by J. L. Beck
He moved from a laying position to sitting in a second flat, his face stopping right in front of mine. Everything seemed to be normal, or as normal as it could get, but even I knew that none of this would last.
There were no happily ever after’s in the darkness. There could be no happiness when the sun couldn’t reach you.
“Stay out of that pretty little head of yours for five minutes,” Grayson muttered, placing a piece of my hair back behind my ear, his fingertips brushing against my skin. An electric current flowed between us as his fingers slid across my skin.
“I can’t help but think after today, after this, that everything will still be the same as it was yesterday,” I stuttered. I knew I had to leave in the morning. None of us had heard from my father or Drake, at least not that I knew of, and the chances that they were lurking and waiting for the perfect time to strike were pretty high.
“Tuck’s been in touch with Drake. They’re looking high and low for you and I both. They expect us to be together which is why we can’t be seen together. In all seriousness, we shouldn’t even be together right now.” He sighed, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. I could feel tears forming, threatening to fall, but I brushed them away before they could.
“I don’t want to lose you again. To lose anyone, anymore,” I cried out, my emotions running wild.
“Shhh. I will never be far. Never. Not after what happened. I promised you revenge on that basement floor.” Anger flooded his eyes. “I promised you that you would never have to live in fear of those people again.” The grip he had on my chin grew tight as he continued to speak. “I don’t break promises, Ellie. When I say I’m going to do something, I do it.”
I couldn’t pull away from him, not even if I wanted to. All I could do was lean into his warm touch and pray that we would both have a tomorrow together.
“Just promise me you won’t live in guilt if anything happens to me,” I said the words quietly.
A deep exhale of air filled the room, and I waited for him to say something. When he did it was the last thing I expected.
“I promise to never live in guilt. I can’t when I have you right by my side. I know nothing will happen to you because I will be there every fucking step of the way protecting you.” I could see the savage he hid so well from everyone. The person that people on the other side of death only saw, and the worst part about that was that I craved him.
I wanted to sink my teeth into him and bite down. I wanted him to become one with me because then I would have felt every single thing he had.
“I want your rage, your anger, and pain. I want your love and passion. I want everything that makes you who you are. I want you to let go of that hate. That person deep down inside of you that says you have to do something because you can’t handle the pain.”
Grayson looked at me with amazement in his eyes, the blue of them deepening with every passing second. Then he leaned into me, his forehead against my own.
“I can’t let go of any of it until they’re all dead. With their death’s comes the ending to all that pain. When your father and Drake face their own deaths, only then can I release the demons that hide inside.” His attention drifted down to my lips and then down to my naked breast. My heart was beating out of my chest as he slid his hand down my shoulder and onto my chest, stopping once he reached my heart.
“I just want you to be happy.” My lip trembled. I had nothing to be afraid of, other than fear itself, but I couldn’t stop the anxiety coming alive within me.
“I am happy,” he replied, bending down to take one of my nipples into his mouth. All thoughts were thrown out the window the second his tongue swirled around my areola. My hands automatically had a mind of their own, going straight for his full head of hair. I tugged on the dark strands, my belly filling with passion and desires that were darker than my past.
When you loved someone you had something to fear. You had something someone could take, something they could use to break you.
Grayson loving his sister did that to him. Now I would do the same; now I would be the reason he would be weak once more.
“Stay with me, Ellie. Stay with me,” he begged, pushing me backward onto the bed before shifting himself between my knees. I looked up at him with so many different emotions running through my head.
“I’ll try,” I mumbled, and with a look of determination, he placed his hands on my thighs, pulling them apart gently. His head disappeared between my legs, his fingers and tongue strumming every single piece of me. Tension filled my belly, my eyes fluttered shut, and my toes curled.
“You’re so beautiful when you fall to pieces for me.” His voice was muffled against my skin. I could feel the love in every single stroke, suckle, and kiss. My fingers stayed in his hair, holding him in place, grinding myself against his face. We clung to each other, so much desire, so much passion brewing between us.
Holding one another, we knew this could be the end; we also knew it could be a new beginning.
No one knew what cards we would be dealt or what would come in the future. All we could do was hold onto the present and hope for a better future. A future with both of us in it.
“I tried telling you that things would be different with her, Tuck,” I mumbled into the phone as I hustled down the street to the coffee shop Tuck and I had met at the day before.
The streets were busy as they always were in New York, but today they seemed to be more bustling than normal. Before Ellie was brought to me, I had to convince Tuck that it was okay for her to see me. He was worried about her reaction to everything that had already happened. I knew he thought that I was letting my heart rule my emotions, but he was wrong. I was just showing Ellie a part of me she had always deserved.
“She’s different, yes. Not as insecure. She feels safe with you, and that’s the problem. Safety is nothing but a false sense of hope. The darkness that has followed her all these years is just within grabbing distance.” Tuck lectured like I had no idea what I was doing. Again, he was going on about how I was letting my emotions rule this. I wasn’t, I had killed people for the better part of my life, watched the life bleed out of them and the light around them turn dark all at my hands. I knew that the safety net surrounding us at this very moment was nothing more than a false sense of hope, something that we created all on our own. I didn’t need him telling me so. Still Ellie and I both understood what was on the other side of that door.
