Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  I gaze up at this incredible boy. I’ve put him through absolute hell and yet he’s still here, standing before me and telling me how much he cares. This morning I never thought I’d see him again and now I find out that he’s been searching for me all of this time.

  “And she told you to come here?” I can’t imagine gran telling Jake to come find me at the bookstore, especially not today because I normally don’t work on the weekend.

  “She must have realised how desperate I was because she gave me your address straight away. All I wanted was to race right over and see you but she somehow managed to convince me that it wasn’t such a good idea. She explained how much trouble you’d be in if I was to just turn up at your house unexpectedly. She then gave me the address for this place and said that if I really wanted to see you, I should try and intercept you on your way to work. I came here straight away; even though she told me that you normally don’t work on Saturdays. I didn’t care; I had to at least try. I’ve been outside for three hours; I couldn’t believe it when I saw you arrive.”

  “You were waiting all that time?” I can’t believe he would go to such lengths to see that I was ok. Half of me wants to embrace him and the other half knows I should drop down on my knees and beg him for forgiveness.

  “Yeah, as soon as I saw him leave I knew I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to speak to you.”

  “He’s only gone for an hour or so, we don’t have long.”

  “I don’t care about him, Bethany. All I care about is you and making things right between us.”

  “And I appreciate the gesture, I really do. I just don’t want us to get caught. You don’t know what he will do if he finds out we’re together, Jake.”

  “Baby, I know. I’m not going to put you in any danger. I just needed to apologise for last night.”

  “Jake, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who should be apologising to you. I thought I’d lost you.” I say softly.

  “Baby, that’s impossible. How could you ever lose me? I told you that I’m not going anywhere.” His palm reaches up and caresses my cheek. I give in to temptation and delight in the feel of his touch. I never thought I would feel this way again. I thought I’d wrecked everything.

  “Jake, the things I said were unforgiveable; I’m surprised that you even wanted to see me again.”

  The relief on his face is breathtaking, his shoulders relax and the worry lines on his forehead disappear. They’re quickly replaced by the wonderful smile that I have come to love so dearly.

  “Bethany, I meant what I said last night. I love you and I’m not just going to give up on you because you’re pissed off with me.” He chuckles softly, stroking the hair out of my eyes.

  “I love you too, Jake. I don’t think I realised it until last night, until I thought that I’d lost you.”

  “What did you just say?” He asks incredulously, his disbelief evident in his voice.

  “You heard me.” I say, grinning at him playfully.

  “I heard but I want to hear you say it again.” His gaze is intense and his voice is commanding. His eyes are burning with such intensity for me that it gives me butterflies.

  “I said that I love you.”

  “But last night you…” He frowns and I grimace remembering what I said to him.

  “Last night I was insanely jealous and that’s the only excuse I have for my behaviour. I care about you so much that the thought of you being with anyone else infuriates me. I have no right to feel that way but I guess the idea of it made me go a little crazy. I’m really sorry for the way I treated you but believe me when I tell you how sorry I am for all of the things I said.”

  “You really love me?” He asks, his handsome face is a picture of wonderment and I can’t help but be delighted that my revelation has elicited such a response from him.

  “Yes, I really love you. I’m sorry I didn’t answer any of your calls last night but I was too scared to turn on my phone, I was certain that I’d receive a voicemail or a message from you breaking up with me and I just couldn’t face it.”

  “I just wish you had let me explain, I tried being honest with you and it just went horribly wrong. I really thought I’d lost you.” He closes his eyes and embraces me again. He pushes me against the desk and rests his forehead against mine. We’re so close to one another I can actually hear his heart beating rapidly.

  “I don’t deserve you.” I tell him, squeezing him so tight.

  He angrily pulls away from me and glares at me in disapproval. I break away from his piercing gaze, wanting to check the time on the clock that’s behind him. My father said he’d be gone for an hour but there’s every possibility that he might come back early.

  “Bethany, look at me.” Jake says firmly, taking hold of my chin and tilting my face up towards his. “I don’t want to hear you talking that way. I’m the one who’s unworthy. Last night you were completely justified in your reaction. You were right, I’m not an honourable person and I’m utterly ashamed about my past and the fact that it’s hurting you now. I really thought that I’d lost you because of it and I didn’t know what to do. I’m nothing without you, baby. I’m nothing.”

  His breathing becomes laboured and erratic as his hold on me intensifies. His fingers accidentally press against the bruises on my arms but I somehow manage to stop myself from crying out. He can’t know the truth about what my father did. I can’t put him through any more upset. If Jake wants to cling to me then I’m not going to be the one to stop him. I want him to hold onto me forever.

  “Jake, don’t say that. You’re everything that’s important to me. Last night I lost sight of what was important but today I know what matters. All that matters to me is you and who you are today. I suppose my insecurities got the best of me, I couldn’t help but imagine you with all these women and I guess I’m just worried that I won’t be able to measure up.”

