How to Train Your Dragon: How to Speak Dragonese

Home > Humorous > How to Train Your Dragon: How to Speak Dragonese > Page 9
How to Train Your Dragon: How to Speak Dragonese Page 9

by Cressida Cowell


  She ambushed the soldier who brought them

  their food every day, knocking him out with his own

  food tray.

  She was planning to wear his clothes to pass

  herself off as a soldier.

  ‘It’ll never work,’ said Hiccup. ‘You’ll get

  caught. You’re a girl for starters. And you’re only four

  157

  foot high. There are no four-foot-high soldiers. They

  don’t let them in the army.’

  ‘Oh, you’re always bringing up PROBLEMS,’

  grumbled Camicazi, putting on the soldier’s helmet,

  which was so big she could hardly see out of it.

  ‘And let’s face it, they’re going to be really cross

  you knocked out one of their men,’ Hiccup pointed

  out, looking at the soldier slumbering peacefully in his

  Roman underwear on the floor.

  ‘Why don’t YOU face it?’ snapped Camicazi.

  ‘Look at you, staring out the window all day long. Your

  father is NEVER GOING TO COME…’

  Hiccup flinched.

  ‘He’ll come,’ he said defiantly.

  Camicazi had to turn up the sleeves of the

  soldier’s shirt four times. The tunic trailed some way

  along the ground behind her. She looked like a very

  small military person in a wedding dress.

  ‘Ze great CAMICAZI will be back home, guys,

  while you are facing those gladiators on Saturn’s day

  Saturday…’

  She took three steps and fell flat on her face.

  The boys tried very hard not to laugh.

  With great dignity Camicazi got back on to her

  158

  feet again. She picked up the front of the tunic like

  she really was a bride. ‘You can’t keep a Bog-Burglar

  under lock and key,’ she said, taking the keys from the

  tunic pocket and unlocking the cell door. With a final

  bustle of skirts she was gone.

  Hiccup looked out the window again.

  ‘He’ll come…’ said Hiccup. The rain was being

  blown through the window at such a rate that he had

  been driven from his usual post. But now he peered

  through the bars, seeking, seeking, for the sails that

  were not there. There was only rain and more rain,

  pouring down relentlessly on the ocean, drumming on

  the rocks, sogging up the heather, and filling the

  pockets of the poor sentries as they stood, sandals full

  of mud, dreaming of Roman sunshine.

  The wind shrieked across the ocean, up

  over the grim black cliffs, and through the

  Roman courtyards of the fort. And as it

  came through Hiccup’s barred window,

  blowing in great drenching streams

  of water, it seemed to be

  answering…

  ‘… but he’s late…’

  Camicazi didn’t return that

  night. Hiccup and Fishlegs

  wondered with amazement if

  she really had escaped this

  time. But the soldier who

  brought their food that evening very

  grumpily told them she had been caught within

  two seconds of leaving the Tower and put into solitary

  confinement for three days.

  ‘And serve her right, the little barbarian,’ said

  the soldier, rubbing the lump on his head.

  ‘Three days!’ said Fishlegs excitedly. ‘At least

  we’ll have some peace and quiet around here.’

  160

  ‘Camicazi’s all right really,’ said Hiccup.

  ‘Mmmm,’ said Fishlegs, unconvinced. ‘But

  she’s very pleased with herself and she never stops

  talking. I’m looking forward to a nice, quiet night.’

  161

  15. THE COMING OF THE

  SHARKWORMS

  As the long night wore on, something strange and

  frightening was happening in the seas around Fort

  Sinister.

  The rain poured down without stopping, and

  for several days the heated swimming baths of the Fat

  Consul had been overflowing, sending a stream of hot

  water pouring down the hillside and into the ocean.

  And this warm current was attracting some unwelcome

  visitors… SHARKWORMS.

  From far and wide the Sharkworms came.

  Terrible creatures half out of nightmares, but only too

  true I’m afraid, propelled not only by the tremendous

  force of a shark-like tail, but also by thick, muscly

  alligator legs that poured through the water, sending

  them forward at extraordinary speeds.

  They were swimming towards the Roman

  Fortress, not just in ones and twos but in tens of

  thousands, and when the sun came up on the morning

  before Saturn’s day Saturday there was a boiling mass

  of black fins with jagged edges, circling like vultures

  162

  around the island of Fort Sinister.

  It was as if they were waiting for something.

  Sharkworms are ancient animals and their brains were

  formed in who knows what dark and terrible furnace.

  They knew not why they waited, only that they

  smelled warm water, and blood-yet-to-be-spilled, and

  guts-in-the-offing and trouble-about-to-happen.

  And so they waited, patiently and greedily,

  waiting and waiting and waiting for some awful

  event to unfold in the future that would bring them

  their supper.

  163

  16. THE CUNNING BUT

  DESPERATE PLAN

  Camicazi returned the day before Saturn’s day

  Saturday.

  She was not as cheerful as usual. She drooped

  around the cell, sighing. Even Fishlegs was worried.

  Camicazi came and sat next to Hiccup beside the

  barred window.

