by K. A. Ware
“Come on, Addie. You need to learn how to relax. When was the last time you had a little fun?”
She rolled her eyes and tilted her head to stare at the popcorn ceiling of our motel room. It had taken some coercion on my part, but I’d finally gotten her to agree that sleeping in a dingy motel on the edge of town was better than a park bench.
“I know how to have fun, Sav. You and I just have different definitions of the word.”
“I call bullshit. You may’ve followed the rules, but you weren't always this damn bland.”
Her brows pulled down hard over her eyes. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“Look at the you! I say we're going to hit up the bar across the street, and you're wearing a fucking blazer for Christ’s sake!”
“I'll have you know this is Donna Karen!”
I cocked a hip and lifted a brow at her haute declaration. "Your nose get sunburned holding it up that close to the sky? You look like you're getting ready to go to a PTA meeting. Here," I pulled her toward me and yanked the pastel monstrosity off her shoulders, revealing her sleeveless blouse. Sitting down on the faded floral duvet, I tugged off my black high heel booties and threw them at her…only sort of aiming for her self-righteous face. "Now take off those hideous loafer things and put these on." Addie shot me a glare that could've cooled all of Louisiana in the middle of July, but did as she was told. "There, see? You can look classy and sexy. You don't have to dress like a damn nun."
I slipped on my flip flops and padded to the bathroom to say goodbye to Kevin.
"Mommy's got to go show Aunt Addie how to get her groove back. Be good," I whispered, patting the top of his head for good luck. I’d need it.
Crossing the small room, I swung the front door open and curtsied. "After you, madam."
She huffed and flipped her long auburn hair over her shoulder before marching past me.
God help us.
“Hot damn!” The sweaty biker perched on the stool at the end of the bar wolf whistled as we approached, reaching out to land a palm square on her ass.
Shit, this is not going to end well.
Addie spun on her heels and narrowed her eyes at the bearded man.
"Did you just..."
The man chuckled and grabbed her arm, pulling her closer. "Come on, sugar. Who owns you?"
Her spine stiffened. "No one, I own myself, and I'd thank you to take your hands off me," she sniffed.
"If you ain't someone's property, you're fair game, sweet thing," he responded ignoring her declaration of independence.
I had to do something quick, otherwise the Dubois sisters were about become rivals with a damn biker gang. Reaching out, I grabbed Addie's other arm and spun us both in a move that could've landed me on Dancing With The Stars. Plastering on a smile, I plopped myself into the burly looking bikers lap.
"Oh, my God! Your name is Hog," I exclaimed in the thickest Southern accent I could muster. "What a coincidence, I have a pet pig! His name is Kevin Junior Bacon Cheeseburger, but I call him Kevin Bacon for short. I just love Kevin Bacon, the actor, not the pig. Not that I don't love my pig, because I certainly do. In fact, I love him with all my heart. He even sleeps with me. He's really more like a child. I've always wanted children; do you want children?" I spat the words rapid fire style and watched as his eyes turned from lecherous into something resembling a glazed doughnut.
He started to turn his head, but I snatched his face in my hands, squishing his furry cheeks together. "With this bone structure and those eyes, I bet we'd make beautiful babies. Don't ya think?" I directed my last question over my shoulder at Addie as she gaped at me.
"Well... I ahhh..." the man stuttered, clearly looking for an out, but I wanted him to suffer just a little more for laying hands on my sister.
"What? I'm not pretty enough for you?" I demanded shrilly. "Figures, my sister's always been the pretty one. No one ever wants me after they've seen her." I cried, letting tears start to well in my eyes. The look of complete and utter terror on the big biker's face let me know he'd had enough. I jumped from his lap and spun around once more to face him. "It's over, Hog. What we had was short lived, but it was beautiful. When you're cold and lonely, you'll realize the mistake you made tonight but it'll be too late for us!" I shrieked loud enough for people to stare. Turning, I stormed away, dragging Addie along behind me.
We were halfway across the parking lot before my composure slipped, and I doubled over laughing.
