CHAPTER TWENTY
After, we lay in a tangle of arms and legs on his couch. I could feel the ecstasy leaving my system. It was as if I was a soda, and the bright bit of carbonation was fizzling out. As if I was a sputtering firework, spitting out its last few tongues of flame.
I was exhausted.
Levi buried his head in the crook of my shoulder. And then he shifted. “Am I crushing you?” His voice was muffled.
“No,” I said. But now that he mentioned it, maybe I was kind of uncomfortable. I wriggled a little bit beneath him.
He pushed up off of me and sat up.
I sat up too.
He was naked.
I was naked too.
For some reason, I felt a little self-conscious about it now. I drew my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Everything seemed dimmer. There was less light in the world.
Levi fished the cigarettes off the floor, along with the ashtray. He lit one and offered me the pack. There were only three left.
I wrinkled up my nose and shook my head. Actually, my throat felt raw and sore. Too many cigarettes for me.
He rolled his head on his shoulders, taking a thoughtful drag on his cigarette. “Was that a mistake?”
I hugged my legs tighter. “Do you think it was?”
“I don’t know.” He took another drag. Then he stubbed the cigarette out. “Wow, all of the sudden, these things taste like shit.”
“It wore off,” I said.
“Huh?”
“The X. It wore off. We’re on the comedown now.”
He rubbed his face. “Right.”
I looked down at the carpet. I couldn’t tell what color it was, since the lights weren’t on. The only light in the room came from the glow of Levi’s computer in the corner. An hour ago, that had been a perfect amount of light. But now, I couldn’t see anything.
“You don’t seem okay,” he said.
I looked up at him. “I’m fine. I just… I’m tired. After it wears off, I always feel kind of cracked out and gross.”
“Okay,” he said. “So, it’s about that?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“You sure you’re not feeling, um, taken advantage of?”
“What?” I was surprised he would say that. “No. Not at all. I mean, what happened, what we did, it was… it was awesome.”
“So you’re not freaked out about the fact that we did it.”
“No,” I said. I bit my lip. “Are you freaked out?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “I, uh… you’re right, it was awesome. But…”
“But?”
“Well, it’s crazy. We shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have…” He got up off the couch and found his jeans. He pulled them on and buttoned them. He rubbed his face again. “Do you want me to drive you back to your dorm?”
I thought about it. About climbing into my cold, narrow bed, Jill asleep on the other side of the room, looking up at the ceiling and feeling the presence of Cori leaking out through the walls. “Not really, no. But if you want to be alone, then…”
“I don’t.” He peered down at me. “Do you want to stay?”
“Can I?”
He sat down next to me. He touched my face. “Stay. I would like it if you stayed.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded. His voice got softer. “I would like it if we went to my bed, and you let me hold you, but if you don’t want that, I don’t want you to feel pressured or pushed or—”
“No,” I said, smiling. I kissed him. It felt good to kiss him, like a little piece of the world made sense again. “No, that sounds good. I want that.”
He rested his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “You are stunning.”
My smile widened. “So are you.”
* * *
I rolled over in bed next to Levi. I was thirsty, and I knew I’d set a glass of water next to the bed last night. I found it and took a drink. The room was brightly lit with afternoon light.
Damn it. I’d missed my classes again, just like I’d known I would.
Next to me, Levi stirred. He groaned. “Can you tell someone to turn off the sun?”
I laughed a little, setting down the water and snuggling back under the covers with him.
His arms went around me, pulling me close. “Mmm,” he murmured. “You’re still here, and you’re still naked, so there are good things on earth.”
I closed my eyes, feeling content. The ecstasy comedown was brutal, but somehow being close to Levi made it better. Instead of feeling wrecked and destroyed, I just felt tired. Cuddling was nice. It eased the badness somehow.
Levi’s fingers moved over my bare skin, a light caress. He opened his eyes and smiled at me. “This is nice.”
“Yes,” I said.
“It’s been… it’s been a long time since there was a woman in my bed.”
“You keep doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Calling me a woman.”
He lifted the covers and peeked under them. “Yeah. Near as I can tell, you have female parts. You’re a woman.”
I giggled. “No, I mean, it sounds so… old or something.”
He rolled onto his back. “Yeah. Well…”
Damn it. I probably shouldn’t have said that.
He flung his arm over his eyes. “So, you’re legal, right? I mean, you’re not some genius who skipped a grade or something and ended up in college at seventeen, are you?”
“I’m nineteen,” I said. “It was just my birthday last month.”
“Barely nineteen,” he said. “I suppose this whole thing is like a Penthouse forum letter or something. I should be grateful.”
I pulled the covers tighter around me. Somehow, his saying that made me feel dirty.
He moved his arm and gave a me a sheepish look. “Sorry. That was kind of fucked up, wasn’t it?”
I clutched at the covers, doing my best to shrug in bed. “Um… it’s fine.”
He chuckled. “No, it was weird. I guess I keep feeling like some kind of creeper or something.”
“You’re not that much older than me.” I rolled over on my side. “Besides, I’m very mature.”
