by Linda Turner
Horrified, she whirled and headed for the door, determined to find her brothers and Nick and make one of them take her to Thomas. But she'd only taken two steps when there was a perfunctory knock at the dressing room door and Nick and her entire family walked in.
At the sight of their somber faces, she paled, her worst fears realized. "Something's happened, hasn't it? He's in the hospital, isn't he?" When no one answered, tears welled in her eyes. "Oh, God! He's not—"
"He's not dead," Janey said quickly, reading her mind. "So don't worry about that. He's perfectly fine."
"Then he's here? Thank God! I've been worried sick." In spite of the fact that it went against tradition, she would have rushed to the men's dressing room to see for herself that he was really all right, but the grim look that remained on everyone's faces held her motionless where she was. "What is it?" she demanded when her heart started to pound in alarm. "What's wrong?"
For a moment, she didn't think anyone was going to tell her. Then Nick stepped forward and took her hand. "He's not here, Merry," he told her gruffly. "He's gone back to Chicago."
"He has not," she retorted, chuckling in relief. For a second there, she'd thought something was seriously wrong! "We're getting married, silly. Cut the joking. Where is he, really? The minister must be getting impatient. We've got to get this show on the road."
Her hand still in his, Nick tightened his fingers around hers. "I'm not joking, Mer. There isn't going to be a wedding. Thomas had a panic attack and freaked out at the idea of getting married. I tried to talk him out of it, but there was no reasoning with him. He left for Chicago ten minutes ago."
Stella gasped, and somewhere behind her, Rose murmured, "Oh, God!" but Merry never so much as flinched. No! She stared up at Nick with large, unblinking eyes, denial echoing over and over again in her head. There had to be a mistake. Thomas wouldn't do this to her. Nick must have misunderstood. This was all just some ridiculous misunderstanding. It had to be!
But there was nothing but sympathy in his eyes, nothing but regret and sorrow in the murmured words of her brothers and sister and sisters-in-law as they gathered around her to hug her and reassure her that everything was going to be fine. Clinging to denial, she submitted to their hugs, wondering all the while when someone was going to spill the punchline to this awful joke. Then her mother came to her, tears glistening in her beloved eyes as she slipped her arms around her and folded her close against her heart, and Merry's defenses began to crumble.
"Mom?"
"I'm so sorry, dear. I know how much you love him. I can't imagine what's going on in his head right now, but I'm sure he never meant to hurt you."
So it was true. Practically the whole town had gathered to see her marry Thomas, and it wasn't going to happen. Without a word of explanation, he'd literally left her standing at the altar.
The pain hit then, sharp and excruciating, right in the heart. She wanted to cry out, to scream No! but her throat closed like a vice. Tears flooded her eyes, and she couldn't seem to blink them away fast enough. Numb, all she could do was hug herself and rock back and fourth as hurt swamped her, threatening to drag her down into the dark void that suddenly yawned at the edge of her consciousness.
Lost in her misery, she suffered the hugs of Rose and Stella and hardly heard the words of condolences that swirled around her. It was like a funeral, she thought dazedly as she sank into the nearest chair and her wedding dress billowed around her. A death, only no one had died. Except her. She should have been wearing black.
Zeke squatted down in front of her, concern lining his face as he took her cold hand. "You don't have to worry about anything, Sis. Do you hear me? Joe and I will talk to the guests and tell them the wedding and reception have been cancelled. Lizzie and Angel are going to go back to the house and help the caterers pack everything up while we wait for everyone to clear out of here. You don't have to see or talk to anyone until you're ready. Okay?"
"As soon as we get the all clear from Angel and Lizzie, we'll take you home," Joe added huskily. "To Mom's house, not yours. There's no reason for you to face Thomas's things tonight. Tomorrow, Zeke and Nick and I will load his stuff into my truck and take it over to his mother's."
