by Aimee Duffy
In his hands was a tray topped with a glass of orange juice, toast, and an omelet. Caitlyn’s stomach growled.
She nodded. “I feel like I could eat a horse.”
For the first time in days, she’d woken up without the usual urgent nausea in her stomach. In fact, since Caitlyn had arrived a few days ago and the doctor had given her vitamins, she’d been feeling more like her old self. It was only because of Jake’s incessant worrying that she was still bed bound. But after today, she was going to change that.
He placed the tray on her lap and turned to leave. “Jake, wait. I was hoping we could talk.”
Since the big announcement, all their conversations had revolved around how she was feeling, but she could see the tension and stress in his frame whenever he came near her. She wondered if he still felt the same attraction to her as he had on the island. Caitlyn shook the thought away. She looked a mess, he was probably still in shock about her pregnancy.
Jake turned back to look at her. “Is something wrong?”
Yes, she wanted to scream. This is wrong, this isn’t us. We’re acting like bloody strangers!
Instead she said, “How are things going with your brothers?” Chicken, a voice inside her head whispered. She ignored it.
Jake’s jaw tensed and his hands curled into fists. “I haven’t spoken to them since you arrived. Is the omelet okay?”
Caitlyn quickly scooped up a forkful, popped it in her mouth, and moaned at the delicious flavors. How did he manage to get it so light and fluffy?
She nodded. “There was something else,” she said after swallowing. Caitlyn felt the heat rise into her cheeks.
Jake sat on the end of the bed. His hand absently rested on her calf beneath the thin sheet. He rubbed his thumb against her leg. Jolts of heat skittered through her.
“What else did you want to discuss?” He threw her a cheeky grin. Due to her flaming face, he probably thought she was going to ask something dirty.
Caitlyn inhaled deeply. “Why do you really want to get married?”
Hope flared in her fragile heart, but she tried to quash it. He didn’t love her. He’d told her he never would.
Jake’s thumb froze on her leg and he turned away from her. The muscles on his back looked rigid through his thin t-shirt and his free hand fisted. Lead seemed to settle in her stomach and she placed the fork on the tray by her half eaten breakfast.
The sound of the fork clattering drew his attention and he turned back to her. “Eat your breakfast, Caitlyn.”
“Tell me why you reacted the way you did when I told you I was pregnant.” Caitlyn matched Jake’s glare without flinching. He wasn’t getting the chance to back out now.
After a moment, Jake gave in with a sigh of frustration. “Fine. I’ll talk. You eat.”
Thrilled he was going to shed some light on his uncharacteristic behavior, Caitlyn picked up a slice of toast and bit into it.
He looked down at his hand, still gripping her calf, then removed it. Caitlyn felt the loss of his touch immediately.
“Eleven years ago, I found out I was going to be a father.” Jake looked right into her eyes then and she saw a flicker of grief. Pain sliced through her chest. “The girl I was dating, Sarah, told me she wanted us to move in together and get married. I…I couldn’t do it.”
Jake swallowed and turned away to look out the window. The sun hadn’t quite risen to its full height in the sky yet and a shadow was cast over the view.
“I had Tom and Sam to support. I was struggling to learn the ropes of the business. Sarah being pregnant was just one more thing on my shoulders, and I panicked. I begged her to give me time to get my head together. She wasn’t happy, but agreed. A week later she came to the office and barged into a meeting with one of the biggest clients the company had, told me she was breaking up with me, and that she’d aborted our child.” Jake’s voice broke and, without thinking, Caitlyn snagged his hand from where it rested on the bed.
For the life of her, she couldn’t speak. Shock glued her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Caitlyn couldn’t comprehend how anyone could be that callous, and the thought of someone doing that to Jake made her want to hunt Sarah down and scratch her eyes out. Caitlyn started at her malicious thoughts, what on earth was happening to her?
“Jake, God, I’m so sorry.”
