“So, back in June, I’d actually just gone to Basin Lake Motors to see what they’d give me for my BMW… was even going to call the sperm donor to see if he knew of some scholarship at Well’s Creek for you… you know, no stone unturned?”
“You were really going to sell your car to help me with school?”
“You don’t know the answer to that by now?”
“I do,” I say, blushing at the thought of him giving up his car for me.
“That’s what I was going to Pamela’s for, to find you and try to brainstorm funding, but then I see Garrett holding onto you like he owned you, and I was furious. He should have at least told me he was going to do that. He should have let me have the chance to ask you out and shoot me down yourself.
“And after a day of being pissed off, I figured I’d just go full throttle and try to guilt my dad into paying for you to go to college in Well’s Creek. At first, it was just because I was so furious with Garrett, and I wanted to take you away from him, and I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t thinking of what was best for you.”
He pauses, catching his breath, and I wait silently for him to continue.
“My dad is such a dick that I didn’t think he’d go for it. He’d already made sure I felt like less than dirt just in getting me into college. But I managed to catch him on a good day when he was feeling some kind of regret for being the shittiest dad in the world, and he agreed to fund you.
“I told him you’d never accept him just paying for it. And if you knew it was coming from his checkbook, you’d wonder why couldn’t he just pay for WSU, right? I told him it had to be a scholarship because you were smart enough to get one, even a full ride. So, he talked to admitting at Well’s Creek and set it all up. He was pretty thorough, but I still figured you’d see right through it.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t want to see right through it. It was a full ride.”
“I’m sorry I lied to you,” he says. “I worried about you when you flew back for your grandma. I kept thinking, ‘Please don’t let her plane crash,’ because, you know, maybe my dad could have made up some phony scholarship for WSU too, right? It didn’t have to be Well’s Creek, and I wanted to tell you, but everything just spun out of control, and once you were with me in North Carolina, I couldn’t tell you the truth—I was so afraid of you leaving, and I wanted a chance with you. I wanted to make you see that you and I could work.” He looks out of breath by the time he’s done, and yet I swear he holds it while awaiting my response.
“I get it,” I say, touching his hand. “Maybe I’m supposed to be angry, but I’m just not. If you hadn’t done all of that, would we even be together?”
He eagerly puts his other hand over mine and scoots closer to me. “Yeah, but I still lied.”
“I’m not giving you kudos for that, and I don’t want us to ever have to lie to each other again, but me being in North Carolina gave us an actual chance of being together, and let’s not forget everything else you were going to do to try to help me before that.”
He lets out a huge sigh of relief. “You’re really okay with this?”
“For the most part,” I say. “But I don’t like the idea of your dad paying for my school or my rent. He was awful to you on Thanksgiving, and I’m going to have to find another way.”
“He’s got more money than he could ever spend on himself,” Evan says, slightly dismissive. “If you don’t take it, he’s just going to use it to buy more tacky furniture and stuff for his new miracle twins.”
I can see that Evan has grown used to this system where his family shows him their version of love by giving him things while continuing to be at arm’s length and not demanding the academic success he’s finally taken upon himself to make happen. But that’s not how I’ve been raised, and I don’t think I can continue to accept the money.
“Let’s not talk about that part of it now, okay?” His honesty has been enough for me, and now all I want to do is lean into him and let his body keep me warm.
Being surrounded by the quiet of the lake with nothing but the sounds of birds to accompany us was the perfect choice to have our talk, but when my teeth start to chatter, I agree that it’s time to move on to a warmer climate. Evan folds the blanket up, puts it under his arm, and holds my hand as we walk back toward the car.
The sun has moved on, but the snow makes the sky above seem less gray. Our breath floats out in front of us as we talk, Evan trying to convince me to keep accepting his dad’s money while I tell him there will be plenty of time to discuss that. Right now, today, I just want to enjoy Evan.
“You think your mom would let me hang out at your place for a while?” he asks as we round a corner.
“Of course. She’s always loved you.”
“Good, because I’m really not ready to go back home.”
As soon as he finishes his sentence, I hear footsteps that don’t belong to us crunching through the snow.
A few steps more, and I see him.
Garrett is in the same heavy wool coat as when he picked me up from the airport, but his face doesn’t relay any of the joy I saw in him just a couple of nights ago. He freezes in place, his eyes darting down to my and Evan’s clasped hands, déjà vu from the day it was Evan who’d walked in on Garrett and I at Pamela’s.
“God, I’m stupid,” he says with fury in his voice.
Evan immediately steps in front of me, as if shielding my body. “Hey, man,” he says, tossing the blanket to the ground. “I was going to call you tomorrow and tell you. It was my idea to keep it from you.”
Garrett looks at me like he’s going to cry, and then in the next second, it’s like he wants to destroy something. “I saw your car,” he says, turning his rage toward Evan. “I figured you and I should try to catch up and settle a few things, and what do I find? You and Paige!”
“Garrett,” I say, wanting to take his pain away but afraid I’ll sound more desperate than soothing. “Evan and I thought it would be better this way, to wait until he could talk to you in person.”
“No,” Garrett says, balling his fist. “He was just being a coward.”
