by I. Christie
It's gotta be something about this planet, Harriet. Now you're suffering through other people's lives. How do I stop this?
She gulped down a breath of air and her stomach heaved. I don't wanna be a saint or some messiah, suffering for other people. It's not a career move that has a bright future. Harry, where the hell are ya?
As her tunnel vision gradually expanded to normal sight, she could see Captain Zohra and Carol kneeling next to her. Carol dabbed a damp cloth to wipe her tear-filled eyes.
"Are you a visionary?" Zohra asked curiously, her face revealing a softer version of herself.
Harriet blinked a few times, took a deeper breath to see if her stomach would settle before speaking. "I - was once an - empath." Breathing in again, she moved her jaw around, realizing she had been clenching her jaw tight enough to hurt.
"I thought empaths could not --"
Harriet held up her hand wearily to stop that conversation, not wanting to think about it…however, in a flash, as insights usually do occur, she realized what was happening. Uh, oh. Now some of this makes sense. Whatever the cause, my empathic channels are reopening! I should have recognized it!
With it came another realization that they had never really closed, only muted, thus giving her a different view of situations. She was living in a reality somewhere between what a mante, a sensitive, and a caillech, those that had no psychic abilities. Since she had been sensitive to all forms of life since birth, she did not know what living in a world without a connection to was like; therefore, when her senses became muted from a childhood trauma, she assumed she became like a caillech, no longer feeling the bright and intense world around her.
I've been so daft! Though, how in bloody moon would I know otherwise?
"I've been paying the price," she finally answered, hoping she would not be asked how, since she had only killed two people in her entire life. Her first and last intentional killing was on the battlefield, and the other was Lord Chaney. But she had been smothered by the killing energy for two years, nearly suffocating in the stench and heavy energy. Having nightmares of people killing others in tortuous ways plagued her in seasons. Still she considered herself lucky that as an officer she had to focus more on getting her troop to their assigned drop site, complete the mission, and then get them back to base safely, rather than on how many of the enemy she killed.
"The question is, are you willing to continue to pay the price? I'm not that familiar with empaths, but as a child I learned that closing and opening channels has consequences. I can see you are reopening yours. Why? In addition, what's going to happen at our next skirmish? Will you fight or will you be too fearful that you may take a life… hesitating at a crucial moment?"
Harriet nodded glumly taking another deep breath to settle her still rebellious stomach; however, Captain Zohra had nothing to worry about. Guardian's weapons were doing just fine…so far. And this was his outpost, therefore it was his laws or rules that they would follow. For seven years, she had been perfecting her reflexes to defend or to render her attacker stunned rather than kill, and she felt it had paid off. The one accident was Lord Chaney, but all things happen with a purpose. Besides, not everyone is traumatized with death. Did not someone once tell her that? She was sure Guardian had enough sleep patches for her to use on their attackers, she thought humorously.
Zohra caught the smile and the lightened mood change in Lady Harriet. She now understood where the power from her had been coming from. She helped her to stand and held her steady as the pale officer wavered against the sink. Zohra could feel her pulse quicken at their touch and released her letting Carol support her. Lady Harriet did not need to be distracted at this time.
"I had a vision of Alan Fermin beating a young woman about his age to death with a stick. It was not too long after he had --." Harriet could not go on. Her vision went dark again and her stomach, though empty, started to heave. She felt another sharp pain in the center of her head as she sank to her knees with Carol trying to protect her from banging her head on something solid. The sickness she had kept under control for so many years was finally engulfing her. She could feel her pulse pound in her temples and a roar fill her ears. Then Harriet was back in a familiar place where she had retreated to when the outside world became unbearable. It was not safe there anymore. She could see a dark cloud looming over her special spot. Groaning in fear and from the pain that was pounding in her head Harriet tried to curl into a small ball, trying not to be seen. She felt the combined fears of her being attacked, that of Rene's, and then others that Alan had victimized. Her stomach was in spasms and her body shook. It was as if she touched on a link of emotional terror that they all shared…all but, Rene. As Harriet rocked back and forth in her dark corner to soothe herself from the pain, she could feel someone reach for her. A soft touch called for her attention. Harriet shook her head fearful. Finally, she looked up into Rene's smiling face. Rene did not feel pain for herself, she explained, she felt it for Alan's lost soul and for those he would and had hurt in his own pain. She explained to her that compassion was feeling for someone else and doing something about it, without getting caught up in the morass of pity, hate, fear and distain.
Rene touched Harriet's heart chakra. She felt a cold jolt and then a tingling that warmed quickly. Rene touched each of the other chakras watching Harriet take a deep shuddering breath as each cleared. Rene's image faded when the last was cleared.
Carol could feel her mistress relax in her arms as the ordeal passed. While one arm was wrapped protectively around the unconscious body of her mistress, the other was massaging the limbs that went into spasms with Captain Zohra assisting.