He turned to her then, his face emotionless. Caitlyn’s heart bled for him. “Don’t be. It was a long time ago.” He shrugged, but the movement was stiff. “I failed to give Sarah what she wanted, so she left. I won’t fail this time, Caitlyn. I promise.”
Caitlyn pulled her hand away from his. Her appetite was gone and her hope was shot to flames. “You don’t have to marry me. I’m not going to get an abortion, Jake. I want this baby. Even if you didn’t, I’d raise him or her by myself.”
Jake cupped her cheek. “I’m sorry I said that. It was a moment of madness on my part.” He rose from the bed. “How are you feeling today? I hoped we could go into town and pick up some things for the baby.”
Caitlyn felt the blood drain from her face and her eyes grew huge. She couldn’t go out in London.
“Caitlyn, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just…don’t think I’m up to going out today.” Or ever, she added silently. Shopping in London with someone as famous as Jake would catch the attention of the press. Caitlyn wasn’t ready to deal with the ramifications that would cause. “Do you mind if I have another day just resting? I need to phone Amanda later too. I promised I’d check in.” If she was Pinocchio, her nose would be ten feet long by now.
Jake nodded. “My agent sent me a script for a new movie. I’ll have a look over that.” He turned and left.
Her battered heart throbbed. The fact he was planning to go off for months to film a movie just solidified what he’d told her so long ago. He valued his freedom and didn’t want to be hankered down with responsibility. He’d offered her marriage, but what would be the point if he wasn’t going to be around? Caitlyn’s eyes filled with tears and she let them fall.
She wished she could despise him for it, but how could she? Sarah had broken him for any woman who followed. Caitlyn hadn’t exactly had an easy run of it in life, but she’d escaped her father and had Amanda and Kale to care for. Jake had lost his parents, his child, and his freedom all in the space of a few years. It was no wonder he valued it now. And she couldn’t ask him to give up acting, she loved him too much to try and take it away from him.
* * * *
Jake’s trainers slapped against the pavement as music blared in his ears. His morning run had gone on for at least four miles longer than it usually did. The t-shirt he wore was soaked with sweat, and the sound of his heart pounding in his ears almost drowned out Slash playing a guitar solo.
After rounding another corner, he reached his street and began to slow his pace to a quick walk. Jake’s insides felt torn and it had nothing to do with the extra exercise. Having Caitlyn under his roof and being unable to be with her was driving him nuts. She looked so fragile, so pale, that he wouldn’t try to pick up where they left off on the island—not that he thought that would be a great idea anyway.
Even though she was having his child and he planned to keep them both in his life, he knew in his dysfunctional heart he wasn’t good enough for her. She deserved better than him. Deserved someone who would love her for the amazing person she was, not someone who was too messed up to be able to do any of it.
He unlocked the door and planned on showering straight away before making Caitlyn breakfast, but the sound of a man’s laughter coming from the kitchen made Jake change direction. Who the hell was in his house? The sound of Caitlyn’s voice halted him at the other side of the closed kitchen door.
“I don’t think Jake will be long. He’s usually back before now.”
“I’ll wait, if you don’t mind?” Sam said.
Jake’s teeth ground together.
“No, not at all.”
The idea of Caitlyn laughing w
ith Sam had fury flaring through him. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Caitlyn, but his brother was a notorious man-whore. Jake pushed the door open with too much force and it slammed against the wall, leaving a dent in the plaster. He didn’t care.
“What the hell are you doing here, Sam?”
Both Caitlyn and Sam turned to him, their eyes wide with surprise.
“Jake, we need to talk.” Sam rose from the dining table, where he’d been sitting next to Caitlyn.
Half filled coffee cups were before them and he wondered exactly how long his brother had been here. Jake’s eyes went to Caitlyn, and he was relieved to see she had some of her color back. She was also dressed, in a pair of jeans and a green blouse which made her eyes sparkle. Her flaming hair haloed her head and she took his breath away.
