With a sigh, she turned from the door, uncertainty filling her once again. How often was he like this? Had yesterday been an anomaly, or was today? She wished she knew how better to deal with the situation, but when he closed the door between them, the choice was no longer hers.
***
Logan cursed as he limped toward his desk. He’d nearly made it into the library without meeting Fiona. But the sight of her, so fresh and lovely, when he felt like a wounded bear, only made him hurt more. It reminded him that he was unfit to be her husband.
He’d warned her, hadn’t he?
He eased into his chair and rested his head against the high back, already regretting his harshness toward her. In truth, he hated her seeing him like this. But between the nightmare, the sleepless night filled with pacing, and the nasty ache in his leg, he could hardly stand himself. If he continued acting like this, she’d leave before he found a way to tell her the truth.
Why was he alive when so many, including Duncan, had lost their lives? The suffering he continued to endure was nothing compared to what his men and their families had gone through. He had yet to understand why his life had been spared. He’d gladly change places with his men if given the chance.
If only he’d made a different decision on the battlefield, then Duncan might still be alive.
If only—
He rose to pour himself a whisky, needing to dull the tides of pain and regret that threatened to sink him.
If Fiona ever learned the full truth about him, she’d run.
***
The rapid click of the dog’s nails across the stone floor of the hallway caught Fiona’s attention as she sat in the drawing room the next day. Brody and Thorburn had ventured outside after he’d finished his lessons. She looked up from her book on the Highlands, expecting to hear Brody’s voice, as well. When she didn’t, she rose to find Thorburn scratching at the library door. The dog turned at the sound of her steps then scratched the door again.
“Did you leave Brody in the kitchen?” she asked as she ran her hand along the dog’s soft head.
The library door flew open. “What—” Logan’s gaze shifted from her to the dog and back again.
“He was outside with Brody,” she said. “I was just going to the kitchen to see if Brody is there.”
The dog whined as Logan petted him. “Something is amiss.”
“What do you mean?” Fiona asked, her heart thudding.
Without answering, Logan stepped back into the library to grab his cane, limping severely. “I will come with you.”
Trying to keep her panic at bay, she hurried to the kitchen, aware of Logan and Thorburn behind her. The cook and one of the maids stood at the worktable in the center of the large room.
“Have you seen Brody?” Fiona asked.
“Nae,” the cook answered. “Molly just let Thorburn in a few minutes ago.”
“Brody went for a walk with him,” Fiona said.
“I didn’t see him when I let in the dog, miss,” the maid offered.
“No worries,” Logan said. “We’ll have a quick look about.”
Though grateful for his help, Fiona could see how heavily he leaned on the cane. “Are you certain you shouldn’t wait here while I—”
“Nae,” the curt word cut through her offer. He gestured toward the back door.
She led the way outside. A brisk breeze made her wish she’d brought a cloak. But a bit of a chill wouldn’t prevent her from finding her brother.
“Brody. Brody?” she called, hoping he’d pop out from behind one of the buildings.
“Thorburn, where’s Brody?” Logan asked. “Show me where Brody is.”
The dog turned and loped away.
Certain the dog couldn’t possibly understand Logan, Fiona continued toward the outbuildings, calling Brody’s name.
“Let’s search near the cliffs first.” Logan’s gaze remained on Thorburn. “If he’s no’ there, we’ll gather the servants to help us search.” He limped more quickly after the dog than she would’ve thought possible.
They walked a fair distance, calling for Brody as they went. Fiona grew more and more worried. “I can’t believe he would’ve come this far.”
Thorburn stopped by an outcropping of rocks and turned toward Logan, whining again.
Logan limped toward the dog. “Brody!”
“Here,” her brother’s voice came from a short distance. “I’m down here.”
Fiona ran past Logan only to halt abruptly when she realized she’d reached the top of a small cliff. Brody sat on a ledge several feet below them.
“I knew Thorburn would get help. I just knew it,” he said, his tone filled with relief. Tears marked his face, and his breath came in shudders.
“Are you hurt?” she asked.
“I twisted my ankle when I fell, else I would’ve climbed up.”
“I shall come down to—” Logan’s hand on her arm stopped her.
“I’ll get him.”
“Nonsense,” she replied. “You are already in pain.”
“’Tis far too dangerous for you.” The determination on his face halted further protest.
“Are you certain?”
She couldn’t believe he’d consider climbing down the rocky cliff face in his condition. But she also realized she trusted Logan. She might not know him well, but knew he’d never endanger her brother. If he thought himself capable of aiding Brody, then she welcomed his assistance.
Without answering, Logan tossed aside his cane, removed his jacket, and placed it over her shoulders, warming her. Then he sat on the ground, eased down over the cliff edge, and scrambled the rest of the way down to the ledge.
Fiona caught her breath as she watched, her fear easing when he landed safely beside Brody.
“Nothing else injured except your ankle?” Logan asked as he balanced on his good leg, his face white with pain.
“No, Captain.”
“Then let’s raise you to safety, shall we? You had your sister worried.” His matter-of-fact tone appeared to calm Brody. Logan lifted him up the steep bank, directing him where to hold to climb.
