Natalie is a definite talker, and throughout dinner she isn’t shy about sharing her stats, like the fact she’s nineteen and from Charlotte. Her dad is a lawyer and her mom is a nurse. She has two brothers and two sisters, and they have a beach house on the coast. She’s already planning to skip a few days of school to head out there.
“Y’all could come with me. We’ve got lots of spare rooms.” When she mentions the rooms, she looks right at me.
The waitress didn’t card me when I ordered a drink, so by now I’ve knocked back three very strong ones and am starting to feel a heavy buzz. The response I’m thinking of giving Natalie would probably embarrass her and Paige both.
“We’ll probably be flying back to Basin Lake during breaks,” Paige says before I can get a word out. “And I’m not sure about skipping classes, but thanks for the offer.”
“Speak for yourself,” I say. “I’m not in any rush to go back home.”
“Well, the invite extends to just you if Paige can’t make it.” Natalie raises an eyebrow.
“You don’t want to see Garrett play at WSU?” Paige asks me.
“Not now.” Something about being a little drunk makes that incredibly funny, and Natalie laughs too even though I doubt she’s got a clue why me wanting to see Garrett in any capacity is such a huge joke.
“What’s so wrong about now?” Paige asks.
“Seriously?” I look at her like she’s nuts, like she doesn’t know?
“Bad blood?” Natalie asks.
“Let’s talk about something else.” Jesus, I’m so not in the mood to argue. “Let’s talk about all the skinny dipping we used to do back home.” I turn a cockeyed grin toward Paige, wanting to make her forget about Garrett.
“Oh, really?” Natalie leans forward and rests her chin on her outstretched palm.
“Really,” I say, looking right at her. “If we go to this beach house of yours, be prepared for some possible nudity.”
“He’s making it sound so much better than it actually is,” Paige breaks in, spoiling my fun. “Usually we’d just keep our underwear on.”
“Does nobody in Basin Lake own a swimsuit?” Natalie asks. “Inquiring minds and all.”
“Sure,” Paige answers again. “But we’d go swimming so often… usually it was just last minute, when we didn’t have our suits with us.”
“She’s seen me completely naked.” I nod toward Paige. “More than once.”
Natalie perks up and turns to Paige. “Did you like what you saw?”
“Nothing too exciting,” she says.
“Oooohhh… burn,” Natalie replies with a wicked grin.
“Don’t be like that.” I grab her hand, wishing she’d play along. “I’m just trying to make Natalie feel comfortable around us.”
“She doesn’t need to hear about the size… or lack thereof… of your dick,” she says, and I become keenly aware of the death grip she has on a fork with her other hand.
“Well, then.” Natalie snaps back from her dreamy, lovelorn look. “I’ve got an early morning tomorrow, and I should probably get back.”
I drop Paige’s hand and wish she wasn’t looking at me like I was a misbehaving child.
“Thanks for coming, Natalie,” Paige says, and she sounds sincere even though I’m guessing she didn’t like Natalie egging me on.
“I hope we can do it again real soon,” Natalie says to me. “I’ll have you both over to my place for a barbeque or something.”
“Sure,” I say, my speech sounding slurred to my own ears, and damn if I’m not tired. What the hell was in those drinks anyway?
Natalie attempts to pay for her share of the dinner, but I don’t let her.
“Can we drive you back to your car?” Paige asks her and snatches my keys away from me. Probably a good call.
“No, I’ll walk,” she says.
Then she and Paige hug, and Natalie crosses the street and is quickly out of sight.
“You done too?” I look at Paige’s plate—she’s only eaten half.
“I can take it home with me,” she says. “And thank you for dinner.”
I nod, pay the bill and wait while the waitress boxes up her food. I’m pretty sure I embarrassed Paige in front of her friend, which, added to the fact that I’m not sober enough to drive, is another strike against me.
Paige is having difficulty figuring out how to start the car as I slide into the passenger seat.
“You just press the button,” I tell her, easing back against the headrest.
