It takes me ten minutes to make it to our meeting place. I’m just about to round the final corner when I stop. It’s as though I’m frozen and I can’t force myself to take another step. I can’t bear to be disappointed and there’s a huge chance that Jake won’t even be here. I’m such an idiot, actually believing that someone like him would want to meet up with a nobody like me again. He could have anybody he wants, why the hell would he be interested in me? The idea is ludicrous.
I’m so close to turning back. I hesitate, debating whether I should go on or not. I decide to count to ten and by the time I reach the end of my countdown I’ll have made my mind up. When I reach ten I’m still stood there like a terrified child who’s reluctant to receive their punishment. This is really pathetic. I will myself to be brave and just find out the truth. If he isn’t there then I’ll just turn around and go back home.
I take a deep breath and force my feet to walk onwards. I round the final corner and blink several times; I can hardly believe the sight before me. He’s there. He’s actually here and waiting for me. He’s pacing back and forth and he looks agitated or possibly worried. He’s not facing me and he’s still unaware of my presence. I decide to enjoy my private observation of him before he realises that I’m here.
God, he’s even more perfect than I imagined him to be. He’s really tall, muscular, toned and just… breathtakingly, impressively gorgeous. I still can’t believe that he’s really waiting here for me. I consider pinching myself to see if I’m actually dreaming because none of this can be real, things like this don’t happen to me, they just don’t.
I hesitate before making my way over to him, wondering if he’ll be disappointed when he sees me again. He might have thought me to be prettier than what I actually am. What if he takes one look at me and walks away?
My mind is racing with all of these horrible possibilities when Jake suddenly turns around, bringing us face to face with one another.
“Bethany, I can’t believe you actually came.”
He looks pleasantly surprised and I notice his evident relief at my arrival. It seems like I wasn’t the only one who was doubtful about the possibility of the other turning up.
“I told you I’d be here, I promised.” I bow my head, feeling embarrassed. The gaze that he gives me is so penetrating, it’s as though he can see right into my soul and it unnerves me that someone I hardly know has such a powerful influence on me.
When I next glance up at him I notice his remarkable eyes are travelling all over my body in appreciation. Thank God he seems to like what he sees. I just wish that I could have made more of an effort for seeing him tonight. My entire wardrobe consists of jeans, plenty of T-shirts and a couple of jackets. I own nothing that would normally attract the attention of someone like Jake.
“You always keep your promises?” He asks, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
“Of course.”
“Good. So right now I want you to make me a promise that you’ll meet me again next week. I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Let’s just see how tonight goes before I arrange to see you again.” I reply indifferently. There’s still a part of me that believes I should at least try to play hard to get.
“Deal.” He grins at me mischievously, providing me with the feeling that he likes a challenge.
We stand there awkwardly for a moment. My mind coming up empty, all week I’ve been desperate to talk with him and now I can’t think of a single thing to say to him.
“Want to go for a drink or something? There’s a Starbucks that opens late and it’s not too far from here.” He suggests optimistically.
“Erm, maybe another time.” I’d love to go for coffee with Jake but I can’t risk my father seeing me. He could be in town and if we’re in a public place together there’s a greater chance of me being found out.
“Ok, no problem.” He looks disappointed and the expression on his face makes me want to explain everything to him. He thinks I just rejected him when I actually turned down his invitation so that I can hope for the possibility of being able to see him again.
“We could just have a quick walk?” I know it’s a rubbish proposition but I can’t think of anything better.
“Are you sure? It’s cold tonight, are you warm enough?” He asks, with genuine concern in his voice.
“I’m fine.” I try to conceal my smile, loving the fact that he seems worried about me.
“Well, at least take this again. You looked so damn good in it last time.”
He removes his hoodie, offering it to me like he did before. He has a long sleeved T-shirt on so I know he won’t be too cold without it.
I could jump for joy, I couldn’t refuse anything of his and he probably knows it. I’m about to pull it on over my head when I decide to be bold and remove my top layers of clothing so that I can feel his hoodie touching my skin. I also want to see his reaction to what I’m about to do.
I ask him to hold his hoodie for a second and he looks at me in confusion. I gaze back at him, composed and nonchalant, even thought confidant is the last thing on this earth that I feel. I begin to unbutton my jacket and slide it from my shoulders, my large T-shirt is next. Its absolutely freezing but I really don’t care. All that’s left is my white camisole, I’m wearing a pink bra underneath and I know that it’s clearly visible through the thin fabric.
I hold back a smirk when I watch his mouth fall open in shock. His eyes widen at the view before him and I’m so thankful its cold outside, meaning my cheeks shouldn’t be bright red with all of the attention he’s placing on me. I hold my hand out for him to give me back his hoodie but he remains still, staring at me with desire and a hunger that I’ve never seen in a man’s eyes before.
“Jake?” I prompt him, acting oblivious.
“S-sorry, here you go.” He shakes his head slightly, like he’s trying to force himself to focus.
