When the sensations become too powerful, when I feel like my body can’t take much more of this relentless teasing, I try to shift my body away from him. Jake doesn’t take too kindly to my avoidance and tightens his hold on my thighs, firmly keeping me in place.
A familiar and exquisite awareness of what’s about to happen consumes me. I writhe and twist my body on the bed, yearning for more. I move my hands from the quilt I’ve been clutching the whole time into Jake’s hair, lovingly running my fingers through it and rocking myself against his mouth.
“Jake, I’m so… I’m so…” I pant hungrily.
“Are you close, baby?” He groans, encouraging my wild movements against him.
“Yes, don’t stop.” I plead with him.
His fingers join his tongue, thrusting inside of me whilst his mouth latches onto my clitoris. Within moments, my body starts to shake and contract, a result of the internal explosion that just erupted inside of me. I fill the room with my cries and moans of fulfilment, not even remotely concerned about the volume of my sounds.
His hands release their firm grip on my thighs, gliding up the rest of my body. I shudder involuntarily, still so sensitive and responsive to his touch.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of making you come.” He says intently, supporting his weight on his elbows and gazing down at me with affection.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of you making me come.” I respond, meaning every word.
Jake and I spend the rest of the evening together. Laughing, talking and making love. It’s the most memorable evening of my life and it’s only when I’m alone in my room later on that night that I start to question how long this newfound happiness of mine can really last. I have an intense, unshakeable feeling that Jake and I have not yet encountered the difficult times in our relationship. I know this is only the beginning for us and I should be looking forward to our future and what’s to come but I just can’t erase the constant, worrying anxiety that I have when I consider the possibility that there might not be a happy ending in store for us. I’m certain something is on its way and the worst of it is, I have no idea what.
Chapter Eighteen
I meet up with Jake as often as I can over the next few days. I repeatedly deceive my mum, telling her I’m meeting up with Amy night after night. I’m sure a part of her has started to doubt me but she’s far too nervous and reluctant to actually question me about it. My inability to tell her what’s really going on is pushing us further and further apart. She’s almost like a stranger to me now and the only person to blame is me. If I could change things, I would.
Jake and I continue to meet at gran’s house as often as we can. Sometimes it’s during the day because Jake has to work in the evenings but regardless of what time we meet, the results are just the same. It’s like we can’t help ourselves. It only seems to take us a matter of minutes before we’re tearing the clothes from one another. I’m certain that what Jake and I have is so much more than sex but the physical part of our relationship is so exciting and exhilarating, I love being able to explore this unknown side of myself with him.
Gran has to stay in hospital for the remainder of the week; the doctors told her that they want to keep an eye on her and they want to make sure she’s had plenty of rest before returning home. It will be wonderful to have gran back where she belongs but I also realise that the time Jake and I have been sharing will inevitably come to an end. My heart breaks when I think about things going back to normal. I’ve already become so used to seeing Jake everyday, the thought of only being able to see him once a week fills me with dread. It will be extremely hard for us and I’m sure it will take us some time to readjust to the change in circumstances.
I really thought my first time with Jake was unbelievable but nothing could have prepared me for just how wondrous and remarkable our love making would become after our first initial time together. Last night was certainly no exception…
We had only been in the bedroom a matter of seconds before Jake had me pushed up against the wall. His mouth and his hands were all over me, hastily tugging at my clothes and kissing my face. He effortlessly picked me up, telling me to wrap my legs around him. I did as he asked and he continued to kiss me, stealing my breath away by the force of his lips on mine.
I knew what he wanted; he wanted me to surrender myself to him, mind body and soul. He slid my underwear to the side and left his jeans unfastened and pushed down to his knees. He made sure he was inside me before the final item of my clothing was removed. The urgency we felt for one another somehow seemed to take precedence over everything else, even the ability to undress ourselves properly.
To be able to observe Jake’s lust for me is absolutely thrilling. It’s incredibly satisfying for me to know I have such a profound affect on him.
“Look at me, baby. I want to see you.” He begged me, breathing heavily and warring with himself.
He was desperate to release himself inside of me yet wanted to prolong the wondrous feeling of pleasure for both of us. My eyes met with his and I licked my lips, hoping to push him over the edge of the precipice he was balancing on.
An insurmountable amount of sexual frustration contorted his face. He seemed to be in agony, a clear sign his self-control was slipping. He gripped my thighs, squeezing the soft skin so it would bruise. I knew he was marking me; his fingerprints would stay with me for days.
“Please, Jake. Harder.” I implored him.
“I love it when you tell me what you want.” He growled in my ear.
I closed my eyes and truly immersed myself in the exquisite feeling of being so closely connected to him. I sunk my teeth into the skin on his neck, forcing him to groan loudly and thrust inside me with equal aggression.
“I love you so much, Jake. I need you.” I sobbed, on the perimeter of indulgence and discomfort.