  ‘Maybe,’ she said sadly, ‘maybe you can keep a

  Bog-Burglar under lock and key. I don’t understand it.

  I’m the MASTER ESCAPER – no prison can hold

  me…’

  ‘The Romans make good prisons,’ replied

  Hiccup.

  ‘The only good Roman is a dead Roman,’ said

  Camicazi.

  Hiccup sighed. ‘That isn’t true. I’m sure there

  are loads of good Romans. But all the good Romans

  are probably quietly minding their own business back

  in Rome. Anyway, Alvin isn’t a Roman, he’s a Viking

  just like us.’

  ‘Your father really ISN’T going to send a War

  164

  Party, you know Hiccup,’ said Camicazi gently.

  Hiccup looked out the window. Camicazi was

  right. HIS FATHER WASN’T COMING. Maybe he

  thought that Hiccup wasn’t worth it…

  ‘OK,’ said Hiccup, trying to keep them from

  despairing. ‘I think it’s time we made another plan.’

  ‘I know what we do!’ cried Camicazi, drawing

  her sword with her old swagger back again. ‘We

  practise our sword-fighting! We die, yes – but we die

  in STYLE!’

  ‘No,’ said Hiccup.

  ‘But you’re a great sword-fighter – for a boy, of

  course…’ said Camicazi, disappointed.

  ‘I only sword-fight when there’s a point to it,’

  said Hiccup. ‘No, this is the plan. I have this dragon

  called Ziggerastica who owes me a favour…’

  ‘OOOooh, Zigg
erastica – he sounds scary,’ said

  Camicazi. ‘Do you think he can help us?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Hiccup admitted.

  Hiccup felt a bit silly shouting to someone who

  wasn’t in the room, but he did so nonetheless, calling

  ‘ZIGGERASTICA!’ three times at the top of his

  voice.

  ‘How is this dragon going to get IN here, when

  165

  we can’t get OUT?’ asked Camicazi.

  ‘You’ll see,’ said Hiccup.

  Nothing happened for about three hours.

  Hiccup wasn’t really expecting this plan to work, in his

  heart of hearts – he was just trying to cheer Camicazi

  up. But then there was a faint rustling noise, and the

  tiny black and red dragon squeezed through the

  double bars and fluttered around the room.

  ‘Don’t tell me,’ said Camicazi, ‘please don’t tell

  me that THIS is the dragon who owes you

  the favour…’

  166

  ‘Yup,’ said Hiccup in astonishment. ‘That’s

  definitely him.

  How amazing that he came when I called!’

  ‘This dragon,’ said Fishlegs, ‘is even smaller

  than Toothless – that’s really going to help us, isn’t it?

  The entire Roman Army is going to be shivering in its

  shoes when it sets eyes on a dragon the size of a

  bumblebee. How can a dragon not much larger than a

  beetle help us fight a whole Roman Legion?’

  ‘What were you expecting?’ asked Hiccup. ‘A

  Seadragonus Giganticus Maximus? Hang on,

  Toothless… what are you doing?’

  Toothless was stalking Ziggerastica like a cat

  following a mouse.

  ‘Toothless, STOP!’ yelled Hiccup. ‘You mustn’t

  eat him, he’s our only chance of getting out of here

  alive!’

  But Toothless hadn’t had the pleasure of

  hunting for a couple of weeks now.

  He chased a shrieking Ziggerastica all

  around the room until he finally

  trapped him in a corner of the ceiling

  and closed his jaws around him.

  167

  Toothless hovered just out of reach, one cheek

  bulging, and Ziggerastica’s furiously swinging tail

  trailing out of his mouth.

  ‘SPIT HIM OUT!’ howled Hiccup, frantically

  jumping up and trying to grab Toothless by the tail. ‘I

  mean it, Toothless, this is not a game – our lives

  depend on that nanodragon!’

  Toothless shot him a naughty look and dodged

  to the other corner of the room.

  The others joined in the chase, leaping after

  Toothless as he swooped from one side of the ceiling

  to the other, squealing with delight.

  Camicazi climbed on to Fishlegs’s shoulders,

  while Hiccup got on a chair and tried to sweep

  Toothless in her direction with a broom.

  Unfortunately, Hiccup missed, and the brush

  168

  cannoned into Camicazi and Fishlegs, who then

  knocked over the chair Hiccup was standing on and

  they all landed in a heap on the floor.

  Toothless somersaulted across the ceiling in his

  glee. He laughed so hard he nearly dropped

  Ziggerastica. He hadn’t had so much fun in ages.

  ‘OK,’ said Hiccup under his breath to the

  other two, ‘I’ve got a new tactic here…

  ‘We don’t have time for this nonsense,’ Hiccup

  said loudly. ‘Just ignore Toothless and everybody

  gather round me while I tell you our plan…’

  ‘Oh, I get it,’ said Fishlegs.

  Fishlegs and Camicazi got into a huddle

  around Hiccup who started whispering loudly.

  Toothless remained on the ceiling, making rude

  raspberry noises.

