She narrowed her eyes at Lacey and her look of triumph and knew she was defeated. Since when did she and Thomas discuss her well-being? It did seem wise to be in town with the birth coming closer. Although she’d hardly admit that to Lacey, who was doing enough gloating as it were. Besides, she had nothing left to prove.
*** *** ***
With the thaw, Jake had to make his way back home. He pulled the harness over Hunter and readied to leave the sorry excuse for a town he’d planted himself in over winter.
Home. He nearly laughed at the word. The reason he was to step foot in Lincoln County again was due to the Gun Shop. Making his presence known a couple of times a year kept his employees in line and business up to date. Besides, he’d run out of reward money and the four outlaw scums he’d tracked down had all met their demise. There was nothing left for him to do but ask Sheriff Randall for more outlaws to hunt. Going after them with the sun shining instead of snow blowing would be welcome and give him no cause to complain. Jake pulled himself up on Hunter and did not look back at the shabby place he was leaving behind.
Four days later he was on the grounds of Lincoln County. He hated that it felt good and right to be back. He chose to take a short cut towards home through the trees surrounding the churchyard. Surprised to hear music coming from inside, he drew closer. Had they already replaced Andrew? It didn’t seem right, he being the one who built the place, giving the town her first church. Not keeping in mind the terrible state of his appearance, he dismounted, needing to peek inside. This whole deal seemed disloyal to the Jacksons, and the thought of them brought Cameron to mind sooner than he’d wanted. The singing of hymns ended as he made way to the last step and was able to see inside. Stunned, he watched as Cameron took herself behind the pulpit and prayed aloud. He set himself aside lest she lay eyes on him, spying like some no good Peeping Tom, but this… this was the last thing he expected to witness.
Once it set in that she was leading prayer and all was quiet around him, serene even, he was able to listen to the strength and confidence in the words pouring from her lips. Over the past few months he’d pictured her devastated in mourning. Such a fool he was to think she could not rise to the occasion of losing her husband. A spark of curiosity shot through him. Was she going to preach, too? For some reason he was nervous for her. As it turned out, he’d no cause to be anxious—she was a natural. Being no expert on what preachers were supposed to sound like, he didn’t believe they were like Cameron. She held a passion in her voice and shared a conviction with which she believed. Unable to keep his eyes away, he wanted one last glimpse of her. Briefly he looked in. She was healthy finally, full of baby and… radiant. He couldn’t peel his gaze away. Another five minutes ticked by and he began to absorb what was being said. Once he realized the meaning of what she was preaching he had an unwelcome softening of spirit. Suddenly he shot out of there as if his feet were on fire.
*** *** ***
Cameron heard a commotion and pulled her eyes in its direction. A stranger had been hovering on the outside. She was about to invite him in, but he’d gone. Next week she would be more in tune to the happenings towards the back of the church. It would not do to have someone feel as though they were not welcome in the house of God. She shared her heart another few minutes and let Mary have at the organ for a final hymn. It was all she could do to stand on swollen feet and nurse an aching back. But as she looked at the joyful faces of congregants about her, any discomfort was a small price to pay.
After service, she locked up the church and stayed awhile at Andrew’s grave. The anger she’d once held towards him had dissipated and her heart was healing with his absence. Though some nights, as she lay alone in their bed, her tears would stain the pillow as she thought of him. She never knew if the feeling of emptiness would go away, afraid if it did it meant he was fading from her memories. She hoped to forever be in love with Andrew and wholeheartedly anticipated the birth of his child, who deemed it necessary to agree by bruising up her insides.
Chapter Nine
The intention Jake had to be on the trail again deserted him like a traitor. Seeing Cameron and her full belly standing behind the pulpit, keeping Andrew’s legacy alive and well, stirred him to unlimited respect for her. No longer could he tear himself away from Lincoln County, or Cameron Jackson—whatever the future may be. Even now, seeing her maneuver along the boardwalk with the young girl Penny, laughing as if she had joy, confirmed his decision to stay put—if even out of curiosity.
