With a slow shake of her head, Jenny turned her gaze out the window. Right now the only thing she could see was tears.
At four o’clock the next morning, Jenny wrote out the last of her arrest reports, then carefully placed them in manila folders. The night had been a long one for her and Orville. The two of them had made several arrests and chased down a stolen car. The driver had turned out to be a fugitive wanted by the law in several states.
Normally, Jenny enjoyed a shift that had more than just routine traffic stops to keep them busy. But tonight she was bone tired. Even praise from her captain on apprehending the wanted fugitive hadn’t lifted her heavy spirits.
Have you. ever thought about quitting your job?
Savanna’s words fluttered tauntingly through her mind. Of course she’d thought of retiring after she’d put in twenty years of service. She’d always planned to train to be a counselor for abused women once her stint as a police officer was over. Even so, she’d never thought of giving up being a cop before that time arrived. That is, until Lucas had come along and dallied with her mind.
Now she was asking herself if quitting her job and marrying Lucas would make her a happy woman. Being a police officer was the only good thing she’d ever had in her life. During her horrendous marriage to Marcus, it had been her sole salvation to know that at least for a few hours each day she could go to a job where no man would dare try to intimidate her. It had made her feel safe to be a policewoman back then, and it still did today. And, to Jenny, being safe was the most important thing of all.
She couldn’t give that up for Lucas. She wouldn’t give it up for any man.
Rising from her desk, she carried the reports to the filing room. As she placed the last folder in its proper alphabetical order, she thought of the long arrest record they’d discovered on the fugitive she and Orville had caught tonight. Years ago it would have taken hours, even days to collect that much information on a suspect. Now all a police officer had to do was type a name into a computer.
Where is Marcus now? Lucas’s question hit her like a hammer. Could her ex-husband actually be in prison, or had her answer been just wishful thinking on her part? If Marcus had gotten into any sort of trouble with the law, she could easily find him in the computer bank.
Moments later, at her desk, she quickly read the information beneath Marcus’s name and social security number. Her suspicions had been right! He was doing time in the McAlester State Penitentiary for theft and assault with intent to kill.
Leaning back in her chair, Jenny switched off the computer and let out a long sigh. She was relieved that Marcus could no longer harm her or any other woman. She’d often felt guilty because she’d never pressed charges against him. And she’d fervently prayed these past few years that he wouldn’t inflict his abuse on someone else. Now she didn’t have to worry about that anymore. Marcus was behind bars and would be there for a long time.
Yet the whole thing left her wondering how she could have loved and married a man with such a black, violent nature. He’d gone from bad to worse. Why hadn’t she been able to see that, all those years ago, before she’d ever become his wife? Was she that gullible where men and love were concerned? Was her judgment too poor to be trusted?
Thrusting the troubling questions aside, Jenny left her desk, then went to the locker room for her purse and duffel bag. It was time to go home and try to get a few hours of rest.
Sunrise was still a good three hours away, and a cloudy sky made the early morning seem that much darker as she made her way across the parking lot to her waiting car.
“Hello, Jenny.”
She was unlocking the car door when Lucas’s voice sounded right behind her shoulder. Jenny’s already strained nerves bolted, making her head jerk. The car keys fell to the cold asphalt.
“Damn it, what are you doing sneaking up on me like that?” she gasped.
He bent over and picked up her keys, then handed them to her.
“I wasn’t sneaking. You weren’t paying attention. A mugger could have been behind you and you would have never known it.”
Annoyed because he was right, she turned her back to him and jabbed the key into the car door. “I hardly think a mugger would be loitering around a police station parking lot.”
“No, just a seedy-eyed stalker like me.”
Not bothering to open the door, she twisted around to him. “I didn’t say that.”
He grimaced. “You might as well have.”
“Did you come here to pick a fight?”