In a few short moments, Brody stood in Fiona’s arms. She hugged him tight. Her heart still thudded, and she swallowed against the lump in her throat. Brody returned her embrace, his slight frame shuddering from his ordeal.
He drew back, wiped his face, and took a deep breath. “How are we going to raise the captain?”
“You wait here while I fetch—” She broke off when Logan’s head appeared at the cliff edge followed by the rest of him as he climbed up the treacherous embankment.
When Logan stood, Brody handed him his cane. Logan’s tight lips didn’t escape Fiona’s notice. Had he further hurt himself? Should Brody get help to see him back to the house?
“I believe I instructed you no’ to follow Thorburn if he chased an animal,” Logan addressed Brody.
Her brother’s shoulders slumped. “Aye, Captain.”
“Is that what happened?”
“Aye, sir.”
“When I tell you something, I expect you to listen. There are dangers here to which you are no’ accustomed. You must take special care, or you could be badly hurt. Do I make myself clear?”
“I am sorry,” Brody said. “I should have listened.”
Fiona’s chest tightened. After the scare Brody had given them, her impulse was to comfort him, but she also wanted to throttle him for placing himself in danger. The more logical side of her realized that Logan was right to help Brody understand not to act carelessly again.
“You owe your sister the apology for worrying her.”
“I’m sorry, Fiona. It will not happen again. I just wanted to see where Thorburn went.” He shook his head. “I didn’t want him to hurt the hare.”
“The hares outwit him far more often than you would guess,” Logan offered before starting toward the house, his gait noticeably slower and his limp far worse.
Brody’s expression took on a ho
peful look, then he hobbled forward to catch up with Logan. “Truly?”
“Truly.”
Fiona trailed behind them, uncertain whether she liked sharing this aspect of her life. While she knew Brody needed a male influence, sharing responsibility for his care would take some adjustment.
Yet, as she listened to the two of them, she realized they already seemed to have returned to good terms. Unable to understand the quick bond they’d formed, she could only shake her head as she followed them back to the house.
Chapter Five
Logan cleared his throat, capturing Fiona’s attention at the dinner table that evening. Based on the clarity in his eyes, his pain seemed to have eased. Her brother had chosen to remain in his room, content to eat with one of the maids who’d taken a liking to him, Thorburn at his side. He insisted his ankle didn’t bother him, but Fiona had to wonder.
While she was relieved that her brother was none the worse for his adventure and was settling in so well, his absence left her alone with Logan for the rest of the evening. The idea both pleased her and made her anxious. The sooner she came to know her husband-to-be, the better. If only she could convince her nerves of that.
“I sent a message to the minister this afternoon.”
Logan’s news sent the butterflies in her middle into a flurry.
“Oh?” She berated herself for the inane response. The sooner they married, the sooner she, too, would be able to settle into their new home. Wouldn’t she? “That’s good news.”
“Depending on his schedule, we should be married within the next two to three days.”
She took a fortifying sip of wine. How ridiculous that her first thought was what she should wear. As few gowns as she owned, the choice was limited, but she wanted to look her best for the ceremony.
“Will we know prior to his arrival?”
“I asked the footman to await his reply. We will most likely know the details on the morrow.”
“Very well. I will plan a wedding breakfast. Perhaps your friends would like to come.”
“Nae.”
Her stomach clenched at his immediate denial, but she refused to let his one-word answer suffice. “But doing so is a tradition. The meal doesn’t have to be anything fancy—”
“I only meant nae, my friends won’t be here as they’re away on business. But you may plan the breakfast. Ask Cook to bake enough cake to share with the staff.”
“Do you have neighbors or other friends who should be invited?”
“Nae.”
She waited a moment, but when he didn’t expand, she tried again to engage him in a normal conversation. “I noticed the papers and ledgers on your desk. Are you a man of business?”
“I serve as steward for the venture my friends have put together.”
He paused to study her as though wondering how much to share, then described their plans to work the land and increase the number of sheep they raised in order to produce wool and other goods. His knowledge impressed her, and she enjoyed learning more about the abbey as well as how Logan spent his days.
“What are your plans for Brody’s education?”
Warmth filled her at his question. “I would appreciate your thoughts. I fear that he’ll soon surpass all I have to teach him.”
Logan motioned for Payne to clear the table as they conversed. The discussion shifted from the attributes of a tutor to the weather and other subjects. Fiona appreciated the opportunity to come to know Logan better.
“You will speak with Cook about the cake?” he asked, toying with the stem of his wine goblet when the conversation ebbed.
“Of course.” She hesitated to raise the next topic, but believed it better to know before they married. “There are a few small changes I would like to make in...our home.” She stumbled over the term as she still felt like a guest.
Before she could explain, he shook his head, sending her heart plummeting. “You are free to make whatever changes you see fit.”
Her heart steadied. She’d made a list of items already. The captain might not mind a barren home, but she preferred a warmer atmosphere. Now that she knew he didn’t care, she had many ideas on how to make their home cozier.
“Shall we retire to the library?” he asked after they’d finished their drinks.