He’d just finished loading up the last crate of food supplies into his wagon when the thought came to him to acknowledge her. It would be good to see where he stood in her life, being that they hadn’t seen each other for months. Jake hoped for courage in case of being met with rejection and made his way to her. As he reached the boardwalk and stepped up to greet them, Cameron clutched at the wood post and doubled over. Alarm spread through him as Penny did her best to comfort. The pain etched in Cameron’s face was not a passing cramp. She was in agony. He was prepared to get the doctor when her eyes met his and she ground out, “Please… Jake. Help me!”
Without thought he ordered Penny to get Lacey, scooped Cameron up and brought her around the corner to Dr. Grover’s clinic. He wasn’t there so Jake helped himself in and set her writhing frame onto one of the two beds in the room. She gripped his forearm and cried out.
He was at a loss. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I…don’t…either. It’s not…time.”
Upon hearing that, he swore. Not time? No way could Cameron take another death. What was wrong with her God anyway? Had He no mercy for His own kind? Swiftly, he grasped at the stool near the foot of the bed and pulled at it until it was under him. He sat with her, tense and overwhelmed. He allowed her to dig her nails into his flesh and willed himself not to panic. Suddenly she arched and blinked back sweat and tears. Intuitively he took a cloth and wiped her brow, wishing her pain to be upon him instead.
She had the gall to joke. “Easy Jake, you look like you’re going to spring away like a deer.”
An ounce of relief came over him. If she were going to die surely she’d be unable to speak so. “Is it gone? The pain?” he asked, still wiping her brow.
“For a moment, another will come I’m sure of it.”
He became worried again.
“This is how it is to be, Jake. Waves of pain until the baby comes.”
“But you said it wasn’t time.”
She closed her eyes briefly, and he assumed she was praying. “It isn’t time, but babies come at their will. Nothing for us to do about it now.”
Now he had real cause to panic. If no one arrived to deliver this baby it would mean that he… He couldn’t finish the horrible thought.
It seemed she had already thought it and was willing to voice it.
“Jake, I need you to boil water…”
She seized up again and grasped at the bedding. When she saw he was still sitting beside her she hollered, “Now!”
He didn’t need to be told three times. He shot off the stool, glad to be doing anything other than watch Cameron in the midst of labor pains, and found a pot to pump water in. By the time he got the fire going and the pot in place, she had had another bout come and go before he made his way back to her. Where was Lacey? The doc?
Sweating profusely now, Cameron looked at him wearily. “I’m getting the pains more often. If the doc isn’t here…”
Both were uncomfortable with the suggestion, but he vowed never to let her down again and now was the time to carry it out. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.” His heart began to soften with compassion. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that way.
“I’m going to push!”
He wanted to tell her no, to please wait. But then her knees came up and she planted her heels into the bed. Jake Collins, bounty hunter and killer of outlaws, was going to be sick. He couldn’t do this!
“Jake!” she called out.
With
great reluctance, he peeled himself from the stool to aid her just as the door burst open. Both Lacey and Dr. Grover came into his sights and he stumbled out as if he were drunk. Pure relief coursed through him. The emotions roiling around his insides were so intense, all he could do was slide his shaky body down the wall outside the clinic and put his face in his palms. He needed to calm down. He hadn’t ever been so frightened in his life. A sharp laugh of reprieve came from him and he could focus once again before taking the time to steel himself against any bad news that might come from the room he’d just vacated.
*** *** ***
It all went quicker than she thought possible. Cameron believed she’d be in labor for many hours like most women, but she’d been able to forego that, blessedly.
Dr. Grover placed a bundle into her awaiting arms. “Here is your son.”
Tears of joy rolled down her cheeks as she took in the tiny features and perfect body. “Welcome to our world, Drew.”
Lacey too, spilled tears. It was a rare sight to see her cry. Cameron knew she was thinking of Andrew as well. Trying to bring some encouragement, she said to Lacey, “We will always have a piece of Andrew with us. Drew will see to that.”
