“He’s the composer who wrote the song for the bell tower. He has never, ever missed one of his premieres before, but now he’s going to because I couldn’t find him.” Lucinda Wilhelmina Hinojosa’s chic little glasses were fogged with her own tears.
“Well, perhaps he didn’t want to be found,” Captain Rojo Herring said comfortingly. “Perhaps he’s happy staying lost.”
This only made Lucinda wail harder. Captain Rojo Herring realized he’d better try a new tactic if he wanted her to quit making such a dismal racket.
“Look, ye don’t know for a fact he’s not ’ere. Look at this crowd. Maybe he be in there somewhere.”
“I’m sure I would have recognized him.”
“Maybe he be in a disguise or something. Did ye ever think of that? Now why don’t ye stop yer blubbering and go off and look for ’im?”
Lucinda quit sobbing. She took off her fogged-up glasses and looked at Captain Rojo Herring with grateful and highly farsighted eyes.
“Of course! It’s obvious. Why didn’t I think of that!” She polished her glasses frantically and then put them back on her well-shaped nose so that she could look for disguised composers.
Meanwhile, Grandmama Julietta Augustina stood on the top of the post office steps. The crowd was gathered before her. The cheerleaders from the gifted school were performing backflips, pyramids, basket tosses, and cradle catches in rapid succession. Misty McNeil, who was famous as the world’s most exceptional fire dancer, tossed her flaming baton high in the air, then did a handstand and caught it with her toes as it came down.
Grandmama wasn’t paying attention to the cheerleading or the fire dancing, which was just as well, since she was unlikely to have been impressed with either activity. She was watching Lucinda as she wandered around looking for someone. Grandmama smiled to herself, incorrectly assuming that Lucinda was searching for her handsome grandson. Maybe the Science Fair Dance would be as magical as Anderson Brigby Bright was expecting it to be.
Grandmama wished she felt as hopeful about the bell-tower ceremony. Despite the lovely weather and the cheerful crowds, she still had a nagging feeling that she’d overlooked something. She hadn’t been able to ask Grandpa John what he had wanted to tell her because she hadn’t been able to find him. He’d left the house before she’d woken up that morning so he could take Salzburg back to Captain Rojo Herring. Grandmama had not wanted to oversee the bell-tower ceremony with the parrot on her shoulder.
Then, just as the Remarkable Symphony Orchestra was winding down, she spotted Grandpa John standing at the edge of the crowd with Jane.
“Stilton,” she said. “I need you to go fetch my husband.”
“Who?”
“That man over there, who is next to that young girl. I have to ask him something.”
Stilton reluctantly shook his head. “Madam Mayor, we’re already behind schedule. You need to start the ceremony now.”
He was correct. Time waits for no one, not even for a mayor as remarkable as Mayor Doe. The hands of the big clock on the new bell tower were pointing to 11:57.
“All right, Stilton. Get this crowd quieted down.”
Stilton sent a signal to the cheerleaders to stop their acrobatics. He tapped on the microphone to get the attention of the crowd. And Grandmama Julietta Augustina stepped up to the podium.
“In three more minutes,” she said, “the bells in this tower will chime for the first time—and you will hear the finest bell-tower composition written by the finest living composer in the world.” She stopped for a minute so that Ludwig von Savage could grumble to himself about being misunderstood and unappreciated. “And Remarkable, our fine, fine town, will become even more remarkable than before.”
She looked over the crowd and gave Grandpa John a lovely smile. But Grandpa John didn’t meet her eyes.
“Madam Mayor,” Stilton hissed. The clock now read 11:58.
“I’d like to thank my daughter-in-law, Angelina Mona Linda Doe. Only an architect of such outstanding skill could have transformed our ordinary post office into the charming building you see before you. And I’d also like to thank Taftly Wocheywhoski, who not only completed the tower five months ahead of schedule, but was able to come in under budget as well.”
Everyone applauded. Jane’s mother and Taftly Wocheywhoski, who were standing next to Grandmama Julietta, bowed to the crowd. The clock hand moved to 11:59.
