by S. K. Lessly
The next thing I did was call my baby sister, Mary. Mary and I were closer than my other siblings were. I knew I could trust her to tell me what I wanted to know, without betraying my trust. Once I got Mary on the line, she confirmed some of what Samson told me and added more to the story. I tried not to get angrier, but I couldn’t help it. Samson tried to prepare me by reminding me about the hell he and his family went through with the death of his kid sister. He wanted me to understand my parent’s point of view, and I did to a degree, except I drew the line with my father.
What he did was so far beyond rational and sane it wasn’t funny. He and I needed to have a conversation and I had my wish two hours after I emerged from the shower.
“Wow, son, you look refreshed,” my father boomed as he stepped inside my hospital room. My mother walked in behind him and moved to my bedside. She kissed me on my cheek, and I hugged my mother back all the while glancing out the door behind them. I caught a glimpse of a figure just outside my door.
“Who’s out there?” I asked my father, my body immediately on the defense.
My father waved me off, but I rose from the bed ready to get up and see for myself. I knew I wasn’t one hundred percent, but I figured I could go out there and slam this walker in his face. That should be enough for right now.
“Son, where are you going?” My father asked.
I turned and faced my father, “I asked you who was outside my door. I won’t ask you again. I’ll just go out there and ask him myself, but it won’t be pretty when I do.”
My father put his hands out to stop me. “Paul, he’s no one okay. He’s with me. Part of my security detail the firm gave me. He was hired about a month ago.”
I pointed to the door and didn’t take my eyes off my father, “Was he the one that put his hands on Lauren?”
“Charles!” Mrs. Logan exclaimed.
“Now hold on one minute. Is that what she told you?”
I slowly walked up to my father’s face, abandoning the walker. “No, dad she didn’t tell me anything. I saw her got damn face.” I shook my head, fury burrowing deeper and deeper inside my bones. “Seriously, old man, what in the hell is wrong with you? Why would you kick her out of my room like that? You know what she means to me.”
“She has no right to—"
“She had every right!” I growled in his face allowing the pent-up aggression to bleed through. My pressure was also rising, and my head starting to throb, but I continued. “I gave her that right, and you went against my wishes and for what? Because you didn’t like her decision to keep me alive? My God, she trusted you. She trusted you because I trusted you. I trusted you knew how much she meant to me. I trusted you would treat her like…” I trailed off looking in his eyes knowing deep down nothing I said was getting to him. He had no idea what family meant, how could I have expected him to treat Lauren as if she belonged.
I backed away from them both done with this conversation, done with them both. Feeling the weight of everything that happened weaking me, I moved toward my bed, but not before saying over my shoulder, “Get that son of a bitch away from this room, and away from the hospital, or I swear to you I will fucking kill him where he stands.”
I heard heavy tread walk out of my room and I assumed it was my father. Once I got to the bed and finally turned around I saw my mother standing there alone, worry etched in her tired face.
“Paul, don’t be so hard on your father. He was just trying to do what was best.”
“Mom, that’s the problem!” I snapped at her, pointing at the door my father disappeared through. “Anytime he oversteps his bounds, we brush it under the rug, but not this time. He fucked up, mom.”
“Paul Joshua Logan, you watch your language,” she tried to admonish, but I ignored her.
“And you stop making excuses for him. I get it you guys were distraught over my accident. I also understand where you guys were coming from and why you did what you did. I didn’t at first, but after heavy thought, I do now. It must have been hard on you two seeing me like that, but you two weren’t the only ones affected by this. I mean, can you imagine the shit you put Lauren through? I’ve been awake for three days, and she’s known nothing about it.”
“Your father called her…”
“Please mom, don’t be naïve. You know damn well he did no such thing. And I’m sure if I didn’t make it, you all wouldn’t have told her either.”
My father walked back into the room still showing signs of defiance, and I expected as much. He said, “Son, I did what was best for you. I’m not going to apologize for that.”
I pushed the nurse’s button and when someone answered, I asked if they could bring me something for my headache. After they told me they would, I laid back in the bed and regarded my father.
“Understand something and believe me when I say this because I’m only going to say this once. Lauren Kelly is the most important person in my life. She’s my world, and she’s the air I breathe. She’s it for me. The sooner you two understand that and accept what she means to me, the better you and I will be. I have never in my life felt this way for anyone before. I trust her with my life. You don’t have to because guess what, it’s not your life, it’s mine.”
The doctor came in the room and actually asked me a few questions on other symptoms. The only thing bothering me was my head. Well, my heart also ached, but there wasn’t anything the doctor could do about that.
An MRI had been scheduled, and they would be coming for me in just a few minutes. The doc asked if I could wait until then before they gave me the meds. I agreed, and when the doctor left the room, I came to a decision that wouldn’t go over very well with the couple in front of me, but at this point, I didn’t care.
I looked at my dad. “I want you two to leave.”
“What do you mean?" asked my mother. My father just stood there, posturing, his chest pushed out aggressively.
“Now listen—” he started to say, but I interrupted him.
