“Oh, so I’m a writer too now? Man, Paige, you really don’t know me at all!”
It’s the best Christmas I’ve had since Dad was still alive. The eight of us all crowded around the dining room table like a loving, extended family. McKenzie, Henry and even Evan looked as though they’d never celebrated a Christmas dinner this way, and I start to question why in the world we hadn’t done it sooner.
“So, this is what it feels like to sit at a table and eat!” Henry said after we’d all gathered at the table. It didn’t surprise me in the least that the Mattson-Cramer family ate in front of the TV or in their rooms or not at all. Money can’t buy you everything, especially not the bond of a family.
After dinner, Evan immediately offered to help with the dishes, but Mom said those could wait. It was time for games and presents. We hadn’t really played games since those Christmas Eves so long ago, but Mom appeared to be prepared. She pulled out a Christmas trivia book, split us into teams and handed out quizzes. Evan was on my opposing team and completely creamed us.
Next we played a round of Christmas bingo. After Kate’s discovery of our childhood ornaments, Mom had done more digging and found some of the games we used to play, including a miniature bingo cage and a stack of cardboard bingo cards. McKenzie, Claire, Henry and Kate all had to be taught how to play while Grandma took the extra time to study the cards. She confessed she and my grandpa used to play at the church years ago and that she had some kind of system for picking out winning cards. So, it wasn’t a shock when she won all three games.
When it came time for presents, I was concerned McKenzie and Henry would feel left out. I’d gotten something for Evan, but I hadn’t thought about picking anything up for the younger siblings. Luckily, Mom had talked the girls into giving up one gift each, and both Claire and Kate looked happy when the gifts were presented. For McKenzie, a really nice glove and scarf set, and a mini Star Wars Lego set for Henry—Kate had always been a Lego fan. Considering they’d probably still have bigger and more expensive gifts at home, I didn’t expect them to treasure these small items the way they seemed to. I guess there really is something to a gift being given from the heart.
Claire and Kate opened one thing each of their remaining stash—the others to be opened later—followed up by Mom and Grandma unwrapping the things I and the girls had picked out for them way back in June. A high-end perfume and powder set for Mom, along with a bunch of smaller gifts, and a book by Dr. Phil for Grandma and the DVDs of every movie Oprah Winfrey has ever been in.
I finally handed Evan the gift I’d hidden at the very back of the tree. With all of the problems we’d been having recently, I hadn’t been sure I’d even get the chance to give it to him today.
“Yours is out in the car,” he says.
“That’s okay. You can open yours first.”
Like a kid, he smiles and tears through the wrapper, and I think he might actually cry when he sees the bright yellow of a Tonka truck in its container’s plastic. “Paige… how did you…?”
I may have missed the problems with school, the exact nature of the drama with Lexi, and when his love of cooking started, but I had not missed the fact that in the fourth grade, Evan Mattson still had Tonka trucks. It was one of the few times I had gone to his house, and he had them stacked on a shelf in his room. They ranged in size and wear. I could tell some had been played with while others remained in their boxes, simply for show. It would have made more sense had they all been BMW sedans, but they were Tonka trucks. And then one day, all of them were gone.
“I do remember some things,” I say with a bittersweet smile. I’d weighed whether it would be a good gift for him or not considering the way in which all of his trucks disappeared. We were in the sixth grade, and he came to school one Monday incredibly sad. When I asked him why, he said his stepdad had taken all of his trucks and given them away. He said Evan was too old for them, that he should stop being a kid and focus on his future. It’s something that has even more weight now knowing Evan’s academic history and how the taking of his trucks had likely been one of the few—and likely most ill-suited—punishments he’d received.
“I haven’t had one of these in like seven years,” he says, turning the box around, looking at the truck from every angle.
“I figured,” I say.
“Well, isn’t that nice,” Grandma says.
“What a sweet gift,” Mom adds, though she doesn’t look completely sure.
“It’s vintage,” I add. “This model is from when you would have been eight, so, you know… maybe you could start collecting them again?”
“Maybe I will,” he says before pulling me in for a hug that would have turned into something more if not for all of the eyes watching us.
“Can I play with it?” Henry asks.
“I don’t think it’s a toy,” McKenzie says. “Build your Lego set.”
“I’ll be right back,” Evan says, letting a chill in when he sets out to his car to get my gift.
Mom asks me for clarity about the Tonka truck while he’s away, and I do my best to explain without embarrassing his brother and sister who have probably faced the same thing or will in the not so distant future.
When Evan returns, he’s nearly out of breath and a little anxious. “Here you go,” he says and hands me a flat box with a bow on top.
All attention is on me again as I peel the top off and look inside. I pull out two tickets and an itinerary for a week-long stay at a five-star resort on the South Carolina coast for spring break.
“I cheated a little,” he says shyly. “It’s for both of us, but I promise I’ll get you whatever you want while we’re there because it’s going to be your birthday too.”
“Thank you.” I provide an innocent kiss to his lips and begin to imagine myself in a two-piece and Evan in trunks, lounging by the pool while our friends get drunk in Florida no doubt. But then something hits me, something that maybe I’m just now realizing. “I’ll have to make the flight out,” I say, “but that shouldn’t be a problem.”
