This harangue, first in French then in English, makes him look at me … he answers me in two languages … he thinks it’s a habit I’ve gotten into, an affectation … our French English makes the mob stop yelling … they’re trying to understand …
“What were you doing in Germany?”
“I was a prisoner, a doctor in one of the camps …”
“Are all these children Swedish?”
“I should say so! … I had their papers and ours … my wife’s and mine, but … you see … everything was destroyed by fire in the Hamburg station … clothes, knapsacks, billfolds! we haven’t anything left!”
But come to think of it, who’s he? he hasn’t told me … a military escort? … a captain?
He tells me … he’s a Red Cross doctor … me too! the Bezons “Passive” … my arm band proves it! … he can examine it! … he examines … grimy black but authentic, stamps and all! … that’s what interests him! where had I learned such good English? … London Hospital Mile End Road … and at the League of Nations in Geneva and in America at the Rockefeller Foundation …ah, that’s a bridge between us …
“Where are the children?”
“There in the crowd … underfoot … you can’t see them, but they’ll show themselves if my wife calls them … they can’t talk but they obey her … more or less …”
But Lili? where is she? I look under the car … she’s on the other side of the tracks, she’s not hurt … “Bébert! Bébert!” … he’s run away! … the mob are all under the train calling “Bébert! Bébert!” … having a fine time … that crazy cat had seized the opportunity, no exercise in a week, we couldn’t let him out at the canal … and you’ve never seen such a cat for expeditions … a naturalist, sort of … a sniffer … real appreciation of grasses and plants … even if he was a city cat out of a department store, from the pet shop … once he’s disappeared into the bushes, try and catch him! … except Lili … nobody else … I could see this Red Cross official wasn’t so strict, I even think he was sympathetic … especially because I spoke English …
“How many children have you here?”
“I can’t tell you exactly … we’ve lost some along the way … we lost two or three in Hanover … and some at the canal, I think … there must be about seventeen …”
We could talk at our ease … the howling mob were on the other side of the train with Lili, beating the bushes, I was sure she’d have caught Bébert a lot quicker by herself … the Swede thought so too … he finally makes a note: seventeen children … but where are they? … Lili’d catch them quick … they must be across the way …
“And they’re all Swedish?”
He wants me to confirm …
“Certainly!”
“How old?”
“From five to eight … you’ll see …”
“And the parents are dead?”
“Most probably …”
I can see this Scandinavian is sympathetic … he realizes that what I’m telling him may be kind of contrived … and that maybe the kids aren’t exactly Swedish, but the main thing right now is that his train should take us aboard, if it doesn’t we’ll be in a bad way … worse than bad …
“You realize that this is a very special train … absolutely reserved for the repatriation of Swedish children and mothers … you understand?”
I understand all right! No answer to that, so I don’t say a word … here’s Lili again, not hurt … she hasn’t crawled under the car, she’s gone around by the roadbed … all our little cretins are with her … they’d been in the bushes with Bébert, enjoying themselves … that’s why I didn’t see them …
“There! there they are!”
The Swedish officer counts them … not seventeen … but eighteen! … to tell the truth, I’d never counted them … he’s going to register them … he has a book …
“They haven’t any names? … girls? … boys?”
“We have never known …”
God’s truth! oh well, as long as he lets them in … he opens the door of one car … double-locked! … and an enormous padlock in addition … click clack … the people are coming back, the kids don’t climb up, they can’t, we hoist them … some nurses come and take them, one by one, and lead them away … very gently … they talk to them, they try … the kids slobber and laugh … we see them … for the last time … Lili and I have to go to the tail end of the train … the kitchen, to be exact … our Red Cross officer leads the way … through one … two corridors … a fat lady welcomes us … very friendly, big smile … she’s at home here … she offers us everything … everything … enormous sandwiches! … fish! … sausages! … sliced meat! … three big tables covered with cold dishes and hot dishes … and salads and goodies … mountains! … and all sorts of puddings, tapioca … macaroni, corn meal, oatmeal! … you never saw such eats … a vision! for sure they’ve brought it from Sweden … they haven’t suffered up there, anyway not from hunger … this incredible food certainly isn’t from Germany … they’ve brought it all with them … they’re not suffering up there, certainly not from hunger … the fat cook motions us to help ourselves, to dive in! … take all we want, the sky’s the limit! she doesn’t speak French or English … but she’s so kind and friendly we’re ashamed to be standing there in a daze … stupefied … in front of all those riches … luckily Bébert saves the day, he sticks his head out of his bag … and his moustaches … a bite to eat would suit him fine … he doesn’t stand on ceremony! they understand each other, success! … she knows cats, she holds out a big meatball in the hollow of her hand … “don’t mind if I do!” … yum! yum! nothing wrong with his appetite … I have none at all … not yet… I just look at the stuff … Lili looks too … our trouble is fatigue! … too tired to eat just then … never mind, we’ll get it back … first we’ve got to catch our breath … it’s all right with our amiable cook, she understands … first we’ll rest! … take it easy … rest! … rest! … she has three chairs lined up against the wall… she makes us sit down … I ask Lili …
“You all right? … no pain anywhere? … not sleepy … not hungry? …”
“No, Louis … no … I’m fine … what about you?”