“No, you listen. Dad, you felt it was necessary to ban the woman I love from my life. You felt it was the right thing to do because she went against your wishes. Well, you went against my wishes. And let's not forget you let some fucking goon smack her down with no consequences, by the way, that will be coming, so make sure you let him know. You’ve made a mess of things, and as always, you don’t see the error of your ways. I’m done. I want you to leave. I need space from you two, and you’re going to give it without a word or so help me, you’ll never see me again.” I closed my eyes, dismissing them both.
“Paul,” I heard my mother exclaimed. Again, I ignored her outburst and continued.
“There's no need for you to come here anymore. I’m fine and awake. I don’t need the constant vigil at my bedside.”
“Son, you are letting her cloud your mind!” my father spat.
I shook my head and opened my eyes to look at him. “You still don’t get it, do you? You did this, not her. She hasn’t told me anything about what happened. I learned what you’ve done from other people. Hell, the staff here knows what you’ve done. This isn’t a family secret. You’ve put your own selfish needs before mine, and you think I’m wrong for telling you to leave? It’s clear to me you have no idea what wrong you’ve done, and I’m not about to explain it to you.”
A tech entered my room with a wheelchair, and I stood slowly and made my way to it. I took my time and lowered my tired body in the chair. As I was wheeled out, I called to them over my shoulder, “Don’t be here when I get back.”
* * *
I woke to a dark and empty room. I was getting tired of waking up to dark rooms. I checked my cell, hoping to see that Lauren had returned my many calls and text messages but no such luck. I had over forty missed calls and the same amount of text messages, but none of them were from Lauren. I went to the messages for today and saw Samson had texted me that Lauren wasn’t home and hadn’t answered her cell. He seemed worried and quiet as it’s kept, so was I.
&
nbsp; I had asked the doctor when I would be able to be discharged, and he told me in a few days. They wanted to run a few more tests and start physical therapy to monitor the effects it had on my body. They hadn’t found anything abnormal from the scan, thank God. I was scheduled to start physical therapy tomorrow too, which was great. The sooner I got my legs back under me the sooner I could get out of here. In the meantime, I needed to find my woman.
I brought up her number and hit send. The phone rang for what seemed like forever before the call switched to voicemail.
“Baby, I need you to call me or text me to at least let me know you’re okay.” I ran my hand down my face and blew out a breath. “I’m an asshole. I want to blame it on this damn injury and other shit, but I have no excuse. Please hit me back, even if it’s to cuss me out. I love you, baby.”
I ended the call and closed my eyes. I had no clue where she was or what to do to fix this mess. I just hoped she gave me the chance to do just that. I heard someone knock on my door before they entered. I held my breath, hoping it was Lauren, but deep down I knew it wouldn't be her. Yeah, I should be so lucky.
Who did appear was the third person I needed to talk to, Sabrina.
Sabrina had a bright smile on her tanned face as she greeted me. “Hey, you. I brought you some soup from your favorite place on Bloomfield Avenue.”
I smiled weakly and raised my bed up further.
She placed the bags of food on the tray table on the side of my bed. “You look great. I’m so glad you got rid of the horrible beard.” She shivered in disgust and went about removing the soup from the bag. I watched her in silence as she placed the container filled to the top with hot deliciousness in front of me along with a spoon and crackers.
I smiled up at her with gratitude. “Thanks, Sabrina.”
I opened the container and inhaled the aroma of New England clam chowder. It smelled amazing, and if it were any other circumstance, I would have devoured the soup. Right now, I couldn’t will my appetite to desire this soup if my life depended on it. I just wasn’t hungry. I took a few spoonfuls of the soup anyway, to make her feel like she’s done something, and pushed the soup away.
“You don’t like it?” she pouted.
“No, it’s fine, I’m just not hungry.” I paused and looked at her, really looked at her. She was wearing a soft textured blouse, slim jeans, and heels. Her hair laid along her back, every strand in its rightful place. I noticed she had makeup on too. Shit.
I asked, my eyebrow rose in question. “So, how’s Dominic?”
She waved dismissively. “Oh, that’s over.”
“Yeah, since when?” I knew the answer. I wanted to see if she would tell me the truth.
“It doesn’t matter really. It wasn’t going anywhere, anyway. Let’s talk about something else. When are you getting the hell out of this place?”
“I don’t know probably by the end of next week, why?”
She shrugged and fell into the lounge chair next to my bed. “Nothing, I’m just sure you’re anxious to be home with family.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Knowing your parents, they’ll expect you to come home with them. I know you don’t want that, for sure.”
I scoffed and nodded. “You could be right. However, that’s not happening, not at all.”
Sabrina looked down at her lap for a few minutes before she tilted her head and looked up at me. “Um… If you want, you can stay at the house. I ended up purchasing our house, but I’m rarely home. You could stay there if you like.”
I looked at her for a moment longer letting resolve come over me before I said, “I’m so sorry, Sabrina.”
She smiled, but it was strained. “What do you mean? What are you sorry about?”
I shook my head. “For everything. For holding you back, for not being man enough to let you go sooner. In my attempts to do the right thing, I fucked things up royally. If I played things differently, right now, you could’ve been happy with someone that deserved you.”