“Flight out?” Evan looks perplexed.
“I decided that I’m going to stay here and finish the year up at Basin County College.” It’s almost as much news to me as it is to anyone else, but truthfully it’s a decision I’d been slowly making ever since I realized Mr. Mattson was paying for my college and that the scholarship had been a ruse.
“What do you mean, you’re staying?” Evan has gone from perplexed to upset.
“Why don’t all you kids help me in the kitchen,” Mom says, and out of the corner of my eye I can see her pretty much forcing everyone out of the living room to give Evan and I some privacy.
“Let’s talk out on the porch,” I say, knowing that the ears of everyone in this house work just as well in the kitchen as they do out here in the living room.
I lead him out and am already shivering in the dusky darkness of a winter evening. “I don’t feel right about your dad paying for my college, especially after the way he treated you.”
“All the more reason to make him pay!” Evan says like I’m being a nut. “The apartment is paid up, Paige, and the money for your school is safe too.”
“That’s fine, but it still doesn’t feel right. I still have a little self-respect left.”
“Are you saying I don’t?”
“No… he’s not my dad, Evan. He doesn’t owe me what he owes you. It just feels wrong.”
Evan sighs and shakes his head. “So, you’re going to pass up a full ride to go to a dumpy small town community college?”
“At least to finish up the year,” I say. “And we’ll still see each other—”
“What about the ski tickets you got me for my birthday? Am I supposed to just go alone now?”
“Evan, I’m sure Jason and Marvin would go… I mean, I feel bad, but I didn’t anticipate finding out my scholarship was a sham.”
“Oh… I see…” Now Evan is angry and I’m starting to fear I won’t be able to pull him back i
nto reasoning. “So, you do blame me for that and lying to you about the apartment. You think I’m a fuckup, don’t you, Paige? A fuckup who had to lie just to get you to pay attention to me.”
“I don’t think that, Evan.” I step toward him and lay my palms against his chest. “I understand why you did it, but please understand why I have to stand on my own two feet, at least for a little while.”
He doesn’t make any sort of motion to return my touch. In fact, he steps away and averts his eyes. “I think it’s time we went home,” he says.
“Don’t ruin it for them. Let them stay a little longer?”
“I’m sure you’ll think I’m a major asshole if I don’t, huh?”
“Evan…”
He turns the doorknob and leaves the door open for me. He announces to the room he’s heading home. He tries to smile his way through it, thanking Mom and Grandma for an amazing day, but everyone can tell something has happened—maybe they just aren’t sure what. McKenzie and Henry are given the option of staying, but both of them want to go with their older brother. Perhaps this is a case of family bonding, of them sticking together as a group since their parents seem to always be flying off on their own.
“Call me later?” I say, following them out and standing at the side of his car as he gets in.
I think he nods, but I can’t be sure. I also think he might start to cry before he pulls the car out of the driveway.
When I get back inside, the girls have disappeared upstairs and somehow Grandma has made her way up there too.
“What just happened there?” Mom says as I join her in the kitchen and jump in to help her clean.
“I think I made a mistake,” I say, feeling heartbroken.
EVAN
“You’re sad, aren’t you?” Henry asks from the backseat as we drive toward home.
“I’m fine,” I say, anger and numbness churning together in my brain, like I’m not sure which one to pick exactly.
“You guys didn’t break up, did you?” McKenzie asks from the passenger seat. “Like, you guys are so cute together—it would really suck.”
“No, we didn’t break up,” I say, flipping the radio on, Christmas music playing.
McKenzie and Henry are silent, and I wish they weren’t. I can’t help but feel like I ruined their day because I can’t seem to get a grip on what Paige really wants. If she really loved me, she’d go back to Well’s Creek with me, right? Why the hell would she stay here otherwise?
Unless…
“Shit,” I say out loud.
“You just cussed,” Henry says.
“Yeah, I did,” I say, allowing the thought that Paige might want to remain close to Garrett to creep into my mind.
“It’s going to be okay,” McKenzie says, shifting in her seat. “Paige is awesome… so, it has to be.”
I nod. Somehow I know I should believe what my kid sister is telling me, and yet dark clouds seem to be filling my head and making me think the exact opposite.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
PAIGE
The Day After Christmas
I drive Mom’s car to Evan’s house in the morning. He hasn’t been answering my texts or calls, and I’m worried about him all over again. I figure his mom will be working or off at some after-Christmas sale, so I don’t expect her to open the door, already dressed with a full face of makeup.
“Is Evan around?” I ask, feeling somewhat frantic to see him.
She makes a face, like she’s annoyed. “No. He conned Bill into driving him to the airport at five in the morning. He’s already flown back to North Carolina.”
“What?” I step back. “That can’t be right. He’s not supposed to go back until after the New Year.”
“Exactly,” his mother says. “That boy does what he wants when he wants it. I swear, the least you’d think he could give us in return for all the favors we do him is make us proud and become a doctor or a lawyer or something.”