Lacey looked upon the doctor and Cameron knew what she was ready to ask, so she did it instead. “Dr. Grover? Is Drew going to be all right?” She looked down at his adorable but angry red face. “He seems to be in good health.”
The doctor swished his hands around in a bowl of water and announced, “He has fine lungs. I don’t anticipate any danger, but I will keep you here for a few days, just the same.”
Cameron grinned and sent Lacey a smile. “Nothing to worry about Aunt Lacey.”
“I get to be Aunt Lacey?”
“Of course.”
The doctor went out the back to dispose of the afterbirth and Cameron could only set her eyes on Drew until they felt heavy. Lacey relieved her of the bundle and volunteered to rock him until he was hungry. “Get some sleep,” Lacey ordered.
Before Cameron fell asleep she heard male voices from outside, prompting her to remember Jake. Dr. Grover came in and announced that he’d told Jake all went well. “Poor fellow was still outside, worried as ever.”
Cameron tried to sit up some but her arms were weak. “Let him see Drew. He needs to see the baby is all right.”
Dr. Grover raised a questioning brow to Lacey before going to retrieve Jake. When they returned Lacey attempted to give Drew to him but he declined. Instead Jake looked at Drew in the most tender way. Cameron had only seen that look once before, when he professed caring for her, and was glad a soft heart still resided somewhere inside of him.
“We’re both good, Jake. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been here for us.”
He looked as though he would like to respond to her but he did not. He spent one final gaze upon the baby, making sure all was truly well, and he left them.
Chapter Ten
Jake’s order had arrived at the mercantile. Uncomfortable and feeling as if all eyes were upon him, he picked up the rocking chair and cushioned it with old quilts in the back of the flatbed wagon and tied it into place. He swore. Since when did he care about people’s thoughts towards him? He looked up and decided to tell everybody to mind their own business and saw that folks were paying him no mind at all. He clucked his horse onward and made his way to the Jackson’s homestead.
Once he pulled onto the road with the house in view he wondered if he should change his mind and head on out of there. He was considering leaving the chair on the porch without notice. Of course that would mean he was planning on hightailing it afterwards with his tail between his legs and that wouldn’t do either. He would stick to his guns, deliver the chair, bid Cameron a good day and would have done his duty to Andrew by taking care of his family.
For a moment he thought it would be nice if she happened to not be home. It was a futile thought. Of course she would be there. Where would she travel to with a three week old baby? He put the brake on the wagon and jumped down. Three weeks ago to this day… He knew how old Drew was to the hour because the day of his birth was seared into memory. He heard the door open and his heart clenched. It was time to take up some courage.
Her voice welcomed him. “Jake! What a wonderful surprise.”
In all casualness, he turned towards her voice. He wasn’t expecting to see Cameron looking so… fit. She had all of the womanly curves of a mother and yet had lost all record of being with child. He was taken aback by this.
“Jake?” She was smiling down at him as she stepped down the porch steps separating them.
“Yeah… I am only here to drop something off for the baby. Then I’ll be on my way.” He turned from her quickly and busied himself with the unloading.
“You will do no such thing! Come in. I want you to see how big Drew is getting.” She peered around the wagon as he withdrew the blanket from the upright chair. “This is for us? Oh it’s lovely, Jake, thank you.” She ran her slender hand along the armrest, and to his displeasure, looked at him with such gratefulness.
That was it. He shouldn’t have come. He thought he was strong and could handle Cameron Jackson, the widow. As much as he wished to keep his eyes averted, he risked a final glance. Her look of gratitude had changed, replaced with a disappointment that reached her eyes.
Still, she managed to stir up every emotion on the planet in him. Now scowling, he lifted the chair out and planted it onto the porch, swearing under his breath. He’d have to take it inside. He couldn’t very well leave it out for her to contend with. He looked past her. “Where do you want it?”