Enveloped in misery, Merry just barely held back a sob. She had such a wonderful family. They all had busy lives and didn't always agree on things, but in times of trouble, they closed ranks. And she loved them for it. Unlike Thomas, she could count on them to be there for her through thick and thin and to protect her when she was hurting.
And right now, she was battered and bruised and more hurt than she'd ever been in her life. Like a wounded animal, she wanted to just crawl in a hole somewhere and hide from the world. But she couldn't. Thomas had publicly humiliated her in front of the whole town, and if she didn't face her friends and family now, she didn't think she'd ever be able to look them in the eye again.
The decision made, she blinked away her tears and lifted her chin proudly. "No, I'll talk to the guests. They were invited to my wedding, and I should be the one who talks to them."
"Says who?"
"You don't owe anyone anything."
"Are you sure you want to do this, dear? It won't be easy."
Even as her mother cautioned her, Merry knew she understood this was something she had to do. Thomas was the bad guy here, and she wasn't going to hide away like she had something to be ashamed of. The light of battle glinting in her sapphire eyes, she rose purposefully to her feet. "I'm sure. And I'm not canceling the reception, either. It's already been paid for, and everyone's expecting a party. They're going to have one."
"What?!"
"You can't be serious!"
"Maybe somebody should call a doctor. I don't think she's in any condition to be making these kind of decisions."
Joe scowled at Stella, shutting her up with a single hard glare, and turned to Merry. Struggling to hang on to his patience, he was frustrated and furious with Thomas, and his control snapped. "Dammit, Merry, no one will expect you to go through with the damn reception. It's crazy. So just hush and let us take care of things!"
At any other time, she would have snapped back. This wasn't the Dark Ages and she didn't have to hush and go meekly along with whatever the men in the family wanted. But he was upset and concerned and, like everyone else, more than a little emotional. And for that, she could forgive him. But she was still going through with the reception.
Love squeezing her heart, she pulled him close for a fierce hug, then quickly stepped free before she dissolved in tears. "I know you're just trying to protect me, and I appreciate it," she said with a smile that wasn't quite steady. "But I've made up my mind and I'm not going to change it. Tell Lizzie and Angel the reception's a go." And not giving anyone a chance to argue further, she turned and sailed out of the dressing room with the train of her wedding dress trailing behind her.
Muttering among themselves about the McBride stubbornness that they all had more than their fair share of, there was nothing Joe and the rest of the family could do but follow.
She'd thought it would be easy. Caught up in her determination to do what she considered the right thing, she would march down the aisle, give a no-nonsense explanation to the overflowing crowd, and invite everyone back to the ranch for the reception. But as she started down the center aisle alone in her wedding dress, she could almost feel the shocked surprise that rippled through the crowd. Row by row, silence fell like a stone as people caught sight of her. By the time she reached the spot where she and Thomas were to have stood to take their vows, the church was so quiet, the very air itself seemed to hum. And every eye was on her.
Her heart pounding, she would have liked nothing more than to turn tail and run. But these were her friends and relatives, people she'd known all her life, and she'd kept them waiting long enough.
Gathering her courage, she faced them squarely, with a forced smile that didn't come easily. "I imagine you've all been wondering what the holdup is, and I can't say I blame yo
u. We had a few unexpected delays, and now Thomas has decided he doesn't want to get married today, after all."
A collective gasp went up from the crowd, along with more than a few less than complimentary comments about Thomas. But it was the sympathy she saw in people's eyes that almost shattered Merry. Touched, she struggled to hold back tears, but it wasn't easy. Her throat was tight, her heart hurting, and it was several long moments before she could manage to even talk. And even then, her voice was betrayingly husky with emotion.
"I apologize for keeping you waiting, but I was just as surprised by the turn of events as you are. Needless to say, there won't be a wedding, but that doesn't mean you'll have to miss out on a good party. I'll meet you back at the ranch in a few moments, and the reception will continue as planned."