“Bethany, do you want me? Tell me that you want me. Maybe you want me to stop?” He tormented me, halting his movements inside of me.
“No!” I wailed, rotating my hips.
I was frantically trying to recreate the glorious rhythm Jake had just interrupted. I wanted to coax him into surrendering to me but my instinctive attempt at seduction only seemed to make him more determined to resist my advances.
“What do you want? Tell me.”
He pressed his forehead against mine, bringing our bodies much closer. We were so tightly locked together, our breath mingled. It was as though we were the same person and I never wanted the connection between us to break. I truly felt like I would die if it did.
“You. I need you, Jake.” I pleaded.
“Only me?” He growled, pulling out of me.
I whimpered, desperate to feel the fullness of him inside me again.
“Only you. Always you.” I promised.
“Fuck, I love seeing you like this. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Knowing that I’m the first man to make you feel like this is what turns me on the most. I’m the first to be inside of you, the first one to taste you and the first one to make you come. I’m also going to be the last one to make you experience all of this. Do you understand that, Bethany?”
He began to move inside of me again, driving into me over and over. His tongue plunged into my open and willing mouth and I knew our mutual climax was imminent.
“First and last.” I groaned, agreeing with his earlier demand.
The truth is I felt exactly the same way about him. I could never be Jake’s first but I was determined to be his last. I remember dragging my fingernails down his back underneath his shirt, wanting to own him just as much as he owns me.
“Fuck, baby. That feels so good. Mark me; I’m yours.”
It’s as though he sensed my thoughts, I didn’t even have to voice them for him to know what I needed to hear.
“I’m yours, Jake. Always and forever.” I cried out, delighting in the powerful, transcendent orgasm those words brought me.
Jake still stares at my brui
ses whenever he sees them. He tries to hide it but I notice the anger on his face every time he sees them. My father has now been away for five days. He’s due home on Friday which is in two days time and the knowledge of this is what keeps me awake at night. I try to appreciate all of the beautiful moments I’ve got to spend with Jake because of my father’s absence but it still doesn’t change the fact that I’m miserable and terrified about the idea of him returning home.
I’ve arranged to meet Jake at gran’s house tonight. It’s Wednesday and even though it’s only been a day since I last saw him, the desire to be near him and the need to touch him is so strong.
I’m the first to arrive and make my way around the back of the house to fetch the spare door key. I decide to wait indoors for Jake and let myself into the house. It still feels really peculiar being here without gran, it’s disconcerting and slightly strange. I’m not quite sure I’ll ever feel truly settled without her here.
I sit in her armchair and listen to the sound of the clock ticking; it’s such a soothing sound. I glance at it, noticing that I’m considerably early and Jake might take a little while longer to get here. I start to comprehend all of the events that have taken place in my life over the last few weeks. So much has happened and in such a short space of time. When Jake entered my life, he changed everything. The thought of being without him now consumes me with dread. I’ve come to rely on him so much and I used to be so sure I would never depend on anybody. My anxiety is immense whenever I think about an existence without him. I jump up, making my way over to the window. I glance at my phone to see if there’s a new message from Jake; I haven’t received anything and my fear starts to take hold.
I begin to pace back and forth, feeling really apprehensive. I suppose it’s because I’ve finally become an active participant in my own life. Before, I was simply sitting on the sidelines, watching. Now, I’m no longer invisible or insignificant, I’m now vulnerable and susceptible to the bitter pain and heartache that comes with being alive. It’s almost like I’m an untrained, unarmed solider who’s been sent out to fight his first ever battle, a battle I’m far too scared to face. I don’t have any experience with this, I’ve been locked away for the last twenty years of my life, I’m not used to dealing with these everyday situations and I can hardly handle it.
I’m so lost in my own thoughts; I don’t even notice Jake approaching the house. He’s walking up the front path before I actually spot him. He’s yet to notice me standing at the window and I smile, watching his handsome physique draw nearer. Unable to wait a moment longer, I run outside to greet him.
“There’s my girl!” He grins, opening his arms out to me.
“It’s so great to see you; I’ve missed you so much.” I tell him, showering his handsome face with kisses.
“Since last night? Damn, you got it bad.” He jokes, winking at me.
“It’s just getting more and more difficult to be away from you.” I confess, hoping I don’t come across as being needy and pathetic.
“Are you sure you’re ok? You look like something’s troubling you.” He asks me, the concern evident in his voice.
He gently presses his lips against my forehead, something that normally provides me with so much comfort.
“I was just thinking.” I smile at him weakly, wanting to reassure him.
“What were you thinking about?”
“It’s not important.” I say, dismissing the concerns I had earlier.
“What’s happened?” His relaxed demeanour instantly changes.
“Honestly, I’m fine. I was just thinking about these last few days we’ve spent together and how they’ve been the best of my life.”
“Ok, so why the sad face?”
He closes the small gap between us, intent on finding out what’s been troubling me.