With a nod, she scooted back her chair, surprised when he took her hand to escort her after he’d avoided her so much of the day. The man was a puzzle, a mix of cold and warmth she didn’t understand. He used his cane, something he tended to avoid while inside, although his physical strength caused her stomach to flutter.
A brightly burning fire welcomed them. Rather than sit in one of the chairs before the fire, she stood near the hearth. Would they spend many of their evenings here after supper? The dim light suggested it would be difficult to do any needlework or reading unless additional candles were lit. Did that mean they’d be conversing instead? Somehow, she couldn’t imagine Logan wishing to talk every evening. He was a man of few words. If she were to spend evenings with him here, she’d need to request additional candles.
“I see deep thoughts in your eyes,” Logan said.
She shifted her focus to him, realizing he studied her. “Nothing of the sort.” She smiled, not wishing to explain that her thoughts lingered on candles.
He stepped closer, enveloping her in his scent. Unable to resist, she breathed in the appealing hint of the outdoors. He curled a finger under her chin and tilted her face toward his. Awareness skittered down her body as he held her gaze, the fire alternately casting light and shadows across his face. She would give anything to know what he thought at that moment.
“I hope one day you’ll feel free to share your thoughts,” he whispered.
His finger trailed along her chin toward her jawline. Her breath all but stopped at the sensation, especially when his touch moved to her collarbone. Her breasts tightened in response. His gaze again dropped to her lips, just as it had the previous day. Would he kiss her? She was shocked at how much she wanted him to. But she refused to kiss him as she had before.
Nae, this time it was his turn.
She waited, suddenly impatient. Wasn’t physical intimacy as important to their future as conversations? She might have given up on love and romance, but she wanted a true marriage that included shared interests and friendship.
He leaned closer, then closer still, until his mouth hovered a hair’s breadth from hers. The longing coursing through her shocked her with its strength. But she couldn’t examine the feeling when his lips were so near. She tipped her head back, wanting him to know she yearned for him—for this.
At last, his lips pressed hers. Rather than the satisfaction she expected, need swept through her and her heart beat faster. He deepened the kiss as though he felt the same. Following her instincts, she raised her hand to his chest, thrilled to discover the rapid beat of his heart. Could he be similarly affected by this kiss?
Before she was ready, he drew back, but his gaze remained on her lips. “I look forward to our marriage, Fiona.”
Her entire body hummed from head to toe. “As do I.”
His gaze lifted to meet hers and the corner of his lips quirked as if her response pleased him.
His words pleased her, as well. Mayhap she wouldn’t have to worry about long evenings filled with awkward conversations, after all.
***
Two days later, the morning of the wedding, Logan rose with the sun. Not that he’d slept much. Slumber had come in fits and starts. He’d tried to warn Fiona of the poor bargain she’d make if she agreed to be his wife. When she hadn’t listened, he should’ve found the courage to tell her all of his secrets. Would he be able to continue to hide them? Once she moved into the room that connected with his, she’d be close but not overly so, an apt description of how their life together would be.
He felt less than satisfied by that.
Would she be happy in this isolated place? Would she be repelled by his physical scars and gruff behavior? Loga
n was beginning to realize that while having Fiona and Brody in his life made him uncomfortable at times, he wanted them all the same.
Nerves simmered low in his belly, puzzling him with their presence. Or was that sensation excitement? Surely not. He needed to remember why he was doing this—for Fiona, for Brody, for Duncan. Not for himself.
He dressed carefully in his ceremonial kilt, making certain the hem covered his bad thigh. Stockings, shirt, a waistcoat, and outer coat completed his attire. His ability to tie his cravat in anything fancy escaped him, so he kept the knot simple.
Logan trailed a hand over Fiona’s door as he passed, much as he’d done to her soft skin in the library two nights ago. Since then, he’d kept a safe distance from her, aware of his limits. She tempted him far more than he’d expected.
Mayhap thoughts of his coming wedding night caused his nerves. He hadn’t been with a woman for a very long time. He hadn’t thought himself capable of desire. The more time he spent in Fiona’s company, the more he wanted her. He hoped the light in her eyes when he’d kissed her was the same spark of passion he felt.
He asked Mrs. Bingsley to have Sally, Lady Kilbreck’s maid, help Fiona prepare for the ceremony. Keeping his normal routine, he worked in the library—answered the questions of the worker in charge of repairs, and tallied the repair expenses from the previous month—until Payne announced the minister’s arrival. He couldn’t believe he would soon be married. Did Fiona feel the same?
Payne, Mrs. Bingsley, and Sally were to serve as witnesses to the simple ceremony held in the small chapel on the abbey grounds. When Logan entered the room in his kilt, Brody grinned.
Then Fiona stepped through the door, and Logan’s breath caught. Color was high in her cheeks and her dark eyes sparkled. Her hair was drawn into an elaborate chignon with several curls left loose to frame her face. A white ribbon wove through the dark strands. The rose-colored gown with its high waist emphasized her slim curves. She held a small bouquet of flowers.
He’d directed Mrs. Bingsley to tuck a small sprig of white heather amongst the flowers for good luck.
Scandalous Lords and Courtship Page 38