For a moment, there was nothing but stunned silence, then everyone began to whisper. Suddenly, from the back of the church, one of the cowboys who worked at the ranch jumped to his feet and let out a holler that rattled the church's stained-glass windows. "Does this mean you're available again, Merry, honey? All right! Can I have the first dance?"
Caught off guard, she had to laugh—she couldn't help it. A wide grin splitting his face and his blue eyes dancing with excitement, he looked like he'd just discovered there was a Santa Claus after all. "You certainly can, Slim," she said with a chuckle. "I'd be honored."
"I want second," another cowboy called out.
"Hey, I was going to ask her!"
"So what took you so long?"
Flattered, Merry found herself blinking back tears again. "Don't fight, boys. I'll be happy to dance with all of you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get out of these shoes—they're killing me! I'll see all of you back at the ranch."
She hurried up the aisle before the tears could fall and found her entire family waiting for her at the back of the church. Her sisters-in-law, Elizabeth and Angel, had joined the group, along with Zeke and Elizabeth's daughter, Casey, and although they didn't all agree with her decision, they were totally supportive.
Tears glistening in her mother's eyes, her smile tender with love, she said, "Your father would be so proud of you, dear. I know that wasn't easy for you."
"It was the right thing to do," she said simply. "I'm not going to hide away like I did something I should be ashamed of."
"If anyone should be ashamed, it should be Cooper," Zeke said tersely as they all retreated to the dressing room again to wait for the crowd to thin out. "Damn, I'd like to give him a piece of my mind!"
"Don't worry," Joe retorted in a low-pitched voice. "He's going to pay. He'll have to live with this the rest of his life, and he probably doesn't even realize it."
Still furious with his old friend, Nick had to agree. "No, he doesn't. He's not thinking at all—he's panicking. Once he calms down, he's going to regret this, but by then, it'll be too late. It's already too late."
Nick had to only look at Merry's pale, drawn face to know just how badly she was hurting. And there was nothing he or anyone else could do to help her. That, more than anything else, frustrated the hell out of him. Tonight should have been her wedding night, the night she'd planned to spend in some secluded, romantic setting with her new husband. Instead, she would dance the evening away with a bunch of drunk cowboys, then spend what was left of the night alone with dreams of what might have been.
Nick didn't know how she would bear it. No woman deserved that, especially one as kind and caring and beautiful as Merry. She could have graced the cover of any fashion magazine in the world—she was that gorgeous—and Thomas had walked away from her. He must have been out of his mind.
Wishing he could get his old friend alone for just five minutes, he tore at his tie. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I think I'm going to go change out of this monkey suit. This damn tie's choking me to death."
Quickly seconding the suggestion, Janey said, "I think that's an excellent idea. Merry, don't you want to change? With all that bead work, your dress must weigh a ton. Your suitcase is still in my car. Why don't you let one of the guys get it for you so you can put on something more comfortable?"
Merry was tempted. Janey was right—the dress was incredibly heavy—and the most beautiful wedding dress she'd ever seen. She'd fallen in love with it at first sight and hadn't needed to look at any others to know that this was The Dress, the one she'd dreamed of wearing when she walked down the aisle to Thomas. But that dream had turned into a nightmare. And the dress no longer represented her hopes for the future with the man she loved, but his betrayal.
And that was why she wasn't taking it off. Not yet. With every step, the weight of it tugging at her would remind her of Thomas and just how close she'd come to making the biggest mistake of her life. God, what a fool she was! She'd loved him, trusted him with her heart and soul. And what had he done? Kicked her in the teeth in front of the whole town.
Numb, she still couldn't believe it. They'd been friends their entire lives—she'd loved him for longer than she could remember. She'd thought she knew him inside and out, better than she knew herself. If someone had told her he was capable of hurting her this way, she would have called them a liar. She would have been wrong.
"No, thanks," she told Janey. "I'll just wear this for now. It can't be returned, so I might as well get some use out of it while I can."