I’m still thrown by the fact that Evan is gone, but my disgust at what his mother is saying jumps ahead in line. “You shouldn’t say that about him,” I tell her with absolutely no qualms. “He’s a wonderful, caring, giving guy who actually made Christmas for McKenzie and Henry, and I’m sure you and Mr. Cramer didn’t even notice they were gone.”
She looks stricken when I’m done, and I let out a huge sigh, turn on my heel and start walking away.
“Who do you think you are talking to me like that?” his mom calls after me as I make my way back to the Volvo. But I don’t look back, and she doesn’t make another peep.
EVAN
God, I’m a dumbass. I don’t quite know what I was thinking when I didn’t respond to Paige’s texts or calls or when I decided it was a good idea to fly back to North Carolina early without even talking to her. I guess it was the fear of hearing something in her voice or seeing something in her eyes that told me she was staying in Basin Lake, not because of who was paying for her college but because she didn’t want to be with me.
I should have had more faith in her. I should have trusted her and us more. I’m a fucking idiot.
All I can hope is that this is salvageable, that I can put into words what I’m feeling and beg her for forgiveness. I mark the email I write as urgent.
SUBJECT: I’m sorry.
Paige,
I’m sorry. I messed up. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you. Truth is that I love you so much that even the possibility of losing you scares the shit out of me. You staying in Basin Lake stirred all sorts of fears up. But, by now, I should trust you enough to know yourself and what you need, and I should trust that our relationship is strong enough to survive a short time apart. Notice I say short time! I can only be away from you for so long.
Christmas with you and your family was amazing, and I could see you and I having Christmases like that together in the future, maybe even with our own kids. Now I’m back in our apartment, and it’s not a home without you, Paige. I’ve literally beaten my head on the dining room table for flying back here early, missing out on more time with you.
Whatever you need to do, do it. But I’m going to need you to spell out that you and I are still okay, that we’re a couple, that we’ll be together and that there isn’t anyone else for either of us.
And Paige, if you’re going to stay for a while, can you check on my little sister and brother? They’re troopers, but they could use someone like you keeping an extra eye out for them. My mom and stepdad aren’t really bad people… they just don’t know how to be there for us.
I love you, and I know you’ve called me, but I didn’t want to answer until I knew you didn’t hate me or were calling just to tell me you were done. I couldn’t handle that.
Love,
Evan
PAIGE
I’m grateful to hear from Evan, and I don’t waste a moment in responding.
SUBJECT: I LOVE YOU!
Evan,
To be as clear as I can be, I love you… and only you! I need you to believe that and believe in me I guess. When you left on Christmas, I thought I’d made a horrible mistake, but I’m only doing what I think is right, and my reasoning is nothing more than what I told you, that I don’t feel good about taking your father’s money.
I’d have told you that in person, and I’d have also said I’ll of course be faithful to you and that I don’t want our separation to be a long one either. I’ll do everything in my power to get back to you as soon as I can, but I just have to find another way of making that happen.
Now… will you call me already so we can talk this out!
I love you!
Paige
Five minutes after I hit send, Evan calls, and we talk until one in the morning.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
PAIGE
January Becomes June
“How are you liking Basin County College?” Beth asks as we work side by side at Pamela’s. “And be honest.”
I shrug. “It has its charm.” And by charm, I
mean it’s fairly old and starting to fall apart. Basin County Community College was once a private, all male college when Basin Lake was an important railroad town and there was enough money to support a place like that.
“Yeah,” she says with a laugh, “but I guess it’s better than some of the other monstrosities I’ve seen that were built in the seventies. I mean, what were they thinking with all those awkward angles and lack of character?”
“I didn’t know you were that interested in architecture,” I say with a chuckle.
“Ben is,” Beth confesses. “I told him he should be an architect, but I’m pretty sure he’s just going to take over his Dad’s grocery store one day, which isn’t such a bad thing.”
“And what about you?” I ask. When Beth was dating Garrett, she used to talk about wanting to be a nurse, but she’s just taking general classes at BCCC.
“Not sure,” she says. “I’m fine with working here for now and then I’ll see what happens when Ben and I get married. If nursing school wasn’t so far away, I’d go for it.”
“You should,” I offer. “Follow your dreams.”
“Good advice,” Beth says. “Just make sure you do the same.”
I like to believe I’m doing exactly that. I’m continuing to take prerequisites for secondary education, but I do miss Well’s Creek and its beautiful campus and the trajectory I’d had there, following in my mom’s educator footsteps.
Garrett has gone back to school. We haven’t talked again, which isn’t really unexpected, and it might be a while before he’s really ready. School and football will keep him busy, and I hope he’ll work past what happened between us. I know I’ve forgiven him for the most part, for the lies he told that kept Evan and I separated for so long.
I’ve been checking in on McKenzie and Henry. Evan’s mom has actually softened a little, and she’s allowed me to take them out for dinner a couple of times. She even pulled me aside the last time I dropped them off and asked me just what I meant that morning I’d come looking for Evan. Respectfully, I told her that she, her husband, and Evan’s dad were good at giving Evan things while what he really needed was their presence in his life. She paused, nodded, then thanked me for my honesty, and I could only hope something would come of it.
Between the Boys (The Basin Lake Series Book 1) Page 35