Father, he insisted I call him that started to get really angry and mean. I couldn’t seem to do anything that made him happy and I tried, I really tried. I wanted him to be happy so he wouldn’t hurt me. It never seemed to work though. He’d get angry and then he would beat me. He’d start by slapping me, but if I was really bad and needed to learn my lesson, he would punch me. He had all sorts of scary, painful things to use on me, so he could ‘beat the bad’ right out of me. He told me I was bad and needed it beaten out of me to make me a good girl. That’s when he would really mean business and start using things to hurt me, like whips, his belt, the buckled end of his belt, bamboo, the vacuum cleaner hose, anything really. He loved to lie on the floor by my feet and make me stand on one leg, and then beat me across my feet when I overbalanced. I’d try, I’d try so hard to stand on one foot but I couldn’t and I’d eventually go over and then Father would punish me.
As I got older, it seemed I couldn’t do anything to please him. He beat me a lot. He locked me up in a room with just one tiny window. I hated that. It was so dark and I got scared sometimes. I had no pretty things, no nice toys and hardly any books or anything to do. My room had a tiny bathroom with a toilet and a wash basin. Father would only let me have a shower a couple of times a week but I got good at cleaning myself in the basin.
When I turned ten, he came to me one night and said since it was his birthday it was time I gave him a birthday present, and he said I had the perfect present for him. He wanted my virginity. He said that since we only had one another, we should be together, forever, every way possible. I wasn’t sure what that meant exactly but he showed me.” Lucian watched her face buckle up in an expression of agony and his hands curled up into fists again.
He struggled to contain the fury he felt when he saw the pain on her face as she remembered what that bastard had done to her. The more she spoke and the more he learned of what she’d endured, the more determined he was, that he would find the bastard who called himself her father and tear his head off his fucking shoulders.
“Father told me it was time for me to become a woman but becoming a woman hurt so bad.” She began to cry, yet no sound came from her. She was silent, the tears rolling down her cheeks as she obviously re lived every horror of that night she’d lost her virginity to her father.
Lucian listened to her describe in graphic detail what had been done to her; the pain, the violent invasion of her body and every grunt, every thrust, every hot rasping breath from the animal who had raped his own daughter. As she spoke, he noticed that her voice was changing. It was as if she was regressing, her speech more childlike.
“Why does she sound like a child sire? It seems that as she talks and reveals more, she is reliving it, she is becoming a child again.”
“It’s the side effects of the spell Lucian.” Sirene said. “She is telling the story of her childhood but in her mind, she isn’t just seeing it, she is reliving it. Because of that, she will sound more childlike and may even adopt some childlike mannerisms so don’t be surprised if she does.”
“Father would get so angry with me sometimes.” She continued. “I’d get so scared. He was angry with me if I cried or tried to make him stop. He would hit me if I didn’t do things the way he liked. Horrible things, dirty things that made me choke or want to be sick.” She shuddered and Lucian’s eyes closed briefly when he realised what she was referring to, what her father had made her do to him.
“The worst times with father were the times I got pregnant. I was thirteen the first time and you have no idea how angry he got when he found out. He used to do awful things to me to make me lose the baby.” Again she shuddered violently with remembered fear and pain and Lucian’s teeth snapped together so hard, he was surprised he didn’t break them.
“Eventually I never got pregnant again, so I think something must have happened; probably one particular time when father performed an abortion that hurt worse than the other times. I got really sick too. I hurt so badly and I would be hot and then cold and I couldn’t eat. After that, I never had a baby start to grow in me again.” A fleeting look of sorrow crossed her face and Lucian felt unfamiliar tears prick at the back of his eyes. God how she’d suffered and yet she was so strong, so beautiful, so sweet.
When he looked back at Arissa, tears were rolling down her face too and he reached out, gently wiping them away but they kept coming faster, too fast for him to stop them.
“How many times did you get pregnant little one?” Fabian asked his hand on her shoulder.
“Four times I got pregnant before there were no more. I don’t think I can have babies but that’s ok. I won’t be having sex with anyone anyway.” She said with such conviction in her voice that Lucian winced despite the seriousness and horror of her revelations.
When he looked up, Fabian was watching him, one eyebrow quirked and Lucian knew from that look on his sire’s face that he was questioning whether he would want to persevere with her when she’d just said she’d never have sex again. His eyes dropped to Arissa’s pale blonde hair and he studied her fragile features, the high cheek bones, her full lips, those stunning blue eyes of hers and he knew, despite what she’d just said, he couldn’t give up. If anything he wanted to be the one to show her that sex didn’t have to mean pain.
He wanted to show her what pleasure unlike anything she’d ever experienced felt like. He would have to be gentle with her and not fuck her hard like he so badly wanted to. No he would need to be gentle, he would need to make love to her, something he hadn’t done in decades. This would be about making her feel, it would not be for himself. Silently he groaned. Was he just determined to make life fucking hard for himself? Did he get off on the slow torture? He must, to be even considering slowly bringing Arissa back to life, the old fashioned, painful way, with no tricks, mind control, nothing but his slow, gentle wooing of her. He’d better get used to the blue balls because he was pretty confident it was a condition he was going to become extremely familiar with.