Her eyes sad, her sister said quietly, "You don't have to torture yourself this way, Mer. Why don't you let me take the dress and get rid of it?"
Just that easily, the tears she'd thought she had under control were back, filling her eyes and silently spilling over her leashes. "Maybe later," she said thickly. "For now, I have to wear it. I have my reasons."
Afraid she was going to shatter if she didn't get her emotions under control, she quickly changed the subject and forced a bright smile. "Enough of this. The church has cleared out, so let's get out of here. We've got a party to go to!"
* * *
The reception was held at her mother's house, the large, sprawling family homestead that had been added on to by generations of McBrides over the last century. With porches stretching across the front and back of the house and a huge patio under the trees out back, there was more than enough room to accommodate half the county.
Which was a good thing, Merry thought as she, Janey, and her mother approached the house in the limo that had been rented to drive her and Thomas to the reception. Cars lined the drive for a quarter of a mile, and still others spilled onto nearby pastures. Everyone in town appeared to be there, and Merry couldn't say she was surprised. This was a party that no one in their right mind was going to miss.
She'd wanted a wedding that people would talk about for years to come, and it looked like she'd gotten it. But Lord, she hadn't expected it to be under these conditions! Thomas should be at her side, damn him, with his ring on her finger and hers on his! Instead, he was on his way back to Chicago with his tail between his legs, and she was the one left to deal with the consequences of his cowardice.
Too late, she realized she should have cancelled the reception. She must have been out of her mind to think she could carry such a thing off. People would expect her to smile prettily and graciously accept their hugs and kisses and words of condolences, and she just wasn't in the mood. She appreciated their support, but what she really needed was some time to herself.
Reading her thoughts, her mother said quietly, "You don't have to do this, you know. No one would think badly of you if you thanked everyone for coming, then slipped away by yourself."
"We can handle the party," Janey assured her. "Why don't you go back to your place and have a good cry? You'd feel better."
For all of two seconds, she actually considered it. Then she remembered Thomas's things. His clothes hung beside hers in her closet; his pillow lay beside hers on her bed. Not wanting to have to move into her house after they returned from their honeymoon, when they would both immediately return to work, he'd spent the last week transferring his things from hi
s apartment to Merry's house. Just thinking about facing that now, when she felt like she would shatter at any moment, had her shaking her head in panic. "No, I can handle it. I'm sure I'll be fine."
The limo pulled up before the homestead then, and any time she had to compose herself was gone. Guests started swarming toward the car, and she was left with no choice but to paste on a smile and step out to greet them when the driver opened the door for her. Immediately enveloped in hugs and sympathy, she was passed from one person to the next, then the next, and carried along with the crowd to the back patio, where tables had been set up for the reception. There, even more people were waiting for their chance to talk to her.
Overwhelmed, she felt tears sting her eyes, and in spite of her best resolve not to cry, she couldn't help herself. Horrified that she was going to fall apart right there in front of everyone, she looked around for an escape route, but she was cut off by the crowd at every turn. Then, just when she thought she was going to thoroughly embarrass herself, a drumroll sounded from the band that was set up at the opposite end of the patio.
"Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention, please," the lead singer called out loudly. "The guest of honor has arrived and the band would like to salute her with a song. Merry, this one's for you."
Giving her a thumb's up signal, he turned to the band. With a nod of his head, he and his musicians swept into a rousing rendition of "I Will Survive."
* * *
Chapter 2
«^»
With one song, the band did what no one else had—they made her laugh. And for the first time in what felt like hours, Merry was her old self, confident and fun loving, the life of the party. One cowboy after another asked her to dance, and she said yes to them all, hoping she could lose herself in the music. And for a while, she did. She two-stepped and waltzed and jitterbugged with the best of them and refused to let herself think. But it couldn't last, not when she was hurting so badly. There was only one man she wanted to dance with, one man she wanted to hold her, and he wasn't there. Try though she might, she couldn't stop missing him.