Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “No, don’t say that. I didn’t mean it to appear that way. It’s just… I can’t believe you’re actually serious.”

  “Why would I be? I’ve never been more certain about anything.” I take a step closer towards him, wanting no distance between us.

  His eyes are smouldering, there’s so much passion behind them. He’s burning for me and I’d give anything to know just how incredible we would be together. I want to explore and experience every single part of this man and in return, I want to give him all of myself.

  “Oh, God. Bethany, believe me when I tell you that I want to. I want to more than anything in this world but this is your gran’s house, it wouldn’t be right.” He closes his eyes, making the internal struggle he is warring against blatantly apparent.

  I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been for him. Jake wants me just as badly as I want him, maybe even more. I did consider the fact that he might see what I want as being immoral but I never thought he would actually try and resist my advances.

  “Jake, look at me. I already told you that this is my bedroom, it always has been. I love you and I want to be with you more than anything. I want you so badly and I need you right now more than ever. I need to feel safe and protected; you’re the only person who can make me feel those things. I trust you and I really do want this. I want us to be together.”

  He opens his eyes, gazing at me so much hunger and intensity. There’s a feral gleam in his eyes, igniting the indescribable lust between us. Reaching up on my tip toes, I place a soft kiss on his lips, hoping to instigate the beginning of what is to follow. He groans against my mouth, grabbing hold of my hips and pressing himself against me. This encourages me to deepen our kiss, eliciting a deep growl of frustration from Jake. I love knowing that I can stimulate so much arousal in him, it makes me feel powerful and dare I say… sexy.

  “Bethany, I want you so much. You have no idea how badly I want you. It’s taking all of my self-control and restraint to keep myself from throwing you down on that bed right behind you and giving you exactly what you want but there’s also a part of me that knows how important this is, I don’t want you to feel like you’re being forced to do anything. We can wait; we can wait until you’re absolutely certain this is what you want to do. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we don’t have to rush into anything.” His breathing is erratic and his eyes are stormy, making him look so animalistic and wild, his fingers are starting to bruise the sensitive skin on my hips, his hold on me is so tight.

  “Jake, do you really think I’d want to go through with this if I thought you were pressuring me?”

  “No but I just want to make sure this is definitely what you want, I don’t want you to go through with this because you think it’s expected because it isn’t.”

  “I realise that we don’t have to do this tonight but I want to, Jake. We’re never going to get an opportunity like this again, my father’s away and I don’t have to hurry home anytime soon. Please give me this.”

  “Fuck, you’re not making this easy on me. I really can’t deny you for much longer; I just want to make this so special for you, Bethany. Are you sure this is the right place? Are you certain it’s the right time?”

  We’re standing in such close proximity together, our breath is mingling together and I can blatantly see his resolve is slipping. If I push him just a little further he’s bound to give me what I want.

  “Do I have to beg you, Jake? I will if I have to, I’ll get down on my knees and beg you to fuck me.” I whisper seductively into his ear, pressing my breasts against his toned chest. I’m hoping he will admit defeat and take away all of my control, I need him to take the lead and show me how to be with him.

  “Fuck it.” He growls, violently smashing his lips against mine.

  Jake and I have kissed passionately before but this time it’s different. It’s more than intense; it’s forceful, ferocious and demanding. I can actually feel my lips start to bruise from the fury behind his kiss. Our teeth collide and when I bite down on his bottom lip I’m surprised to find I actually manage to draw blood, something which seems to motivate Jake even more. This isn’t gentle or unhurried; it’s urgent, frantic and almost aggressive. The rush it gives me is exhilarating and I’m intoxicated by him in a way I never even thought possible.

  “Are you sure?” He asks, reluctantly prising himself away from me.

  I can’t believe he actually has to ask me that again. We’re panting and breathless; drunk on the indefinable, indescribable thing that exists between us, that connects us and unites us beyond anything I’ve ever known.

  “Yes, I want this. I need this and I need you, Jake.” I assure him, desperate to know what it feels like to have his hands on me.

  His hands circle my face, bringing us even closer together.

  “Bethany, I love you. I love you so much but I need you to know something. You mean everything to me, you’re the most important person in my life and I know that I can make you feel good but if there’s ever a moment when you don’t like something or you want me to stop, don’t even hesitate to tell me. You’re the one in control here and nothing is going to happen between us that you’re not comfortable with.”

  “Jake, I understand all of that but I can’t take much more of this, I need to feel you inside of me. Now.” Wow, now I am really begging him.

  The truth is I can’t even help it. The urgency I feel for him to touch me is staggering, it’s so astonishing, I can’t even begin to describe it. I’ve never wanted anyone so badly and I’ve now reached a point where I can’t even remember a time when I didn’t want him. Jake has somehow managed to obliterate and erase everything in my mind; the one thing remaining is him. He’s the centre of my world and my obsession for him grows on a daily basis.

  His hands slowly move from either side of my face down to my neck. Even the gentle stroke of his fingers causes me to quiver uncontrollably. I almost stop breathing altogether when he starts to undo the buttons on my blouse. He does this with so much dexterity and self-assurance; I can’t help but wonder how many times he has done this before.

