The Firm of Girdlestone

by Arthur Conan Doyle

  CHAPTER XXIX.

  THE GREAT DANCE AT MORRISON'S.

  Never in the whole history of Morrison's boarding establishment had suchfestive preparations been known. The landlady herself had entered heartand soul into the business, and as all the boarders had receivedinvitations for themselves and their friends, they co-operated in everypossible manner to make the evening a success. The large drawing-roomhad been cleared and the floor waxed. This process left it in a veryglassy and orthodox condition, as the cook discovered when, on bustlingin, the back of her cranium came in violent contact with the boards,while her body described a half-circle with a velocity which completelyeclipsed any subsequent feats of agility shown by the dancers in theevening. The saloon had been very tastefully laid out as a supper-room,and numerous other little chambers were thrown open and brightened up toserve as lounging places for those who were fatigued. In the parlourthere were two card-tables, and every other convenience for any whopreferred sedentary amusements. Altogether both Mrs. Morrison and theboarders, in solemn conclave assembled, agreed that the thing lookedvery promising, and that it would be a credit to the establishment.

  The guests were as varied as the wines, though hardly as select.Mrs. Scully's exuberant hospitality included, as already intimated, notonly her own friends, but those of her fellow-boarders, so that from anearly hour the rooms began to fill, and by nine o'clock there was hardlyspace for the dancers. Hansoms and growlers rattled up in a continuousstream and discharged their burdens. There was a carpet down from thekerb to the head of the lodging-house steps, "like r'yalty," as the cookexpressed it, and the greengrocer's man in the hall looked so pompousand inflated in his gorgeous attire that his own cabbages would hardlyhave recognized him. His main defect as a footman was that he wassomewhat hard of hearing, and had a marvellous faculty ofmisinterpreting whatever was said to him, which occasionally led toremarkable results. Thus, when he announced the sporting CaptainLivingstone Tuck under the title of Captain Lives-on-his luck, it wasfelt that he was rather too near the truth to be pleasant. Indeed, thecompany had hardly recovered from the confusion produced by this smallincident when the two Bohemians made their appearance.

  Mrs. Scully, who was tastefully arrayed in black satin and lace, stoodnear the door of the drawing-room, and looked very charming andcaptivating as she fulfilled her duties as hostess. So thought themajor as he approached her and shook her hand, with some well turnedcompliment upon his lips.

  "Let me inthroduce me friend, Herr von Baumser," he added.

  Mrs. Scully smiled upon the German in a way that won his Teutonic heart."You will find programmes over there," she explained. "I think thefirst is a round dance. No, thank you, major; I shall stand out, orthere will be no one to receive the people." She hurried away to greeta party of new arrivals, while the major and Baumser wandered off insearch of partners.

  There was no want of spirit or of variety in the dancing at Morrison's.From Mr. Snodder, the exciseman, who danced the original old-fashionedtrois-temps, to young Bucklebury, of the Bank, who stationed himselfimmediately underneath the central chandelier, and spun rapidly roundwith his partner upon his own axis, like a couple of beetles impaledupon a single pin, every possible variation of the art of waltzing wasto be observed. There was Mr. Smith, of the Medical College, rotatinground with Miss Clara Timms, their faces wearing that pained and anxiousexpression which the British countenance naturally assumes when dancing,giving the impression that the legs have suddenly burst forth in afestive mood, and have dragged the rest of the body into it very muchagainst its will. There was the major too, who had succeeded inobtaining Mrs. Scully as a partner, and was dancing as old soldiers candance, threading his way through the crowded room with the ease begottenby the experience of a lifetime. Meanwhile Von Baumser, at the otherend, was floundering about with a broad smile upon his face and anelderly lady tucked under his right arm, while he held her disengagedhand straight out at right angles, as if she had been a banjo.In short, the fun was fast and furious, and waltz followed polka andmazurka followed waltz with a rapidity which weeded out the weakervessels among the dancers and tested the stamina of the musicians.

  Then there was the card-room, whither the Widow Scully and the major andmany others of the elders repaired when they found the pace too fast forthem. Very snug and comfortable it was, with its square tables, eachwith a fringe of chairs, and the clean shining cards spread out overtheir green baize surfaces. The major and his hostess played againstCaptain Livingstone Tuck and an old gentleman who came from Lambeth,with the result that the gallant captain and his partner rose up poorerand sadder men, which was rather a blow to the former, who reckoned uponclearing a little on such occasions, and had not expected to findhimself opposed by such a past master of the art as the major. Then theveteran and another played the hostess and another lady, and the cunningold dog managed to lose in such a natural manner, and to pay up withsuch a good grace, and with so many pretty speeches and compliments,that the widow's partner was visibly impressed, a fact which, curiouslyenough, seemed to be anything but agreeable to the widow. After thatthey all filed off to supper, where they found the dancers already inpossession, and there was much crushing and crowding, which tended to doaway with ceremony and to promote the harmony of the evening.