Would we truly ever be safe and be able to be together with her father and Drake out there? The answer would always be no. I shifted the phone to my other ear while I scanned the crowd of people in front of me.
“I’m not dumb. You forget who I used to be… Who I still am.” Saying the words out loud seemed to make them more real, and as much as it was a reminder for Tuck, it was one for me as well.
“Just because you used to kill people every day doesn’t really change things. You can go soft for those you love, just like that. One slip up, Gray, and that’s it. It takes a strong mind and a heart lacking emotion that keeps your head in the game.” This lecturing from him was getting old and real fast. He was worse than a nagging mother, afraid to let her child grow up.
“My emotions are in check. I’m not going to make any rash decisions. But I refuse to lose Ellie again.” Annoyance filled my voice at the thought alone.
“Right. Well, there is a reason you had no idea I was an FBI agent. I kept my emotions in check, any personal feelings at bay because had I let my morals get in the way. I would have failed every test that the brotherhood threw my way to make sure I was worthy to join them.” Tuck carried on as if I was listening. I took that time to order two coffees and pick out some donuts for Ellie and I.
“You hid it well. That doesn’t mean it didn’t eat away at you. I have guilt for the shit that I have done as well, but I’m not going to not show Ellie how I feel about her, just on the off chance that they come for us again. Life is too short. I’m starting to realize that. After I lost my parent
s’ and then my sister…” I trailed off. Talking about them always caused a lump to form in my throat. Death wasn’t easy. At least, for the people that it left behind. I knew Tuck understood that. He lost people of his own I was sure.
“Stay out of your head, and take care of what needs to be done. Your heart will lead you to make a decision out of love. You need to be on your toes. I’ve already let Drake know one of my contacts had spotted you. I just gave him the completely opposite side of town to look over so he wouldn’t get suspicious. I’m thinking we I pretend I found you and bring you in. It’ll at least get us inside their doors. They knew we were friends, but I’d been with them way before our friendship formed, so they automatically assume my loyalties lie with them. Especially after the act I’ve been putting on for them.” Tuck almost seemed to be whispering into the phone, as if there was someone with him that he didn’t want to hear him talking. “Alright, Chief. I’ll talk to you later,” I said, ending the call before Tuck even responded.
I paid for my items and grabbed them off the counter, getting ready to head back to the hotel. I had just walked out of the café when I felt eyes on me. Looking around quickly, no one seemed out of place or stuck out in my mind. The hotel wasn’t but a five-minute walk away, so I blew off what I was feeling as stubborn paranoia after doing another scan and only coming up empty.
She’s fine, I thought to myself as I crossed the street. There was a nervous edge in my bones, hell even to my movements. I was like a mouse scurrying across the street, attempting not to get caught in the mousetrap.
I headed inside the hotel just as it started to rain. Cool droplets hit against my skin, reminding me of how alive I truly was. I hadn’t felt this way in months, and after losing Ellie only to find her again I was grateful for the breath that filled my lungs. It was strange how you enjoyed those little things more when you had something to live for.
I entered the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time, my heart beating out of my chest the entire time. I had spent the past twenty-four hours with her and it was incredible. Tuck had wanted her back first thing this morning, even before the sun rose, but I refused, instead demanding that she stay a full twenty-four hours with me before we risked everything once again. After all, I need this time. It was precious, every minute we would spend together and had already. A slow smile eased upon my face as I reminisced. I felt like her skin was a part of mine. Every part that we connected at had us growing closer together. It was more than just sex with her. It was an art of love. An intense explosion of emotions that caused you to not think but simply feel.
It showed me just how much I wanted there to be a tomorrow, maybe even a forever if we could get ourselves out of this mess.
I didn’t know how to be a boyfriend or lover really. I had no examples to go off of, but I would do whatever I could to make things the best that they could be every day of our lives together.
I forced myself to stop thinking inside my own head for a moment. Tuck was right, partially, and I hated to admit it. I needed to stay focused. The emotions from having her back in my life were a bit overwhelming, and I needed to get us out of this mess without letting my feelings get in the way of rationally thinking.
My feet hit the sixth-floor stairwell, and I opened the door at the top of the steps, heading down the hall towards our hotel room.
Blood pumped through my body as if it were thriving for her, and my heart sped up its rhythmic beating at the mere thought of getting to see Ellie in all her glory. Her hair would be a tangled mess of beauty, her eyes heavy with sleep, and her lips bruised from my own lips.
I couldn’t get over her being mine and the feelings that it caused.
Feelings that I wanted to last forever.
Feelings that all but diminished the second I came to our door. The first sign that something was up was the fact that the door was slightly ajar. Fear rose deep in my chest as I slowly pushed the door completely open and stepped in. The coffees in my hands hit the ground, staining the expensive carpet that covered the floor of the room. My brain couldn’t even comprehend the destruction of the room, all I cared about was if they had gotten Ellie or not.