“Oh yeah,” she says and remains quiet until she successfully veers into traffic, at which point she adds, “I don’t think your… umm… penis is small.”
I look over at her, and her face is as red as a rose on Valentine’s Day.
“Good to know,” I say, laughing it off.
“Why did you even say that to her, Evan? That I’d seen you naked?”
Yep, I really pissed her off. “Well, you have,” I say truthfully. “And I’ve seen you naked too, Paige.”
“I know, but… it seemed kind of… flirty to me.”
“And that offends you? I mean, isn’t that why you brought her—to try to push her at me?”
“What? No.”
“I was hoping it was just going to be you and me tonight,” I say with all seriousness.
“Well, I didn’t realize,” she answers quickly. “And besides, it’s good to make friends here, right?”
“Friends.” I shake my head. “To be clear, I don’t want to date Natalie. I want to date you.”
There. I’ve said it again, clearly and explicitly. I want Paige. Maybe this time my intentions will be clear.
I wait for a response to my declaration, but she says absolutely nothing.
The silence is awkward at first, but then I just close my eyes and try to forget until we get home and have to walk into the apartment together. I shut the door behind us, walk a few steps into the living room and just sort of freeze. With hands in my pockets, I have no idea what to do or what to say or even where I should go exactly.
“I don’t think you should be alone tonight.” Paige touches my shoulder, and I look up at her.
Beautiful Paige. God damn… why can’t we just be together? “You’ll be in the next room… I’ll be fine,” I say.
“No, I don’t think so. Evan, what you said earlier—”
“Please.” I close my eyes again and grip the hand she has on my shoulder. “Don’t make it worse. I get it.”
She steps forward, stretching her other hand around my waist. “I don’t think you do, and I wish I could tell you everything I’m thinking, but I don’t want to betray Garrett.”
“Garrett.” I let out a short, cutting laugh.
“Let’s not talk about it tonight,” she says, moving her hand up to my chin. “Let’s just be together, as friends. We can just lay in my bed like it’s a co-ed slumber party so we don’t have to be alone, either of us.”
“You want to lay down together… but isn’t that betraying Garrett?” She’s confusing the crap out of me.
“You and I are friends. Comforting each other isn’t a crime.”
“Oh, so you need comforting too?” Somehow I doubt that. “I’m beginning to feel pretty pitiful here.”
“Don’t,” she says authoritatively. “Just come with me.”
She attaches her hand to mine, and I don’t argue as she leads me to her room. My heart is pounding while I stand by, watching her pull her comforter back and slipping off her heels.
“Just take your shoes off,” she orders, “but nothing else.”
“Okay.” I easily oblige, slide my shoes off and crawl into her bed, not knowing what she has in store for us but not wanting to tempt fate by asking.
“I don’t know how you can be comfortable in those.” She looks down at me and bites her bottom lip, and damn if I don’t want to kiss her.
I clear my throat. “You said you wanted me in my clothes,” and at the moment I’m grateful for my jea
ns and her comforter that hide my rising bulge.
She swallows hard. “Well, just promise me we won’t do anything, and I think maybe we can trust each other if we get more comfortable, right?”
This night is definitely getting better, and I agree with her by unbuttoning my shirt. I can’t hide under the covers, so I stand up and pull the rest of the material from my shoulders before pushing my pants off. I stop at my boxer briefs, guessing she doesn’t need me to go that far.
“Paige?”
She looks startled when I say her name, and her eyes snap up from my waist to my eyes. “Hmm?”
“Are you going to stay in that?” I touch the material of her dress and barely graze her skin underneath, feeling a buzz of electricity. “I mean, it’s a beautiful dress, but…”
“I’ll take if off.” She pulls the hem up, bringing the material up and over her body and then tossing it to the floor… just like that.
I catch my breath. She’s standing in front of me in a lace pink bra and panty set. And yes, I’ve seen her in her underwear before, plenty of times, but it was always at Basin Lake. Never alone.
“You’re making it hard to be good.” If she hadn’t noticed how much she’s physically affecting me, she’s got to know now—I’m basically rock hard just looking at her.