Rather than grab her and pull her into his arms like he wanted to do, Lucas jammed his fists into the pockets of his leather jacket. “I think you know why I’m here. I’ve tried to call you for the past several days. You’ve always been out. I left messages for you to return my calls. Why didn’t you?”
Jenny had known he would show up sooner or later. Even so, she wasn’t prepared for what the sight of him was doing to her. She felt shaky, weak and vulnerable. She loved this man, there was no point in denying it. And everything inside her wanted to fling her arms around his neck and never let go. But fear in the form of dark painful memories, held her back.
“I thought it best not to.”
“You thought it best,” he said, his voice edged with sarcasm. “Best for you? For me? Or have you ever stopped thinking about yourself long enough to consider my feelings?”
Anger ripped through her, then just as quickly vanished. Had she only been thinking of her own wants and needs without any regard to Lucas? She didn’t want to think so. “If it seems that way, I’m sorry. It’s just because I can see things as they really are.”
“You can?” he asked dryly.
She looked at him, her face pinched with cold and pain, her eyes begging him to understand. “I don’t know why, but when you look at me, Lucas, it’s through a pair of rose-colored glasses. There’s nothing wonderful or special about me. I’m just a woman with a damaged heart and I can’t make it whole again no matter how much you want me to.”
Lucas’s somber gaze took in the gaunt, haunted shadows on her face. He could see he was hurting her. It was the last thing he wanted to do. Yet he couldn’t just give up and walk away from her. Good or bad, she was in his heart. And she was there to stay.
He stepped closer, slid his hand inside her bomber jacket and touched her breast and the cold metal badge pinned above it.
“Your heart isn’t damaged, Jenny. You only think it is. The other night I felt it beating for me. I know you love me. You just don’t want to say it.”
The tears she’d struggled with all week were threatening to fill her eyes. “And what if I did say it, Lucas? It wouldn’t change anything. I still won’t marry you.”
After Lucas had left the marines, he’d lost his quick temper and the sudden urge to use his fists. But he hadn’t lost his will to fight until he won.
Reaching around her, he opened the car door, pushed Jenny inside, then slid in after her.
“What are you doing?” she demanded when he slammed the door and the two of them were confined inside the small car.
“This.”
Suddenly she was crushed in. the circle of his arms and her lips were captured beneath his. In the back of Jenny’s mind she knew she should push him away. She even told herself to do it. But her body refused to obey her brain’s command.
Instead her lips clung to his, her hands curved around the warm muscles of his neck and the solid ridge of his jaw. He made her feel alive, wanted and, most of all, loved. And that very thing was what terrified Jenny the most.
Love made people vulnerable. It opened them up and left the door to their hearts wide open so that any sort of pain could walk inside. Loving Marcus had not only hurt Jenny, it had gotten her into a dangerous situation. What would loving Lucas to do her?
“Say it, Jenny,” he whispered huskily. “Say you love me.”
His lips finally breaking free of hers, he planted kisses across her cheeks, her eyes, her nose and fo
rehead. And every battle that Jenny had fought with herself over Lucas this past week now seemed in vain. With one kiss he could touch her, melt her down to a piece of gooey chocolate begging to be eaten.
“All right, Lucas. I love you.”
The admission was a painful relief to Jenny. Yet the look on Lucas’s face said the heavens had just opened up and it was raining drops of pure joy.
“Oh, Jenny, my darling.” He groaned against her cheek. “You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say you love me. I—”
Before he could go any farther, Jenny wriggled out of his embrace and huddled against the passenger door.
“It doesn’t matter, Lucas,” she said in a strained voice. “I’m not going to marry you.”
“Jenny—”
He reached for her, but Jenny quickly warded him off. If she didn’t make a stand now, she knew the whole battle would be over.
Her lips quivering, she said, “I don’t want to see you anymore, Lucas. I don’t want you to call me. I don’t want you to come to my apartment. I don’t want you to try to contact me again. Ever!”