“Thanks.” I bite the inside of my cheeks, trying so hard not to smile. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
The hoodie is so big for me but it’s definitely cosy. It smells fresh and masculine, just like Jake. I’m so glad he offered it to me again. Jake insists on carrying my jacket and T-shirt for me as we slowly start our stroll.
I really want to observe him but because he’s walking next to me he’s only in my peripheral vision. However, I do notice how smartly dressed he is. His jeans look brand new and I don’t know much about fashion but I recognise his Timberland boots and know how expensive they are.
“It looks really, really good on you.” He whispers huskily, directly into my ear. I shiver as he playfully nudges against me.
“Maybe it’s the colour.” It’s bright blue and I’m certain it looked far better on Jake than it does on me.
“No, I’m pretty sure it’s you.”
I turn to see if he’s joking but he’s staring back at me with an intensity that makes my knees tremble.
“Are you sure you aren’t cold?” I ask him, feeling guilty.
“Nah, I’m good.” He winks at me and I avert my gaze back to the road ahead of us.
“You know, I really wish you had a phone. I’ve been going crazy all week not being able to get in touch with you.” He glances down before nervously locking those magnificent eyes of his onto mine, searching them for my reaction to his honesty. I pause, unsure of what to say and decide to be honest with him.
“My father is kind of old fashioned, you know? I’ve never been allowed my own phone.”
He frowns but doesn’t laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, a twenty year old young woman without a mobile. It’s practically unheard of.
“I guess he just wants to keep you safe and protect you, I don’t blame him. I can actually understand that.”
I bite my tongue from revealing the truth. I’m not about to unload all of my personal life on Jake. He doesn’t deserve that and its way too soon.
“I suppose you’re right.” I lie.
“So, Bethany,
what made you decide to come here tonight?”
“Oh, I didn’t have much planned; it was either you or another episode of Friends.”
He bursts out laughing and throws another dazzling smile right at me.
“But Friends has been finished for years.”
“I have the whole collection on DVD.”
“And here I am hoping that you came to see me, not because you grew bored of Jennifer Aniston reruns.”
“Actually, it was a toss up between you and another guy.” I boast.
His smile immediately disappears, replaced by a look of annoyance and dare I say… jealousy.
“Another guy? Who?” He demands.
“Jake, I was joking.” I stop walking and turn to face him, trying to conceal my triumph at the thought of making him jealous.
He glares back at me and I start to worry that I’ve taken it too far. I bite down on my bottom lip, feeling uncomfortable. Jake’s eyes instantly drop to my mouth and fixate on my nervous action. Once again, I recognise the passion and hunger behind that look. Do I really have such a powerful affect over him? How is that even possible? I decide to test my theory and lick my lips, pressing them together and watch in fascination as Jake’s jaw clenches and his eyes turn dark with desire.
“Sorry, I know I keep on staring. It’s just…”
“What?” I challenge him.
“I just can’t help but stare when you do that.” His voice is low and raspy, stirring something inside of me that I just can’t explain.
“Maybe we should keep on walking.” I say, changing the subject.
Wow, I really am a coward.
We walk on in silence for a while and I realise that the further we walk away from where we met, the longer it will take me to get back home.
“I have to get going soon, Jake.”
“Already?”
“Yeah, I promised my mum that I wouldn’t be long.”
“What about your dad? He doesn’t mind you going out alone?”
“That’s the thing, he doesn’t know. The only night he goes out during the week is Friday. That’s why I could make it tonight.”
Jake stops walking and gently takes hold of my wrist when I refuse to quit moving.
“Wait a minute, you mean that you wouldn’t even be allowed out if it were up to him?” He moves a fraction closer towards me.
“He’s overprotective, he always has been.” I hate the fact that it looks like I’m sticking up for my father but I really can’t reveal anything to Jake just yet. I don’t feel ready and I don’t want to scare him away.
“I understand any man being protective over you but to the extent that he won’t allow you to go out, that’s fucked up.”
It actually feels good to hear Jake voice his concerns like this. For years I’ve been doubting myself, wondering if my hatred towards my father has been self-inflicted and more about myself than anything he’s done to me.
“Jake, you need to understand something. It took me all week just to convince my mum to allow me to leave the house this evening. I told her that I’m meeting up with an old friend from school. She doesn’t know anything about you and if I want to see you again then she never will. I just don’t see how this is going to work.” I sigh, feeling desolate and sad.
He exhales slowly and stays quiet for some time.
“Ok, I can be selfless here and say that I understand. I could say that I don’t want to cause any problems within your family and that I don’t want to be the reason for you lying to them about where you’re going but I’m not going to be that person. I want to see you again, I’ve thought about you every single day since last week and I know that all of this might seem a little intense; my intention is not to scare you away. God, that’s the last thing I want to do but the truth is, I really don’t think I’ll be able to accept your decision if you choose not to see me again after tonight.” He remains silent as he waits to hear my response to his confession.