“And finally, I’d like to thank Ysquibel. I hope that wherever he is, he knows how much we appreciate having his delightful music grace our remarkable town. We are truly lucky.”
Captain Rojo Herring gave a nervous cough. Grandmama glanced up and saw that the clock hand was moving toward 12 o’clock. Stilton handed her the large ceremonial scissors, and she snipped the ribbon in two. The crowd took a deep breath and held it, waiting for the first notes of the song to begin.
And they waited.
And they waited until it was hard to keep holding their collective breath.
But nothing happened.
Grandpa Gets Noticed
The silence that filled the air was more startling than any noise could have been. Grandmama looked at Stilton. Stilton looked at Angelina Mona Linda Doe. Angelina Mona Linda Doe looked at Taftly Wocheywhoski, and Taftly Wocheywhoski shrugged and ran up the bell-tower stairs to see what was wrong.
The crowd continued holding its breath, sure that any moment now the bells would begin to ring. Still nothing happened.
Finally, the crowd could wait no longer. The air was filled with a whooshing noise as everyone exhaled at the same time. Lucinda Wilhelmina Hinojosa let out a wail.
“Nooooooooo!” she shrieked.
The clock hand moved to 12:01.
“Hmph!” Grandmama Julietta Augustina said. She was not accustomed to having things go wrong. She did not approve of it at all.
“This is terrible,” Jane said to Grandpa John. “This is so truly bad.”
Grandpa John did not reply. Just at that moment, Taftly Wocheywhoski stuck his head out of one of the bell-tower windows.
“It’s the ropes!” he yelled. “The ropes that led from the bells to the mechanism that rings them. Someone’s stolen every last one.”
The crowd gasped.
“You!” Mrs. Peabody said as she angrily whacked Captain Rojo Herring with a metal gelato spade she happened to be carrying. “It was you, wasn’t it? You’ve been obsessed with that bell tower since the first day you came here.”
“Mrs. Peabody, yer making a dreadful mistake,” Captain Rojo Herring said politely. “I be wanting to hear those bells chime as much as anyone. Why would I be taking the ropes?”
“Hmph,” she said. “I don’t trust you or your little band of pirate friends any farther than I can throw you.”
Captain Rojo Herring paled. “What do ye mean? I don’t ’ave a band of pirate friends.”
“Oh? Then I suppose I’ve been imagining those three smelly pirates who’ve been coming into my ice cream parlor asking for you.”
“I…uh…oh dear,” Captain Rojo Herring stammered as he looked around nervously. “Thar be three of them, you say?”
“I think someone should arrest that man,” said Mr. Wembly. “He’s certainly acting like a criminal.”
“On the contrary,” came a voice from the crowd. It was Detective Burton Sly. “Captain Rojo Herring is not the culprit. In fact, he’s not even really a pirate.”
Mrs. Peabody was outraged. “You’re trying to tell me he’s not a pirate? I suppose next you’ll be telling me that the hat on his head which was blocking my view isn’t a pirate hat, or that his three friends are shoe salesmen.”
“Madam, I assure you that—”
“He’s getting away!” screeched Mrs. Belphonia-Champlain. And sure enough, Captain Rojo Herring had hopped onto his bicycle and was pedaling away from the crowd just as fast as he could with peg legs.
“See? He’s guilty!” Mrs. Peabody said triumphantly. “Look at him run.”
“Madam,” Detective Burton Sly said. “All he is guilty of is leaving before I had the chance to unmask the real culprit.”
Detective Burton Sly strode through the crowd. Jane looked to see where he was headed, half expecting that he had the Grimlet twins in his sights. Who else would have come up with such a bold scheme?
But surprisingly, she didn’t see the Grimlet twins anywhere. And more surprisingly, Detective Burton Sly seemed to be headed directly toward her.
“The culprit,” Detective Burton Sly proclaimed, “is very average. Average height, average build, and has made the average number of mistakes in the commission of the crime. Additionally, this culprit has made one very amateur error—which is to say that the culprit has unwisely decided to return to the scene of the crime.”
He stopped in front of Jane. Maybe he knew that Jane was a friend of the Grimlet twins. Maybe he even thought Jane was an accomplice! Or maybe the Grimlet twins had framed her for a crime she hadn’t committed. Jane was too nervous to say a word.