“I guess I’m just a little upset because I know it’s all going to be over soon.”
“What? Why? What do you mean?”
I glance up, observing the alarm in his expression.
“Jake, you know what I mean.” I mumble, unwilling to say it.
“Answer me, Bethany. Tell me what you meant! Why is this over? Why are we over? Are… are you ending this?” He whispers incredulously, his whole face draining of its colour.
He firmly grabs hold of my arms, shaking me slightly. In his anguish he’s forgotten about the remaining bruises on my arms. I cry out in pain, wriggling myself free from his grasp.
“Jake, you’re hurting me!” I yell.
He let’s go of me immediately, holding his hands out in front of him as though they’re tainted.
“Bethany, I’m so sorry. I completely forgot about your bruises. Baby, I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“It’s ok.” I tell him, taking hold of his hand in an effort to console him.
“It’s not ok, I’m no better than him for doing that to you. I just… baby, please tell me you’re not ending this?”
“Jake, listen. You don’t understand.”
“Don’t tell me I don’t understand! How can you even think about ending things between us? Don’t you feel what I feel? Don’t you feel it when we’re together?”
He places his hand on my lower back, dragging me towards him. I recognise the frantic desperation behind his beautiful brown eyes; it causes my breathing to accelerate and my heart rate to rapidly increase of its own accord.
“Jake, you’re not listening to me.” I insist, trying to move away from him.
He misinterprets my attempt to explain; convinced I’m breaking things off.
“Don’t try to deny this, Bethany. I know you want me; you want me just as badly as I want you and you can’t tell me otherwise. I can see what’s happening to you right now, your body wants me. You really think you’re capable of walking away?”
He lowers his lips to mine, groaning when they meet. He rests his hand over my heartbeat and I know he’ll be able to feel how hard it’s beating for him.
“You’re right.” I murmur, prising his mouth from mine.
My lips are now tingling and bruised from the power of Jake’s kiss.
“I know what I do to you, Bethany. I can make you beg, you beg me to take you and when I do you plead with me to come inside you. What we have is explosive, I’m not about to let you walk away from this. Please don’t leave me, baby. I’m nothing without you; I don’t even know who I would be. Whatever it is you think we can’t work out, tell me and I'll fix it.”
His arms enfold me, pulling me into a tight embrace. He clings to me as though his life depends upon it.
“Jake, I feel exactly the same as you do. I love you and I’m not going anywhere. How can you even think that I would leave you? You misunderstood me; I’ve just been reminiscing about the last few days we’ve have spent together and how special they’ve been for me. I’ll remember them forever.”
I take hold of his hand, unable to understand how Jake can still question my love for him. What do I have to do to convince him of my commitment?
He exhales slowly, searching my face for any signs that I’m lying.
“Thank fuck for that. For one second I really thought you were ending things between us and I had no idea what to do.”
“Never, I could never end this.” I say truthfully.
“Do you really mean that?”
His forehead touches mine and I feel it, that raw and unbreakable connection only Jake can make me feel. It’s sometimes feels like he’s more a part of me than I am myself. It’s overwhelming, nonsensical and crazy. It’s a connection so powerful, it scares me and I’ve been struggling with myself for so long. I tried to run away from it, I tried to deny it and I’ve tried to escape. Nothing works and I’ve come to realise it’s because I’m not supposed to avoid this, I’m not meant to turn my back on it.
“I promise you, Jake. There will never be an end to us.” I speak with so much conviction, praying that it’s really true.
I invite Jake inside, realisin
g we’ve been on the front door step this whole I somehow manage to forget everything when I’m around Jake, even my surroundings. As soon as I’ve closed the front door, Jake’s phone starts to ring. He makes no attempt to answer it and I look at him pointedly, wondering why he’s not responding to his phone.
“What?” He asks, feigning oblivion.
“You’re not going to answer that?” I ask him suspiciously.
He smiles playfully, walking towards me and presses me up against the wall. His phone eventually stops ringing and I decide to let it go. It’s really not any of my business if he decides to answer his phone or not. His hands start to slide underneath my shirt and slowly working their way up towards my bra. He’s just about to unfasten the clasp when we’re interrupted by the sound of Jake’s phone for a second time.
“I’m just going to turn this off.” He says angrily, reaching for his phone.
“No, you should answer. It might be important.”
He reaches for his phone and looks at the screen, his expression quickly changes to one of concern.
“Bethany, do you mind if I just take this call? It won’t take a minute, I promise you.”
“Take your time, its fine.” I assure him, pasting a relaxed smile onto my face.
The truth is I am curious, especially when he leaves the house to take the call. He actually left the house so I can’t hear his conversation.
I return to the living room and watch him discreetly from the window. He’s holding the phone up to his ear and he looks agitated, tugging his fingers through his hair in frustration. He hangs up a few minutes later and glances back towards the house. He looks tense and uneasy, the complete opposite of how he was with me a moment ago.
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