Contents
Title Page
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Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Coming Soon - B.I.G. Girls Club #2
Preview: "Becoming Zara"
Preview: Single Wide Female
A note from the author
Other Titles
Legal Notice
B.I.G. Girls Club
Book 1
The Rockstar’s Girlfriend
By
Lillianna Blake
(as Samantha Bradford)
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Single Wide Female
FUN FACT: If you’re following the character of Samantha Bradford as she crosses off the items of her bucket list (the Single Wide Female Series), “Becoming Zara” is the book that Samantha publishes to complete her bucket list item #18 (Publish a Book) and the B.I.G. Girls Club series is what she writes following that.
Note: You can download #1 Learn Pole Dancing of that series for free and there is a preview of that book at the end of this one.
And if you enjoy the “Single Wide Female” series, I have something else for you…
** Get Your Free Book! **
Wanna know what inspired Sammy to write her bucket list? Visit my website below and get your complimentary copy of “Sammy’s Big Plan!”
LilliannaBlake.com
Enjoy!
Sincerely,
Lillianna
Chapter 1
I smiled as I looked in my rearview mirror and thought about the words that I’d spoken along with the small group of women at Zara’s house just a few minutes ago.
B.I.G. girls are bold, inspired and genuine.
I didn’t hold back today with my sharing, and all of the women there had been nothing but encouraging. We’d really formed some tight bonds over the last few months, and I had Zara to thank for it all. The day that she’d walked into our normal—if not boring—weight loss support group had changed my life for the better.
Her confidence and great attitude was infectious. I found myself believing that more was possible every day. Somehow I just believed it when she told us all that we didn’t have to wait for anything—especially not until we lost weight—to start living our dreams. As corny as that might sound, I understood what she meant, because I was definitely one of those people.
For the past few years, it seemed that I’d been in a constant state of waiting. I couldn’t really move forward until I looked and felt a certain way, and that was directly tied to the numbers I saw on the scale every morning.
Well, it certainly didn’t help that my boyfriend, Joe, was constantly reminding me about the diet that I was somehow not doing a good enough job with. I’d been much smaller when I first met Joe, and I knew that he’d had a difficult time with the way that I’d changed over the past few years. When I met him, I’d been pretty fit and active—and confident, I thought as a memory of being on stage with the band flashed in my mind.
But when I’d met Joe, my mother had still been alive.
My mother had been my best friend and when she’d passed away unexpectedly, it had left me devastated and depressed to the point where I didn’t care about anything for a while—the least of which was my weight or how I looked. I turned to food for comfort and then it all just become a series of bad habits.
Joe had been there for me in the beginning, but I could almost sense when he’d begun to lose patience with me, and he certainly had not held back what he’d felt about my changing body. Sometimes it had really ticked me off to the point of my feeling rebellious toward him and what he wanted my body to look like.
I shook my head as if it would help me to stop thinking of the negative things and get back to focusing on everything that was positive in my life right now. I’d finally started working out at the gym again and a few of us from the group were meeting regularly to walk in the park. I was feeling better than I’d felt in a long time, and I knew that the positive vibes had to be rubbing off when it came to my relationship with Joe.
And then there was my coaching with Zara. So far, we’d only had two official sessions, but I could already feel the positive effects of having someone to help me find some direction for my life. I knew that hiring Zara to be my life coach was finally going to be the thing that helped me to get back on track—not just with my weight loss and fitness goals, but with my life in general.
I grinned, feeling more inspired than I’d felt in a very long time. I heard the beep of an incoming text and reached down into my purse while waiting for the traffic light to change.
Where are you, Nicole? On your way home? I gotta leave for the studio soon.
It was from Joe. We were going to try to catch one another at my place for a few minutes before he left for the recording studio for the afternoon and I headed in to work. I really wanted to talk to him about everything that I was so excited about.
Yes. My place in ten minutes?
Sounds good. Don’t be late.
I brushed off his comment, because I was rarely late. Nothing was going to ruin the good mood I was in today.
Can’t wait to see you. Love you. xo
K
K? I bit my lip, trying not to feel the sting of it. He’s just in a hurry. You can’t really read anything into quick typed conversations these days. But in my head, I couldn’t stop from trying to remember the last time Joe had told me that he loved me. The conclusion my memory was bringing me to was a not a good one. Yes, it had been a while.
Chapter 2
I watched Joe through the window of my apartment for a few seconds without his noticing me outside. We’d given each other keys to our places long ago, and at different points in our relationship it had almost been like we’d lived together, but not lately. Lately, Joe was always on his way out to record or play some gig.