  He remains quiet for some time and I can feel myself blushing with embarrassment. He shakes his head, as though he’s trying to force himself out of the daze that he became lost in. Running his hand through his hair, he gazes at me with a pleading look on his face.

  “My God, Bethany. The very idea that you won’t be able to measure up is ludicrous. You are the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever seen and you’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted to be in a relationship with. I promise you I’ll never let you down; I’ll always take care of you and protect you. I’ll say or do anything to convince you that I’m the right guy for you but eventually I need you to start believing it.”

  His honesty and the heartfelt beauty behind his words leaves me feeling breathless and for the first time in my entire life I decide to act on my impulses. Before I can question what I’m doing, I grab a hold of his T-shirt and pull him through to the back room, slamming the door closed behind us. I ignore the confusion on Jake’s face and push him up against the closed door. The need I have to feel my body against his is too great.

  “Let me do this, Jake. Don’t say anything.”

  The concern on his face is comical. My mood swings have been somewhat erratic this morning and I’m sure he’s wondering what the hell has gotten into me.

  I’m just so tired of thinking and talking. I want to lose myself in him and only follow my instincts and desires.

  “Are you sure you’re ok?” He asks me, his voice full of doubt and concern.

  I roll my eyes; trust Jake to turn into a gentleman right now.

  I smash my lips up against his and delight in the growl it elicits from him. I don’t hold anything back and it only takes a few seconds before Jake responds to me with the same urgency and erotic hunger.

  I eventually have to break away from his lips, needing to catch my breath. We’re only apart for a few moments before he fists his hand in my hair, dragging me back towards him. Jake has always been the one who’s taken the lead when it comes to our kisses but this time I’m the one in control. I have no inhibitions as I confidently slide my tongue against h
is bottom lip, causing him to groan deeply with desire. His left hand joins his right in my hair and his persistent tongue glides along the seal of my lips, begging me for an entrance. In submission, I open my mouth for him and am left panting and waiting impatiently for the feel of his tongue inside me. He doesn’t disappoint me, I’m soon moaning with pleasure as he expertly and skilfully joins his tongue with mine. They swirl against one another and I quickly realise that the control I had a minute ago was a momentary occurrence. This is how it will always be, Jake is the dominant one out of the two of us and I will always be the one who surrenders to him. This doesn’t demean me in any way; I find that I prefer him to take control over me. There is still so much that I have to learn and so much that he can teach me. I suddenly realise that all of the past experiences Jake has had might actually come in useful.

  “Fuck, Bethany.” He nuzzles against my neck, inhaling deeply. The feel of his mouth against my skin causes me to shiver. I sense him grinning against me, probably a cocky smirk full of satisfaction. “Your body wants me. You want me so badly. Let me give you what you want.”

  “And how do you know what I want?” I tease him, taking a step back.

  “I know because I’ve watched your body and I’ve seen the way it reacts to my touch. It’s such a turn on for me to watch you.” He smirks at me with so much confidence. His voice sounds so masculine and suggestive, he knows of the power that he has over me and he delights in it.

  “Care to prove it?” I challenge, raising an eyebrow at him.

  He takes a possessive step closer towards me and I close my eyes, waiting for him to make his move. I can feel his eyes on me. I sense them travelling up and down my body as he takes in my appearance. I lick my lips and even bite down on them, hoping to tempt him into reaching out for me but he remains still. Eventually, I open my eyes and scowl when I see him with a victorious grin on his face.

  “You see? I don’t even have to touch you and you respond to me. I can’t only imagine how magnificent you would look if I were inside you.”

  The explosive heat building up inside of me ignites. I inhale sharply and make a noise of pure, unadulterated pleasure. My moan forces him to grab hold of me; his muscular arms encircle my waist as he lifts me up with little effort. I automatically wrap my legs around his waist and his hands are underneath my thighs, securing our position without a moment’s hesitation.

  Our bodies are locked so tightly together, there isn’t a part of us not touching. He carries me with so much confidence and ease, as though I’m as light as a feather. I rake my fingers through his hair and tug on it, demanding more from him. He doesn’t disappoint and the next thing I know my back is being slammed against the door to the back room.

  I’m well aware of the risk that looms over us, the danger that my father poses by arriving back any minute. We’re in his store and he must have been gone half an hour already, we could be caught at any moment. Maybe it’s the fact that Jake is here and I know that he would never let my father hut me or maybe it’s because I’m so ridiculously aroused that I just don’t care. Either way, I’m not about to stop this for anything or anyone.

  “Why did you moan?” Jake asks me.

  The sound of his voice pulls me out of my absorbing thoughts and back to the present, back to the here and now and the ferocious intensity of our situation. He’s panting just as heavily as I am and I can feel how badly he wants me as he presses his arousal against my body. Experiencing the evidence of his desire leaves me feeling exhilarated and excited. To know that I can do this to him is intoxicating. I shamelessly grind myself against him and smile when I hear the expletive words he mutters to himself.

