Lights and Shadows (Oregon In Love)

by Bonnie Blythe

  The thought made her realize how much she missed him. She hadn’t seen him since her brother’s anniversary. The evening phone calls they shared helped a little, but she wanted to be back in his arms. Once I pass this critical stage in the project, I’ll have more time for him. The last weeks they’d spent side by side had spoiled her. When he started at the college, they’d be unable to say more than a few words to each other, especially now that she spent nearly every lunch hour going over the job with Spencer. And the majority of her evenings would be busy with work.

  Julia blew out a discouraged sigh. While thrilled at the prospect of working again, the cost seemed to be higher than usual. But what else can I do? Couples figure out ways to work around their schedules. I’m sure Marc and I will, too.

  That is if he considers us a couple.

  In all the time they’d spent together, he’d never once said he loved her or made any mention of commitment. There were moments when she’d been sure she saw love in his eyes. The chemistry between them was undeniable. She also knew he wasn’t the type to settle for a dead-end casual relationship. Where did that leave her?

  Admittedly, it made her feel insecure, but she didn’t want to press him. She’d pressed her husband into a marriage he wasn’t ready for, and the action may have precipitated his death.

  Julia pressed a hand to her pounding temple. I can’t go there. I need all my wits to make this job successful. After sending up a quick prayer of blessing for Marc, she turned off her computer and got ready for bed.

  Chapter Eighteen

  When Julia arrived at her office Monday morning, she found a flat package on her desk with her name written on a card under the string. Recognizing Marc’s handwriting, a smile tugged at at the corners of her mouth as she removed the paper.

  Inside, she found the rainbow print she liked so much, matted and framed. Julia caught her lip between her teeth. She wanted to find him and let him know personally how much she appreciated his thoughtfulness.

  Most of the faculty had arrived to prepare for their fall classes and she hoped to run into him before the day was over. Julia made a mental note to get a stand for the picture so she could display it on her desk. She wanted to be reminded of him everyday.

  “Good morning, Julia. Are you ready?”

  She looked up to find Spencer waiting for her. She noticed the way his eyes flicked to the picture in her hands. Carefully sliding it into her desk drawer, she smiled and followed him into the conference room.

  ***

  Julia drove to Marc’s apartment later that day in high spirits. Her meeting with the board members had gone well, though some were dubious of her abilities and rankled at the idea of being forced to seek professional consultation in the first place. But she’d smoothed ruffled feathers and established a positive sense of assurance by defining roles and expectations through the use of well-honed diplomacy and communication skills.

  After parking, she jogged up the apartment stairs and knocked on his door. The landlady opened her door and peeked up after her. Julia sent her a friendly wave.

  Marc answered and stepped aside to let her in.

  After he closed the door, he said, “I take it today went well.”

  “Yes,” she said, coming close and tentatively laying a hand on the front of his blue chambray shirt. “I also want to thank you for the beautiful picture you left on my desk this morning. You’re very sweet.”

  Marc looked down at her with a hooded expression. “Am I?”

  She nodded. “I wanted to find you and let you know how much it meant to me. I’ll have to get your room number.”

  “If you’d found me, what would you have said?”

  Julia smiled at his baiting. “I would’ve said thank you, of course. But that’s not what I wanted to do most.”

  “And that was?”

  Julia raised up on tiptoe. “This,” she whispered as she teased him with soft kisses.

  Her actions had the desired effect. Marc’s arms slid around her, pulling her close.

  “I miss you, Julia,” he said against her hair.

  “I miss you, too.”

  His hold increased. “Do you have to go back tonight?”

  “No, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.”

  Smiling down at her, he said, “I can live with that. How does a veggie pizza sound for dinner?”

  “Sounds great. Are we going out?”

  He shook his head and rested his hands at her waist. “I’m not sharing you with anyone tonight.”

  ***

  Marc finished the preparations to his room for the photography class and glanced at the clock. In ten minutes it would be time for a faculty meeting regarding the presence of a professional consultant in their midst.

  He knew Julia was excited to get this assignment underway, but he couldn’t entirely share the feeling. In his mind, he could see no way they could maintain their relationship. Already signs of strain were apparent. Only seeing each other once or twice a week was no way to carry on a relationship. In a marriage, it would be futile. As far as he could tell, he was the one having the hardest time with their situation. While he was proud of Julia and glad she was doing what she loved, the selfish side of him struggled with the notion her work would always be more important to her than him—even though he knew that was unfair.

  Each time he meant to have a hard discussion with her about their future, she came to him, beguiling and affectionate, driving all else out of his head but his need to hold her in his arms. His prayers seemed to be of no avail. Lying awake nights, his heart full of anguish, only left him more exhausted and no closer to an answer. Everything within him wanted to confess his love for Julia, but he continued to hold back.

  I can’t compete with her high-powered lifestyle. All I can offer is traditional values and a downgrade in her standard of living. Yeah, like she’s going to jump at that.

