“If she hadn’t checked on gran then she wouldn’t have been discovered until tomorrow when we normally go and see her. God, when I think what might have happened to her…”
“Don’t think like that, Bethany. She’s safe and she’s on her way to the hospital, that’s what’s important.”
I don’t say anything else for the remainder of the journey. Mum’s not ready to hear it but the truth is, if anything had happened to gran it would have been my father’s fault. The only reason we see her once a week is because of him. He’s responsible for all of this, I blame him for everything.
We go straight to reception as soon as we reach the hospital. We give the receptionist gran’s name and are told what ward she’s been placed on.
After an extensive walk through the maze-like hospital, we finally find the correct ward. Mum rushes over to speak to the woman behind the desk whilst I patiently wait to find out what room she’s in. A few seconds later mum hurries over to me, looking more relieved than she did when we first got here.
“It’s ok; she’s going to be alright. Her body temperature was quite low when they found her so they’re going to keep her in for a while. They want to do some tests and they also want to make sure that she’ll get plenty of rest. Thank God they found her in time.”
I breathe a huge sigh of relief, offering a silent thank you to God for keeping my gran safe. I don’t know what I’d do without her, I’d be lost.
“When can we see her?” I ask
“She’s resting right now and they said it’s vital that she’s not disturbed. They said I can go in if I want to but only for a couple of minutes.”
“You should go.” I urge her.
“I have to wait for a nurse to take me but in the meantime I should really call your father. He won’t be happy about us using a taxi but I can’t do anything about it now.” She nibbles on her bottom lip, a clear sign that she’s dreading the thought of talking to him.
It suddenly dawns on me that now gran’s in hospital I no longer have an excuse to leave the house tonight. I feel so selfish even thinking of such a thing, especially at a time like this but after the awful week I’ve had with my father and now the fact that gran’s in hospital, I really need to see Jake. He’s the only one who can take this pain away; he’s the only one who can make this better.
By the time we arrive back home, I’ve already decided on the next lie I have to come up with to enable me to leave the house tonight to see Jake. Once again, I feel terrible that I keep on lying to mum but I honestly feel like I don’t have a choice. If I want to survive another week living in this hell then I need to see Jake tonight. He’s all that I have and I need to hold on to what’s mine.
“Mum, I think I might go and see Amy tonight. I really need a friend right now and I haven’t seen her for a few weeks, do you think it would be ok?”
“I don’t know, Bethany. I have enough to worry about with your gran in the hospital. Can’t you just stay at home tonight?”
“Mum, I’ll go with you to the hospital tomorrow. I really want to see gran for myself but I need to go out tonight. Please, just trust me.”
She embraces me tightly, taking me by surprise. It’s the first time that she’s initiated a hug with me in the longest time and it feels wonderful. I’m finally able to see a glimmer of hope for my mum, even if it is just for a second.
Of course my father is incredibly angry with mum for calling a taxi to take us to the hospital. I’m in my bedroom keeping out of his way but I can still hear the sound of their raised voices. I consider putting my earphones in to block out the noise but decide against it. Even as a little girl I would always listen intently to his verbal attacks on her. I’d force myself to stay awake in case she needed me, in case things ever got out of hand and I would be forced to intervene. I was just a child but I always tried to protect her, I guess that will never change.
The sound of his heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs causes me to sit up straight. The last thing I want is for him to come in here. His footsteps go past my bedroom and the next thing I hear is the sound of his wardrobe doors opening and closing. There’s a lot more noise before I hear him making his way downstairs. The front door slams and the house is left in silence. Wondering what the hell is going on; I sneak into the hallway and listen out for mum. The sound of crying can be heard from the living room and I’m standing in the doorway in an instant.
“Mum, are you ok? What’s going on?”
She’s sitting on the sofa with a crumpled up tissue in her hands and I’m at her side in an instant, furious with my father for hurting her again.
“Your father wants me to put your gran into a nursing home. He said the accident goes to prove that she’s no longer capable of living by herself.”
I grit my teeth in anger, this is just typical of him. He’s been waiting for an excuse to get rid of her for so long and now he finally has one. Her accidental fall has provided him with the justification that he’s being waiting for.
“That’s rubbish! Gran is perfectly capable of looking after herself. This was a freak accident, that’s all. If we were allowed to see her more often then she would have been found sooner!”
“I tried to tell him, Bethany. I really did.”
“Where has he gone now?” I ask, not really caring but needing to make sure he goes out tonight so I can sneak out and see Jake.
“He’s gone away for a week, he packed his things and left.”
“What?” I stare at her in astonishment, hardly believing what I just heard
“You remember that friend of his who sometimes comes into the bookstore? Ted, I think his name is. He said he’s going away to discuss some new business venture with him, something about improving profits for the bookstore. I can’t believe he’s really gone, Bethany. He’s never even been away from home before.”
