Always & Forever

by Crossley, Lauren

  “He didn’t touch me. He knocked me to the ground and that’s when you got here, you saved me before it could go any further.” I tell him, despising the fact that I just looked him in the face and lied to him.

  I hoped my decision to keep the truth from him would help diffuse the situation and put an end to the revenge Jake wanted to obtain. However, it no longer seems to matter. Jake saw what was happening and he’s not about to walk away from the monster whose soul intention was to hurt me in the most despicable way. Each blow inflicted by Jake is pulling us even closer towards a future we don’t want, a future I can’t control and it’s tearing me apart.

  “Jake, stop now or you’re really going to kill him!” I cry, grabbing hold of his arm with both of my hands.

  Jake finally hesitates and holds out his hands, staring at them in dismay. It’s as though he can’t quite believe what he’s just done, the damage he’s caused and the actions he’s just t committed. I follow his example and let my eyes take in his horrifying appearance. His clothes are covered in blood and the skin on his knuckles is torn from his incessant attack.

  “You’re right. We need to get out of here, come on.” He orders me, grabbing hold of my hand in an attempt to pull me away with him.

  “We can’t leave him, Jake.”

  My voice is calm but inside I’m screaming.

  “What are you talking about? Baby, we have to leave now. The police could be here any minute, someone might have called them.”

  He tries to drag me away again but I extract my hand from his, refusing to go with him.

  “We can’t leave him here like this, he could die.”

  “So? He deserves to die for what did to you.” Jake says venomously.

  I close my eyes, not wanting to witness the raw intensity of Jake’s hatred for this man. I don’t want him to live with this anger, it will eventually destroy him and I’m not about to let that happen.

  “We can’t leave him here to die, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself and neither would you. We need to call an ambulance.”

  “Bethany, we can’t call an ambulance for him. I’ll be arrested and I’ll be sent to prison. I can’t do that, I won’t leave you.” Jake says firmly, taking hold of my face in his hands.

  “We don’t have to wait for the ambulance to arrive. We can phone them and leave before they get here. It’s the right thing to do.” I argue stubbornly.

  There’s no way I’m leaving this man to die, I would never be able to forgive myself or Jake.

  “No. He doesn’t deserve our help and they’ll be able to trace our phones if we call the paramedics. We’re leaving right now.”

  He glowers at me, daring me to disobey him.

  “Jake, do you love me?” I ask, deciding to change my chosen method of persuasion.

  “Of course I do, how can you even ask me that?” He yells, throwing his hands up in the air.

  “If you really love me then you will let me do this.”

  He rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration and starts to pace back and forth in anger. I know he’s only trying to figure out a way of getting us out of this mess without implicating us any further but this man needs a hospital, I can hardly hear him breathing anymore.

  “Ok. There’s a phone box around the corner, we can use that to call an ambulance for him but we need to get away from here right now before anybody sees us.”

  I take one last look at the stranger on the ground. I know I have to remain strong and do the right thing by him, even if a small part of me really does want to leave him here. I start to walk away from him towards Jake, turning to him and offering him my hand for us to walk away. Jake doesn’t move. He remains standing, his gaze fixed on the barely conscious body at his feet. Eventually, Jake leans forward until he’s merely inches from his beaten face.

  “I want you to listen, you worthless piece of shit. I know you can hear me and I want you to know that you’re lucky I don’t finish you off right now; I want to… believe me, I’d love nothing more than to watch you suffer. The only reason I’m allowing you to live is because it’s what she wants. This is for her, not you and if I ever see you again, I swear to God I will kill you. You will never, ever hurt what’s mine, do you understand?” He roars, shaking him in fury.

  An inarticulate sound is the only response to be heard.

  “Jake, you’ve made your point. We should go.” I urge him.

  “Don’t even think about reporting this to the police. I’ll come and find you if you do and I’ll tell the police exactly what happened, you’ll be the one who’s afraid for his life, not me.”

  I tremble when I hear the vengeance in Jake’s voice and I watch in horror as he swings his fist in the air and it collides with man’s bloodied face. I cringe when I hear a loud crack, the result of his nose breaking. Another blow to the ribs soon follows and I hear more bones break, a powerful wave of nausea overwhelms me as I start to retch, covering my mouth with my hand.

  Jake glances over at me and his face softens when he sees the state I’m in. He hurries over, taking my small hand in his and starts to run, pulling me along beside him. My legs are shaking; I barely have enough energy to stand. We round the corner and continue to run. I spot the phone box Jake mentioned in the distance and I break away from him and speed towards it. I’m about to step inside when Jake blocks my path, positioning himself in front of the phone’s entrance.

  “What are you doing?” I shout, trying to move him out of the way.

  “Bethany, are you sure that you want to do this?” He asks me, a grim expression on his face.

  “What do you mean?” I yell in annoyance.

  “You don’t owe him anything. He’s sick and he’s beyond dangerous, he was really going to hurt you and he doesn’t deserve an ounce of your compassion.”

  “I’m not doing this for him; I’m doing this for us, Jake.”