  If the major had contrived to win favour from Mrs. Lavinia Scully in theearly part of the evening, he managed now to increase any advantage hehad gained. In the first place he inquired in a very loud voice ofCaptain Tuck, at the other end of the table, whether that gentleman hadever met the deceased Major-General Scully, and being answered in thenegative, he descanted fluently upon the merits of that imaginarywarrior. After this unscrupulous manoeuvre the major proceeded to dojustice to the wine and to indulge in sporting reminiscences, andmilitary reminiscences, and travelling reminiscences, and socialreminiscences, all of which he treated in a manner which called forththe admiration of his audience. Then, when supper had at last beenfinished, and the last cork drawn and the last glass filled, the dancerswent back to their dance and the card-players to their cards, and themajor addressed himself more assiduously than ever to the pursuit of thewidow.

  "I am afraid that you find the rooms very hot, major," she remarked.

  "They are rather hot," he answered candidly.

  "There is a room here," she said, "where you might be cooler. You mighthave a cigarette, too. I meant these rooms as smoking-rooms."

  "Then you must come, too."

  "No, no, major. You must remember that I am the hostess."

  "But there is no one to entertain. They are all entertaining eachother. You are too unselfish."

  "But really, major--"

  "Sure you are tired out and need a little rest."

  He held the door open so persuasively that she yielded. It was a snuglittle room, somewhat retired from the bustle, with two or threechintz-covered chairs scattered round it, and a sofa of the samematerial at one side. The widow sat down at one end of this sofa, andthe major perched himself at the other, looking even redder than usual,and puffing out his chest and frowning, as was his custom upon criticaloccasions.

  "Do light a cigarette?" said Mrs. Scully.

  "But the smell?"

  "I like it."

  The major extracted one from his flat silver case. His companion rolleda spill and lit it at the gas.

  "To one who is as lonely as I am," she remarked, "it Is a pleasure tofeel that one has friends near one, and to serve them even in trifles."

  "Lonely!" said the major, shuffling along the sofa, "I might talk withauthority on that point. If I were to turn me toes up to-morrow there'snot a human being would care a thraneen about the mather, unless it wereold Von Baumser."

  "Oh, don't talk so," cried Mrs. Scully, with emotion.

  "It is a fact. I've kicked against me fate at times, though. I've hadfancies of late of something happier and cheerier. They have come on meas I sat over yonder at the window, and, do what I will, I have
not beenable to git them from me heart. Yit I know how rash I have been totreasure them, for if they fail me I shall feel me loneliness as I niverdid before."

  The major paused and cleared his throat huskily, while the widowremained silent, with her head bent and her eyes intent upon the patternof the carpet.

  "These hopes are," said the major, in a low voice, leaning forward andtaking his companion's little ring-covered hand in his thick, pudgyfingers, "that you will have pity upon me; that you will--"

  "Ach, my very goot vriend!" cried Von Baumser heartily, suddenlyprotruding his hairy head into the room and smiling benignantly.

  "Go to the divil!" roared the major, springing furiously to his feet,while the German's head disappeared like a Jack-in-the-box."Forgive the warmth of me language," the veteran continued,apologetically, "but me feelings overcame me. Will you be mine,Lavinia? I am a plain ould soldier, and have little to offer you save afaithful heart, and that is yours, and always will be. Will you makethe remainder of me life happy by becoming me wife?" He endeavoured topass his arm round her waist, but she sprang up from the sofa and stoodupon the rug, facing him with an amused and somewhat triumphant smileupon her buxom features.

  "Look here, major," she said, "I am a plain-spoken woman, as my poor Tomthat's dead was a plain-spoken man. Out with it straight, now--have youcome after me, or have you come after my money?"

  The major was so astonished at this point-blank question, that for amoment he sat speechless upon the sofa. Being a man of ready resource,however, and one who was accustomed to sudden emergencies, he soonrecovered himself.

  "Yoursilf, of course" cried he. "If you hadn't a stiver I would do thesame."