Of course I remember his name; Ted’s the one who promised my father the use of his caravanette for our little vacation in two weeks time. Something I can’t allow myself to think about, the thought of being isolated and alone with him for fourteen days.
“Mum, are you seriously telling me that he’s going to be away for an entire week?” I don’t even attempt to conceal the underlying excitement in my voice. The idea of seven whole days without him is incredible, the exhilaration I feel is indescribable.
She nods her head and smiles, wiping away her final tear. A person’s independence and liberty is not something to be taken for granted. It is something to be cherished and valued. It is something that is sacred and should be treated as such. Kneeling before my mother I know we will delight in our freedom whilst we can. Every moment is precious.
A couple of hours go by and I still can’t believe he’s gone. The house is eerily quiet without it; it’s probably going to take me some time to adjust to the peaceful atmosphere. I know he’ll only be gone for a week but the idea of seven whole days without him is nothing short of incredible.
I feel like I should celebrate or at least do something joyful to commemorate his departure. I open my bedside drawer, searching for my phone. I normally wouldn’t text Jake until later but I need to let him know about our sudden change of plans…
I smile to myself after sending him my message, feeling even more confident about what I have planned for tonight. The evening I intend to have with Jake will change my life forever and it’s a change that I am extraordinarily joyful about making.
“Mum, is it ok for me to head over to Amy’s now?” I ask a couple of hours later, hoping my father’s absence will make things easier for us both leaving the house.
“Yes, it’s ok. Have a good time and try not to worry too much about your gran. I’ve just spoken to the hospital again and they assured me that she’s ok. We can visit her tomorrow morning.”
“That’s great news, I’m so glad she’s going to be alright.” I place a light kiss on her cheek before I go, counting down the minutes until I see my boy again.
Now that I know gra
n’s definitely going to be alright I can feel a little better about tonight’s plans. I no longer have to worry about something happening whilst I’m with Jake and unreachable. She’s in safe hands and she’s being well taken care of.
I send Jake a quick message to let him know I’m on way. It feels really peculiar not meeting in our usual spot tonight; it will definitely take some getting used to. When I was a little girl, gran always told me that she wanted me to think of her house as my own. I spent so much time there, trying so hard to evade my father that it might as well have been my home. I remember her saying to me that if I ever needed a place to escape or somewhere to go, then I should go there. The thought of this provided me with so much comfort over the years, it gave me a tremendous sense of security and I’ve never been more grateful for that than now. Arranging to meet Jake there feels right, for the longest time I’ve been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and all I want from tonight is to forget. I’m the only one who knows where she keeps her spare door key, another fact I’m so thankful for.
Being the first one to arrive, I decide to retrieve the spare key before Jake gets here. Making my way around the side of the house, I enter into her back garden. Besides it being so damp and dreary, it looks exactly the same as I remember. In the summertime it’s vibrant with colour and life; her flowers bring so much beauty and tranquillity to her garden. I miss spending my time here.
When you’re a child everything seems to be so much bigger, I look at the bench that gran and I used to sit on when I was little girl. It’s reassuring to see its still here; it goes to prove that some things remain the same. At the bottom of the garden there’s a huge grey rock, the same one I carved my name into when I was six, thinking that automatically gave me ownership of the whole garden. I trace my fingers over the childish scrawl which spells out ‘Bethany Lauren.’ It causes me to smile with nostalgia; it feels like it’s been waiting for me all this time. I never wanted to acknowledge my father’s surname so I used to write my first and middle name instead. I don’t know where the name Lauren come from but I’ve always liked it, sometimes I wish it was my actual name, hoping it would somehow provide me with a new identity.
Using all of my strength, I lift up the heavy rock and reach for the rusty old key. I’m attempting to wipe some of the disgusting grime from it when my phone starts vibrating in my pocket. Glancing at my phone’s screen, I see it’s a new text from Jake letting me know he’s at the front door. He must be curious as to why I asked him to meet me here. I suppose I better explain everything, I can’t keep him in the dark.
There are a million butterflies in my stomach, caused by the excitement of knowing that I’ll be seeing Jake in just a few seconds. Walking around the side of the house, I have the luxury of being able to observe him first. He’s leaning against the front of the house, tapping away on his phone. I’ve not yet been lucky enough to see him without a shirt but I just know he hides a strong, muscular physique underneath his clothing.
I clear my throat, alerting him to my arrival.
“Hey, Beautiful. This is all very mysterious, you sure you’re ok?” He grabs hold of my waist, dragging me flush against him.
“Come on in and I’ll explain everything.” I stand on my tip toes in an attempt to reach him but he’s so tall against me it’s ineffective.
“Is your gran not home?” He asks with uncertainty before taking a step inside.