Then Detective Burton Sly did something unimaginable. Detective Burton Sly looked past Jane, lifted his hand, and pointed an accusing finger right at Grandpa John.
“You, sir, are the thief.”
The crowd murmured angrily as everyone turned to stare at Grandpa John.
“I’ve never seen that man in my life!” Mrs. Peabody proclaimed huffily. She still thought someone should have stopped Captain Rojo Herring before he rode away.
“He’s probably from the nearby town of Ding,” said Taftly Wocheywhoski. “They have a shabby little bell tower they’re extraordinarily proud of for some reason. I heard they were furious when they found out we were building a better one.”
“Detective Burton Sly,” Grandmama Julietta Augustina said coldly into the podium’s microphone, “I’m afraid you’ve made a terrible mistake. There is absolutely no way that this man is guilty of anything.”
“With all due respect, Madam Mayor, I wouldn’t make a mistake in such a serious circumstance. But if you don’t want to believe me, why don’t you ask him for yourself.”
“John,” Grandmama said, “tell everyone here that you didn’t steal those ropes.”
But Grandpa John didn’t answer her.
“John! Say you didn’t steal them.”
“I can’t,” Grandpa John said. “I did steal them.”
“But why would you do such a thing?” Grandmama demanded. “You have to give them back right now.”
“I can’t,” Grandpa John said again.
“Arrest him,” Detective Burton Sly told two of his junior detectives. Jane watched in shock as her grandfather was handcuffed in front of her.
“No!” she cried. “Stop it!” She’d never felt so helpless in her life. Fortunately, right at that moment, Jane’s dad arrived. He’d pushed his way through the crowd to defend his father.
“How dare you!” her dad bellowed at Detective Burton Sly. “As a prizewinning novelist, I order you to take those cuffs off immediately!”
“I’m afraid your literary prizes don’t give you any jurisdiction in this particular instance, sir,” Detective Burton Sly replied.
“You know nothing about jurisdictions—or literature!”
As the two men got into a heated argument about what kind of legal authority was bestowed by literary prizes, Grandpa leaned down to talk to Jane.
“Jane,” he said in a voice too low for anyone but her to hear, “don’t say a word about those ropes. Remember your promise.”
“I can get them from Captain Schnabel,” Jane whispered back. “Maybe they’ll let you go if we return them.”
Grandpa shook his head. “That bell tower must stay silent. In fact, just to be safe, go chop the ropes up into a million pieces and bury the pieces in a deep hole.”
“But, Grandpa, why?”
“I don’t have time to explain. But I’m counting on you.”
Detective Burton Sly may not have been able to hear what Grandpa said, but he was a skilled enough detective to perceive the conspiratorial whispering that was occurring right behind him. He whirled around and scowled at Grandpa John. “What’s that now?” he demanded. “What are you talking about?”
“I have nothing to say to you,” Grandpa John told him.
“Don’t you turn your back on me, Sly!!” Jane’s father shouted indignantly as he jabbed the detective in the back. “We’re not done with our argument yet!”
“Now just hold on a minute. Just let me ask this young girl what she and the suspect were whispering about. Young girl, I’d like to have a word with you, please.”
But Detective Sly was too late. Jane was already gone.
“Did anyone see where that young girl went?” Detective Burton Sly called out. The people in the crowd murmured helplessly to each other. No one knew, because no one had been paying attention to Jane.
“Can anyone at least give me a description?” Detective Burton Sly asked. The crowd murmured helplessly again. No one had seen a thing.
A Captain Revealed
For the first time ever, Jane felt fortunate to be so undistinguished. No one had paid any attention to her at all as she slipped through the crowd. And now she was free to run to the public school as fast as her legs would carry her while her mind spun as fast as it could spin. Why on earth had her grandfather stolen the bell-tower ropes? She would never have believed he could do such a thing if she hadn’t heard him confess. Still, he wanted her to trust him, and she did. If he said it was important for the ropes to be chopped into pieces and buried deep in a hole somewhere, she would do it.
