.” Kael doesn’t speak, he only watches her. The sleeves of her nightgown seemed to sag against her shoulders and the make-up on her face shown caky against the light. She places a hand to the table and leans to the side. “Mom, you should lay down.”
“I thought…I was doing a good job as your mother. Protecting you like I should.” He moves his chair back and begins to walk towards her. “I…I got so caught up with what your father wanted—what he deemed was the best for you.” She laughs, the sound shocking and painful like splintering wood. “And I missed out on raising you, nurturing like a true mother would.” Her voice cracks. “Mom, it’s alright.” Kael assures her, but she shakes her head. Her graying hair whips across her face. “No!” her shrill voice echoes throughout the room and his eyes widen. “….mom….”
“I…I…” she drops to her knees and Kael rushes forward his hand coming out to catch her, but she knocks him away. “Don’t!” she yells and then her voice fades away. “…touch me.” His eyes flicker worriedly across her crumpled figure. “I don’t deserve it Kael.”
“You’re my mother, how can yo—”
“You don’t understand sweetheart.” She looks up from the fringe of her bangs and smiles sadly. “I’ve wronged you.” Kael takes a step back, his hand dropping to his side. “You—how could you…” she sighs. “I’ve abandoned you. I’ve ignore you. I’ve wronged you in countless ways and instead of being grateful that Skye was there for you, I was jealous.”
“What…”
“I was jealous. How could a stranger make you smile like that? How could she hold you in her lap like you were hers…?” she pushes her bangs out of her eyes and bites her red lips. “I felt so small as though I had no meaning in your life.”
“Mom stop it. You raised me, you gave birth to me.” She raises a hand to shush him. “I may have done that…but that’s all I’ve ever done for you.” She stares into his eyes and Kael is almost afraid to look away. He fears that if he does turn away from her, she’ll disappear. She buries her face in hands and Kael stares down at her. “A mother. Jealous.” She sneers at herself. He continues to stare at her, his hand slowly reaching forward to touch the top of her head. “Mom…” he starts slowly, his voice as soft as a rose’s petal. “You weren’t
jealous…” slowly she removes her hands from her face and looks up towards him. “You just felt guilty.” He finishes, a thin smile spreading across his lips. She stares up at him and her glistening eyes spill over with tears. Without saying anything he takes her hand in his and helps her to her feet. Now standing she places her head to his chest. “All those years…you kept quiet because that’s what father wanted. Father believed that loneliness would make a person more independent. That if I was alone…” Kael pauses. “…I would grow to become a solidary King.” Her arms wrap slowly around his back. “And you…you thought that’s what I needed.” He swallows. “That I…” his throat clogs. “Didn’t need a mother’s love. Father believed that if he doted too much on me…it would make me weak.” Kael laughs bitterly. “Everyone needs love.”
“Kael, sweetie.”
“Mom…I’m King now.” He takes her by her shoulders and forces her away from him so that he may look into her eyes. “You no longer have to feel guilty. You no longer have to torment yourself with the past.”
“But, Kael.”
“It’s time to move on.” He embraces her again. “I forgive you.” He murmurs against her shoulder. “I love you, mom.” He hums and her eyes widen and she holds onto him tightly. “I love you too…son.” She sniffs. “Mommy, loves you so much.” Her words are muffled against his chest and Kael smiles softly as he runs his fingers through her hair. “You know….I do miss him, but regrets…I have none and maybe I’m sick in the head.” He says softly and her hold on him tightens. “But, mom…don’t ever feel guilty about the past.” She pulls away to look into his eyes. “Don’t carry the guilt all by yourself. We’ve all done something irreversible.”
“Your father…my husband.” She begins to say and Kael’s expression dims. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?” he asks and she smiles bitter-sweetly. “Because that’s what he would have done after realizing his mistakes.” She hugs her son again. “He would have apologized and…” she trails off and it’s silent for a moment before she finally adds. “And that’s probably what he’s doing right now.” Kael rests his head on her shoulder. “Apologizing…” But Kael knew that her actions read: why did you shoot him? Why did you do that to him? To yourself? But instead they let the silence speak for them. The never ending silence.
Later that night…
Kael was sitting on the edge of his bed, his silk pajama top loose against his shoulders. He sighs heavily before sliding out his phone and dialing Aiden’s hospital room number. The line rings two or three times before it clicks. “Hello?” Comes Aiden’s groggy voice and Kael’s entire expression brightens. “Aiden, it’s me.”
“Kael!” Kael laughs lightly upon hearing the change in his boyfriend’s voice. “Yeah…did I wake you?”
“No, I just took some meds, they’re making me a bit drowsy.” Aiden explains, his words fading into a yawn. Kael nods understandingly tugging at the cuff of his shirt sleeve. “But what is it? Is something wrong?” Aiden asks worry seeping into his voice. “No…I just wanted to hear you…”
“Can’t sleep?”
“Something like that.” He falls back into his mattress and rests an arm across his face. “Aiden…”
“Hmm?”
“Have you been sleeping?”
“Not by choice, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He replies light-heartedly, but Kael doesn’t laugh instead he rolls onto his side clutching the phone tighter. “I’m trying though, but every time I do…I hear the sound of…”
“…bullets.” Kael finishes for him and together they drift into silence. Kael licks his lips and then says in a hoarse voice. “Aiden,”
“Hmm?”
“I wonder if I’ve gone crazy yet…” he mumbles and Aiden sits up in his hospital bed. “Why do you ask that?”