  Gazing intently into my eyes, he waits for my acknowledgement before unfastening the final button. I nod slowly; I wouldn’t be capable of putting a stop to this even if my life depended on it.

  “I’m going to run my lips over every single inch of your body. I want to know what your skin tastes like, especially when you’re aroused. I want to taste you more than anything. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?” He whispers right into my ear, an act that’s so seductive I could melt.

  “Yes.” I mumble incoherently.

  “You want me to taste you?” He asks, dragging his lips along my throat whilst tilting my head back.

  “Mmm…yes.” I moan loudly, out of my mind with want and desire. My body feels weightless and ethereal, a transcendent change is taking place, one which I never thought I’d understand or comprehend.

  “Say it.” He demands, tugging the hair at the back of my neck, forcing me to look at him.

  “I want you to taste me.” I reply obediently.

  “I think I need you need to make your instructions clear.”

  I look up at him in confusion and can sense the heat rising in my cheeks at his request. He actually wants me to say it?

  “Erm…” I’m suddenly at a loss for words, consumed by trepidation and embarrassment.

  My lack of experience and expertise once again proves how little I actually know about sex and I can’t help but feel humiliated.

  Jake responds by giving me a smile of complete reassurance and I visibly relax. I remember his words a moment before, he won’t make me say or do anything that I’m not comfortable with.

  Jake inhales sharply when his eyes drop down to my breasts. The pale blue bra I’m wearing doesn’t provide me with much modesty and I can scarcely breathe, I’m so nervous of what he’ll think of me. His hands brush aside my unfastened blouse and come to rest on
my waist, squeezing me gently. I’m so thankful he’s decided to let me keep my blouse on for a little while longer. It’s completely undone but the three-quarter sleeved garment provides me with a small amount of modesty. I’ve never been naked in front of anyone before and the idea of being so openly exposed is terrifying.

  “So perfect.” Jake mutters to himself, stroking his index finger along the swell of my breasts just above my bra.

  His touch is soft and cautious; as though he’s making sure I’m completely comfortable with everything. It’s not long before his tongue finds its way back into my mouth, swirling with my own in perfect synchronisation.

  I was worried that Jake would think of me as being inferior. He’s got so much experience; he’s bound to have been with plenty of exotic and beautiful women. So to have Jake compliment me was a wonderful boost for my ego.

  Deciding that I want to see as much as Jake as he is of me, I attempt the removal of his jacket. However, the material is heavy and I find it a struggle to remove it from his shoulders. Noticing my difficulty, he helps me to rid him of his jacket, throwing it on the floor. I hesitantly move my hands to the hem of his T-shirt, gazing up at him as I begin to stroke the skin beneath it.

  “Get rid of this.” I tell him, tugging on his shirt.

  I then go on to tease him by purposefully biting down on my bottom lip and watch as his eyes immediately fall to my mouth.

  “Every time you do that I wish I was the one doing it.”

  His focus is still on my mouth, prompting me to lean in towards him.

  “So why don’t you?” I challenge him flirtatiously

  “Oh, I will but my main priority right now is getting you out of them clothes.”

  “You first.” I urge him.

  I watch in fascination as he raises his T-shirt over his stomach and then his chest, revealing the indescribable body underneath it. I’ve always known that Jake’s physique would be attractive but nothing could have prepared me for the perfection that’s standing before me. He’s breathtaking. His shoulders are broad and toned, the muscles in his arms are powerful and strong and he owns an impressive six pack. I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like to touch him, what would it feel like to run my lips all over his body?

  He stands with so much confidence and ease, allowing me to peruse his body for as long as I need. My eyes absorb every single little detail; I don’t think I will ever grow tired of staring at this magnificent man.

  Jake finally interrupts my lengthy observation of him by slipping my unbuttoned blouse from my shoulders. I suddenly find myself standing before him wearing only my bra. I feel completely exposed but cannot deny the excitement that’s coursing through me, especially when I notice Jake’s breathing accelerate.

  I’m abruptly pulled out of my enraptured state by the sound of Jake’s violent intake of breath. It only takes a second for me to realise what provoked such a response from him. There’s a savage and bestial expression on his face, revealing the acute rage he’s now consumed by as he continues to stare at the awful bruising on my upper arms.

  I am such an idiot; I was so caught up in the heat of the moment and the thought of finally being with Jake, I didn’t even think about him noticing the marks. I forgot about them altogether, a fact which proves I have to be the biggest fool on the planet. He continues to stare at them with eyes that I no longer recognise, they’re full of contempt and the fact that I’m evoking such a reaction from him makes me feel worthless and damaged. There are two sets of bruises from two different occasions and the harsh contrast of the purple fingerprints looks even worse against my fair skin.

  “Bethany…”

  His breathing is strained and erratic, making it clear how hard he’s struggling to control his anger.

  “Jake, I can explain. It’s not what you think.”

  “Who? Who did this to you?” He yells, barely able to suppress his rage.

  I remain silent, how do I even begin to explain this to him? This is something I never wanted Jake to know. I never wanted to invite him into the darkest part of my world.

  “Jake, please.”

  “You need to tell me right now. Who. Did. This?”