"What in God’s green earth was that?" Addie demanded.
I finally managed to catch my breath as we reached our room. "That, big sister, was me saving your ass."
"You call that saving my ass? I had it under control."
"Please, you were two seconds away from wearing a cut that said ‘Hog's Bitch.’ This isn't a TV show Addie; those were the Devil's Jokers. They're serious business. "
Addie paused digging in her purse to stare at me. "How do you even know that?"
I shrugged. "Not all of us spent the last ten years getting manicures and planning dinner parties.
Addie grunted as she tried to zip up her over packed suitcase. "A little help?"
"Tell me again why, instead of packing clothes, you filled your one suitcase with candle stick holders?"
"Because they're worth more," she said blowing her hair from her face. "Besides, I don't need a reminder of the Stepford wife he made me. You were right about me before. Somewhere along the way I turned into a shell of the woman I was before. That snob is not who I am. I suppose I spent so many years pretending to be what he wanted that I forgot who I wanted to be."
I bit my lip and looked down.
"Hey, don't you dare feel sorry for me. I made my choices and now I'm making new ones. Don't count me out yet, Sav. I've still got some fight left in me. It'll take some time, but I was serious when I said I was cutting the marionette strings. I'm sick to death of playing a part in my own life, it's time to start my adventure."
I smiled and stood. "Glad to hear it Sis, because we're hitchhiking back home."
"Excuse me? I said I wanted to live a little, not get murdered."
Rolling my eyes, I propped a hand on my hip. "How else are we supposed to get home?"
"Oh, I don't know…call Daddy?"
"Try again. It's the middle of the damn week, and he's out on the boat."
Addie huffed out a breath and yanked open the door. "Well, until I can unload some of the loot I took from the house, we can't afford to stay here. Let's get checked out and make some calls, there has to be someone—" her words cut off, and she stopped abruptly in the doorway. "Well, would you look at that," she drawled peeking over her shoulder at me.
What the hell?
Moving behind Addie, I had to elbow her in the ribs to get a clear view of what she was gawking at…and what a sight it was.
Leaning against the side of a black Jeep, was none other than Officer McHottie. My mouth ran dry, and I had to remember to breath. I’d thought he looked dreamy in his uniform, but it had nothing on the faded blue jeans and white T-shirt he was rocking.
I pushed past Addie, a smile playing on my lips. “What are you doing here?”
He lifted a heavy shoulder and pushed his sunglasses on top of his head. “Sounded like you could use a break and I’m going to be passing through Terrebonne on my way to New Orleans. The way I see it, it’s a win, win.”
I squinted at him, confused. “I get that it’s on your way, but what’s in it for you?”
Pushing off the Jeep, he closed the distance between us and hooked a finger underneath my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. He gave me a wicked smirk and leaned in, his lips a hairsbreadth from my ear. “I get to spend five hours in a car with you,” he whispered.
My pulse thundered in my ears, but I didn’t get a chance to respond because he was already pulling away.
No! Come back!
Stepping around me he lifted a chin to my sister. “Need some help with that Mrs. Bordeaux?”
&n
bsp; She slid a glance my way and smiled brightly. “Yes, thank you. And its Dubois now, but please call me Addie.”
He nodded and scooped up her crate-o-shit, tossing it in the back of the Jeep. “We should probably get going,” Pope suggested, spinning his keys on one finger.
“Shotgun!” Addie and I both yelled at the same time. I scowled at her, and she scowled right back, her jaw set stubbornly.
“Come on,” I pleaded through gritted teeth. “You’re not even divorced yet!”
“Oh shut it! I’m not trying to scam on the man, I just don’t want to sit with the swine,” she hissed.
I growled—actually growled—at my sister. “What if he wears a diaper?”
Her eyes flicked to where Pope was waiting patiently for us. “Fine, but you owe me.”
I nodded quickly before she could change her mind. “Done.”
We piled into the Jeep, and I couldn’t contain my grin as the engine roared to life. Twisting in my seat I let out a whoop. “Who’s ready for a road trip?”