  Marc sighed. He honestly didn’t have anything against her working as long as family was the priority. As much as the notion twisted his heart, Marc knew he’d rather release Julia than expect her to change for him.

  He headed toward the conference room. Marc experienced the familiar lurch in his chest when he saw Julia. In a room crammed full of faculty members, she sat demurely in a chair next to several members of the school administration. He guessed the tan dress and careful hairstyle was deliberate to give an unintimidating impression.

  After Julia was introduced, she stood and scanned the room, her attention resting for a moment longer on him. She began speaking, explaining her exact position and goals. She told of her plans and strategies, stressing her desire to remain as unobtrusive as possible, causing the least amount of disturbance while she worked. Marc was impressed with her confidence and communications skills.

  Who am I to ask her to give this up? She’s worked so hard to get where she is.

  Before sitting down, Julia introduced Spencer Meyers and explained he’d be acting in the role of liaison. With dismay, Marc recognized the man from his book party. A sickening feeling developed in the pit of his stomach when he realized Julia would be working long days and beyond with this guy. Marc knew he couldn’t compete with a man like that—one who could offer Julia the desires of her heart.

  Clenching his jaw, he added another entry to his list of reasons he and Julia had no hope of a future together.

  ***

  Spencer walked Julia out to her car as the sun set in a gaudy display of pink and orange. The light wind ruffled his blond hair as he surveyed her.

  “You were great today. The senior faculty members were very impressed.”

  Julia smiled. “I hope so. Their cooperation is essential to the success of the assignment.”

  “You had them eating out of your hand,” he said with a grin.

  “That remains to be seen. We’ll see how enthused they are when I start monitoring classrooms.”

  Spencer leaned against the side of her car. “Just woo them with your charm. It’ll work every
time.”

  Julia laughed softly and got inside her car. She rolled down her window and said, “See you in the morning.”

  On the way home, she felt the adrenaline that had sustained her through the day begin to fade. In its place a powerful headache began, growing in strength with each passing mile.

  By the time she made it back to the cottage, the pain was nearly debilitating. She gulped down several Tylenol and ruthlessly attempted to ignore the insistent throbbing.

  After a quick hello at the main house, she opened the laptop and typed in the day’s information. All in all it had been an excellent start. She’d achieved every goal, and the official assignment had commenced as smoothly as she could’ve wished.

  Summoning her last shred of energy, Julia changed out of her clothes and fell into bed, asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Days flew by and turned into weeks as Julia aimed to make this project her most successful yet. Meetings of planning, strategy, and updates along with fact-finding and interviews, consumed her time as the fall term began full swing.

  She rarely saw Marc during the day except in passing and professional constraints kept them from sharing anything other than a look or guarded ‘hello’. Julia sensed Marc distancing himself from her and that knowledge tore at her heart. There were few evenings or weekends she was able to spend with him. If she wasn’t in a late meeting, she was catching up on data entry. By the time she closed her laptop, it was usually after nine o’clock and she was utterly exhausted.

  Of the few times she popped over at Marc’s place, he either wasn’t home or their time together seemed strained. In wistful moments, she’d remember the time they spent together just a month ago. It felt like years. She fought the slow grief that Marc was becoming more peripheral with the knowledge that people were depending on her and she couldn’t let them down.

  Everyday she arrived in her tiny cubicle, she’d look at the photograph he’d given her, sustaining her hope that somehow they’d work things out.

  When Julia finished her data entry on the following Friday, she was pleasantly surprised to find it was only after five-thirty. Seized with a desire to get out of the office, she had a quick talk with Spencer and left the college while it was still light.

  Julia headed for Marc’s apartment, praying he’d be there. She needed to see him—needed to feel his arms around her. While driving, she rubbed her head with one hand. Tylenol just wasn’t cutting it these days. Maybe Marc will be my cure.

  Spying his truck along the curb near his building made some of the tension drain from her body. She hurried up the stairs and knocked, growing impatient when he didn’t answer right away. Finally his door swung open. Marc appeared looking as tired as she felt. She noticed him hesitate before he pulled her inside and crushed her in his embrace, kissing her for several long and wonderful minutes. Julia could barely stand by the time he eased his hold. She held onto him for support and gave him a lopsided grin. “Wow.”

  Marc smiled down at her, looking equally dazed. He caught a strand of her hair and wound it around his finger. “Is this just a quick hello?”

  The question sounded casual, but Julia sensed the tension in his body. “I’m free for the evening if you’ll have me.”

  He kissed her again. “Have you eaten?”

  Julia smiled and shook her head.

  Marc took her hand and tugged her into the kitchen. “Just before you came I was standing here, hoping for some inspiration.”

  She inspected the contents of his cupboards and small refrigerator. She came up with some rice, chicken, and vegetables. Together they prepared a simple meal. Julia bemoaned the fact Marc had little seasonings beside salt and pepper.

  “How do you live without curry?” she asked with a teasing look, for the moment supremely happy.

  “I don’t live without it. I go down to the corner restaurant and have curried rice all the time.”

  “You know it’s available at a grocery store, don’t you?”