I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him now—strumming his guitar, eyes closed, probably feeling lost in a new song he was working on. I loved watching him play. I always had. My rocker boyfriend, Joe. I’d always been so proud of him—so proud to be his girl.
And he used to feel the same.
My eyes stung with sudden tears and I tried to brush the thought aside as I let myself in my apartment.
“Hi, babe.” He grinned at me as I bent down to give him a kiss on the lips.
“Hey. Working on something new?”
“Nah. Just trying to finalize this last track for the album. We really gotta wrap up our recording this week.”
I’d been down this road before with Joe. He’d recorded several albums since we’d been together, and I knew that the tour would be coming shortly after they were wrapped up.
“How’s it going, then? Getting the sound
that you’d hoped for?”
“Yeah. It’s all been really good.”
Joe smiled at me and I could almost forgive the fact that he might not be interested in me or my day at all—yes, he was that handsome.
Ask me about my day.
I sat down in the chair opposite where he was sitting on my sofa.
“So, Zara had another meeting this morning.”
“Oh, yeah?”
Joe and Zara hadn’t met yet but I’d been talking to him a lot about her. He knew that she was someone who’d been having an effect on my life. I wasn’t sure yet how he really felt about that. Sometimes he got a little weird when I talked about my new friends.
“Yeah. It was really good. I’m starting to feel a new sense of direction—for moving forward.”
“With your weight loss, ya mean?”
Ouch.
“Well, that’s part of it, yeah. But I think there are other aspects of my life that I need to figure out too.” I looked over at him, wondering how deep I should try to go, with our only having a few minutes together.
“I know, babe, but—”
Please just love me as I am.
I waited for him to continue and bit my lip to keep from crying, trying to remember all of the positive feelings I’d been having just moments before. Nothing had changed. I knew that I was still going in the right direction, regardless of what Joe was about to say.
“But I just want you to care about what you look like again—if not for yourself, for me.”
God, did he really just say that?
“Joe—”
“It’s not as if you don’t know I’m right. You’ve changed so much, Nicole. You used to be this fun party girl at all the clubs with me. Now you don’t even care.”
It’s all about him—always about Joe.
“That’s not fair.” I didn’t want to argue, but he was going to press it. I could feel it. “I do care. You know I do. I’ve always been there to support you.”
I gave up my own dreams to support yours.
He looked at me for a full twenty seconds before speaking. “I know, babe.”
You know what? Talk to me.
But now he was getting up from the sofa to come place a quick kiss on my forehead.
I grabbed his hand to pull him down next to me.
“Babe. I gotta go.”
“Okay. I know. Talk to you later?”
“Yeah. A bunch of us are probably gonna go out tonight if you wanna come.”
I nodded my head as a response. It wasn’t a real invitation. He knew that I wouldn’t want to go.
“Oh, and I wanted to be sure to remind you about the big show next weekend—Saturday night. I really want you to be there, okay?”
I hadn’t been going to as many of Joe’s gigs as I used to—typically because of work—but I’d have to be sure to check the schedule first thing when I got to the store.
“Okay. We’ll talk later. Have a good day.”
I got up to settle myself at the sofa, where I could watch Joe walk to his car. He did have a point about some of the ways I’d changed since we’d met. I’d been as much into the rock scene as him. It was hard to believe that it had only been four years ago that I’d been living that lifestyle myself—playing gigs, singing with my band, looking for handsome rocker guys and just a little bit of trouble.
I’d met Joe at a club where he was playing when I’d gone totally on the spur of the moment with one of my girlfriends. I’d walked up near the stage as he was singing one of his ballads, my heart racing the entire time at the sight of him. And it had been instant—that connection between us. He told me later that night that he’d felt it the moment he’d laid eyes on me.
I went backstage after they’d finished. We’d shared a formal introduction, followed by a drink at the bar and our first kiss shortly after. And the rest—as they say—is history.
And my own dreams had become history that day too.
I’d been thinking about it a lot lately—about why I’d so easily given up on my own dreams for having a music career. The best explanation was that I’d never been as serious about it as Joe had been. Somehow his career had just taken over my own, and my belief in his making it had become more important to both of us. It was really rather twisted. I knew that now.
I sighed, realizing that there were a lot of things in my life that needed to change, not only my body. And if I let myself believe Zara’s advice, the weight loss would come along with the other changes that I’d be making—changes that were all about my getting back to the core of what I wanted in my life.
I got up off the sofa to make my way to the bedroom. I had to be changed and leaving for work in ten minutes.