Captain Zohra kept her face impassive as she watched Lady Harriet Montran in another person's arms suffering, reminding herself that this was not a flashback and she was not going to die and this time she could do something more than just let others help her. Her hands worked on the leg muscles that were tense, pushing along meridian lines that her own training had taught was good for muscle cramps. As her hands massaged the muscles, she realized that they were beginning to relax, so she lightened her touch, rubbing them now to help take out the soreness that a cramped muscle could leave behind.
Harriet lay for a while in Carol's protective embrace, feeling the warmth from hands that rubbed her sore limbs. Sighing a little and shifting her weight, she could feel the three concerned thoughts bearing down on her. It was strange to know…Charles had feelings.
He is sentient!
Harriet took a deep breath, to clear her head. She made a mental note to check out Charles' history. If Guardian was a Copec in a computer, then Charles was no doubt one of his assistants in a bot. What misadventure put him in there?
"Gads!" The pain receded in her head and with it the memory of it.
"Just like childbirth!" A familiar presence filled her mind and then withdrew.
Gedaliaha! Smiling from the brief contact Harriet looked up at the others.
"If I had known that it would be this painful…"she did not finish the sentence for she realized that she would not have been able to prevent her channels from reopening even if she wanted to.
"I watched my mother take to her death bed because she could not endure the energy."
The others looked at Zohra startled.
"You're one of Lord Chaney's daughters, aren't you?" Carol asked softly still cradling Harriet who was letting her head clear before she risked standing.
Captain Zohra's face became stiff. "What makes you ask that?"
"You have the family mark that shows up when one of them is highly emotional. Though you have a skin patch hiding it, I can see it now that you are worried."
Unconsciously Captain Zohra touched her left cheek hollow to cover the red spot that only Carol could see. To Harriet's eyes, there was a vague change in color but it was not noticeable until Carol pointed it out. She rose to her feet with Carol's assistance.
I'm one of the few that has survived Varina and her mother's r
each," she admitted reluctantly. "You're going to ask me if my father knew who I was," Zohra remarked to Harriet uncomfortably. "Yes, he knew. He did not have any fond feelings for me, but he did want me to stay out of Varina's reach."
"He selected you for the Black Rose?" Harriet asked curiously.
"No. You know better than that. The sponsor has no say in troop personnel transfers, though sometimes they can influence the appointment of the CO. It would cause the other Committee members to fear that one member is trying to gain too much power."
Harriet watched Zohra collect her thoughts. She had her head tilted down giving Harriet a different angle to her face. She looked troubled and when she lifted her head, her face was back to being unreadable. Zohra pulled her robe tighter around her.
"We met once at a party Lord Chaney had thrown for the Black Rose. Varina did not attend such functions and normally Lord Chaney did not attend them either, but he wanted to - see me. I knew he was my father from the day I could understand spoken words."
"And you have no animosity towards him?" Harriet asked amazed that she was picking up no emotional stress from the captain as she relayed this information to them.
"No," she gave a soft snort or disgust, "He knew I was his daughter but not who the mother was, and nor was he interested. There was no paternity suit or demands from me so he cared not to stir anything up. My papers identified me as an orphan."
"Guardian, have you found out any more on that chemical that Lord Chaney was treating the captain's clothing with?" Harriet asked.
"Yes. Specifically, it's from the Berrian territory. It is a very interesting chemical. On a Berrian, because of the foods they ingest on their planet, it is a narcotic for healing. To an Off-Worlder who does not ingest their foods, it will eventually kill the host."
"So, what does that mean?" the captain asked impatiently.
"Why don't we go into the sitting room where it is more comfortable?" Charles suggested.
"I'm fine now, Carol. Thank you." Harriet put a hand on Carol's arm as she insisted on walking on her own. The warmth from the other women came from more than one level, and with Harriet's new sensitivity, it was just as distracting as the sensuous feelings were.
As the women made themselves comfortable, Charles moved about them, handing out refreshments. Harriet looked up startled as Carol folded a blanket around her.
"I'm not an invalid. I'm not sick. I am fine," she insisted as Carol fluffed up a pillow behind her. Harriet turned her attention towards Zohra, who she was concerned with. She was distant and looked defensive. Why?
"So, Guardian," Harriet pressed, "on a non-native, would it be like the substance arsenic?"
"To some species, just like it."
"So, just what is the point here folks?" a tight-lipped captain asked, sitting on the edge of her chair.
"My point, Captain," Harriet dared to stare into the dark eyes. "Your bios went up when you spoke of your mother, than flatten out like the horizon line on a flyer's gyro, when you talk about the Chaney's and…" she paused as the dark haired warrior rose to her feet angrily.
"What are you implying? Just because I'm not going off on my so-called… family, you think there is something wrong with me? Do you fear some sort of plot against you? Is that what in Helga's Bloody Moon you're driving at?"