“If this is about Campbell Engineers Supplies, I have nothing more to say.”
“Bill is trying to pull out, Jake.” As stubborn as Jake was, Sam was relentless. “He’s heard the company’s failing and has his lawyers trying to poke holes in the contract. If we lose him, everyone else will follow. We won’t have a company to sell.”
Guilt almost swallowed him whole. This wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t left them to cope alone all those years ago. But he couldn’t have stayed, his head had been a mess after what Sarah did. And the responsibility of the company had suffocated him.
“What do you expect me to do about it?” It was too late for them to sell if rumors were already out. They should have listened to him months ago and cut their losses while they still could.
“Jake.” He turned to Caitlyn who was looking at him like he’d punched her. “There must be something you could try. They need your help.”
He couldn’t handle the pleading in her eyes, nor the determination in Sam’s. Suddenly, it all felt like too much. Pressure was crushing in from all sides. Fury welled up inside him stronger than before. “Sam, get out.” His brother made no move to leave so he turned to him and scowled. “I mean it. Get out before I throw you out!”
Sam’s eyes shone with disappointment. He shook his head before he left.
Jake turned to Caitlyn. “It’s none of your business what I decide to do. I told my brothers months ago to get out while they still could. Neither listened to me. Now they’ll be lucky if they can get a penny from the company. There is nothing I can do, even if I wanted to help!”
She rose, the fire in her eyes was back and she put both hands on her narrow hips. “I don’t believe that. I saw how you convinced Bill to sign up. I know you could help them turn the business around. I thought you thrived on challenges, Jake.”
He stalked over to her. She didn’t flinch, didn’t retreat. Caitlyn straightened her spine and pulled back her shoulders. Pride swelled in his chest, together with something else. But he was still too pissed to properly appreciate her. After all, this was none of her damn business.
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. It would take months, maybe even years to turn the business around. I know, because I’ve been there before. The company wasn’t doing great after my parents died and I worked twenty-four seven trying to pull it back into the black with the bank. And what happened? I lost my friends, I lost my girlfriend, and I lost my son before I had a chance to meet him. Yes, I thrive on challenges, but there is no way I’m going to risk everything again. Not even for my brothers. They’re young. They will survive and find something else.”
Jake was standing so close he could smell the scent of berries and that unique spicy smell of Caitlyn. She was still filled with passion, still filled with the angry fire that had attracted him to her the first time they met. His groin tightened as the anger began to recede, but he tried to hold onto it. Jake stepped back. He needed to keep his head. She persuaded him once to help out his brothers, he wasn’t going to let it happen again.
* * * *
Caitlyn knew why she was hurting, and it pained her. But at the same time she wanted to hit him off the side of the head. She knew he’d suffered in the past, could see that he was scared to help in case it all came crashing down on him. Scared to fail.
Was that why he insisted he couldn’t love her, because he was scared to?
“I know it will take time, I’m not an idiot. I know you’re scared to fail, Jake, but you won’t be alone. Tom and Sam will be there to help you. You don’t have to give up on your dreams, you just have to guide them through this.”
“Caitlyn, this is none of your business!” His words hit like a blow to her gut. “You may be having my child, but that doesn’t give you the right to dictate what I do.” His eyes flashed black fire which seared her heart to ashes.
Tears stung her eyes. “I’m not trying to.”
“I stand by what I said. I’ll marry you and give you and our child a home. But that’s all it will ever be. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking my ring on your finger gives you the right to control me. I won’t allow it.”
Caitlyn was thankful he stormed out of the kitchen then. The grief assailing her knocked her feet from underneath her and she fell back on the chair. With blurry vision, she stared into the hallway through the open door. Any hope she’d harbored that Jake cared for her had been thoroughly destroyed. She had no idea what to do now.