I watch him as he politely wipe his feet on the doormat, something which makes him even more charming and irresistible to me. I choose not to answer and motion for him to follow me into the sitting room. It’s so odd being here when gran isn’t. The house is almost silent; the only sound I can hear is the ticking of the clock. Gran’s armchair in front of the fireplace catches my eye; it looks bereft and lonely without her.
“She’s not here.” I say softly, replying to his earlier question.
“Where is she?” He’s standing in the doorway with a masculine, perusing expression on his face. His eyes take in my entire appearance, something which he seems to appreciate. The knowledge of this fills me with so much confidence, to know a man like Jake desires me is unbelievable.
“She’s in the hospital. She had a fall last night, she was found this morning by a neighbour.”
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Is she going to be ok? I wish you had told me earlier.” He walks over towards me, pulling me into his arms.
“The hospital says she should be fine but they’re keeping her in for a few days just to make sure.”
“That’s good.”
He tucks a stray strand of my hair behind my ear and I fight the urge I have to tremble in front of him.
“So why are we here if she’s still in the hospital?”
“I want to show you something.” I smile up at him, feeling oddly calm about what I want to happen between us.
“Ok...” His uncertainty is still there but I hope he trusts me enough to go along with this.
I lead him out of the living room and back into the hall. Taking his hand, I head up the stairs, passing gran’s bedroom door on the landing. I come to a stop when I reach the final door at the end of the passage. I glance behind me and nod my head, wanting Jake to know he can follow me inside.
There’s a double bed in the room with a lilac quilt and matching cushions scattered on the bed. A full length mirror is in the corner of the bedroom, a wardrobe and a desk of drawers. The curtains and carpet are also lilac and through a door in the corner of the bedroom is a tiny en suite. It’s really only big enough to fit a shower but it’s an en suite nevertheless.
“Wow.” Jake chuckles.
“I know it’s really girly, right?” I can’t conceal the big grin on my face.
“Just a little.” He says playfully, taking a cautionary step into the bedroom before taking a seat on the bed. He picks up one of my lilac cushions and starts throwing it in the air and catching it.
Deciding to just be honest with him, I choose to take the bull by the horns and tell him why I brought him here.
“Jake, when I was younger I always wanted to decorate my bedroom at home. You know, to be able to choose the colour scheme and make it my own. My father already controlled so much of my life; he never gave me the option of making my room my own. I remember telling gran all about this one day, she didn’t say anything at the time, she just listened to me but a few weeks later she brought me up here and into this bedroom. I had no idea why because back then it was just a spare room. we came upstairs and this is what I found. She’d had it converted into a bedroom especially for me; she used my favourite colour at the time, which I think you can probably guess was lilac.” I laugh nervously.
“I can see that.” Jake grins at me and I love how we’re so comfortable with one another now that we can tease.
“She knew I didn’t see my bedroom in my father’s house as my own and that’s why she gave me this one instead. When I was younger I spent so much more time here, I spent the night as often as I could.”
“That’s really sweet of your gran to do that for you.”
I join him on the bed and he kisses my forehead, brushing my hair out of my eyes.
“It was really important for me to show you my room.” I tell him.
“I know and I love that you did. It means a lot to me, Bethany.” He stands up, innocently browsing the contents of my early adolescent bedroom.
“My father’s gone.” I blurt out.
“What do you mean, gone? Gone where?”
“He’s going to be away for a week, he left this afternoon. That’s why I arranged to meet you here. We can be a little more careless with my curfew tonight.” I can’t help the mischievous smirk that follows.
“Are you serious? You mean I get to be with you for more than a few hours tonight?” He kneels down in front of me, his immense enthusiasm is infectious.
“That’s right” I beam at him.
“Wow, this is amazing. I have to see you every single day before he co
mes back, you do know that, right?”
“You can see me whenever you want, Jake.”
I yelp when Jake takes me by surprise and picks me up, spinning me around and around in a circle. I end up squealing and begging him to put me back on my feet.
“This is incredible. When I think of all the time we can spend together… baby, this is going to be so perfect. I promise you.”
He’s energised and breathless; his eyes are sparkling with excitement. His zeal is so invigorating; it’s exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.
“That’s what I was thinking; I knew this would be the perfect place.”
“The perfect place for what?”
“For you to make love to me. I want it to be here, Jake. Tonight.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jake’s jaw drops to the floor, making him look so humorous and comical. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so shocked in all my life. As the seconds go by he continues to stare at me in astonishment, causing an unstoppable giggle to escape from my lips.
“What? Was that a joke?” He asks me, a bewildered and uncertain expression on his face.
“No, I’m not joking.” I reassure him, trying to keep a straight face.
“So why are you laughing?” He asks, sounding dumbfounded.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it, you should have seen the horrified look on your face.”
If I’m being honest, I did hope for a slightly more enthusiastic reaction than the one he gave me. I thought Jake would be thrilled that I feel ready to take things further with him.
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