  He touches my chin, raising my face up towards his.

  “I can’t. Please don’t make me say it.” I beg him, wiping away the tears that have started to fall down my cheeks.

  “Was it him? Was it your father?”

  Unwilling and unable of speaking the truth, I nod my head.

  “When?” He demands.

  “Last week after you left the bookstore and some are from the week before that.” I confess.

  I didn’t mean to reveal everything to him but irrepressible, uncontainable fury he was struggling to restrain was enough to convince me to tell him the truth.

  “And you didn’t tell me?” He shouts, causing me to flinch away from the harshness in his voice.

  “I… I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “So you kept it a secret from me? You convinced me you were safe with that fucking monster and I actually let you go back to him! I am such a fucking idiot! Why did I listen to you? I ignored every single one of my instincts and let you convince me you’d be ok. What the fuck was I thinking?”

  He roughly drags both his hands through his hair in exasperation. The action causes the muscles in his stomach to contract and I can’t help myself admiring the fluidity of his movements. I wanted everything to be so perfect tonight, it was supposed to be special and romantic and instead it’s all turned into a nightmare.

  “It’s not your fault, I’m the one who chose not to tell you. How were you supposed to know?”

  “Why did he do it?” He asks, ignoring what I just said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Does he abuse you often? How many times has this happened? And when were you going to tell me?” He keeps on firing questions at me, making him sound like a complete stranger.

  I don’t even recognise him anymore. I know Jake would never hurt me but seeing him this way, watching him so wild and uncontainable is frightening. I’ve never witnessed rage quite like this before, not even with my father.

  “No! It’s not often. It’s only just started happening and I don’t know when I was going to tell you, maybe never!” I cry.

  “Ok, listen. I need you to be completely honest with me, Bethany. You need to tell me the truth and I don’t want you covering for him or lying to me. Has he… has he ever… fuck, I can’t believe I’m actually saying this. Has he ever…”

  “What?” I prompt him.

  He strokes his fingers along my jaw line, locking those incredible eyes onto my own.

  “Has he ever touched you? He doesn’t… Jesus, please tell me he’s never raped you.”

  The fear in his voice is indescribable and when my mouth falls open in shock he misinterprets my reaction. He mistakes my silence as confirmation that it’s true.

  “Jake, it’s not what you think.”

  “Fuck! He has, hasn’t he? Jesus Christ! I swear to God I will murder that evil son of a bitch when I see him. I’ll kill him with my bare fucking hands, I don’t care if I serve a life sentence for it, I’ll do it with a great big smile on my face. Where is he? Tell me where he is right now, Bethany.”

  He grabs his T-shirt, tugging it back on over his head before storming out of the bedroom.

  “Wait! Jake, he doesn’t, he hasn’t! He’s never touched me that way. How can you think that?”

  I grab my blouse off the floor, sliding my arms into it before chasing after him into the hallway. We almost collide when he comes to an abrupt stop and whirls around to face me.

  “Because you’ve got bruises all over your fucking arms! Bruises that were caused by his fingerprints! You’re his daughter and he did that to you, do you know sick that makes me? You need to tell me everything, Bethany. What else has he done to you? You have to tell me!”

  He’s turned red in the face and the tendons in his neck are protruding s
o fiercely, I’m scared they’re going to rupture. I’ve never seen anyone like this before and I’m scared there’s nothing I can do to fix this.

  “Ok, I’ll tell you everything but first you need to calm down. He’s never harmed me like that, Jake. I swear he hasn’t.” I tell him truthfully.

  “How can I believe you? You told me you were safe! You told me he wouldn’t hurt you and that he worshipped the ground you walk on. I knew something was wrong last week when I was at the bookstore. I noticed the way he spoke to you and I didn’t trust him. I wanted you to come home with me, I wanted to keep you as far away as possible from him but you told me I had nothing to worry about and now I find out it was all a lie. He’s been hurting you all this time and I didn’t even know about it, do you know how that makes me feel? I should have been the one protecting you and yet I’ve allowed you to share a house with that monster!”

  He clenches his fist before driving it straight into the wall behind him. I scream when I hear the horrendous noise it makes. Jake’s knuckles are all scraped and grazed but he still swings his arm back to do it again.

  “Jake, please stop! You’re scaring me!” I beg him.

  I’m telling the truth, I am scared. I hate seeing him this way; he’s a stranger to me. A shadow of the man he really is. The transformation from the man who was tenderly undressing me just a few moments ago to the one I’m now faced with is unbelievable and I find myself so grateful for the fact that my father’s not home. I’m sure that no amount of my persuasion would be enough to prevent Jake from hurting him if he were close by.

  Jake finally turns to look at me, his face softens the moment his gaze lands on my frightened face.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry.” He takes a step closer towards me, pulling me against him.

  I breathe a sigh of relief, relieved that his anger seems to have subsided.

  “Jake, that was terrifying. You really scared me.” I mumble against his chest.

  “I never want you to be scared of me, Bethany. I would never hurt you, I promise you that. It’s just can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me. It’s my job to protect you and I had no idea about any of this, I didn’t know what was happening and that makes me feel so fucking powerless.”