“Just get in,” she says, nervously I think.
Of course I follow her lead, crawling into one side of the bed while she takes the other. We’re both sitting up, and then she smiles at me before turning away and lying down on her side. I take a moment and attempt to gather some control over myself. What I really want to do is pull down my briefs and her panties and be inside her, but I won’t do that even if she wants it. Not tonight at least.
For tonight, I slide my body behind hers and wrap my arms around her, one over her shoulder, the other over her hip. I don’t try to hide my hardness as I settle against the beautiful curve of her ass. She’s breathing fast, but she doesn’t make any move to push me away. I nuzzle my chin into her shoulder and take in the clean, fruity scent of her hair, reaching one hand further until I place it on her warm stomach, her skin smooth and soft.
She places her hand over mine and says, “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Okay,” I say, believing her, feeling like the luckiest guy on the planet, wanting to savor every last second here with her but knowing that I’ll succumb to a blissful sleep that her being so close to me will bring.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
PAIGE
The Next Morning
Again, Evan told me in words that he wanted to be with me, to date me. It’s probably why I’d led him to my bedroom, replaying those words in my head while his body was against mine. But I don’t sleep all that well in Evan’s arms. I keep waking up and wanting more than just his bare skin touching mine and then immediately feel guilty about what Garrett would feel if he knew. On at least half a dozen occasions, I try to extricate myself from Evan so that I can grab a blanket and sleep on the couch. But then I ease back into him as he snores ever so softly, telling myself it wouldn’t be fair to pull him out of what seems like such a restful sleep.
By the time the early morning light filters into my room, I’ve at least gotten a few hours of rest and am now turned so that I’m facing him. He’s still sleeping hard, and so I don’t worry about being caught staring up at his thick eyelashes, his full lips and the faint darkness of a beard that would likely grow if Evan didn’t shave on a regular basis. Since he’d turned sixteen, he’d matured faster than a lot of other guys, getting even taller, broader and more masculine with each passing day. As I look at him, he could just as well be twenty-five instead of eighteen.
When I lower my eyes, down his neck and toward his strong chest, I’m overcome by an ache in my belly and that same warmth I felt for him last night. It’s a feeling that is beckoning me to wake him with my touch and to let him do things to me that I couldn’t bring myself to do last night. I touch a finger to my lips, afraid, but then I reach out and touch the line of his clavicle, softly running my finger across and delighting at the warmth of his skin.
He rustles and smiles like he’s in a dream, and I take my finger back as if I’d just touched a hot stove. Guilt and even a little confusion return to my mind, and I wiggle away from him, up and out of my bed. I see Garrett’s face all of a sudden, see the moment when he’d bared his soul to me at the lake and asked me to be his girlfriend. He’d been sweet and brave, and how could I stomp all over that memory now?
I snatch up some running clothes that I’d discarded on a small upholstered chair in my room and get dressed. Evan turns over, like he’s trying to grab hold of me, but he’s still asleep and I quickly lace up my shoes. In the kitchen, I take a long drink of water and try to extinguish the remnants of what I felt for Evan this morning and then write him a note telling him I’ve gone for a run.
Even in the humid morning air, I can finally breathe once I start moving. A sense of relief flows through me with each step, knowing the terrible mistake I could have made, but didn’t, had I continued touching him and awoken him, allowing my heart and my body to take the lead. And yet, even with that relief, I still feel guilt as I follow the same route I’d taken for my run yesterday. People are walking their dogs or sipping a morning coffee by their cars. Children slip into back seats or climb into mini-vans, looking as if they’d rather be sleeping in instead of dragged off to daycares or summer camps. A few of the people I see even wave at me, but I don’t wave back. I pretend that I don’t see them, averting my eyes, wanting to be invisible. I’m afraid that if they really look at me, they’ll see that even though I didn’t fully cheat on my boyfriend, I’d wanted to—it was in my heart.