The conviction in her voice tore a hole right through Lucas. Until that moment, he’d never known that loving someone could hurt so badly.
“And what if I do?” he asked quietly.
What would she do? More than likely she’d break down and give in to him. He would eventually persuade her to marry him and then they’d both suffer the consequences.
Jenny drew in a breath of cold air and tried to find the courage to look at him. But her eyes could get no closer than the top button of his shirt.
“If I have to, I’ll get a restraining order against you.”
Lucas suddenly felt cold to the bone. “You’d do that to me?”
Of course Jenny wouldn’t. But for both their sakes she had to make Lucas believe her. She nodded. “If I have to.”
Lucas shook his head. “There haven’t been many times in my life that I’ve been taken for a fool. But I have to admit, you’ve done a good job of it.” His eyes leveled accusingly on her face. “I thought you were a woman who’d weathered a storm and come out stronger because of it.”
Jenny was certain that what little there was left of her heart was dying right here and now. “Well, you must be very glad you uncovered the real Jenny Prescott before you made the fatal mistake of marrying me.”
“Oh, I’m damn glad,” he sneered. “Don’t you see me laughing?”
“I know you don’t understand me,” she said, her voice wobbling. “But I’m doing this because I love you. I want you to be happy.”
He made a snorting sound of disbelief. “And what about you, Jenny? Don’t you want to be happy, or will getting away from me do that for you?”
Marcus had used his fist to pound her self-worth down to nothing. These past five years Jenny had worked to get it back, and she believed she had, until Lucas had come into her life.
“It’s—it’s too late for me, Lucas. Someday you’ll look back and understand that.”
“No! That day will never come, Jenny. You’re the one who’s going to have to wake up and take a good hard look around you. I know you’ve been knocked around in your life. Literally and figuratively. But I shouldn’t have to pay for some other man’s slimy behavior. I love you. I’m offering you a lifetime of happiness. But you don’t want it. You’d rather wallow around in self-pity and pretend your life is over.”
Inside Jenny, anger flared like a kerosene torch. “How dare you say that! I’ve never wanted pity from anyone, including myself. And until you badgered your way into my life, I was fine. Just fine and dandy!”
Lucas reached behind him and tripped the door latch. “Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about now, Officer Prescott. You won’t ever be seeing me again!” He opened the door and climbed out. Then, sticking his head into the car, he added, “Unless I see you in traffic court. And I’ll warn you right now, I wouldn’t pay without a fight.”
“Get out!”
“Goodbye, Jenny.”
He slammed the door and Jenny slumped weakly against the seat. In the parking slot next to her, Lucas’s pickup fired to life, then pulled away.
She’d finally done it. He was out of her life. There would be no more phone calls, invitations to go out with him or flowers on her desk. There would be no more kisses to melt her bones. No more temptations, no more worry that she might be human enough to give in to him.
Suddenly her teeth began to chatter and her body shook. It was a cold night, but Jenny knew it wasn’t the weather that had given her a violent case of the shivers. It was her frozen heart.
Dragging herself behind the steering wheel, Jenny started the engine then headed the car toward her apartment. In a couple of hours dawn would break and fingers of gray light would streak the night sky.
Normally after Jenny pulled a late shift, she’d sit in her little kitchen, drink her morning coffee and watch the sun rise over the city. But this morning, Jenny didn’t think the sun would ever shine on her again.
Chapter Ten
“Ican have your beef out to Sacramento in three days. No more. No less. If you can find another trucking company that can beat that time, then more power to you, Mr. Varnum. But I’ll not push my drivers any harder than that. Their safety and the safety of others on the highway comes first with me. I know—”
Lucas looked up to see Lilah standing inside the door. She was obviously waiting for him to get off the phone, and Lucas was more than glad for a reason to end the conversation. “Okay, Varnum, get Red River to move your product, but don’t come whining to me when the wholesaler tells you he has a truckload of green T-bone steaks on his hands!”
