by Anne Fraser
Everyone waited anxiously while Josh ran the ultrasound probe over the injured woman’s abdomen. He looked up and smiled.
‘There’s a ten-centimetre cyst on the right where the pain is.’ He caught Megan’s eye. ‘Good call, Dr Phillips. We were right to wait.’
They both knew they were far from out of the woods but at least it wasn’t premature labour and it wasn’t an abruption. It was still serious and Diane had to be taken to Theatre immediately. But at least this was one woman who wasn’t going to lose her baby. Josh explained to Diane that the cyst had probably become twisted on its stalk, cutting off the blood supply to the ovary and resulting in severe pain.
Megan blinked rapidly. ‘I better go and get changed. They’ll need a paediatrician standing by in Theatre, just in case.’
Then she smiled. God, he loved her smile. It seemed to start somewhere deep inside her until her whole face lit up. Once more he felt a pang of regret so deep it hurt. Why couldn’t things have been different between them? How in God’s name had he made such an almighty mess of his life?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ABBY was surprised to find Mac waiting for her when she emerged from the building after changing into her civvies.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, his eyes searching hers.
Abby nodded. ‘I am now. It got a bit hairy there for a while. I always get really anxious when the victim is pregnant.’
Mac smiled slowly and his eyes creased at the corners. Abby’s heart lurched. How could anyone look so cool and sexy after all they had just been through? She was sure she looked as if she’d done a couple of rounds in the boxing ring. It felt like it anyway.
For a moment Mac looked directly into her eyes and what she saw there made her heart start pounding again. The world started spinning around her.
‘How about you and Emma coming out for dinner?’ he asked.
Abby struggled to control her breathing. What she was feeling was nothing more than a delayed reaction to the rescue.
‘Normally we’d love to, but Em is going around to a friend’s after school. Maybe another time? ‘ She was pleased to hear that her voice was steady, betraying nothing of her inner turmoil, and she thanked the years of practice she’d had of keeping her feelings hidden.
‘We could go on our own.’ He smiled at her. ‘Go on, say yes. I don’t know about you, but every time I go on a rescue, I get hungry.’
There wasn’t any reason to refuse as far as she could see, except for her reluctance to be alone in his company a moment longer than she had to. Every time she was near him, her body kept behaving in the strangest way. On the other hand, what harm could it do? It wasn’t as if she could avoid being alone with Mac for the rest of her life. Not when they worked together and not when they shared Emma. Emma would be having supper at her friend’s and Abby had planned on warming up soup to have with a sandwich. She hardly saw her daughter these days. Emma was either going round to see friends, or staying on at school for hockey practice, or out with Mac. But although she missed spending time with her, she knew it meant her daughter was happy and settled. It was natural for Emma to want some independence, and it was a sign that she was continuing to develop her confidence, knowing that Mac and Abby were there if she needed them.
‘Unless you’d like to have supper at my place? ‘ she said. The moment the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Although the thought of an evening alone with Mac excited her, it unnerved her, too.
‘Home cooking? How could I refuse? ‘
Too late. She could hardly retract the invitation now.
‘It won’t be very fancy, I’m afraid. You might regret it.’
‘Let me tell you, Abby, for a man who lives on take-outs and microwave meals when I’m not eating out, the thought of home cooking is irresistible.’
‘Okay, then, you’re on. Why don’t you come home with me now? It’ll save you a trip to your flat and back.’
‘Sure thing. I’ll stop off on the way and pick us up some wine, shall I? Red or white?’
‘White. Although I’m not much of a drinker, so you might be drinking most of it yourself.’
‘Give me half an hour?’
By the time Mac knocked on the door, Abby had rummaged around in the fridge and found enough to make a stir-fry. As she’d told Mac, supper wouldn’t be fancy, but with the soup it would be adequate. She hoped she had enough. A big man like Mac was bound to have a healthy appetite. Although there wasn’t an inch of flab on his muscular frame, given all the exercise he did, he was bound to need calories.
‘Wine—and some olives,’ Mac said, proffering his purchases to Abby. ‘I didn’t know if you liked them, but I took a chance.’
‘Love ‘em. Why don’t you pop the wine in the fridge? You don’t fancy lighting the fire while I finish supper? ‘ Abby gestured to the open fire with a nod of her head. ‘You’ll find everything you need there.’
By the time the meal was ready, the fire was burning cheerfully. There was no room in the tiny house for a kitchen table, so Abby set two places on the coffee table in front of the fire.
‘Sorry,’ she apologised. ‘I guess it’ll be slightly awkward for you, but as you can see there isn’t a lot of space.’
Mac looked around the small sitting room-cum-kitchen.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘It’s kind of cosy. But you know, if you and Emma need something bigger, I’ll be happy to chip in.’
‘We manage fine,’ Abby said, more sharply than she’d intended to. ‘I’m looking for something bigger to buy once we’re sure where we want to live.’ She didn’t add that it was nigh on impossible on her salary, but she guessed she didn’t need to.
‘It must have been a struggle sometimes, bringing up a child on your own,’ Mac said quietly. ‘I wish Sara had told me. I would have done something to help.’