  "Take care! take care!" said the lady, with a warning finger uplifted."You heard of the breaking of the Agra Bank?"

  "What of that?"

  "Every penny that I had in the world was in it."

  This was facer number two for the campaigner. He recovered himself morequickly from this one, however, and inflated his chest with even morethan his usual pomposity.

  "Lavinia," said he, "you have been straight with me, and, bedad, I'll beso with you? When I first thought of you I was down in the world, and,much as I admired you, I own that your money was an inducement as wellas yoursilf. I was so placed that it was impossible for me to think ofany woman who had not enough to keep up her own end of the game.Since that time I've done bether. How I got it is neither here northere, but I have a little nist-egg in the bank and see me way toincreasing it. You tell me your money's gone, and I tell you I'veenough for two; so say the word, acushla, and it's done."

  "What! without the money?"

  "Damn the money?" exclaimed Major Tobias Clutterbuck, and put his armfor the second time around his companion. This time it remained there.What happened after that is neither my business nor the reader's.Couples who have left their youth behind them have their own littleromance quite as much as their juniors, and it is occasionally the moreheartfelt of the two.

  "What a naughty boy to swear!" exclaimed the widow at last. "Now I mustgive you a lecture since I have the chance."

  "Bless her mischievous eyes!" cried the major, with delight in everyfeature of his face. "You shall give me as many lectures as you plase."

  "You must be good, then, Toby, if you are to be my husband. You mustnot play billiards for money any more."

  "No billiards! Why, pool is worth three or four pound a wake to me."

  "It doesn't matter. No billiards and no cards, and no racing and nobetting. Toby must be very good and behave as a distinguished soldiershould do."

  "What are you afther at all?" the major cried. "Sure if I am to give upme pool and whist, how is a distinguished soldier, and, above all, adistinguished soldier's wife, going to live?"

  "We'll manage, dear," she said, looking roguishly up into his face."I told you that my money was all in the Agra Bank that broke."

  "You did, worse luck!"

  "But I didn't tell you that I had drawn it all out before it broke, Tobydear. It was too bad to put you to such a trial, wasn't it? but reallyI couldn't resist the temptation. Toby shall have money enough withoutbetting, and he shall settle down and tell his stories, and do what helikes without anything to bother him."

  "Bless her heart!" cried the major fervently; and the battered oldBohemian, as he stooped over and kissed her, felt a tear spring to hiseyes as he knew that he had come into harbour after life's stormytossings.

  "No billiards or cards for three months, then," said the little womanfirmly, with her hands round his arm. "None at all mind! I am goinginto Hampshire on a visit to my cousins in the country, and you shallnot see me for that time, though you may write. If you can give me yourword of honour when I come back that you've given up your naughty ways,why then--"

  "What then?"

  "Wait till then and you'll see," she said, with a merry laugh."No, really, I won't stay another moment. Whatever will the guests say?I must, Toby; I really must--" Away she tripped, while the majorremained standing where she had left him, feeling a better man than hehad done since he was a young ensign and kissed his mother for the lasttime at the Portsmouth jetty before the great transport carried him offto India.

  Everything in the world must have an end, and Mrs. Scully's dance was noexception to the rule. The day was breaking, however, before the lastguests had muffled themselves up and the last hansom dashed away fromthe door. The major lingered behind to bid farewell, and thenrejoined his German friend, who had been compelled to wait at the doorfor the latchkey.

  "Look here, major," the latter said, when they came into their room,"is it well to tell a Brussian gentleman to go to the devil? You havemuch offended me. Truly I was surprised that you should have sospoken!"

  "Me dear friend," the old soldier answered, shaking his hand, "I wouldnot hurt your feelings for the world. Bedad, if I come into the roomwhile you are proposing to a lady, you are welcome to use the strongestGerman verb to me that you can lay your tongue to."

  "You have probosed, then?" cried the good-natured German, forgetting allabout his grievance in an instant.

  "Yes."

  "And been took--received by her?"

  "Yes."

  "Dat Is gloriful!" Von Baumser cried, clapping his hands. "Three hochsfor Frau Scully, and another one for Frau Clutterbuck. We must drink adrink on it; we truly must."

  "So we shall, me boy, but it's time we turned in now. She's a goodwoman, and she plays a good hand at whist. Ged! she cleared the trumpsand made her long suit to-night as well as ever I saw it done in melife!" With which characteristic piece of eulogy the major bade hiscomrade good night and retired to his room.