He slammed the phone on its hook, then tossed his pen toward a metal holder. It missed and clattered to the floor. Lilah immediately walked over and picked up the expensive writing instrument.
Casting him a disapproving look, she said, “I was going to show you something. But I’m not so sure you’re ready for it.”
With a tired sigh, Lucas leaned back in his seat and raked both hands over his sleek black hair. “If it’s about that transmission Frank ordered for truck forty-three, tell them it had better be here by Friday morning or they’ll not be selling it to me!”
The line of Lilah’s lips grew thinner. “It’s nothing about the transmission. That will be here tomorrow.”
“Thank God. I’ve had enough problems this past week without adding that one to the list.”
Lilah put the pen in its rightful place on his desk, then picked up several foam cups partially filled with leftover coffee. “You know, Mr. Lowrimore, from the time you started this business you’ve had plenty of problems every day of the week. And no matter how bad they got, you never let them get you down. So why are you now?”
The old adage that you could never judge anything by its outward appearance more than proved itself when Lucas looked at his secretary. She was an outrageous throwback from the sixties, but she was also one of the shrewdest people he’d ever known.
“I guess it’s like I told you before, Lilah. I’m starting to feel my age.”
She let out an unladylike snort. “Old! When you get to be my age, you might use that excuse and get by with it. But for right now, it’s pretty obvious you have something on your mind. And I’m beginning to wonder if Jenny Prescott has anything to do with it.”
Restless, Lucas rose to his feet and walked to the window overlooking the yard. “Jenny and I are no more. Not that we ever were,” he added caustically.
Lilah studied his pensive profile. “What happened?”
The question unleashed a torrent of emotions roiling through Lucas. He threw up both hands in frustrated surrender. “The woman has a mental problem.”
“She seems perfectly sane and intelligent to me.”
“I don’t mean like that! She has—well, maybe I should have said emotional problems. She lets them rule her head.”
Lilah suddenly laughed. “All women do that, Luc
as. Otherwise, we’d behave just like you men. And if you ask me, that would make the world a very boring place.”
Lucas absently rubbed the pads of his fingers over the five o’clock shadow on his jaws. “She doesn’t want to marry me.”
“Why not?”
A tight grimace on his face, Lucas continued to look out over the fleet of tractor-trailer rigs marked with his initials. Normally the sight of the trucks gave him a proud sense of achievement. Today they meant nothing to him.
Twisting away from the window, Lucas stalked to his desk where Lilah was still hanging on to the dirty coffee cups.
“She was married once before. And the marriage was bad. Really bad. Her husband abused her.”
“Bastard.”
Lucas couldn’t have said it better. “She says the marriage ruined her and she believes she wouldn’t make a good wife for me. But damn, Lilah, I think she’s just afraid of me.”
Lilah rolled her eyes at him, then swished over to the trash basket and tossed in the cups. “Lucas, any normal woman in her right mind would be afraid to make a commitment to a man after she’d been through such a thing. I surely would be. And I love men!”
Any other time Lilah’s last statement would have put a smile on Lucas’s face. But not today.
“Anyway,” the secretary went on, “she isn’t afraid of you. She’s afraid of what you represent. Don’t you understand that?”
“I understand that she’s treating me as if I’m just as much of a snake as he was. Each time I tried to get close to her, she ran away.”
“Did you ever think you might be rushing her? After all, Lucas, you haven’t known her all that long.”
Lucas paced across the room, then back to his desk. “Maybe I did come on strong,” he admitted. “But I wasn’t pushing her to set a wedding date! Aw, hell, it doesn’t matter anyway. She never wants to see me again. And I’m glad to oblige her.”
“You look like you’re glad,” Lilah said with obvious sarcasm.
Lucas shot her a dry glare. “I’m not only glad, I’m relieved. She saved me from making the same mistake my father made. Marrying a woman too weak to stand under pressure.”
Wanted: Wife Page 14