  My hand reaches out to stroke his cheek, wiping away the remaining traces of blood that splattered onto him. He sighs in defeat and reluctantly steps aside for me. I step into the phone box and make the call. I tell the operator that I was on my way home and spotted a man who had been badly beaten and said that I was too frightened to approach him. I give the name of the road that Jake and I just left and then hang up, refusing to tell her any of my information and my name. After the call, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. I’ve done all that I can ad I can only hope that the medical help arrives for him before it’s too late.

  I step outside of the phone box to find Jake leaning against it on the other side.

  “You did it then?” He asks solemnly.

  “Yeah, they should be on their way now but we better get out of here. Look at the state of you; you need to get cleaned up.” I say quietly.

  He turns around and takes a look at his reflection through the glass of the phone box window.

  “Shit, I’ll have to get rid of these clothes.” He glances down at himself, forcing me to turn away.

  The memories of what happened before Jake arrived are burning an agonising hole into my memory. The sight of blood all over Jake is only fuelling the strength of what happened.

  “Why don’t you come back with me to gran’s house? You can clean up there.” I suggest.

  The thought of being apart from Jake right now fills me with an overwhelming sensation of anxiety. I want is to feel safe and Jake’s the only person in the entire world who can make me feel that way.

  “I’d like that. I can’t bear to bear to be apart from you tonight.” He says, pulling my body towards his.

  I close my eyes to stop my tears from falling. I had a lucky escape tonight; I was so close to being hurt and I was almost certain that I would never get to see Jake again. He saved me; he rescued me and protected me from a devastating fate. I silently make a vow to myself that I will never let anything come between us again. No matter what obstacles and difficulties we face, we will face them together. Jake and I belong to one another and I’m done with running.
/>
  We make our way back to gran’s house in silence. He holds my hand the whole way there, squeezing it every now and then as a sign of reassurance. As soon as we’re standing in the hallway, Jake turns to me with a bleak look on his face.

  “Bethany, I know you don’t want to talk about this but I need you to tell me exactly what happened tonight. I’m going crazy imagining all sorts of fucked up things and I just need to know. I saw him on top of you and how fucking terrified you were. I need to know if he did anything else to you. You told me that he didn’t but I need you to tell me again. Were you telling me the truth?” He’s breathing heavily, revealing the true extent of his torment.

  If I tell Jake the truth, if he finds out I was indecently assaulted tonight, it will only cause more pain and suffering. I can’t hurt Jake anymore than I already have and there’s nothing either of us can do about what happened. I must keep going with the lie I originally told, it’s the only way…

  “He was a little rough and he pushed me to the ground but that’s all he did.” I tell him, leaving out the part where he hit me and the sexual assault.

  “That’s all? Jesus Christ, that’s enough! I can’t stand it; I can’t bear the thought of him hurting you, of anyone hurting you. You should have let me kill him. God, why did I even listen to you?” He yells in frustration, his fist violently colliding with the wall behind him.

  “Because you’re better than that! You’re not a murderer, Jake. I couldn’t let you kill someone because of me.” I weep, covering my face with my hands.

  I’m exhausted and weak; I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m surrounded by darkness and no matter how hard I try to claw my way out of it, it’s no use. I’m utterly submerged in it I’m almost drowning.

  “Come here.”

  He strides over towards me and envelopes me in his arms. He kisses my forehead, stroking my hair. His touch is so gentle and comforting, it’s hard for me not to break down and give in to all of the emotions that I’m threaten to consume me.

  “I just want to forget, I want to put this whole night behind me.” I mumble into his shirt, burying my face against his chest.

  “Shh, it’s ok. You’re safe and I’m here. I promise you no one will ever hurt you again.” He whispers, crushing my body against his.

  I breathe a sigh of relief, embracing him tightly. It is then I make a solemn promise to myself, I will keep what happened to me a secret from Jake. He can never know what that animal did to me. I can’t bring myself to think about the consequences if Jake found out. It would break his heart and I’m not going to do it to him.

  I take a look at my reflection in the mirror on the wall behind me. Oh, God. I’m hideous. My eyes are red and swollen; my hair is a complete mess, it still has the remnants of Sarah’s beverage in it and I have small scratches covering my face from her long nails when she grabbed me. All of it is a painful reminder of the earlier part of my hellish evening.

  “You still think I’m beautiful?” I say humourlessly, staring at Jake’s sorrowful reflection.

  “Yes.” He says with certainty. “You’re more beautiful now than ever before.”

  He stands behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.

  “Is it ok for me to go upstairs?” Jake asks, nuzzling against my neck.

  “Sure, you can use the en suite in my room.”

  Whilst Jake’s upstairs I decide to call my mum. Its getting really late and I don’t want her to be worrying about me. I quickly phone her and tell her that I’ll be staying at Amy’s for a while longer but her dad will bring me home around midnight. She’s slightly dubious but eventually agrees and I reassure her I’ll be home soon. I seem to be making a habit out of lying to the people I love the most.