It was clear Jake wasn’t ever going to love her. They wouldn’t be a happy family, only one held together out of fear. How could she live like that and not end up hating him? The thought crushed her heart. She couldn’t live with herself if she hated him, and staying here pandering to his demands would almost certainly cause her to despise him through time.
There was only one thing left to do. She’d go back home and have her lawyer draw up a contract for access. Caitlyn wouldn’t keep his child from him, but she couldn’t stay in London either. Never mind the fact that her heart would only break a little more every day she was with Jake, but when she started to show the press would find out. Then all her father had to do was pick up the phone and she’d be thrown in prison.
Footsteps sounded overhead and then she heard the sound of running water. Caitlyn quickly pulled out her phone and called the airport. She booked herself on a flight first thing the following day which was perfect. Jake would be away for his morning run and she could escape without fuss. She didn’t think she could face the argument that was sure to come when she told him she was leaving.
Funny, before she’d met him, Caitlyn had been so terrified of conflict that she’d never confronted anyone in her life. In the last few months, she’d confronted him on more than one occasion, but now, with her heart shredded and her strength knocked out from beneath her, she was back to square one.
Chapter 14
Guilt was a horrible feeling. It was worse than the sexual frustration which had been a part of him since he left Brazil. Worse than anger or fury or even grief. Jake didn’t care for it at all. He arrived back from his run earlier than usual, realizing he had a hell of a groveling apology to make. Caitlyn hadn’t deserved his anger, and she certainly hadn’t deserved the things he’d said to her.
He needed to make things right. After all, she was the mother of his child and he did care about her; far too much for his own good. This morning he’d realized that she was right. He was scared. Terrified, actually. And it wasn’t of losing his freedom or being shouldered with the responsibility of running the company.
Jake was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to save it. That the company would fail, and it would be his fault. But his brothers needed his help and it wouldn’t be so hard this time around, not with Tom and Sam working with him. So he’d made a decision, he was going to quit acting and concentrate on Campbell Engineers Supplies.
Acting had been his escape, his way of running away from a life he was too messed up to face. The thought of running the company again made nerves turn over in his stomach, but he knew that with Caitlyn at his side, he’d get through it.
Jake opened the door and let himself in. There was no sound to suggest that she wa
s awake yet, so he headed through to the kitchen for a bottle of water. He ran over the apology he’d memorized, and realized that it was lacking something. He couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was missing though.
There was a folded sheet of paper pinned to the chrome fridge. He pulled it off and flipped it open. His heart sank as he began reading the words. Caitlyn was gone. She’d upped and left while he was out, without saying a bloody word. By the time he’d finished reading his hands trembled and his vision blurred.
Jake flopped into the chair at the table. Despair crushed down on him from every direction. He wanted to be mad at Caitlyn for running away. He wanted to feel something other than what he did.
The doorbell rang, but he ignored it and re-read the letter. On closer inspection, he noted a tear stain in the bottom corner. His heart gave a painful squeeze. Caitlyn hadn’t left because it was what she wanted. She’d cried. She’d been upset to go. So then why did she leave?
Were pregnancy hormones kicking in already, or did she feel more for him than he thought? Did she love him? His battered heart soared at the prospect of Caitlyn loving him, and for the first time since he’d met her, he allowed it. A warm rush of powerful emotion filled his body and hit him hard in the gut. He closed his eyes and savored the feeling.
It didn’t last. Not when he remembered how he’d spoken to her. Then, further back, when he’d told her she shouldn’t settle for anything less than someone who loved her. He’d also told her he couldn’t be that man, that he couldn’t care for her the way she deserved to be cared for.
But that was a crock of shit and Jake knew it. Fear he would lose her like he lost everything once had kept him from admitting the truth, both to her and to himself. He did love her, more than he knew it was possible to love another person.
The time for being a coward was over. Jake rose from the chair, determination filled him with purpose. He was going to help his brothers and be the man Caitlyn needed him to be, the man he should have been for all these years instead of running away because he was too scared to fail.