  Marc shrugged.

  “They have garlic and onions there, too.”

  “Is that a fact? I guess you never know what they’ll come up with next.”

  Julia reached out to tickle him in the ribs but he caught her wrist and kissed her instead. What started as a quick peck on the lips suddenly turned into something more compelling. By the time they remembered their food, it was cold.

  After a reheated dinner, Julia gathered up the dishes and filled the sink with hot soapy water. Marc came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He rested his chin on her head. “Those can wait.”

  “They’ll only take a minute, especially if you help me.”

  “Why would I want to do dishes when I have a beautiful woman in my arms?”

  Forgetting the dishes, Julia turned and looked up at him, her heart pounding out a hopeful rhythm. When he lowered his head to hers, she met his lips without hesitation.

  An electronic beeping startled the silence. She froze, disappointment burgeoning.

  “What’s that?” Marc asked with reluctance.

  Julia gently disentangled herself from his arms and reached for her purse on the counter. “My phone.” Keeping her eyes lowered, she checked the number on the BlackBerry and hit the call button. “Hey, Spencer. It’s me.”

  After a moment, she said, “No, it’s okay.” She glanced at Marc and sighed. “It would be better if you showed me in person. I’m still in town so I’ll swing back by. No, no problem. Bye.”

  Julia pressed a button on her phone and tossed it back into her purse. “I need to go.”

  “I understand.”

  Marc’s voiced lacked enthusiasm. She doubted he did understand. Tucking a stray wisp of hair behind her ear, she smiled. “I’m sorry.”

  He leaned over and kissed her softly, making her feel worse than ever. Julia gathered her things, thanked him for dinner and left the apartment. In her car, she did her best to repair her hair and makeup before leaving. Her hands shook as she pulled out onto the road. I don’t want to leave. At a stop light, she rested her head on the steering wheel. A honk behind her alerted her that the light had turned green.

  Julia found Spencer in his office alone, with his sleeves rolled up and his blond hair disheveled. One of the reasons they worked so well together was because they were both driven to succeed. She’d heard he came from a wealthy family, trying to win the favor of his father, one of the board members. Helping to turn around the college’s financial future was a step in the right direction.

  He looked up at her entrance. “Julia, it was great of you to come. I hope I didn’t upset your evening.”

  Julia smiled and shook her head, not wanting to divulge where she’d been. She sat down in a chair and scooted next to him.

  Spencer eyed her speculatively. “Since when did you start wearing men’s cologne?”

  Her gaze flew to his in shock. “What?”

  Rubbing his face harshly, he blew out a breath. “I’m sorry, Julia. That was unacceptable. I’ve been staring at this monitor too long. Forgive me?”

  She nodded and decided the best way to deal with the situation was to ignore it. “Tell me again what you’re having trouble with.”

  He pulled up the file in question on his computer and pointed at the numbers on the screen. “These just don’t jibe with our research.”

  Julia scrutinized the numbers for several minutes, checking back through her own computer files. “You’re right. I’m glad you caught it. That discrepancy would’ve negated the fiscal report we’ve been working on for the last two weeks.”

  “If it’s indeed a discrepancy.”

  Julia tapped her pen on her chin, following his line of thinking. “When was the last time the college was audited?”

  “Recently, but I’m not sure exactly when. I’ll check it out tomorrow.”

  She shut down her computer and closed it with a snap. “Let me know what you find out.”

  As she stood
to leave, he caught her wrist. “Julia, I really am sorry for what I said. I can hardly believe it came out of my mouth.”

  She tried to give him a reassuring smile. “We’re both tired.”

  Releasing her, he stood. “Isn’t that the truth. Wait a minute and I’ll walk with you out to your car.”

  The moment she was on the road, her plastic smile turned grim.

  Men. What had Spencer meant by that comment? Was he jealous or something? On second thought, I don’t want to know. She thought next of the tight look on Marc’s face when she’d left his apartment. Men!

  She shouldn’t have to apologize for just doing her job. It wasn’t her fault her work sometimes demanded more than nine to five hours. Marc couldn’t expect her to put her career on hold for him. He certainly wouldn’t for her. She held onto the anger and nursed it, preferring it to the usual feeling of guilt. It always came down to the old double standard.

  But as quickly as the anger came, it died. Deep fatigue made her shoulders droop when she finally pulled into her driveway. At times like these, she wanted nothing better than to chuck her career into the nearest trash can.

  If I’m brutally honest, the feeling of success and independence seems elusive this time around. She thought of the increase in dizzy spells and heart palpitations. Maybe I do need to slow down a little. But the next thought came on the heels of the first.

  One of these days.

  ***

  Julia peered into the mirror the next morning and inspected her face for wrinkles. While she couldn’t be sure there were any new ones today, she did notice violet shadows under her eyes. She frowned at her reflection and made a few last touches on her hair style. When she heard a knock on the door, she sighed.

  Sara smiled brightly when Julia opened the door.

  “Good morning, Julia! Would you please come along with me to the house?”