I closed my eyes and let myself get lost in the words—in the melody that I knew so well—in the voice that I’d betrayed for the past four years. Everything else slipped away as I sang, and when I held the final note of the ballad, I could feel the tears just behind my eyelids for everything I’d just let myself feel—for everything new that I wanted and had yet to discover.
I opened my eyes to a silent crowd as the track ended and I remembered where I was.
All at once, the entire room erupted in applause; I felt my face go hot as I handed the mic back to the host, who was hollering along with everyone else.
He said, “Nicole, you are good. As in really amazing. Feel free to come back any Sunday night, and I’d love it if you’d sing a song with me some time.”
I nodded my head, feeling slightly embarrassed as I made my way to where my friends were standing around the table still clapping.
When I got closer to my seat, I noticed Maxine wiping her hand across her eyes as she leaned over to me. “I cannot believe you just did that, and that I had no idea that you could do that. I am not exaggerating when I say that your voice just brought tears to my eyes. And shame on you for holding out on us with that amazing secret talent.” She was grinning at me and I felt myself smiling back, still feeling a bit shocked by the whole sudden experience.
I picked up my drink from the table, and before I had the chance to sit down I felt a hand come around my waist from behind me. I turned around in time for Zara to hug me to her, whispering in my ear, “God, Nicole. Seriously?”
I stepped back, creating a little space between us so that I could look her in the eye.
“I was the lead singer in my band.” I couldn’t help but grin in response to the expression on her face.
“Yeah, I guessed that you were.” She laughed and tugged at my arm again. “Nicole, honestly, that was one of the most beautiful things that I’ve heard in a very long time. Braden and I were both speechless the moment the first words came out of your mouth.” She glanced over at Braden, who was nodding his head enthusiastically and lifting his drink toward me.
“Cheers to you, Nicole. That was really something.”
“Thank you.” I looked around the table at my friends. “Thank you all. That was really fun. I guess I hadn’t even realized how much I missed it—the singing.” I clarified when I saw the question on Maxine’s face.
Zara leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Next session we are talking about this.” She laughed, but the look she gave me was the look of a life coach who was serious about her mission.
I grinned back at her. “Okay, boss.”
“So, are you next, Maxine?”
Maxine shook her head quickly. “Oh, no way. I’m not following that.” She laughed and we all joined in, raising our drinks to a night of friendship and good fun.
As the night went on, we did all sing again, together, and then the small crowd convinced me to sing one more song before the night ended. I couldn’t remember having had more fun in a very long time.
As I waited with my friends near the door for the taxi we’d called, a guy that I’d noticed earlier across the bar came over to us.
“Hi—Nicole, is it?”
“Hi, it is, yes.” I reached out to shake his hand, thinking that he looked kinda edgy and cool—like the guys I used to hang out with back in my days of gigging.
Like Joe and his gang of rocker buddies.
The thought was in my head before I could push it away just as I’d been trying to do with all the thoughts of Joe that had entered my head that evening.
“My name’s Kaz and those guys over there”—he gestured towards the small gang in the corner of the bar from where he’d come from—“they’re part of my band.”
I nodded my head, proud of myself for being so right on the money about the rocker vibe I’d gotten from Kaz.
“So, we’re looking for a female singer.” He looked at me in a way that made me smile. “Please say that you’d be interested in hearing us.”
“Oh wow. I don’t know. I’m—I really have no intentions of singing again. Oh, I used to be in a band, but that was a long time ago.” I was feeling flustered all of a sudden. “I mean tonight was unexpected—and just for fun, really.”
I could feel Zara’s fingers giving my arm a little pinch, and when Kaz reached out with the business card that he’d pulled out of his pocket, Zara was quick to take it out of his hand.
He laughed. “What are you, her agent?”
Zara and I looked at one another and laughed.
“Something like that.” Zara grinned back at him.
“Seriously, Nicole. Please do think about it. There’s no pressure but if you wanted to, maybe you could come jam with us one night this week. I think you’d really like our sound.” He winked at me.
“Thank you, Kaz. That’s very kind of you to offer. I—”
“She’ll call you.” Zara finished for me.
Kaz laughed and looked at me.
“I’ll think about it,” I said. “Thank you. And it was nice meeting you.”
We headed out to our waiting taxi.
“So, was that Zara my life coach or Zara my friend back there?” I laughed at the look in her eyes as she turned around to answer my question.
“Oh, that was all Zara your friend, girl. There’s no way I’m letting you pass up an opportunity like that after hearing you sing tonight.” She leaned over to hug me. “Now speaking as your life coach, can we have an emergency meeting tomorrow at my place?”
I grinned in response. Maybe it really was my time.
Chapter 8
I looked around Zara’s office as I waited for her to come back with our coffees. She’d told me the story about the gift that Braden had given her before they were even officially dating. When she’d made the shift in careers from finance to becoming a life coach, he’d helped her to create a home office that was something out of a magazine. Every aspect of the room spoke to who Zara was. It was stylish, yet incredibly cozy, and I loved having our coaching sessions in the room.