“Ellie?” I yelled, running throughout the room, opening every closet,= and even going as far as to look underneath the bed. There was no trace of her ever being here, not even her clothes. Everything was gone. Including her.
Panic started to set in because as much as I didn’t want to think that they could’ve found her, I knew they could. Fear wanted to take root inside of me but I pushed it away, knowing that anger is what I really needed to fuel my rage. Therefore, I thought of the fact that they touched something that wasn’t theirs.
They took something of mine, and now I was going to kill all of them, every single fucking one of them.
Blood would be shed in honor of them fucking with the wrong person.
I walked over to the desk and withdrew my gun and knife from the Velcro that attached it safely underneath. Then I texted Tuck, letting him know they had her. It was time to go to war, and I wouldn’t stop until I had taken the life from all my enemies.
“You’ve been promised to me,” Drake stated as if telling me what my father said made it true. That wasn’t the case because as soon as I got the chance I would be leaving. Running and going into hiding if I had to.
If I stayed it meant death. If I left it meant death. No matter what I did I would be signing my own death certificate. But regardless, I couldn’t marry Drake or stay here and be under my father’s thumb any longer.
Shaking my head no, I watched as he stepped directly in front of me. His hand reaching up and locking around my jaw.
“You aren’t listening, little girl!” Drake’s saliva slapped me in the face as he spoke, his fingers digging into my flesh as he held my face in line with his. There was so much evil in him, nothing but a pool of blackness under the surface. How could a father want their only daughter, let alone only child to marry that?
Drake’s nostrils flared with anger and he looked away from me for a moment. He was trying to gain composure so he didn’t beat me until bruises covered the majority of my body again. My father had been upset with all the bruising he saw the last time Drake got upset with me. Not because some man had put their hands on his little girl, rather they had done so right before an important meeting with some very wealthy men that I was requested to attend to entertain one guy in particular.
“I’m trying really fucking hard not to mess up this beautiful little face of yours.” His words were like venom from a snakebite paralyzing me every time he spoke. Hate wasn’t even a word I could use to state how I felt about him. All I knew was that I had never wished death on a person as much as I did him.
“Kill me,” I whispered the words to him, my eyes cast down. He wouldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He needed me alive. I was his reason for existing, and when I was gone my father would rid him of his life. There was always a replacement for someone.
His thumb ran across my bottom lip, and it took everything in me not to bite him. I wanted to sink my teeth into him and draw his blood, to hurt him like he had me. In the beginning, I was fooled by his charm, his smile, and charisma. I learned rather quickly it was a façade. He was nothing but a lie.
Waiting, I watched as he leaned into my face even more, his eyes filled with fury as we came nose to nose. “Killing you would give you the easy way out. The painless way out, and we both know I’m all about the pain, Ellie.” His smile was sinister, and my legs started to give out on me at the mere memory of the pain he could bring and the fear he was trying to invoke in me.
“I will never be yours,” I spoke softly, not wanting to give him a reason to lay his hand against my cheek. I hated to submit to the pain, to beg for him to stop because I could feel the weakness that consumed me.
I was weak. I knew it, and so did everyone else in this house. It’s why I was still here, and why I was still being used.
Drake’s gruff laughter filled the room,
and a cool chill covered my body as he spoke, “You don’t have to like it, or even want it, but it’s going to happen. Take it as it is, Ellie, or I will end your life as slowly.”
He pulled me into his face by the back of my head, a stinging sensation ripping at my scalp. “And painfully as possible. I will make you beg for death, and then I will keep you alive, just to let you watch me repeat the process. So pretend that you aren’t mine, but know deep down inside of that pitiful excuse of a woman that you are, that I don’t need your permission. You will be mine if I say you’re mine.”
By the time his words had ceased, I was crying, bawling on the inside as the first tear drops spilled from inside of me onto my cheeks. My body wanted to give up on me, my mind wanted to close down. Emotionally I was gone. I knew I was damaged and always would be. Drake had made certain of that.
“I will never be yours.” Those were the words that sealed the deal. One moment I was standing and the next I was on the ground, the side of my head throbbing as if a brick had been thrown against it. My eyes zoned in and out, and sweat clung to my brow. It wouldn’t be the first time he tried to kill me, but it would be the last.
“Never talk back to me!” he commanded. I could feel the point of his shoe against my stomach as he kicked me. I wanted to scream out in agony, but the woman I so desperately wanted to become fought her way out of me and wouldn’t let me. I was stronger than that. Instead, I fell to pieces on the inside, letting the darkness swallow me hole.
They wanted me weak so that I could never run. They wanted me afraid so I would cower in fear to them. Most of the time I was afraid, but today, today I had, had enough. Today I was going to be a free woman.
I shifted in the bed, my eyes popping open as sunlight filtered in through the window across the room. I stretched out, reaching for Grayson but coming up with nothing but air and cool sheets. My heart was still beating out of my chest as I tried to figure out why after such an amazing night spent with Grayson, memories of my horrible past with Drake would resurface.