“Oh, I’m all right!”
It looked like we were all set … ah, the poverty of our times! … Racine, Aeschylus, even Sophocles could keep you panting for three or four tragic acts with next to nothing … the ancients were grandiose sex pots, sumptuous cuckolds, incestuous monsters, believe you me, such discombobulating assassins, they had the gods in a dither … today, I ask you: a continent needs to be wiped out? … nothing to it, two three minutes … at the most! … where are you going to find time to enjoy the show? … there in that kitchen of abundance, that chamber of luxury, we had nothing to hurry about … but all the same, what was going on outside? … our Red Cross man had taken us aboard with all our kids … now I knew how many … eighteen! … all of them Swedish from one minute to the next! … that Red Cross man had a good heart … I don’t think he was taken in … later on I was in even tighter squeezes … without doctors and medicine I’d never have come through … that’s why in the great epileptic moments, purges, massacres, assorted lunacies, the doctors … black, yellow, or white regardless … get it in the neck … they know too much, they stick together too much, they’re too clannish, unforgivable and unforgiven …
But let’s get back to our kitchen … I didn’t know if we were still in the station … or if we were moving … and the switch? … I couldn’t look, I’d have to stand up, the Red Cross man had sat us down with our backs to the partition … he hadn’t put us there to exhibit us … but that didn’t stop them from yelling outside … that mob was good and mad … high time for the train to make up its mind! … two shots! … bang! bang! no intention of investigating … revolver shots sure as hell! … at that exact moment we start moving … you don’t mean it? oh yes! … very slowly but choo! … choo! … sure enough … who fired those shots? … I never fo
und out, I never even asked … as long as we’re in a train and it’s moving … kind of cautiously, I’d say … hey, a nurse! … she doesn’t look our way, she takes a tray and serves herself … a whole tray and then another … sandwiches and salads … she doesn’t say a word … she’s fairly young, not bad-looking, but not the smiling type … she walks away, back to her car, I suppose … another nurse comes and serves herself … they’re dressed pretty much like ours, with starched caps … six nurses come in, one after another, not one of them says a word, the last takes nothing but porridge … bowls and bowls … I guess they’re not supposed to look at us … orders … all right with us … as long as they don’t throw us out … wouldn’t be so easy now with the train moving … unless … unless … nothing is ever sure … I tell Lili, a good time to sleep, we could do with some sleep, here on these chairs we certainly have a right, weeks and weeks of sleep to catch up on, since Montmartre actually, since 1939, come to think of it … it’s not just the sirens on the roofs, it’s the ones inside you, they don’t make any noise but they keep you awake all the same … when it came to not sleeping, we held the world record … right now it was time to keep a weather eye open and not to believe we were out of the woods … the train was moving along, pretty fast in fact, I tried not to look out, I stayed where they’d put us, way back in the corner, so did Lili and Bébert in his bag … he’d eaten … rather greedily … the cook told us again in sign language to help ourselves, anything we wanted … there was plenty to choose from! I’ve told you … no beanery victuals, all fresh stuff … the best … Gargantua would have had himself a feast, but us? … I ask Lili … she’s not hungry, not at all, neither am I, all I ask is to keep rolling and not to be thrown out … a few more nurses come in, they fill up plates and platters and bowls … they certainly saw us, even if we were in the shadow … way in back … and still as a mouse … they just didn’t look in our direction … I see by my compass that we’re still headed north … you never can tell! I know this line … in about two hours, I figure, we’ll be in Copenhagen … if it’s nonstop … but we’ve got to turn east! … I wouldn’t want them to go wrong! … one thing for sure, our Red Cross man hasn’t been back to see us … no doubt about it, he has a good heart, he could have turned us away, us and our snotnoses … he must have caught on … luckily I’m extremely cautious by nature, life has taught me absolute discretion, you wouldn’t think so from my books, but the fact is I’m the soul of self-effacement … I see a character let’s say once, I make an appointment with him for thirty years later, naturally I find him completely changed, so putrid and bloated it’s no use even talking to him … naturally I’m discreet …
But I’m losing you! … so there we are in our corner … on our two chairs … this kitchen car was rolling … rolling … ah, our Red Cross man! he’s in the corridor, coming our way … he motions me not to get up … he slips in between the two tables … he asks us …
“You haven’t eaten at all?”