  I make my way into the kitchen and put the kettle on. I wonder if Jake might want some and then realise I don’t even know what he likes to drink. There’s still so much we don’t know about one another. I take a seat in gran’s old armchair and start to drink my coffee, contemplating everything that took place tonight. Jake and I only met up here a few hours ago but when I think of it now it feels like a lifetime ago.

  As soon as I hear the shower turning on upstairs, my decision has been made. I climb up the stairs and make my way into my bedroom. I silently open the door to my tiny en suite to find Jake standing underneath the water. He has his back to me and his eyes are closed, his face directly beneath the shower head. The water is quietly cascading down his body and I hastily start to remove my own clothing whilst I observe him. He’s so beautiful, everything about him is breathtaking and being able to watch him like this is exquisite.

  He’s still unaware of my presence and I watch him as he leans his head back against the wall. He looks tired and weary, devastated and alone. I’m aching for him, I long to take away his pain and ease his suffering. I just hope that he will let me.

  I slide open the shower door and step inside. He only startles when I wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his strong chest.

  “Hey.” He says softly, reciprocating my embrace.

  “Hi.” I mumble.

  “Thank God you’re safe, baby. I don’t know what I would have done if anything had happened to you.” He removes the wet strands of hair from my face, gazing at me with so much reverence and warmth.

  “I’m ok. I’m safe and that’s all down to you.”

  “You must have been terrified; I can’t even imagine what must have been going through your head.” He whispers desolately, lowering his head.

  I’m desperate for him to rid himself of his guilt, he’s not to blame for any of this and he needs to understand that.

  “How did you find me?” I ask him, curious to find out how he knew where to look.

  “I didn’t know what to do when you ran off. I couldn’t find you and I had no idea where you were. I tried calling you but you didn’t answer, I thought you were ignoring me but I wasn’t going to let that stop me finding out if you were alright. I decided to keep on searching for you and if I had no luck I would have gone straight to your house in the hopes that I would have found you there. It was then that I heard raised voices, I could make out a girl shouting and I decided to check it out and make sure she was ok. I was still trying to call you when I heard a phone ringing, it didn’t take me long to figure out that it was yours and that’s when I saw you. I was quite far away but I saw someone was on top of you and I swear… I’ve never felt such fury; the severity of my own rage frightens me and the fact that I really was prepared to kill that guy. You’re the only reason I stopped, Bethany. What does that make me?”

  “But you did stop, Jake. That’s all that matters. You have no idea how relieved I was when I saw you. I had somehow resigned myself to what was about to happen and then I heard your voice calling my name, I thought I was hallucinating at first.”

  He tenses at my words and holds me at arms length away from him.

  “What did you just say?”

  I can already hear the uncontrollable anger in his voice and wish I could erase everything I just said. I’ve just made things a hundred times worse.

  “Jake…”

  He touches my chin, forcing me to look at him.

  “Did you just say you came to terms with what was about to happen to you?”

  “I had to! I had to deal with whatever was going to happen to me and find a way through it. I was alone and absolutely petrified, I had to find an escape anyway I could. That’s why the thought of you brought me such comfort. It was one of the worst experiences of my life but you somehow managed to be there for me, even before you showed up. You were there Jake, you were my strength and you saved me long before you dragged that guy away from me.”

  He stares at me with his penetrating gaze, as though he can see right into my soul.

  “I’m speechless; I don’t even know what to say. I never would have been able to forgive myself if he actually…”

  He doesn’t finish his sentence and that’s when I know for
certain that I’ve made the right decision, keeping the truth from Jake is the only choice I had.

  “Jake, I need you to help me forget.” I say softly, taking hold of his hands.

  I notice him wince and I remember his injured knuckles. The skin there is all scraped and bloody, instantly making me feel guilty for forgetting the pain that he must be in.

  “They look really sore, are you ok?”

  “I’m fine. They’ll heal in no time. ” He says, giving me a weak smile.

  I raise his hands up to my lips and gently start to kiss along his knuckles. His breath hitches as he watches me intently and I watch his expression change from concern and sensitivity into a smouldering desire. The steam from the water and the close proximity between us only increases the arousal building up inside of me.

  He abruptly forces me backwards until I’m pushed up against the shower wall. He grabs hold of my thigh, wrapping it around his waist and presses his own arousal against me, eliciting a loud moan from my mouth. I part my lips for him, encouraging his tongue to enter my mouth. I smile when he doesn’t even hesitate to give me what I want. My fingers tug on his hair, demanding that he give me so much more. I will always want more when it comes to Jake.

  “Wait. We should stop. This isn’t right.” He groans, reluctantly tearing himself away from me.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask him breathlessly.

  “This. This is wrong. After what you’ve been through tonight, I should be comforting you and making sure you feel. I shouldn’t be…”

  He lowers his head, putting some distance between us. It’s like he’s punishing himself for wanting me, for desiring me after everything.

  “That’s exactly what you were doing, Jake. Please make me forget, you’re the only one who can make this better.”

  He needs to know that I want this just as badly as he does, he needs to know that he’s not doing anything wrong in choosing to love me.

  “Bethany, you don’t have to say that. We don’t have to do this, not tonight.” He insists.