I leaned forward on the comfy sofa to pick up the coffee that Zara had just placed on the coffee table in front of me.
“So, about last night…”
Zara had that look in her eyes. Playful, yet no-nonsense.
I laughed and the memory flashed in my mind, making me feel all those good feelings again.
“Yes, last night was really fun. Thanks a lot for inviting me.”
“Nicole, last night was amazing. Your voice is fantastic. Seriously, we need to talk about this some more. I now officially have one hundred and one questions for you on this topic.”
We both laughed, but as Zara settled into the chair opposite me with her notebook in her lap, I had the feeling that she wasn’t joking.
“So, tell me why you ever stopped singing. What happened with your band?”
“Wow. This is all something I haven’t really thought about for a long time—until just recently.”
Zara nodded her head. “Maybe it’s time to talk about it now. I just really want to try to understand. Why you quit singing, I mean.”
I shifted my weight where I was sitting, feeling slightly uncomfortable talking about it all of a sudden.
Why had I quit singing? I only really had one reason, and I wondered now if it was a reason at all.
“Okay. So, I feel like you’re not going to like this conversation.” I could be honest with Zara.
“It doesn’t matter if I like it. I won’t judge you for it.” She smiled, and I knew that it was true.
“I know.” I took a deep breath, watching the memory of it all in my head before I spoke the words.
“So, you quit singing in your band four years ago. Is that right? At the same time that you met Joe?”
I had shared some of the story—how Joe and I met—with Zara before, when we’d only just met. A lot of what I was going to be telling her wasn’t exactly new information, but somehow I felt more unsure abo
ut everything now. Ever since last night, a million questions had entered my mind and wouldn’t leave me alone.
“Yes, when I met Joe, his career was just starting to take off. We fell in love pretty quickly—it sounds silly to say that now, but it was all a whirlwind back then and everything was so exciting. I wanted to support him and the band—all of their touring and recording—so I just left everything, I guess.”
“And that was okay with Joe?”
I nodded my head, knowing the answer wasn’t a good one. “It was—well, he was so into everything he was doing. I don’t think he really thought about it all that much”—thought about me all that much.
Zara was looking at me intently. “Nicole, what does Joe think about your voice? Doesn’t he think you’re pretty great?”
Now I was feeling uncomfortable. The truth was that Joe had never made me feel special when it came to my singing. In the beginning, he’d come to a few of my gigs, but mostly I’d see him talking and laughing with his buddies or talking to other people in the business—anything to do with music turned into something all about Joe’s band. That’s just the way it had always been.
I looked over at Zara, who was waiting for my answer to her question, and I couldn’t help the tears. It really was pathetic. I had given up everything for a boyfriend who now barely had time for me.
“Nicole?” Zara’s voice was quiet. “I’m not going to judge you. I promise.”
“I know. I just feel like an idiot right now. And it’s all so sad. The truth is that I don’t think Joe ever thought I was amazing at all—not my voice and maybe not even me.”
The tears were coming now, and I didn’t try to stop them as Zara reached across the space between us with a box of tissue.
“Well, I think—and I’m sorry, but this is Zara your friend talking—that Joe was being pretty selfish to let you quit what was probably going to be an amazing career for yourself. I guess I don’t really understand why you couldn’t both have pursued your goals in regards to your music.”
“I know. You’re right, but I can’t place all the blame on Joe for that. For whatever reason, I was more than willing to let him be the one in the limelight. I did it all to myself, really. I think that the truth is that I was afraid that I’d lose him—if I didn’t tour with him and be available to him when he needed me. It sounds pathetic to say it and I’m feeling pretty pathetic right now, if I’m being honest.”
“Well, you know what? It seems like maybe you might have another chance. With Kaz? If you want to take it, I mean. Who knows what it could lead to, right? And even if you just start singing again for your own enjoyment, maybe that would be worth it.”
I nodded, working to collect my scattered thoughts. I’d been thinking about Kaz’s offer and the experience of singing last night ever since I’d left the club. It was all that I’d been thinking about. The whole experience had stirred something in me. There was no denying that fact. But I just didn’t know how I’d make it all work—what with things so rocky with Joe as they were already.
“Nicole?”
I looked over at her as she handed me the card that Kaz had given her the night before.
“Please call him. I don’t think it’s going to hurt anything, and it could be just what you need right now. In fact, I have a very strong feeling that meeting Kaz last night could be life-changing for you. And you know that I don’t say that lightly.”
Zara smiled at me as I pulled my phone out of my purse and took a deep breath before punching in the numbers.
I was ready to change my life—I needed to change my life.
Chapter 9
The space downtown where Kaz and the band were rehearsing was perfect in every way. I sat on the worn sofa listening to them, loving the acoustics of the cool warehouse and totally connecting to the sound that they were going for. Kaz had been right. It was definitely my kind of music, and if I closed my eyes, I could hear myself singing the lyrics along with him as he played guitar.