“Later!… Later! …”
What I really want to know is where this train is taking us … I mean, where we’re supposed to get off …
“Wherever you like!”
I know where I want to go, Copenhagen …
“Certainly! certainly!”
Sweden? … impossible! I’d suspected as much … but Copenhagen, fine, perfect! … Copenhagen would be about three hours … splendid! suits me fine! … I’ve got friends in Copenhagen, they’re expecting us! … I even have their addresses … I show him … Staégers Allee, Ved Stranden … and Landsman Bank … my bank …
He’s not very demonstrative, I can see that, I’d even say impassive … “oh! oh! oh!” he goes, as if those two addresses frightened him … and that bank … and he starts warning us!
“Beware! … Copenhagen is very anti-German! all Denmark! … worse than Sweden! … don’t say you came from the Nazis! never! don’t tell anybody anything! … you’ve come out of chaos and that’s all! the train to Flensburg: chaos … Hamburg: chaos! bombs! the Swedish children with you? … chaos! found! lost! you understand?”
I understand all right! you won’t catch me putting my foot in it! … anyway another three hours to travel in this kitchen … the soul of discretion … absolutely no desire to show ourselves … Bébert is hungry, he sticks his head out of his bag … the cook gives him some pâté … yum! yum! … he dives in … he does it justice … this providential colleague, I forgot to tell you, has left two coats for us on a stool, one for me, I put it on … brand new, magnificent … and for Lili one of those nurse’s capes, lined with astrakhan, I think … the lap of luxury! … seems to me that with these over our rags we can show ourselves anywhere … I’m not wasting my time, I’m thinking, I don’t fall asleep for a second, I’m figuring out what we’ll do … so the Danes are murderers … hell’s bells, they won’t be the first! … all the same, it’s good to know what you’re up against … I may as well tell you, I knew Copenhagen, though I certainly got to know it better … I certainly know it better than his Excellency the Ambassador, all bloated with credentials, immunity, and petits fours …
“Don’t you worry, Lili… I think the worst is over …” I can see that Lili isn’t so sure … she has her doubts about the reception we’ll get… even with me rigged out very presentably and her in her astrakhan lining … my weakness is optimism … well, not really, for one thing I’ve got my compass to rely on! sure enough, we’ve changed direction, right angles! … east! … east it is! … Copenhagen’s at least another two hundred miles … I’m pretty sure … two arms of the sea to cross … the Little Belt … at the Little Belt there’s a bridge … the Great Belt it’s a ferry … anyway the train’s running along, smooth as silk like before ‘39 … at the Little Belt I’ll look … it’ll be safe by then … I think …
I can’t say that we felt the Little Belt, that arm of the sea, the bridge … maybe we were in too much of a daze to feel anything … that train, I’ve got to admit, kind of lulled you, no more roller coaster … of course there’d been sabotage and bombs here and there, so we’d been told … but there was no sign of it, the train was running along perfectly, like a charm … I’m not moving, neither is Lili, like we were asleep … never fear, it’s not even a half sleep, you could call it resting … in a deliberate, rigid kind of way … once you’ve gotten into the habit of this very special wakeful somnolence, you’ve moved once and for all into a different world, where your subtle witticism hasn’t a leg to stand on! it grates, and so … a damn sight worse … does your hearty buffoonery! the ideal of the Species! how are you going to charge your batteries under those conditions? … disaster in the symposiums, asylums, bistros, penitentiaries! … intoxication is dead! life is unlivable! … I ask you, isn’t this stuff insipid? … my contract with Achille calls for something entirely different! let’s get on with our story! you couldn’t deny it, we were moving right along … I’ll look out in a little while, I’ll raise the blind … the cook won’t object … at the Great Belt we’ll certainly have to open our eyes … there it’s not a bridge, it’s a ferry … the train goes aboard and it takes you across, I’ve told you, I’d done it before … this arm of the sea is very calm … all the same we’ll have to look … nobody’s been to see us, to ask us where we’ve come from and where we’re going … luckily! … if only it lasts! a mouthful! little did I suspect … this must be Nordport … our train slows down … this must be it … hell, I’ll look! just as I thought … the city, the station, not a crack, as far as I can see, no damage … looks funny, almost suspicious, a small town like this, absolutely peaceful, you can’t help wondering: what are they waiting for?
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