I know it’s my turn to say something and yet I can’t even begin to find the words. All I can do is continue to stare at him with a look of astonishment on my face. His spectacular eyes make it even more difficult for me to formulate anything remotely coherent. They fixate on me with a penetrating gaze that makes it hard for me to breathe let alone concentrate.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” I mumble pathetically.
Jake throws his arms in the air and begins to pace back and forth in an agitated manner. I mistakenly believe him to be angry with me and start to leave, not liking this new side of Jake that I’ve never seen before.
“Bethany, wait!” He yells after me, hurrying to close the distance between us.
“Why should I? I’ve obviously said something you don’t like.”
He circles around me until he’s standing in front of me and subsequently blocking my path.
“No! It’s not that. I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to freak you out by what I said. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I didn’t plan on saying anything like that, not yet anyway. It’s just that I panicked when you started to talk about not being able to see me again. I really don’t want that to happen.”
“Why?” I ask him obstinately.
“What do you mean?” He frowns, perplexed by my obvious question.
“Why do you want to see me again? Because I can’t help but wonder what all of this is about. It just doesn’t add up and I want to know why you’re so desperate to spend your time with me.”
“Bethany, you can’t be serious when asking me that question. Have you not seen yourself lately? There’s no man on this earth that wouldn’t want to spend his time with you and I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m one of them. I’ve had so much going on lately, things have happened that I can’t even bring myself to talk about and all I knows is that meeting you last week made me feel different. It changed things for me and I don’t care how crazy this sounds, I need to see you again. I wish you didn’t have to lie about where you were going tonight, I don’t want you to have to live with the constant worry of being caught but if that’s the only way I’m going to be able to see you then I’m begging you, please do it.” His strong hands grab hold of my upper arms, his touch is firm but not at all painful and his eyes bore into mine, imploring me to do this one thing for him. I’m trying to come up with something to say, anything that would even begin to compare to his openness and honesty.
His breathing is ragged and I watch in fascination as his broad chest rises and falls with every laboured breath. My eyes glide up towards his face and settle on his slightly parted lips. I begin to contemplate what it would be like to kiss him. I’ve never kissed anybody before and I can imagine that Jake has kissed plenty of girls. He’ll be far more experienced than I am.
“Ok.” I say, nodding my head.
“You won’t regret this, Bethany. I promise you.” He gently presses his forehead against mine and speaks his words with such sincerity; I can’t help but believe in him. My trembling continues as he softly strokes the side of my face with his fingertips.
“Jake, I really have to go now. If I’m not home on time then I won’t be able to meet you again next week.”
“You mean it? You’ll make sure you’re here next Friday?” He asks me hopefully.
“Yes.” I smile joyfully, knowing that in my heart there really was no other decision than to continue to see Jake. I know that if I were to walk away from him now I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle my mum and I’m going to be playing with fire every single week when I sneak out of the house without my father knowing but regardless of the dangerous risks I’ll be taking, it’s just something that I have to do.
“Thank you. I mean it, thank you so much, Bethany. I know what I’m asking of you and I hate to be the one who’s putting you in this position.” I’m putting you in this situation.”
“Don’t be sorry, I’m not.” I raise myself up onto my tip toes, I’m still nowhere near his height but he lowe
rs his head and I place a small, chaste kiss on his lips.
“How do you expect me to go a whole week without that?” He says it jokingly but a part of me thinks he’s being serious. At least I know our first kiss wasn’t too awful for him. I have nothing to compare him to but I know how fantastic it was. I can’t help but think about how I compared to the last girl Jake kissed.
I shake my head, wanting to rid myself of such unwanted thoughts.
He takes a step closer towards me, closing the small gap between us and my heart begins to beat frantically with anticipation. I purposefully bite down on my lower lip again; I so badly want to see his reaction.
I’m not disappointed. His eyes widen and his breathing quickens as he rests his passionate gaze upon my mouth. The same mouth he was caressing just moments before. It’s a small, insignificant trait that I’ve always had and I can scarcely believe that it causes this incredibly attractive and alluring man to stare at me like that.
“Bethany.” He warns me.
“I have to go or I’ll be late.” My words break him out of his trance and he shakes his head, trying to regain focus.
“I’m sorry. I’ll walk you home.”
“No, it’s ok.”
“Bethany, you don’t seriously expect me to let you walk home alone, do you?” I realise its pointless arguing with him and decide to let it go.
Jake walks me the majority of the way home until I force him to go back. I can’t risk him being anywhere near my house. He’s reluctant to leave me but when I playfully threaten not to turn up next week he quickly backs down and agrees to part ways.
I watch him walk away from me and I swear I can actually feel a magnetic force between us that is urging me towards him. I don’t want to say goodbye, the time we’ve spent together has been far too short and it feels like a lifetime when I think about waiting another seven days to experience this again.
I know I’m falling hard and way too fast but after the intensity of tonight I’m now disinclined to care. I’ve never enjoyed rollercoaster’s, they’re frightening and scary. However, I might just find myself liking the one I’m about to embark on. It could be the best one yet.
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