  It’s not long before his lips find their way back to mine. His tongue teases me as it glides along the length of my bottom lip and I open my mouth, waiting for him to enter me again. I groan in frustration when he yet again evades my attempt at coercing him into a kiss as passionate as the one before. He laughs at my feeble efforts and pulls away from me.

  “Why won’t you kiss me?” I groan, scowling at him.

  “I will as soon as you tell me why you moaned. Is it because you were imagining what it would feel like to have me inside you?” His seductive words are my undoing and the fire that he ignited in me earlier flares up again.

  “Yes.” I say breathlessly.

  “Well, you know what they say, baby. All good things come to those who wait.” He drags his teeth over his bottom lip, making it obvious that his toying with me is turning him on.

  “What if I can’t wait?”

  He glances at me in uncertainty and I nod my head, confirming his unspoken question. His teasing attitude quickly disappears and his smouldering eyes fixate on my own. The intensity between us and his hunger is almost frightening and it probably would scare me if I weren’t feeling the exact same way for him.

  “You mean… here?” His mouth falls open as he gapes at me in astonishment.

  Of course I didn’t mean here. As desperate as I am to have him inside of me, I could never bring myself to do it in this place. I know that for our first time together we both deserve better. I just wanted to tempt him and push him a little further, the same way he teases me so mercilessly.

  “No, not here. The least I want is a bed.”

  “God, Bethany. I actually thought you were being serious.”

  “And what if I were?” I circle my hips once more and we both gasp at the magnificent sensation it gives us both. He’s still incredibly aroused and to feel him rub against me so intimately is torturous when I know we can’t do anything about it.

  “You are seriously trying to kill me.” He whispers, lowering his head so that his nose affectionately grazes against mine.

  “Nah, if you died I would really miss you.”

  “Don’t worry baby. I have no intention of leaving you.”

  All of our humour disappears as he continues to gaze at me intently. I still can’t comprehend how I came so close to losing this amazing boy and now that I have a second chance, I vow to myself that I’ll never let him go. He’s far too special for me to be without. I came alive the night I met Jake and even though I frequently keep my most private thoughts to myself, I decide to share this latest one with Jake. He deserves to know how I really feel about him.

  “That’s good because I couldn’t bear it if you walked away from me. My life started the night that I met you. You make me feel alive.” I can feel my cheeks turning a bright shade of crimson and I duck my chin to hide my embarrassment.

  He’s still holding me against the door and my legs remain wrapped around his waist. He shifts his weight as though he’s going to put me down but he somehow manages to support me using one arm. He brings his free hand to my chin, tilting it and raising my face up towards his.

  “Sweetheart, I love you so much. My life was saved the night I met you, someday I’ll explain everything to you but right now I feel like I should be down on my knees thanking God for leading me to you.”

  “You believe in God?” I don’t know why it comes as a surprise, I suppose it’s because religion has never even been mentioned between us before. There’s so much I still have to find out about Jake, so much I don’t know.

  “How can I not? He brought me to you.”

  He slowly runs his thumb over my bottom lip. His touch is reverent; it consumes me with adoration and love. Everything about Jake is so passionate and extreme; it would be so easy for me to get lost in the fictitious world we have created between us, the world where we are the only two people to exist. I almost forget to breathe when I’m around him and when I hear such sincerity in his voice and witness so much truth and beauty in his eyes… it leaves me speechless.

  I gently take hold of the hand that is still cradling my chin and softly start to place delicate kisses along his fingertips. I keep my eyes locked on his the entire time, watching him and his reactions closely. He inhales sharply when I start to caress his index finger with my tongue. I finish by kissing the centr
e of his palm and that’s when he decides to lower me back down to the ground.

  “Jake, you really have to go. He could be back at any moment and I’ve already taken too many risks this morning.”

  “Bethany, I’m not leaving you alone with that man again. Your gran filled me in on a few things last night and it made me realise how dangerous it is for you to be around him. Baby, please come home with me now. I’ll protect you, I promise I will.”

  “What did she tell you?” I ask, hating the idea that the two of them were discussing me behind my back. I remember the awkward atmosphere I walked into when I came in from the kitchen, now I realise the reason for their silence.

  “That’s not important, what matters is the fact that it’s not safe for you to be living at home anymore.”

  He looks so determined, it’s as though I have no say in the matter. The idea of living with Jake is wonderful but it’s just not possible. It’s too soon and I’m not ready for such a commitment.

  “Jake, we’ve only known each other for a few weeks and I haven’t even met your family. How can you expect me to stay with them? It’s just not possible. I’ll see you on Friday, the same time as usual, ok?”

  “No! That’s not ok! You’re coming home with me right now, even if I have to carry you out of here myself.”