  Nobody paid him any attention.

  Eventually Toothless’s curiosity got the better

  of him, and he flapped down to see if he could hear

  what was being said – and Camicazi leaped out of the

  huddle and grabbed him.

  ‘HA!’ said Hiccup triumphantly, looking sternly

  down on the struggling little dragon. ‘Now, Toothless,

  DROP IT.’

  Toothless crossed his eyes and made a gulping

  noise with his throat as if he was swallowing…

  ‘AAAAAAARGH!’ screamed Hiccup.

  Toothless spat Ziggerastica on to the floor.

  ‘Only j-j-joking,’ he said.

  Ziggerastica was FURIOUS.

  Hiccup put him carefully on the table and for five

  minutes he refused to say anything at all,

  170

  concentrating on shaking out his wings and removing

  Toothless’s saliva.

  ‘I am SO sorry about Toothless, Your

  Highness,’ said Hiccup, thinking that a little flattery

  might be necessary.

  Ziggerastica’s voice was icy. ‘If I didn’t owe you

  a favour, O-Boy-With-Legs-Like-a-Heron,’ he

  spat, ‘that dragon would be history…’

  Toothless laughed scornfully.

  ‘What you g-g-gonna do,

  tough guy? T-t-tickle

  Toothless to d-d-

  death?’

  ‘Shut up,

  Toothless,’ said

  Hiccup. ‘Thank

  you for coming,

  Ziggerastica.

  And for looking

  so very, VERY

  handsome as well, if I may

  say so…You have such

  kingly legs…’

  Ziggerastica looked

  171

  slightly less cross. He admired his own royal knees with

  approval.

  ‘And your wings! The finest I have ever seen!

  I’ll explain what I would like Your Highness to do…’

  Hiccup told the nanodragon his cunning but

  truly desperate plan.

  The nanodragon was silent for a moment.

  ‘That,’ he said at last, ‘is a truly terrible plan.’

  ‘T-t-told you,’ said Toothless. ‘H-h-hiccup’s

  plans are always terrible…’

  ‘You’re still alive, aren’t you?’ retorted Hiccup.

  ‘Also,’ said the nanodragon, ‘that is actually two

  favours, and I have offered you only one.’

  ‘Think how cross the Fat Consul will be…’

  pleaded Hiccup.

  The nanodragon thought about that. He shook

  out his black and red spotty wings, and Hiccup began

  to see the suggestion of a smile on his tiny face.

  ‘OK,’ said Ziggerastica, ‘I’ll do it. But don’t

  blame me if it fails… By the way, O-Boy-With-a-Nose-

  Like-a-Small-Potato, your friends are even uglier than

  you are! Where did you find these people? Never in my

  life have I seen anybody who looks so much like a lemon

  sole…’ He pointed rudely at Fishlegs with one wing.

  172

  And with that

  the little nanodragon

  gave a self-important

  wriggle of his behind

  and flew out the

  window.

  ‘Did he

  agree to carry out

  your plan?’ asked

  Camicazi.

  Hiccup

  nodded, trying to

  look confident to

  keep everybody’s

  hopes up.

  ‘The thing is,’ he said, ‘I don’t think in this<
br />
  kind of weather they’ll be able to hold those Games

  tomorrow anyway. I’ve seen the arena from the

  window, and it’s knee-deep in water – the ground is

  far too wet and slippy for gladiatorial combat. With

  any luck the rain will make them cancel the whole

  thing.’

  173

  17. THE CIRCUS ON

  SATURN’S DAY SATURDAY

  The next day was Saturn’s day Saturday. For the first

  time in a week the wind dropped and the clouds

  cleared. It was a glorious day for a celebration, the sky

  a bright blue with not a breath of rain. From about ten

  o’clock in the morning Hiccup watched the stadium

  being prepared for the circus. The stands were hung

  with Roman flags. Tents and cushions were laid out in

  the Consul’s seating area. Metal nets were set up

  across the top and insides of the amphitheatre to

  prevent the performing dragons from escaping or

  attacking the audience.

  The stands of the amphitheatre began to fill up

  with spectators, anxious to get a good view. They were

  mostly soldiers, cooks and carpenters, given the day

  off for the national holiday. They could buy food and

  wine within the amphitheatre to while away the hours,

  so, by early afternoon, when the performances began,

  the atmosphere was very lively, everybody singing

  songs and even dancing on the seats.

  At two o’clock exactly the trumpeters came out

  174

  on to the Consul’s Pavilion, the luxury covered area

  which was draped with Roman flags and Imperial

  Standards. They blew an impressive fanfare, and

  everyone stood up and fell silent as the Consul’s party

  entered the stadium. The Fat Consul came first,

  waddling very slowly with a slave at each elbow and

  one to carry his stomach. He had to stop every couple

  of steps to catch his breath.

  He wasn’t looking too good. The Fat Consul

  was covered from head to toe in ugly red rashes and

  eczema weals. Once the slaves had got him seated,

  they took it in turns to scratch different parts of his

  body with an instrument like a large fork, and this

 

‹ Prev