Sabrina held her breath and stared through me as I spoke. I could see it in her eyes. She was dumbfounded.
I reached for her hand. “Sabrina, I loved you once I did and I thought you and I could’ve shared a meaningful and wonderful life together, but I was blind, blind to the fact that we weren’t compatible to each other. We loved each other, but we didn’t complement each other like we should have. We were both strong in the same things and weak in the same things. We didn’t know how to challenge each other, how to motivate and be strong for one another. That’s what a marriage should be, Sabrina. I’m supposed to help complete you, and you’re supposed to do the same for me, but can you honestly say that we were that way to each other?”
I looked at her, but she continued to stare into nothing. I squeezed her hand and said her name softly. She broke from her stare and looked into my eyes. This was the first time I saw real tears welling inside them.
She moved her hand from mine. “All I’ve ever done is love you, Paul.”
“You think what we shared was love? Sabrina, love is more than what we had. If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have cheated on me. If I truly loved you, I would’ve fought for you when you left. I would’ve followed you to Florida. I wouldn’t have sent you packing, and I wouldn’t have fallen in love with someone else.”
Sabrina jumped out of her seat and ran her hands through her hair. “I can’t believe this. You’re still choosing her after everything I’ve told you. I thought you would’ve…”
I was shocked by her sudden outburst of anger, but I managed to remain calm and say, “You thought I would what?”
“I thought you would see who she really is and where you truly belong.”
“You think I truly belong to you?”
“Yes,” she blurted, but I could see in her eyes and body language she didn’t believe what she was saying.
I didn’t say anything. I watched her quietly for a while. She met my stare with intensity. I got out of my bed and moved toward her.
“Sabrina, you’re not in love with me.”
“Yes, I am.” She walked up to me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me.
Her lips only touched mine for a few seconds before I pushed her back, putting space between us. Our eyes met, and I finally saw the resolve in her eyes. She took a few steps back from me; her shoulders slumped in defeat.
I said softly, “You’re in love with Dominic, I can see it. The problem is you’re afraid.”
“Afraid of what?” she scoffed.
“Afraid of starting over, of letting yourself go.” I walked up to her and tilted her head up to meet my eyes. “Don’t you see, that’s what I’m apologizing to you for. You don’t want to take a chance on love because of what we went through, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The person that falls head over heels in love with you will not treat you the way that I did. What you feel will be different and more special than what you and I had together. And to be honest, I saw the promise of that with you and Dominic. I saw the way he looked at you and how he treated you. You have to find a way to move on from us and find your life.”
“So, you’re telling me you don’t want me?” Sabrina wrapped her arms around me and snuggled close to me in a last-ditch effort to win me back. I stepped out of her embrace letting her arms fall to her sides.
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry. I will always have a special place in my heart for you, but who I want and where I belong is with Lauren.” I chuckled mirthlessly. “That is if she’ll still have me after all this shit!”
Sabrina folded her arms across her chest and frowned up at me. “Well, I guess you’re dumber than I thought. Lauren is with someone else, and she’s having someone else’s baby.”
I walked back to the table by my bed, reached over and picked up the sonogram. I handed it to Sabrina. “Sabrina, Lauren isn’t seeing anyone else. I can probably confirm this, but I really don’t need to. Who you heard with Lauren talking to was probably her brother.”<
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Sabrina scrounged her nose at me and snorted. “She doesn’t have family here. They live out of state.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Come on, Sabrina. Not everyone has siblings like yours. Her family comes to visit her all the time. It was probably Mark you heard. I know this because I know my woman and I know her family, especially if they knew about me. They would have made the trip to check on her and me. And that baby she’s carrying is mine. Look how far along she is?”
Still skeptical, Sabrina looked at the picture in her hand then at me, the doubt still evident. “Okay what am I looking at?”
“Look at the date of inception, or gestational date whatever.” I directed and waited for her to do just that. Sabrina studied the blurry black and white photo and the second she found what she was looking for she looked at me with indifference.
“So, I see it. So what?”
I took the picture back from her and placed it back on my table, “Lauren is three months pregnant.”
“So?”
I sighed. “So, we were back together by then. I don’t need to go on and explain the birds and bees to you, do I? Since the moment we’ve found each other again, we haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other. You honestly think that didn’t happen every single time we were together? I can tell you it did.”
Sabrina put her hands up to stop me from speaking. She sent a frown my way and shook her head. “Please spare me the details. I get it.”
“Okay then get this, there is no way Lauren would be unfaithful to me.”
She sneered at me. “And how do you know this? Paul, she could have easily been with someone else while you were at work. It does happen you know.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Yeah, unfortunately, I know firsthand how it can happen.” I waited for my dig to sink in and when her face fell, I blew out a breath. I continued, my voice void of the bite it just had. “Things with Lauren and me run deep, Sabrina. She's the missing rib to my side, my lifeline, the air that I breathe and I know for certain that she feels the same. There's no way she would ever betray me. I know that, and I trust that.”