“You’re calling me a coward?” Evan shakes his head like he won’t stand for that. “What about you lying about how Paige felt about me, huh? Yeah, she’s told me that was total BS, and I’ve since filled her in on how you dumped Beth so you could go after her, knowing full well I was going to tell her how I felt!”
Garrett laughs, and there’s a meanness to it that is so uncharacteristic of the guy who’d blushed at dirty jokes and tried his best to stay out of drama. “If I ever lied about anything, it was to protect her from you. Everything in your life is a joke, man. I wasn’t going to let you suck Paige into it.”
“Guys.” I step around Evan. “Just calm down. We can talk about this like adults.”
“It’s too late for that,” Garrett says. “I didn’t want to believe you’d end up with him. I told myself you were too busy with school or you couldn’t do long distance or that maybe you met a guy who actually deserved to be with you, and yeah, that still hurt, but to be with Evan?”
Anger is emanating from Evan’s body. “So, it’s not enough that my dad makes me feel like shit, but my supposed best friend is going to pile on too?”
“Like you need help with that.” Garrett focuses his attention on me. “He tell you about Lexi?”
“What about her?” At this point, I’m just shaking my head in disgust, thinking Garrett is trying to douse more gasoline on the fire.
“Don’t you say it,” Evan says between gritted teeth.
I turn toward him. “There’s something else, about Lexi? Evan?”
“You afraid she can’t handle the truth?”
Evan says nothing, but it looks like he’s about to blow.
“What are you talking about, Garrett? If there’s something to say, then just say it!”
“I told you to keep your mouth shut.” Evan takes another step toward him.
“He got her p
regnant,” Garrett says disapprovingly, before Evan can do anything to stop him. “And then he got that stepdad of his to march her out of town and get rid of it so nobody would be the wiser. Not even her parents know.”
I shake my head.
No.
Garrett is mad and making up lies.
At least that’s what I think until Evan lets out a sigh and turns his head slightly toward me, as if he’s trying to sense a response from me without looking me in the eyes.
“Is it true?” I ask, feeling my heart sink for so many reasons, but mostly for the idea that Evan had been closer to another girl than he had been to me, so close that they’d made a child together.
“It wasn’t his right to tell,” Evan snarls as he turns to me. “It’s between Lexi and me.”
“No… Paige deserved to know,” Garrett says, sounding exhausted by his own ferocious words, so unlike the gentle Garrett I’d grown up with.
“I—” That’s all I get out before Evan swings his fist, which lands squarely against Garrett’s jaw. He stumbles back, surprised by the blow, but then charges forward and pushes hard against Evan. I slide out of the way, yelling, “Stop!” as they go at one another. I’d seen my two friends scuffle before, but never like this. They are matching one another blow for blow, yelling insults and using their strong bodies to continue the assault.
“Please stop!” I try to get between them as blood splatters against my face. “You’re killing each other!” There’s no choice but to step away from them and to try and not be horrified by the red stain of blood spatter on the snow. “I’m leaving!” I warn them. “I won’t watch you do this!” Feeling it’s my only hope of getting them to stop, I turn away from their combat and begin walking toward the road. It’s been hard enough witnessing their friendship slowly disintegrating, but I refuse to give them an audience while they slam the last nail into it.
I wipe the drops of blood off of my face and lean against Evan’s car to catch my breath. I’ve been crying, hyperventilating really, as I trudged through the snow. I close my eyes, unable to hear them scuffling—it’s so quiet now, so peaceful. But this short-lived solitude is interrupted by worry. Did I do the wrong thing in leaving them? Should I go back? What if they need me to stop them from doing something they can never take back? No matter what Garrett has said to me about Evan and Lexi, I have a sudden vision of Garrett standing over Evan with a rock, ready to smash his head in, and I can no longer stand still—I have to go back.
I’m running through the snow now, back to two men who were once best friends and who now might be in the process of killing one another. Garrett emerges from a bend in the road, his nose a bloody mess against the backdrop of a face, reddened from the cold.
I slow down. “Is he okay?” My pulse is beating through my skin with worry.
Garrett makes a sound that tells me he’s disgusted with me. “Maybe you deserve him,” he says before brushing past me and walking toward the road.
I make no effort to grab at him or to tell him how sorry I am. The only thing I can think of right now is Evan’s well being. I take off running back toward where the fight occurred, relieved when I see him, just as bloodied as Garrett, but at least standing and walking toward me.
Rushing into his arms is the only thing that seems right. I pour my body against his as he wraps me up in his warmth, the weight of his hand on the back of my head, holding me close to him.
“I hate this so much.” I’m crying with relief and sadness both.
“Me too…” he says. “And I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’m sorry for what he said about Lexi.”
“I need time,” I say in my next breath because as right as it feels to be in Evan’s arms, there are still so many things left to think about, things that I can’t put off any longer.
“What are you saying?” He pulls away, holding my cheeks in his hands. He looks afraid.