“Did you go to school?” He asked needing to learn more from her before Sirene lifted the spell.
“Oh yes, father insisted I go to school but he would drive me and pick me up to make sure I always came straight home again. He didn’t want me having anything to do with boys or anything like that. Girls who hang around with boys are dirty girls.”
At her words he exploded. “Fuck! You have got to be kidding me! That fucking prick told her dirty girls hang around boys? What the fuck did he think it was for him to be raping his own fucking daughter? Where in that twisted motherfucker’s brain did he decide it was ok to do what he did to her?”
“Calm down son.” Fabian spoke quietly. “It’s pointless trying to work out how that bastard’s mind worked; how he could justify what he did. He’s a sick man; don’t try to make sense of what he did and what he’d probably still be doing if she hadn’t escaped him.”
“How did you get away from your father Arissa?” Lucian asked.
She smiled. “My best friend Debbie; well my only friend from school. We stayed in touch as well as we could once we finished school. Father didn’t like me having friends. No one was ever allowed to come to the house and I never got to go to anyone’s house. He would allow me to speak to Debbie by phone, once a week once we left school.
It took a while, but she was determined to help me. God I hate to think what father could be putting her through now, if he’s gone to her to see if she knows where I am. He’d have to know she helped, that I couldn’t have done all that alone. I feel so bad because he will make her life hell.
Father had no tolerance for people being late. He hated it and repeatedly said there was never any excuse for a person to ever be late. Now I’m gone, he had to be beside himself and so furiously angry. I remember if I was late for anything, father would beat me until I was black and blue or bleeding. He didn’t think I’d been truly punished if I wasn’t bruised or bleeding. He said that all the time.
Debbie was the only person
that knew what father was like and she made all the arrangements. She paid to get me down here, she found me the job, it was her that worked out the best way of getting me away from him. I’m so scared he will find me though. He must be furious and you have no idea what he is like when he’s furious. He’s nearly choked me to death with his rage and he’s broken ribs. I have scars from him. I’m ugly; he told me I’m ugly because of my scars. He told me I’m stupid and useless and that I’ll never amount to anything.” Her voice trailed off and her face smoothed out. Her expression blank again.
“What’s wrong with her? Is she ok?” Lucian asked, worried about why she’d gone quiet.
“She’s alright.” Sirene assured him. “She’s said all she has to say I suspect or she’s lost in her own thoughts. If you need to learn more you will need to ask her specific questions.”
“Where are your scars? I’m sure they are not ugly, you are not ugly Arissa, but please let me see your scars.”
“They’re on my stomach and back, some on my legs. I am fortunate that father made sure they were not visible when I’m dressed. He was very careful to make sure he didn’t cut my skin so they could be seen over my clothes. If you lift my shirt you will see some.”
“I will do it.” Sirene stepped forward and gently untucked Arissa’s t-shirt and lifted it.
“Fuck!” Lucian whispered as he stared down at the network of scars that crisscrossed over her back. It was obvious she’d been beaten so hard, the skin had been torn open and some looked suspiciously like knife marks. She should have been stitched up for some of them but that bastard wouldn’t have done that for her. That’s why several had healed badly he guessed.
“Ok we’ve seen enough.” He pulled her shirt down again and tucked it back into her jeans, his hand lingering on her warm skin. How he wished he could touch her like this when she was conscious of it and not while under a spell.
“How old are you?” He had to know, he had to know how long she’d suffered for.
“Nineteen.”
“God, she’s nineteen?” He raked his hands through his hair. “Fucking nineteen and she’s had to endure all that shit from her bastard father. I want him, I want that fucker. I’m going to fucking kill him.”
“No you won’t son. We will take care of her father, but it will be done with care. We don’t want to leave loose ends, anything that could raise suspicions. Trust me, you will get your chance but not the way you want. There will be no rushing in to this. You must react with your mind and not your heart. Now I need to know something about this young woman, her father’s location and I do not want you present Lucian. Please leave the room until I tell you to come back.”
Lucian snorted. “You can’t be serious. I want to know where that bastard lives.”
“I told you to go and I will not ask you again. If you do not leave I will be forced to throw you out or I will get Sirene to cast a spell on you to get you out. The choice is yours. So which is it to be?”
“Fuck you.” Lucian snapped, storming out of the room where he began to pace up and down the corridor impatiently. He was so angry, angry with his sire; angry with life, but more than anything he was angry, so fucking angry with Arissa’s father. He wanted him; he wanted him so fucking badly. He wouldn’t even feed from him. He wouldn’t want to be tainted by that bastard. He simply wanted to torment and torture him for a while; get Sirene to help with a few spells to make the asshole’s life a living hell, and then finish him off by snapping his neck, watching the life fade from his eyes.