Carol had automatically moved herself next to her mistress when the captain rose from her seat.
"You need to be reexamined," Harriet told her softly.
"What?"
Charles who was behind the captain had lifted an appendage slightly and the captain fell forward. Carol and Harriet caught her body as it toppled forward.
"What do you think, Lt. Montran?" Guardian asked disappointment in his voice.
Harriet held Captain Zohra looking into the face of the partially conscious woman. Her heart was beating rapidly and by the partially closed lids, she knew she could hear. "I think, it's possible that she is under another's influence, a deeply planted chip maybe. I mean, if they can do it to metrapeople and psychotics…why not with people who are not aware they are being influenced. Kinda of a scary thought…no? A private army or legion of spies where the participants don't even know they are someone's puppet." Harriet closed her eyes for a moment hoping she did not know anyone in that position, yet knowing that that was just what metrapeople were. Was she wrong to think that there was something off with Zohra? No. She may have suspected before her channels had not been so open, but now, she could see the off color over her head. Something was not right.
"As a scientist, I would go with the chip, but why do you say a chip?" Guardian asked.
"Because subliminals are modifiable but not chip implants. Isn't that the whole idea behind the program of metrapeople …control with little outside effort? What if Lord Chaney or Lady Varina had a chip implanted in her that would prevent her from taking any action against them and the drug was merely something to hide the effects of the chip?" Harriet looked down at the face of the semiconscious woman that she was holding in her lap. Harriet squeezed the captain's arm reassuringly, though she wondered if that was any consolation to the captain.
"Yes. In one of the research results, it was explained why the implants for the reeducation of social undesirables caused side effects that required drugs to be administered. It has something to do with their dreams," Guardian replied.
The door slid open and a gurney from the infirmary moved in.
"It was a similarity Idwilla drew about the chip implant for conscious thought monitoring with metrapeople and…" Harriet stopped as Captain Zohra's body was lifted and settled on the gurney by Carol and Charles.
She moved to stand next to the captain and with steady fingers, drew them across the furrowed brow as if to smooth the lines out. A blessing she remembered from a long time ago crossed her mind. She rested her curled fingers on the captain's cheek for a moment. Leaning forward she whispered near her ear.
"Be well, my Dancer." Then before she did something stupid, she moved away and the gurney left the room.
"She will be fine, Lady Harriet. Charles will accompany her. My techniques of restraint have no trauma attached to them."
"To some, Guardian, any kind of restraint will result in a trauma." Harriet ran her hand through her hair. "There are two types of chips on the open market that I was able to identify. The one used for metrapeople, interferes with behavior and memory. The second chip monitors the thoughts and behavior of psychopaths. You're right about the drugs. The idea is to keep the subject from having nightmares at the thought of having something implanted in their brain. In the beginning, many of the subjects killed themselves trying to dig it out. I am now wondering; why not also have a chip that the subject is not aware of? Think of what someone can do with that. You can have assassins planted anywhere without even their knowledge. Instead of using posthypnotic suggestions, you have a chip that enforces the command. Just about every planet's recorded history that belongs to Committee and Collective's organizations, has stories of corporations and governments doing the same mind control thing."
"It could very well be possible. The Committee is undergoing reappointment of members. The influence or the removal of key players could change the face of the new Committee and the intentions. There is an interest to change the charter, putting aside the requirements for peaceful coexistence on a planet before it can petition for space travel and membership in either of the organizations."
Harriet made a noise of disgust. "And we know how easy it was to join the Committee and disregard many of the rules in the charter."
"I will send that idea out to Naboths Vine and friends of the Vine."
"I'm sure it has passed others minds." Harriet looked at Carol. "I could use some nourishment that's not so hard on the stomach."
Carol smiled. "Tea to settle an unhappy stomach, and fresh fruit."
"Sounds fine to me."
As they both sat down to breakfast Harriet absorbed herself in the changes in her senses to take her
thoughts off Captain Zohra for the time being. As a child her life had been full of colors that whirled around everything that changed with the emotions of the sentient they radiated from. It was after the death of her mentor that she had closed down that sensitive side of herself, so she would not experience the void, which was another side of the life of colors. Her numbness after her mentor's death allowed her world without colors to be lost without much notice. Harriet took a deep breath as she realized that she had gone on with her lessons without her conscious awareness, and had experienced the void, living in it for a long time, and now she was out and back into the world of colors. She shook her head as she regarded the fruit she was eating. Her teachers had said time is but an illusion. What would they say about her experiences as a prisoner of war or of her recent torture with Chaney's guards? She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. They would have told her to go with the pain and become it. It sounded so presumptuous but, that was what she had done. She moved past the pain and into oblivion. Shaking her head to forget such memories she bit into the last of the fruit.