“I’m saying that all of this is overwhelming… the scholarship, the apartment… you and Garrett beating the shit out of each other—”
“And Lexi,” Evan says flatly. “Garrett didn’t tell you the whole story… it wasn’t like that. I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“I know,” I say. “I know it’s not that simple, but I just need a few days to myself before this thing snowballs.”
“This thing? You mean us?”
“I mean I’m only eighteen, Evan, and this is a lot to handle all at once. And if you and I are going to be together, then I want to feel like my head is screwed on straight first, okay?”
“I’ll tell you whatever you need to know about Lexi,” he says somewhat desperately. “I haven’t because it’s just as much her story as mine, and—”
“Evan, please,” I say, stepping back from him. “You have to give me time, okay? That’s all I’m asking for.”
He sighs in acceptance, but then lifts his head. “Garrett said something to me before he left.”
“And what was that?” I ask.
“He said he picked you up in Spokane and that you spent the night with him in Pullman. You didn’t, did you?”
I’m disappointed Garrett would do that, put another wedge between Evan and I.
“Nothing happened,” I say. “I didn’t stay the night with him.”
Evan looks surprised, like he couldn’t have imagined any part of what Garrett said having been true.
“But I don’t understand… you knew how he felt about you… why put yourself so close to him?”
“Because maybe I owed it to him,” I say.
He turns away from me.
“Evan?”
“Come on. I’ll drive you home.”
“Evan, it was completely innocent.”
“I’m sure it was,” he says before walking forward without me.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
PAIGE
I didn’t think it was fair for Evan to be so upset with me. I’d accepted so many things that he wasn’t proud of, but he couldn’t handle me spending an innocent night with Garrett? At least he’d allowed me to drive his car to urgent care and get his face looked at. Other than a lot of bruising underneath the bloody mess, he received a clean bill of health, and thankfully his stepdad wasn’t on duty to make things worse. I left a message for Garrett, saying he should do the same, but whether he did or not, I still don’t know today, a day after their monumental fight.
Evan is remaining true to his word to give me space, and he hasn’t tried to text or call me since he dropped me off last night. And even though I was the architect of our short “break,” I have to forcefully remind myself not to pick the phone up and call him. I just want to hear his voice and try to explain why I went to see Garrett in Pullman and tell him nothing at all had happened, even if Garrett wanted it to. Evan should know that.
All I can think of is Evan at his house with a mom and stepdad who I believe failed him. I don’t give Evan a free pass, but I guess the future teacher in me believes they could have gotten him over his bumps in life if they hadn’t just looked the other way. And I don’t even like to think about his father, how he decided he could fix his relationship with Evan by throwing money and favors at him. At least he has his sister, McKenzie, and his half-brother, Henry, who clearly love their older brother from all of the interactions I’ve seen between them.
Finally crawling out of bed at ten in the morning, which is beyond late for me, I head downstairs for some coffee. I hadn’t told anyone about what happened yesterday, having run upstairs to change out of the clothes with Evan and Garrett’s blood on them so nobody would be any the wiser. And I don’t have any intention of telling anyone today either—the last thing Mom needs at Christmas-time is to think about Evan and Garrett beating the shit out of each other.
There is a flurry of activity in the living room. Mom is setting up the artificial tree while Kate runs around like a kid, pulling decorations out of plastic tubs and turning the volume up on the cable channel that runs Christmas movies all month long. Even Claire see
ms interested and is giving Mom direction on whether or not the tree is straight. And most interesting of all is Grandma who is on the main level of the house, sitting on the couch and singing what I’m guessing are Christmas songs to herself.
“Hey, sleepy head!” Mom calls out when she catches sight of me. “Come and help us decorate.”
I want to just head into the kitchen and get some coffee, but something about the jovial scene draws me in, and I get to work. “What can I help with?” I ask.
“You could untangle the lights,” Mom says. “They’re in that bin over there.”
“Did you make this in the first grade?” Kate pulls out a glazed gingerbread man hanging on a green string.
“Let me see.” I loop my fingers through the string and examine it. The little man has two eyes made out of sparkling green beads and red buttons going down the length of his body, though two of them are missing, and there’s a chip in his left foot. I turn him around and see my name and the date scrawled into his once doughy body. Indeed, I was in the first grade and living in Seattle.
Dad was still alive.
“I remember that,” Mom says with a nostalgic twinkle in her eyes. “Where did you find it, Kate?”
“In here,” she says, producing a small box with more decorations that was apparently hidden under a mountain of garland.
“It’s like a time capsule.” Mom takes the decorations out one by one—there are only a few, but they are all homemade, some by me, some by Claire, and even one hastily glued together by a very young Kate. “I thought these had been lost in the move,” Mom says, her eyes filling with moisture.
“Thanks for finding them, Kate,” I say, giving my now thirteen-year-old sister a big smile. Then I look over to Grandma who is smiling too, and I feel like we’re in a scene from one of those Christmas movies that is playing on our TV. It’s all pretty heartwarming, and that feeling continues as we decorate the tree and drink hot cider together. But when Mom decides we should all go Christmas shopping in town, I decline and offer to stay with Grandma. I’m afraid of running into Garrett or Evan or anyone at all really because as small as this town is, I’m sure the news of their fight has started to make the rounds.
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