Abby shrugged. ‘If you knew Sara, you’d know she had her pride. I guess when she found out she was pregnant the baby was the first thing she’d ever had that was truly hers. All through her pregnancy she refused to tell me who the father was. She said it wasn’t important. She only told me about you right at the end.’ Despite her best efforts her voice cracked. Mac put his fork down and laid a hand over hers.
‘Tell me about her. Although we spent those two weeks together, all I really knew about Sara was that she had a great sense of humour and a genuine love of life.’
Abby placed her knife and fork on her plate and leaned back on the sofa.
‘To understand who Sara was you have to know something about our upbringing. Our mother—well, I guess you can say she wasn’t the maternal type. When Sara and I were eighteen she told us it was time to leave home.’
‘Go on,’ Mac said quietly.
‘I think my mother thought we got in the way of her life. Men weren’t that interested in a woman with two children.’
She sneaked a look at Mac and was surprised to see anger in his eyes.
He smiled but his eyes remained bleak. ‘My mother was the same.’
‘Sara and I set up home together, if you could call it that. We didn’t have much money, but we got by.’
‘What about your father?’
‘We never really knew him. He left when we were three and didn’t come back.’
‘Like mine,’ Mac muttered. ‘Except he didn’t wait until I was three. He was off the minute he knew my mother was pregnant.’
Abby’s heart ached for him.
‘Anyway, Sara went a little off the rails when we left home. It’s like she thought she was unlovable, and who could blame her? If your own mother doesn’t want you, what does that say about you?’
‘And you? How did you feel?’
‘I was different from Sara. I decided that it was my mother’s problem and I would find a way of proving to her that I could make it on my own. All through our childhood, I was the responsible one.’
Abby picked up a cushion and clutched it to her chest. Despite her words she had been hurt
by her mother’s rejection. It still hurt. ‘I trained as a paramedic. I discovred I was good at it. Sara, though, couldn’t find anything she really wanted to do.’ Abby blinked the tears away. She had tried everything to get her sister to believe in her own self-worth, but Sara just wouldn’t—couldn’t—believe it.
‘When we were twenty-one I had saved up enough money to pay for a holiday in Mykonos for both of us. I thought two weeks of sunshine, together, would bring us closer again. I had hoped that I could really talk to Sara. Convince her it was time she made something of her life.’
‘And then she met me. I can’t imagine you were best pleased.’
‘Then she met you,’ Abby said softly. ‘I have never seen her so lit up. I think she fell in love with you the moment she set eyes on you.’
‘She spent most of the holiday you had planned together with me,’ Mac said.
‘Yes. It wasn’t exactly the way I had thought it was going to be. But I couldn’t deny her her chance. It had been a long time since I had seen her so happy.’
Mac groaned. ‘I had no idea. I was so wrapped up in myself then, all I knew was that there was this beautiful woman who wanted to be with me. And I guess meeting me then falling pregnant was the last thing Sara needed. But how come I never noticed you?’ He touched Abby briefly on her cheek. ‘You are just as beautiful.’
‘I wasn’t back then. I was so much shyer than Sara. Anyway, the holiday wasn’t a total disaster. I left Sara to it and took a ferry to the Greek mainland. I visited the Temple of Poseidon, and the Acropolis in Athens. Even if Sara had not been.’ she paused ‘.occupied, she wouldn’t have come with me. So I guess she got the holiday she wanted and I did, too. It was just a shame we didn’t have the time I wanted to get closer to each other again.’
Abby smiled. ‘I was happy for her. Those two weeks were the happiest I’d ever seen her. Instead of that vague sadness and emptiness that seemed to have followed her most of her life, it was as if she’d found something. Something that made her believe in herself.’ Abby looked at Mac. ‘I know I have you to thank for that.’
‘When did she tell you she was pregnant?’
‘About three months after we returned from Mykonos. After we came back she was quieter, almost serene. I don’t know… as if she’d found peace. I asked her if something had changed, but she just smiled. Then for a bit she was different again. Anxious and withdrawn. After a while, when she started showing, she told me she was going to have a baby. She said she hadn’t told me at first because she hadn’t been sure she was going to keep it.
‘As you can imagine, I was stunned. I guessed the father must be you, but when I asked her she wouldn’t say. She said it wasn’t important. I didn’t know how the three of us were going to cope, but Sara was so happy.’
Mac was listening intently.
‘I wanted her to tell the father, even if she wouldn’t tell me. I thought whoever it was had a right to know. But she refused point blank. She said the baby was hers and nobody was going to have any say about how she brought up her child. During her pregnancy she started a degree with the Open University. I could see she was determined to make a future for herself and the child and she knew I would always be there for her. Our own mother, of course, wasn’t the slightest bit interested.’
‘But she did tell you that I was the father—eventually.’
Abby squeezed her eyes closed.
‘When she knew that she wasn’t going to live to look after Emma, yes, she gave in and told me.’