Seven
Second Chances For Third Wheels
Adelaide
Somewhere on Highway 1 toward Terrebonne Parish
I loved my sister. As much shit as I gave her our entire lives, and especially during this road trip, I loved that sometimes she felt like the protective older sibling. I loved her individuality. I loved her ability to give zero fucks about what people thought of her. I loved her fundamental gift of gab.
I did not, however, love her fat ass pig wiping its swine snot all over my designer pants. Inch by inch, Kevin Bacon rooted his way into my lap, digging his disgusting, leaky face all over my pants until it looked like a herd of slugs traveled from my hip bone down to a family reunion at the base of my knee.
“You couldn’t get a dog like a normal person?” I screamed into the wind as it slapped my hair around my face. Officer Pope and Savannah happily soaked up each other’s awesomeness, protected by the thick wind shield in front of them. I’d spent the last four hours in the backseat getting bugs caught in my teeth.
Thanks, Karma. You can go fuck off now.
Savannah glanced over her shoulder and winked. “He’s your nephew. Be nice.”
I mentioned I loved my sister. I also knew my sister. That wink was deadly. If words could’ve appeared on her eyelid during her slow, purposeful blink, they would’ve read: ‘If you cock block me, I’ll cut you.’
It was a long message, but Savannah had abnormally big eyelids. It worked for her.
“So, Addie, Savannah tells me you two are now the proud owners of a fishing business?” Officer Pope glanced in the rear-view mirror, my reflection bouncing off of his aviator sunglasses.
“I wouldn’t say proud.” I replied, picking random bug carcass wings from my lipstick.
“Addie…” Savannah warned with a sharp look.
“Oh, stop, Sav. You’re the one who wants this business. I want no part of it.”
Savannah snorted and tightened her ponytail. “What she means, is that she wants no part of Zep.”
A caramel colored eyebrow lifted over the top of Pope’s sunglasses. “Zep? Is that a type of fish?”
“You could say he’s a blowfish,” I smirked, conjuring up the image of my nemesis’s face on a bloated blowfish. “Blowhard, blowfish…tomayto, tomahto.”
Pope tilted his chin toward Savannah as he turned the wheel to make the exit to Terrebonne. “Do I even want to know?”
Savannah waved her hand in the air in disinterest. “Probably not. She’s as tight-lipped about it as she is tight-assed.”
“Savvy!”
“I assume it has something to do with a fight between my sister and a guy we both grew up with,” she continued as if I hadn’t objected to her verbal diarrhea. “Zephirin and Addie despise each other, but no one can quite figure out why.” She rested her bent elbow on top of the bucket seat back and pursed her lips. “Why is that, Addie? You and Zep ran in totally different circles. He was a stoner playboy. What’d he ever do to you to cause all of this?” She clapped her palms together and flung her hands outward to simulate an explosion.
What didn’t he do?
“Nothing, Sav,” I lied, turning my stare toward the traffic beside us as we blew past them. “Zephirin LeBlanc did nothing to me. He’s just a worthless dick, that’s all, and I don’t want him getting mixed up with my baby sister.”
Or anyone else for that matter.
I couldn’t help but catch the side-eye glance that Pope shot Savvy as she rewarded him with a knowing grin. “No worries, Ads. Zep’s not my type. I prefer the strong, lawful type.”
Jesus.
I was about to ask my sister if she wanted me to dig out the silver platter I stole from Sugarbirch to properly offer herself to the good officer, but I shut my mouth and watched signs for Terrebonne Parish announce our arrival mile by torturous mile.
While Savannah kicked up the charm a notch with Officer Pope, I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. My little sister’s words echoed over and over in my head until I was ready to ask Pope if he’d confiscated any pot on his last few days that he wouldn’t mind passing along.
“What’d he do to you?”
What’d he do? Zephirin LeBlanc ruined my perfect life even before it was perfect.
He’d ruined me on purpose, just to prove he’d earned his nickname, “Dream Crusher.”