She sighed resignedly. “Near the fireplace if you will. It still gets chilly at night, so we’ll enjoy a few more weeks of fires to warm us up.”
Jake took himself on in. The smells emanating from within would drive any man to temptation. Hot bread just pulled from the oven, coffee percolating, the scent of a newborn lingering amidst the linen folded on the table, freshly washed and near where he was depositing the chair. The home was the epitome of a family. Jake forced himself to look around, curious as to the former presence of Andrew. This was the home of a family, until he’d failed them.
“I put the coffee on the moment I saw you coming up the property.”
She hadn’t outright asked him to stay, knowing all too well that this method succeeded more than nagging or pleading did. And darn it all if Cameron didn’t cast her eyes all sad-like, making him feel pathetically mean.
“I can’t very well let a good cup of coffee go to waste.” He heard himself giving in. He shook his head, finally seeing the humor in his thinking… believing he could dare to make a quick stop.
With zeal, Cameron set to making him a meal of a warm and thick bread slice and black coffee. She set it before him at the table and told him to sit awhile. As he sat, far from Andrew’s seat, the baby whimpered. Cameron set her own coffee down across from him and retrieved the baby. Jake stilled instantly. This was wrong. The entire picture of her returning to her seat, smiling with joy at her son and looking intently upon Jake, silently pleading with him to stay and not leave her. It was clear she was starving for the company.
Drew settled instantly once picked up and coddled within a blanket. “He likes to be held,” she explained. She had eyes only for her boy.
Jake sipped on his coffee, surprised at the amount of hair Drew had. Impulsively he wanted to reach out and stroke his fuzzy little head. An ache burned in his belly and the awkwardness grew. His mind was at war with thoughts of fleeing or heeding to his will and being at peace with their friendship. The latter was the real battle. It would not be an easy thing to do.
“The chair truly is a kind gift, Jake. I look forward to using it. Andrew was going to make…” Her words faltered and blast it if she didn’t shed a tear.
His gut was tearing in two and he was speechless.
“I apologize. I try not to cry.”
He gulped at the absurd apology and weighed his word
s. “Of course you shouldn’t be sorry. I didn’t mean to replace anything Andrew was doing.”
Shaking her head Cameron said, “He never got to begin building. It was something he wanted to do.”
“I ordered this one. Not quite as special as one built by a Pa’s hands… I can take it back if you’d like.”
“We want to keep it.”
Drew began wriggling around in the cocoon he was in, loosening a gap near his feet, which Jake saw peeking out. Unable to help himself this time, he brushed a finger against five perfect toes.
“He’s so soft,” Cameron said, supplying his thoughts. She managed a sip of her drink while holding the baby. She looked so natural, as if she’d been doing this very thing for years.
“I think you should hold him, Jake Collins. In fact, I dare you to.”
She would tease him now?
He squinted his eyes at the challenge. Why not? He’d already gone too far and wasn’t about to pull himself away now. “Dare accepted.”
Cameron stood with Drew and walked away from him. He puzzled at her movement, then she said, “Come and try your new chair.”
He obeyed and she placed Drew in his rigid arms and urged him to relax. Once he did, the boy nestled himself into his hard chest. Cameron stood with her arms crossed looking very pleased. “I think I will take advantage of you. Mind if I go and hang the rest of my laundry?”
“Uh… stay close in case we need you.”
The only reply he received was her laughing on the way out the front door. He took his eyes to Drew’s, seeing his father clear as day in them. Drew’s eyes began to drift closed and Jake set his foot to rock the chair. The feeling he had growing inside was overwhelming and panicked him.
He was falling for a baby. He wondered what it’d be like to love one of his own?
A few minutes later Drew made a startled motion, his hands shot up, fisted, and he began wailing like he’d been prodded by a hot iron. Jake tried to soothe him by standing up and bouncing him in his arms. Where he’d gotten the idea he didn’t know, but it seemed the thing to do. When Drew’s face turned towards his chest Jake nearly dropped him. He was hungry!
Lincoln County Series 1-3 Page 24