Of course, there was the small matter of getting the ropes out of her classroom. This would be very difficult indeed if Captain Schnabel were there. She’d probably demand all kinds of explanations about why Jane wanted them, and Jane didn’t have the foggiest idea what to tell her.
Jane glanced up at the sun—which counts as a lucky star in a pinch—and made a wish. “Please don’t let Captain Schnabel be in there. Please let her have gone home as soon as she realized she wouldn’t have any students in her classroom today.”
Of course, Jane’s wish would have been a lot more effective if it had also been a lot more specific. Instead of just wishing that Captain Schnabel were not at school, she should have wished that nobody was.
Jane flung open the door to the classroom—and then stopped dead in her tracks.
“Scuttle me eyes!” Jane exclaimed. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Her classroom had been ransacked. The captain’s wheel had been yanked out of the floor, the plank had been tossed out the window, and the Code of the Pirates had been ripped from the wall. Someone, possibly the Grimlet twins themselves, had been working hard to destroy every piece of pirate paraphernalia in the room. “Scuttle me eyes!” she repeated
“Watch your language, young lady!” came a voice. It belonged to the esteemed Dr. Presnelda—who was, for reasons that were unclear to Jane, angrily scrubbing the skull and crossbones off the blackboard.
“Where…where’s Captain Schnabel?” Jane asked.
“Ms. Schnabel is at home,” Dr. Presnelda snapped. “Thinking about what she’s done. I’ve never seen a classroom in such a disgraceful state.”
“I don’t think it’s a disgrace.”
“I’m not the least bit interested in your opinion on this matter. You are not a highly regarded educator,” Dr. Presnelda said, fixing Jane with an unfriendly stare. “And what are you doing here anyway? I thought you were excused from school today.”
“Um…” Jane said, thinking furiously. “Um…I just stopped by to pick up a project I was working on so I could finish it over the weekend. I was keeping it over there.” Jane pointed to the spot where Captain Schnabel had hung hooks to store the ropes. But now the hooks had been ripped out of the wall, and the ropes themselves were nowhere to be seen.
“Is this project related to piracy?” Dr. Presnelda asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“Then most likely it’
s in the Dumpster out back.”
“You threw my project in the Dumpster?” Jane said indignantly. It would be impossible for her to find the ropes in there. Every day, the school cafeteria workers made hundreds of hot meals just as if the public school were fully enrolled. Since Jane always brought a packed lunch from home and the Grimlet twins always stole each other’s lunch money, every single meal was thrown away. By the end of the week, the Dumpster was a festering mess of rotting food and swarming flies.
“Of course I threw your project away. Piracy is not a proper subject for public school—and my sister, of all people, has no business teaching it. She made a promise to our family never to have anything to do with pirates.”
“What’s wrong with pirates?”
“Piracy reflects poorly on our family. Did you know we had to change our last name because of it?”
“No,” Jane said, thinking that Dr. Presnelda wasn’t making much sense.
“Presnelda isn’t the last name I was born with—and my sister’s real last name isn’t Schnabel either. Before our family was disgraced, I was known as the esteemed Dr. Penzing.”
“Penzing! You mean like Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific? Are you and Ms. Schnabel related to her?”
“Don’t say that name!” Dr. Presnelda snapped. “And for the record, only I am related to Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific.”
“But if you and Ms. Schnabel are sisters, then don’t you both have to be related to Mad Captain Penzing?”
Dr. Presnelda sighed. “No wonder you never qualified for gifted education. Your reasoning skills are terrible. I’m related to Mad Captain Penzing because Ms. Schnabel is my sister.”
Jane stared at her. “But…I don’t understand. The only way that can be true is if Ms. Schnabel and Mad Captain Penzing the Horrific are the same person, and that doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“Doesn’t it?” Dr. Presnelda smiled at Jane, but the smile was too full of contempt and impatience to be nice.
“I don’t believe you!” Jane said stubbornly.
“No,” Dr. Presnelda said. “You’re not quite gifted enough to believe me, are you? Now shoo. I need to finish cleaning up this mess before anyone else finds out what my sister has done.”
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