One way or another, Zep LeBlanc always ruined the females he came in contact with. For some girls, it was their hearts. For some, it was their virginity. For some, it was their reputations. For me, it was my future.
But this was the new Addie, and the new Addie had a world of shit to sort out, without adding Zep LeBlanc into the mix. Mentally, I began ticking off a to-do list in my head. First thing, get rid of that hideous porno-on-wheels Savannah called transportation, secondly, buy out the LeBlanc in DuBlanc Fishery, therefore, removing Zep from my sight, and third, figure out some bullshit story to tell Savannah so she’d stop asking about ancient history.
New Addie was taking back everything she’d lost. From that point on, it was the Dubois sisters, back in the saddle again…it was…
One glance at Savannah running a finger down the length of Officer McChanning’s bicep, and I knew it was also a solo operation tonight. If I had to wager a bet, I’d gamble my sister would be in the Space Odyssey Viking Vessel with my arresting officer.
Sighing, I scrubbed my palms down my face as a wet snout nudged my elbow, until I glanced down. “Forget it,” I mumbled. “You shit the bed.”
However, another shift of my eyes caught Pope licking his bottom lip and bouncing his eyes from the road to Savannah’s mouth. Resigned to my new role in life, I sighed and tapped the back of their seats.
“Can we stop by the Piggly Wiggly?” With a quick glance down, I swore to shit that pig smirked at me. “We’re gonna need more diapers.”
Epilogue
Highway to Hurricanes
Savannah
Terrebonne, LA
"I'm kidnaping you," I announced.
Addie halted half way up the steps leading to the porch. "Pardon?"
I heaved a sigh and stood from Babs old rocker. "You've been working nonstop since we got back from Shreveport. Hell, even I've been working too hard. We need to get away, live a little."
"It's Monday, Sav. Normal people are just starting their work week."
Placing my hands on my hips, I pinned her with a look. "But you're not normal. Seriously, I’m taking you out for a drink. You haven't taken a day off in almost two weeks. Between getting the financials worked out and going at it with Zep every five fucking minutes, you've got to be exhausted."
Addie’s jaw clenched at the mention of his name. "I’m not going at anything with Zep LeBlanc."
"Please, you guys are at each other's throats in a hot minute any time you're within thirty feet of each other. Actually, if you guys were going at it maybe you'd both be in a better mood."
Lifting her lip in a sneer, sh
e made an extremely unladylike noise from the back of her throat. "Ugh, you're disgusting! Zep is the vilest man I've ever met. Contracting syphilis would be more enjoyable than a night with that brute."
"Me thinks thou dost protest too much," I singsonged.
"Bite me."
Savannah’s missile to Adelaide’s last fucking nerve, success!
An evil grin pulled at my lips. "Oh, that hit a little too close to home?"
"If I agree to take a day off with you, will you shut up about Zep?"
"Two and you've got a deal,” I agreed, sticking my hand out to shake.
Addie reluctantly grabbed my hand and gave it a quick squeeze. "Fine. Just stop looking at me like that."
"Just saying, there's a fine line between love and hate."
"Savannah!"
"Okay, okay, sorry. Last one I swear."
At least until I get you in the car where you can’t run away.
Addie just rolled her eyes at me. I wasn’t sure how she managed to look dignified while doing it.
“Chop, chop, Sister Christian! I even got a piggy sitter, just for you.” Over the past few weeks Kevin and Addie had come to a tentative truce. He’d stopped crapping in her shoes and she’d stopped threatening him with processed pork products, but they had a long way to go before we’d be making our way to Walmart for a family portrait.
“Where are we going? Should I change?”
It was my turn to roll my eyes. My sister cared far too much about being appropriately dressed, no matter the situation. “I told you, we’re going out for a drink, what you’re wearing is fine. Now move your ass!” I urged, pushing her back down the stairs and towards the Viking Mobile.
It took the threat of bodily harm and bloodshed, but I finally managed to convince Addie to get in the damn van. Not wanting to give her the opportunity to change her mind, I cranked the engine and we were off.