Chapter 3
I took a couple of deep breaths while waiting for the light to change. I couldn’t even put my finger on what was wrong exactly, but I didn’t like how things had been left between Joe and me. Something was way wrong in our relationship and it was starting to really get to me.
I checked the time and, satisfied that I had a few minutes to spare before work, pulled up Zara’s number on my phone.
“Hey, Nicole.”
“Hi. Are you busy?”
“No, I have a few minutes. What’s up? Are we still on for our coffee appointment tomorrow morning?”
“Yes, for sure. I’m looking forward to it.”
“You okay? You sound kinda down.”
Zara was pretty perceptive.
“No, not really. Well, I just had a kinda thing with Joe.”
“A fight?”
“No, we didn’t really fight—well, not today, although we have been fighting more than usual lately.”
“Okay, so what happened?”
“It’s probably silly.” I was second-guessing myself now for even talking about it. “It’s just that he’s been acting kind of weird lately. Or—or maybe I’m just changing so I’m starting to notice things in a new way, I guess.”
“That seems logical to me. I mean, from what you’ve told me, you’ve been sort of just letting Joe run the show for a while now—without much input from you, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
“So, now you’re figuring out some stuff for yourself—what your wants and needs are—and that might become somewhat challenging for him, I’d think. You should really prepare yourself for that.”
“You’re right. I think it’s something like that exactly. We can talk about it more tomorrow. I don’t want to keep you and I gotta head into work. Thanks, Zara.”
“Any time. And Nicole…”
“Yeah?”
“You’re going to get through all of this. You’re going to be just fine. I promise you.”
Even though I knew she couldn’t see me, I found myself nodding my head at the reflection in my rearview mirror. Yes, I was going to be great. I think I’d already made that decision.
“Nicole? Hello, earth to Nicole.”
Annie’s words brought me out of my thoughts and back to the task at hand. I’d been folding and refolding the same t-shirt for the past five minutes. I liked working with Annie. Even though she was several years younger than me and we had almost zero things in common, our conversation was never lacking. She was the more age appropriate and body appropriate one of the two of us to be working in the small shop, but she never made me feel uncomfortable regarding my age or my size.
“Sorry. A lot on my mind, I guess.” I finally replied. “What were you saying?”
Annie nodded toward the cash register in the back of the store. “I was saying that Taylor is looking at you again.”
I shook my head.
“As in really looking at you. He likes you, Nicole. I can tell.”
Taylor was one of three store managers that we worked with. He was at least a few years younger than me and very handsome.
I gave Annie a look that I hoped she’d read loud and clear. “Stop. He doesn’t. And besides, why would you think I care about that? You know I have a boyfriend.”
“I know that Joe’s not been treating you very well. That’s what I know.”
I felt a twinge of guilt—maybe I’d been talking about my relationship with Joe to one too many people. I should be talking to Joe and trying to fix things.
I shook my head toward Annie as Taylor walked up beside us.
“How are you ladies doing today?”
God, he does have an incredible smile.
“Oh, you know. The usual.” I hoped that my smile wasn’t too wide.
Great, now I was feeling nervous around my boss all of a sudden. Thanks a lot, Annie. It was probably her that Taylor was interested in anyway. I glanced over at him as he folded one of the t-shirts. He smiled back at me and I could swear he looked slightly nervous. He did seem to be looking at me in a certain way. Now I was going to be all paranoid at work. I caught Annie’s eye and she grinned at me as if she could read my thoughts. I coughed to keep from laughing.
“Taylor, I was wondering if you could make a switch in the schedule for me?” I’d checked before work and I was in fact scheduled to work next Saturday—the day of Joe’s big show. “I can’t work next Saturday.” Taylor was nodding his head as I spoke. “I have—my boyfriend has a show that’s really important—he’s in a band.” I stopped abruptly when I saw Annie glaring at me.
“Sure, Nicole. Let me see what I can do.”
It may have been my imagination, but I thought I’d seen a look cross Taylor’s face. Could Annie be right? I shook my head a little as if to shake free of the thoughts that I now seemed to be having about my boss as he made his way back across the room away from us. A few seconds later a couple of women walked into the store, and I was happy for the distraction. Saved from the wrath of Annie—for the moment.
The two customers turned into several and an afternoon that was quite busy—one thing I liked about working on the weekends—so Annie and I never really had the chance to get into any other lengthy discussions about Taylor or anything related to our personal lives, which suited me just fine.
The Rockstar’s Girlfriend (B.I.G. Girls Club, Book 1) Page 1