He grinned. “Yes. Very mature. Especially in the upper chest region.”
I shoved him. Or tried to. It was difficult to do things while lying down. “You’re not acting very mature.”
“Guys never become mature about boobs,” he said. His hand snaked over the covers, settling on my belly and traveling up my torso. “Not sure what it is about them, exactly. Maybe if I just…” His fingers brushed my breast. “Touch one of them again, I’ll figure it out.”
It felt good. I shut my eyes and let out a little sigh.
“They’re soft and round and sort of… bouncy.” His mouth got close to my ear. I could feel the tickle of his breath as he spoke in a low growl. “I think it’s the bounciness. Yours are incredibly perfect.”
I moaned. Just his words made thrills run through me.
He pressed against me and kissed me.
I opened my mouth to him—
And we both recoiled.
“Mouthwash,” he said. “Because I think both our mouths taste like an ashtray went to a dumpster to die.”
I laughed.
He pushed the covers aside and got out of bed. He walked across the room, completely naked, brazen as you please. He scratched his stomach and yawned.
I watched him with interest, all of his bare skin on display like that. His dick was half erect, and it bobbed when he moved.
I’d never been quite this intimate with a guy. With Duncan, everything had been stolen moments here and there. When we were in high school, we’d made do with the backseat of his car, or—once—the guest room at his house when his parents were out at a social function. But we’d been freaked the entire time and couldn’t really enjoy it. College hadn’t been much better, what with the dorm situation, especially considering my roommate was his sister.
> Heidi.
I swallowed. I’d told Levi about Heidi.
Talk about intimate.
Damn fucking ecstasy and the way it lowered my inhibitions. Damn it to hell.
I threw the covers off myself and stomped out of bed. I considered following him without any clothes on, but I just couldn’t do it. It felt… weird to walk around naked like that. Instead, I spied one of Levi’s t-shirts draped over a chair, and I threw that on. It didn’t come down much past my butt, but at least everything important was covered.
I traipsed out into the hall.
Levi was in the bathroom, gargling. He held up a finger.
I waited.
He spit. “You need the bathroom?”
“Um, actually…”
He set the mouthwash on the sink. “And, uh, there’s that.” He backed out and left me to it.
When I finished up, I found him in the living room, now clad in a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. He was sprawled out on the couch.
I toyed with the edge of his shirt, looking at my clothes, which were scattered all over the living room floor. Should I get dressed? “Um, Levi, I kind of told you things last night, and I don’t know if I really would have if we hadn’t been fucked up.”
He patted the couch next to him. “You’re worried about telling me about your friend?”
I went and sat down next to him. “I don’t think I wanted you to know about it, exactly. I don’t tell people about it.”
“Yeah.” He looked pensive. “Um, I don’t mean to pry, but there’s one thing about it that got me confused. When did this happen?”
“Last fall.”
“That’s what I thought you said.” He took a deep breath. “So, why aren’t you locked up? Involuntary manslaughter almost always carries a sentence of a year in prison, and you were drunk at the time, recklessly handling a deadly weapon, and I know you’re young, but did you get off with nothing? Or are you still locked up in the courts?”
I glared at him. “Last night you said I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I don’t think you did. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. But the law doesn’t necessarily agree with me.”
I pursed my lips.
“So?” he said.
“My dad fixed it for me,” I said. “No charges were ever even brought against me. In some ways, I wish he hadn’t. I feel like maybe if I had some sort of punishment for what I did, maybe it would make it easier to deal with.”
“Yeah,” he said. “That’s why you’re so gung-ho into this Cori thing, even if it means you could get hurt. I get that. But, uh, you’re dad? He’s really good at fixing things, huh?”
“Some things,” I said. “Other things, not so much.” He couldn’t seem to fix my mom, for instance.
“Chase said something about your dad last night before he let us go.”
“Did he?”
“Molly, come on. Who’s your dad?”
I didn’t say anything.
“Because I started thinking about it, and I had this funny thought. Chase said your name before he let us go. Your last name. And I thought, No way. She couldn’t be one of the Colligans. Not one of the only Irish mob family bigger than the O’Shaunessys.”
I twisted my hands together in my lap.
“Oh god.” He rubbed his chin.
“My dad is Patrick. Patrick Colligan.”
Levi’s eyebrows shot up. “Patrick ‘Blackie’ Colligan?”
“You’ve heard of him.”
“Well, yeah, I remember when he got arrested. It was kind of all over the news.”
I curled my lip. “I remember it too. I was eleven. The cops swarmed into our house and took my dad out in handcuffs in front of me and my little sister.”
He nodded. “So, that’s why you hate cops.”
“Didn’t exactly make me love them.”
Levi buried his face in his hands.
I chewed on my lip. I didn’t know what to say.
“Why didn’t you say something?” He kept his head in his hands.
“Well, it’s not something I like to share, exactly.”
“So.” His voice was muffled. “When your dad finds out that I took his nineteen-year-old daughter into a rival gang’s territory, where she was touched and teased by a thug, then I got us both dosed with ecstasy, after which I took her back to my apartment and nailed her on my couch, he’s going to kill me.”