“I…shot my own father. Not once, not even twice….” He trails off and squeezes his eyes shut. “I shot him so many times and because…because he hurt you.” His voice breaks over the last word and Aiden holds his breath. “I think I am crazy…just crazily in love with you.” It’s quiet—they’re quiet—they listen to each other’s breath and their memories seem almost tangible as Kael closes his eyes his mind growing drowsy. “Kael…”
“Yes?”
“Skye’s notebook…I think it’s still there.” Aiden says in a low voice and Kael’s eyes snap open. “Her…notebook.”
“Yes…I left it there…in your father’s study.”
“I can’t go back there, Aiden.” Kael says quickly. “I wasn’t asking you to do that—I wouldn’t do that to you, baby.” He murmurs softly and Kael’s grip on his phone loosens. “I just…I was just making sure.”
“I could get one of the maids to get it.” Kael rushes to say, but Aiden declines such an offer. “Maybe another time, it’s probably too soon anyways.”
“Too soon?”
“Yes…too soon.” He echoes and once again they’re quiet and Kael’s eyes are closing and Aiden can no longer speak—his tongue numb because the medicine has kicked in. Kael folds his body together like a baby in their mother’s arms and his phone slips from his fingers. “Kael,” Aiden calls softly. “Kael,” once more and when there’s no response he wills himself to speak—his tongue heavy in his mouth. “I think…” he swallows, his throat clicking into place and then his lips part to say. “…I’m dying.”
The silence and Kael’s breathing is all Aiden hears and that’s all he needs to hear. He grips the phone in his hand and listens for a moment more before placing the phone back into the hook on the wall. He sighs running a hand down his face and then cupping a palm over his mouth so that his sobs wouldn’t be heard.
That night Kael dreamed; it was a lucid dream built around the sweet smells of just bloomed roses. He was floating and floating towards him was an apparition of a woman’s figure. She came closer to him and him to her. “It’s alright.” Her mouth didn’t move, but yet he could still hear her voice. He wondered why that was and then he was falling, not fast but slowly and as he fell he could see everything from when he was ten to the present. And just as suddenly as he had started falling, he stopped. And another apparition took his hand. “I’m always here.” It spoke too, but not with its voice…rather…with its heart.
Pluck a Flower, Pluck a Rose
I always thought that before I got to know Kael, I had to get to know him as the ‘Prince’ a role he so despised. As the saying goes, before I can take his hand in mine, before we walk this road together—I must know who you are.
Kael never really talks to me much, but he’s starting to warm up to me. As for the King and Queen…well….they’re as cold as ice, but I’m sure they also have to do a little warming up before they can fully accept me. This is my personal anecdote before I start writing about their lives. I think it’ll be quite interesting and it’ll give me the chance to see the world through their eyes and save my brother from his preordained future.
-Skye K
~*~
The very next morning Kael’s words were splashed across every news article in Melia and even made headlines in the States: Foreign King Takes A Stand For Homosexuality. He was on the news and talk shows, he was the butt of everyone’s jokes and the light of aspiration for others. But during all this, he was lying awake in his bed going over what he had said the other day. “Did I make any mistakes?” his dark hair was fluffy and drooped over his eyes. “Did I say all that I wanted to…?” He turns onto his side and stares at the curtains dangling from his window. He had called Aiden’s hospital room afterwards, to tell him that he would be heading back, but Aiden had told him to stay at the castle and get some rest. “I’m not going anywhere, so you can come see me tomorrow.” So Kael had heeded his words and fell asleep moments later still clutching his phone. It was placed beside him now, the screen lit with several new messages. He lazily reaches for it, dragging it towards him and reading the messages. There were three from Janus, one from Micah and another from Jenna. He
reads Janus’s messages first: Old man- Aiden’s sleeping, but we saw the news, way to go your majesty ^^
Old man- he’s up now and he keeps replaying the part where you said he was your “cure” he’s quite conceited sometimes. The doctor performed a few x-rays, they want to put him under for a while to check his wound again…he’s been eating and we’ve all been in and out of his room keeping him company.
Old man- Micah said that he would text you about the bodyguards and the dinner; he’s also worried about you. People who surround you, care about you.
Kael smiles tenderly down at his phone screen, rereading Janus’s messages before moving onto Micah’s. Micah- I don’t think I’ve ever texted you before…your maje—I mean—Kael, but it concerns the state of the Royal family’s guards, your guards. Please contact me once you have time and…Kael, get some rest, everyone has their chance to play hero ;)
He rolls his eyes slightly, sitting up and pushing his bangs out of his eyes. The last message was from Jenna.
Jenna- You’re not here, so he keeps talking about you, even though you were here yesterday. *eye roll* anyways, we were thinking of having dinner tonight in his hospital room, Janus says he’ll pay. Micah’s even coming :D so it’ll be like a little get together, kind of like last time. Can’t wait to see you <3
He smiles to himself, clicking his phone off and happily bouncing to his feet. Dinner? That would be nice. But now that he thought about it, he and Aiden never had a chance for themselves to go out on a “proper” dinner date. It was always interrupted or Kael’s bodyguards would stalk him around. “Another thing to add to our bucket list.” He announces. “Dinner date!” He claps his hands together before stripping out of his night clothes and putting on a white tee and torn jeans. The sky was bright despite the chilly air and Kael takes in a deep breath thinking that today would be the day he conquered the world. He could if he wanted to—he could do anything, be anyone—if he tried because Aiden made him feel that way. He ruffles his hair, grabbing his car keys and bursting out of his room. The guard jumps, spinning towards him and bowing. “Good morning!”
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