When I’d called him from Zara’s earlier that morning, he’d picked up on the first ring, asking me to join them later for a rehearsal. His enthusiasm had been rather contagious and I wasn’t scheduled for work, so there seemed to be no harm in checking it out. As I listened to them play the final chords of their song, I was feeling very pleased about my decision. It would feel great to get behind the mic with a full band again. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it until going onstage last night; ever since then, it was all that I could think about.
“Nicole. Come on over. Meet the guys.”
I grinned as I walked across the room to meet the other three guys that made up the band—Zeke, Trey and Monty. It was a good crew and the guys were very warm and welcoming.
“Thanks for coming by. I was really glad to get your call this morning. The guys and I—well, we’ve been looking for that perfect someone to complete our band. As you probably noticed, we’re weak on the vocals and we’re thinking that a female lead is the right direction for us.” He stopped, as though trying to gauge my reaction to what he was saying.
I nodded and smiled, wanting to hear what else he had to say about the band. It was all very interesting to me, to say the least.
“I really like what I’m hearing. You guys sound great.”
Kaz grinned. “Do you? Good. Do you wanna try the song we were just playing? No pressure or anything, but when I heard you sing last night, it was this song that was in my head—”
“Girl, you got some pipes on you,” Trey called out from behind the drums.
I laughed. It had been a long time since anyone had commented on my pipes. I walked over next to where Kaz was standing and took the papers that he handed me.
“I also have the lyrics alone, if you’d prefer—I’m not sure if you read music, or my chicken scratches for that matter.” He laughed as I glanced down at the paper.
“This is great. I do—read music.”
I used to write my own music.
How had I let all of this go so easily? I felt like a traitor to my own heart and soul as I read the words, so beautiful that all at once I couldn’t wait to sing them.
“Yes, let’s try it. If you can be patient with me, I’ll just stand next to you without a mic until I feel like I have the melody.”
Kaz nodded and the band started with the intro.
I sang the first verse quietly along with Kaz, my voice getting a little louder as we reached the midway point of the chorus. By the time, we’d started the second verse, I was itching for the mic. Kaz laughed and made a head gesture toward the mic stand a few feet away.
“Go on, girl.”
It was as if the lyrics and the melody of the song were written just for me. The band and I were totally in sync, and the key they’d chosen was a perfect fit for my range. In the vast space of the warehouse, with no one around except for the other musicians, I let myself go—feeling the vibrations of the music throughout my body as I moved, and singing the words that were moving me so completely.
When we finished, Monty came over to give me a high five.
“Nicole, dare I say that you are just what we’ve been looking for around here.” Zeke and Trey were nodding their heads as if in full agreement with Monty’s words, and Kaz was just staring at me with a big grin on his face.
“That was perfection.”
“Well, I’m not so sure about that, but maybe after a few more runs at it…” I smiled back at him.
It had felt pretty perfect to me—almost eerily so—as if just maybe this was a life-changing opportunity. I wasn’t going to waste it. I was sure of that fact now. It all felt too right.
“So, wanna go one more time?”
Kaz’s voice broke into my thoughts, reminding me that the excitement and passion I was feeling was not part of a dream.
I nodded and took the mic into my hand again as the band started the intro for the second time. This time, my first verse was strong. I knew where I was going with the song, and everything I’d h
eld back for years came pouring out of me.
I rehearsed for two hours with the band, loving every song and every minute of the evening. I couldn’t wait to talk to Zara about how well it had gone. Even as I had the thought, I cringed slightly. I should be excited to have a conversation with Joe about everything that had happened since last night, but he hadn’t picked up his phone earlier in the day or bothered to return my messages when last I’d checked.
Joe had no idea that I was reclaiming a long-lost love. He had no idea that I was turning back toward a dream that I’d given up on so long ago.
Maybe I’d been wrong to think that everything had been so all-or-nothing with him four years ago. Or maybe he’d have a better appreciation for my need to perform now, after having gone through so much growth in his own career. Maybe a lot of things had changed with Joe, but for some reason, I wasn’t very excited about having a conversation with him regarding any of this. For some reason, all I was feeling was a sense of dread when it came to thoughts of communicating with Joe about where I’d been tonight.
Chapter 10
I pulled my car out of the small parking lot by the warehouse feeling happier than I’d felt in a very long time. A glance in my rearview mirror showed my flushed cheeks, and if there was such a thing as a true sparkle in one’s eyes, I was seeing that now in my own reflection.
Kaz had invited me back tomorrow night and every night this week for their practice sessions. He wasn’t being pushy, but I suspected that I’d not be able to let too many weeks go by without a commitment to the group. I did have things to think about, though. Didn’t I?
Stopped at a light, I reached into my purse for my phone, now remembering that I’d not checked to see if I’d received anything from Joe.
Four missed texts from him. I quickly scrolled through to see how annoyed he was.
Where are you?
The Rockstar’s Girlfriend (B.I.G. Girls Club, Book 1) Page 3