If I weren’t so embarrassed, I’d call Mom, but it will still be dark back home. I try to imagine what she’d say, and I think she’d tell me that I didn’t cheat. She’d probably say Evan and I at least had our underwear on, though I don’t think I could ever bring myself to tell her that I felt his erection against me and liked it, a detail that might change her response. But then again, we didn’t kiss. All we did was snuggle, which shouldn’t be a crime considering we’ve been friends since we were kids. I guess the real crime is that I wasn’t truly honest with Evan, didn’t tell him that deep down he’s the boy, the man, I want most.
But as I run, I think about Lexi and how much Evan seemed to care about her… maybe even really loved her. I never had those feelings about Mike, caring for him certainly, but never loving him the way you should someone you’ve spent five years with. I try to imagine what Mike’s doing now, if he’s getting a leg up and going to Central early or if he’s staying the summer in Basin Lake. I suppose I should know, but I’ve pretty much abandoned my claim on social media, and beyond the pictures he sent me of prom, I’ve not heard a peep from him. For his sake, I hope he finally finds that person that he couldn’t find in Basin Lake. And of course what’s ironic is that the person I couldn’t have in Basin Lake is currently sharing a roof with me.
Evan is still sleeping when I get home, and maybe it’s because of me. Maybe I was right that he just needed a friend last night, that he shouldn’t have been alone, and perhaps that’s what is making him slumber so peacefully. I can’t help but smile as I watch him, and I could go on standing in the doorway to my room if it weren’t such a creepy, stalker-like thing to do. Finally, I tiptoe in, grab some fresh panties, bra and a short, cotton dress, and hit the shower.
After I put on my makeup and pull my hair up into a ponytail, I head out into the living room. Evan has since gotten up and is in the kitchen cooking up a storm. I brace myself for potential awkwardness between us.
EVAN
“Hey, you,” I say, scrambling up some Paige-approved tofu with red peppers and onions. “Got your note. How was the run?” I’m trying to be as chill as possible, not wanting her to feel in any way awkward about last night, which was pretty much amazing.
“Good.” She joins me in the kitchen and grabs some ora
nge juice from the fridge. “You want some?”
“Sure. You hungry?”
“Uh, maybe just the peppers and onions if there are any extra?”
“It’s tofu, Paige,” I inform her.
“What?” She takes a closer look into the wok pan I’m frying everything up in.
“You told me you don’t eat eggs anymore, so I got tofu the other day instead. You just add turmeric and stuff, and it turns all yellow. I found a recipe.”
“Evan, you didn’t have to do that.”
“Yeah, I know, but what kind of cook doesn’t try new things? Plus, it tastes pretty good… once you get over the, uh… tofu taste.” I smirk at her. I can’t pretend I wouldn’t prefer eggs, but I could get used to this for Paige’s sake.
Once we’re sitting at the small dining room table, sipping our juice and eating tofu, peppers, onions and toast, I really want to say something of substance beyond just telling her how pretty she looks this morning, how pretty she looks every morning. I want to tell her how much being close to her last night meant to me, but she’s demonstrating a quiet aloofness that makes me second guess that. Instead, I fill our conversation with recipes I’ve found and ask her if she’s ever had tempeh or seitan. Then I ask her what route she took running and say I’ve been thinking about taking running up too, which I probably wouldn’t unless she really wanted a partner. All the while, I’m waiting for some change in her, some opening for me to tell her what I’m feeling, but I just don’t get it.
Maybe Paige regrets what happened, and even if she doesn’t, then I’m guessing she’d tell me it could never happen again because of Garrett. By the time we’ve finished eating, I’ve talked myself into a corner. I’m convinced last night was a one-time thing, and I need to forget about it ever happening again.
PAIGE
Guys are frustrating. I don’t know if that night Evan and I spent together meant nothing to him or what, but I’ve been pretty much gutted at his avoidance of the topic. Not that it could ever happen again. I mean, I’d have to shut him down because I owe Garrett a real chance at making our relationship work, and that can’t happen if I’m cuddling practically naked with Evan.
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