While he was pacing up and down, the front door opened and Adrian walked in. Lucian glared at him. He didn’t want him anywhere near Arissa. The women liked Adrian, the son of Fabian and Sirene. He’d been turned adult by witchcraft after being accidentally shot in his mother’s arms as a baby when the shooters had been after her. Then they’d made him vampire but he was warlock also as it turned out. Adrian was different from the rest of them. He was vampire, but he didn’t act like one. He didn’t seem to need as much blood as the rest of them and he never brought women home, so no one knew for sure what he was doing for blood and sex. It was his looks that made Lucian feel threatened and since he wasn’t confident about Arissa, he didn’t want her seeing Adrian. She might like how tall he was, well over 6 foot, broad shoulders, narrow waist, intense pale blue/green and grey eyes plus hair as black as a raven with a few surprising streaks of a dirty blonde through it. It had been really long when he’d first been turned, falling down to his waist but he’d had it cut to a more manageable length. It reached his shoulders and was swept off his face, but one lock always fell forward over his forehead and teamed with everything else, he had a lot of appeal to the ladies. Lucian didn’t want the potential competition with Arissa; she was his, no one else was taking her from him.
“What’s going on?” Adrian asked.
“Your father is extracting information right now and I was not allowed to be a part of it.”
“What kind of information?”
“It’s a long story but it involves the woman from over the road that I have a date with on Saturday.”
Adrian’s face filled with amusement. “So she finally agreed to go out with you? Still, why are you out here wearing a track in the marble while this young woman of yours is with father?”
“Your mother has her under a spell and father is questioning her. Poor Arissa has been abused by her bastard of a father for years. I’m talking everything, he’s even performed abortions on her and from what she was saying he’s sterilised her now with his treatment of her. Fabian wants to find out where her father lives but he wouldn’t allow me to be in the room while he got that information from her. He doesn’t trust me not to go after him.”
“A wise decision by father if the anger coming off you in such intense waves is any indication of how crazy for revenge you must be. So this girl you long to make yours is damaged, emotionally and physically? You realise she may never be what you desire then? I agree with father. Rushing in without careful planning could potentially draw attention to us. We have to handle this carefully. You must know that and know that mother and father will make Arissa’s father pay, but be patient Lucian, please, listen to father.”
Lucian ground his teeth together with frustration. Everyone was telling him to be careful, that he had to act responsibly; no rushing in, well fuck it, he wanted to rush in, he wanted to tear the man’s fucking head right off his fucking shoulders. He curled his hands into fists by his side and began his restless pacing again.
“I know what you’re saying makes sense, I know what father is saying makes sense, but I don’t have to fucking well like it.” He growled.
Adrian opened his mouth to reply when Fabian suddenly appeared in the doorway. “You can come back inside now Lucian. Hello my son, you’re home, excellent timing.” He turned to Adrian, his real son, the son Sirene and Fabian conceived during the short time he’d been human.
They both walked into the room and Lucian hurried back to Arissa who still sat, an almost serene look on her face. If only she could be left like that all the time. There was no fear, no tension in her, she was the calmest he’d ever seen her.
“Is there anything you wish to ask her before Sirene lifts the spell? Once she lifts it, this young woman will have no memory of what was just done to her. It will feel like she’s dreamed the whole thing.”
Lucian decided to take a chance and ask her one question that would let him know if he was completely wasting his time or not. “Do you like me?”
“Yes but you frighten me too. You are so good looking like the men in the books that Daisy gives me to read.”
Lucian felt a smile tug at his lips at her words. She liked him but she was frightened of her feelings. There was hope for him after all. “Do you want to have sex with me?” When he asked that question, his whole body tensed up as he waited for her response.
“No, sex scares me, it hurts, it always hurts.” At her words he felt unexpectedly gutted, but then sh
e continued. “I don’t know what it is or why it happens but when I’m around you I feel things, strange things. You make me feel funny here.” She pointed to her stomach. “You make me feel funny here.” She pointed between her legs.”
At her words, Lucian grinned, relief surging through him. All was not lost. She didn’t want sex because sex to her represented pain but she couldn’t stop her body’s natural reaction to him when they’d kissed. He still had a chance.
“If I could prove to you that it is possible for sex to be the most intensely pleasurable thing you’ve ever experienced, would you let me show you?” He asked, his body suddenly tense as he waited, his eyes moving over her beautiful face.
Finally her lips parted. “Yes.” Was all she said.
Chapter Eight
Arissa
I heard the sound of voices. They came to me, penetrating the fog in my head; voices that sounded like they were coming at me down a long tunnel. They became louder and louder until finally with a gasp, I opened my eyes.
I gazed around a room that was unfamiliar to me and met the worried eyes of Lucian. What had happened? Did I fall asleep or something? There were flashes of images running through my head, of my father, no, oh god no, did I tell Lucian about him?
As I continued to look around, fear and panic filling me, I saw the man they called Fabian and the woman he’d called Sirene. She must be his wife since they’d been kissing earlier. Now there was another man with them. He too was beautiful, truly beautiful and yet strangely familiar.
“Arissa I would like you to meet mine and Sirene’s son Adrian.” Fabian made the introductions. “Adrian, this is Arissa, the woman Lucian has requested join him on Saturday for a date.”
I mumbled some sort of greeting at the pretty black and blonde haired man before scrambling to my feet. “I need to go, I…did I fall asleep or something? I…what happened?” I shook my head trying to make sense of the quick flashes of images in my mind.
Passion Follows Pain (Passion Series Book 3) Page 9