“Levi—”
He lifted his head. “Like really kill me.”
“Well, he never has to find out any of that,” I said. “I came to this school to get away from my dad and his influence. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted to do things on my own. I’m not going to tell him that stuff.”
He got up. “Okay. Well, I feel marginally better.”
“Besides, I don’t really feel like you nailed me.”
He pointed at the couch. “Um, it was right exactly there. And I seem to remember there being a lot of penetrative thrustiness. Trust me, I fucked you.”
I glared at him. “I only mean it wasn’t like that. At least…” My face fell. “It wasn’t like that for me.”
He let out a frustrated sigh. “I didn’t mean… shit.” He sat back down on the couch. He took my hand. “No, it wasn’t like that. I… I’m sorry. Of course it was really intense and sort of, I don’t know, spiritual, but I just mean that I can’t very well say that I made meaningful, beautiful love to a girl that’s six years younger than me and not sound like a— Besides, we were rolling out of our minds.”
“I don’t know. I think the X sort of wore off in the middle of it.” Then I beamed at him. “You thought it was spiritual?” My insides were turning to mush right now. I was kind of falling for him. Hard.
He lay back against the couch, his whole body going limp. “You are fucking me up so bad, Molly Colligan.”
I bit my lip. “In a bad way or a good way?”
He laughed helplessly. “I don’t know.”
I put my hand on his chest.
He turned to look at me.
I kissed him.
He tasted like wintergreen mouthwash, and everything about him was wonderful.
* * *
It was three in the afternoon. Levi and I were sitting in the diner we’d come to before, eating breakfast.
“This is better than the dining hall,” he told me as he stuffed home fries into his mouth.
“Definitely,” I said. “I wish I could have a meal plan to the diner instead of the dining hall.”
He chewed, grinning.
I grinned back at him. Man, I really was falling for Levi Reed. And I liked it. I liked him. With every passing second, I seemed to like him even more.
I needed to stop thinking about Levi like that. After all, hadn’t he told me last night that he was too focused on finding justice for his brother for a relationship? But if we weren’t having a relationship, then what reason did we have to hang out together? I poked at my omelet with my fork. “So, I was thinking about whether or not Chase killed Cori.”
He swallowed and reached for his coffee. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”
“I can’t,” I said.
“Because of Heidi?”
I nodded.
“Okay,” he said. “But if you’re not going to drop it, I’m not going to let you go out there on your own. Too dangerous.”
My heart soared. An excuse for us to hang out. Good. Just what I wanted. I cut off a bite of omelet and popped it into my mouth.
“What were you thinking?” he asked.
“Well, he’s got motive, right? He needed to get her out of the way so that he could get to Professor X.”
“Maybe,” said Levi. “But it obviously didn’t work, because the stuff that the O’Shaunessys are swinging at parties is not Professor-X-grade stuff.”
“You sure? Maybe they’re cutting it with something,” I said. “The stuff that Chase gave us last night was pretty excellent.”
He to
ok a thoughtful drink of coffee. “True.”
“Well, I think I might have an idea about how we could find out for sure, but it means involving my family.”
He set down the coffee, his eyes bulging. “I thought you said you wanted to get away from your dad.”
“Not my dad,” I said. “I don’t want to bother him. But maybe my cousin Zach.”
“Zach Colligan? Never heard of him.”
“Actually, he’s my my dad’s sister’s son, so his last name isn’t Colligan. But that doesn’t matter. Trust me, you wouldn’t have heard of him. He’s never been in trouble.”
“Is he going to kill me?”
I shook my head. “No way.” Well, I didn’t think so, anyhow.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“Molly, what’s up?” said Zach, on the other end of the phone.
I was curled up on my bed in my dorm room. Levi was sitting in my desk chair. Jill was in class, so we had the room to ourselves.
“Not much,” I said.
“You weren’t at Christmas.”
“Oh, I know,” I said. “I was busy packing for my new school. And you know how my mom is.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “How’s she doing?”
“Pretty much the same,” I said.
“You know, my mom has always got your family in her prayers. You’ve been through a lot, ever since Patrick got locked up and all. I know that was tough on your mom.”
Sure. That was why my mother was a basket case. Not because she was a spoiled brat who’d only ever been into my father for his money. Anyway, despite the fact that she didn’t seem to put much stock in church, she’d married into a Catholic family. So, now she was stuck, because divorce was a one-way ticket to hell and eternal damnation. But I didn’t say any of that. “Yeah. It was quite a blow for her.”
“We missed you, though,” he said. “You didn’t get to see Gemma’s new baby. I’m officially an uncle now.”
I smiled. “Right. I saw pictures on facebook. Little Joey is adorable.”
“You kidding? He’s pretty much the most beautiful child that ever lived. ‘Course, I might be a little biased.”
“Maybe,” I said. “But I did see pictures, and you’re right. He’s beautiful.”
“My mom’s all after me to get settled down and start having rug rats now. You’d think one grandchild would be enough for her, but it’s like crack or something. You give her one, and she can’t get enough.”
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