The memory of those last few days were burnt into Abby’s mind. At first everything had gone as planned and Sara’s labour, although long, had resulted in a healthy baby girl. When Abby had seen her sister holding her child, it had been a moment of such joy Abby couldn’t have felt prouder even if she had been the mother instead of Sara. Not even their mother’s disinterest in the birth had blighted those first few days. After all, she and Sara had each other and however difficult and challenging the next few years would be, together they would be there for Emma, be their own little family. Then Sara had developed an infection and had been admitted to ITU. Even then, Abby had never suspected for one moment her sister might die. But Sara had got steadily worse. She hated thinking about it. Her sister, lying in ITU, pale and listless, and for once Abby had been totally unable to help her.
‘Abby, I don’t think I’m going to make it,’ Sara had whispered, her face flushed with fever.
‘Don’t say that. Of course you’re going to be okay.’
Sara smiled wanly. ‘Somehow I knew deep inside that this was too good to last.’
Abby reached for her hand and squeezed it tight, trying to transfer all her strength to her failing sister.
‘You can’t die, Sara,’ Abby cried. ‘Emma needs you. I need you.’
‘I’m not strong like you. You’ll be okay.’ For a moment strength returned. ‘Look after Emma for me, promise. Don’t let anything bad happen to her. I want her to know she’s cherished and loved.’
‘I promise, Sara. But you mustn’t talk like that. You’re going to be okay.’
‘Hey, I thought I was the optimist.’ Sara managed a smile. She struggled to speak. ‘Remember Mac? Back on Mykonos? He’s the father. I’ll leave it to you to decide whether you want to tell him or not. Whatever you decide to do is okay with me.’
Shortly after, with Abby holding her hand, Sara had slipped into a coma. She never came round and died a few days later.
Tears fell as Abby repeated the story to Mac. She was barely conscious of his arm slipping around her shoulder and pulling her close.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘You must miss her. If I had known, I could have helped.’
‘I tried to find you when Em was a few months old. But I knew nothing except that you were called Mac and taught windsurfing. I took Emma with me back to Mykonos to try and find you but the season was over and the resort closed down. I phoned their main office, but they refused to give me any details of the staff who worked there.’ She shrugged. ‘There was nothing more I could do, so we just came home.’
Suddenly conscious that she was in his arms, Abby pulled away. Her heart aching, she crossed to the fire and added a log. A sudden flurry of sparks crackled in the hearth.
‘So you brought Emma up on your own. It couldn’t have been easy. What about your mother?’
‘She wasn’t even there when Sara died. She had gone on holiday. Said she needed the break.’ Abby couldn’t keep the bitterness from her voice. ‘To be fair, she couldn’t have known Sara was going to die.’
‘But you must have warned her? When Sara was admitted to ITU?’ The anger in Mac’s voice was almost palpable. How could anyone understand how a mother could stay away from her child when she needed her?
‘She came back in time for the funeral,’ Abby said. ‘Then, unbelievably, when she held Emma for the first time, it was almost as if Mum changed before my eyes. She became besotted with her grandchild, in a way she never had been with her own daughters. Maybe it was different. There was no responsibility involved. She could have all the good times with Em without the bad. And maybe it was guilt. Guilt that she hadn’t been there for Sara when she’d needed her most. Who knows? But she does love her granddaughter. She helped with child care when Emma was little so I could work. So people can change. And I’m glad. I’ve always felt it was important Emma knows who her family is. She’s had little enough of them—until now, that is.’ She forced a smile. ‘But enough about that. What about your parents?’
This time it was Mac who shifted uneasily. ‘My family isn’t any better than yours, I’m afraid. If anything, they could be worse.’
Abby looked at him. He was studying his feet as if he could find answers there. She waited for him to continue.
‘My mother sounds very much like yours. I also never knew my father. I sometimes wonder if my mother did. I was an only child and she made it clear from early on I was nothing but a nuisance.’ He looked up and Abby saw the pain in
his eyes. ‘I spent as much time away from her as I could. She made it clear she didn’t expect much from me, but I knew I wanted more from life. When I wasn’t outside in the sea or on the hills, I was in my room studying. I was damned if I was going to give her the satisfaction of turning out the way she expected me to. I was lucky, I won a scholarship to medical school, and the rest is, as they say, history.’
‘Do you see her?’
‘I go back to Tiree once a year. She’s not getting any younger. Whatever she is, she’s still my mother.’ He sent her a half-smile. ‘You and I have a lot in common after all.’
‘Does she know about Emma?’
‘I phoned her. I thought she’d like to know. Perhaps she’s mellowed or perhaps she’s lonely, but she’s asked to meet her.’
‘Have you mentioned it to Emma?’
‘I thought I should run it past you first.’
‘Maybe we could all go?’ Abby suggested.
‘I’d like that.’
There was silence for a moment. ‘I don’t want Emma to grow up without a father. I told myself I would never have children, but now I have, I want her to know I’ll always be there for her. Don’t ever take her from me, Abby.’
Abby walked across the room and crouched by his side. She touched his face lightly.
‘What makes you think I will? I want her to know her father, too.’
He touched her lips with a finger. ‘Emma is lucky to have you as a mother.’
For a moment their faces were only inches apart. Abby could feel his breath on her skin, almost feel the warmth radiating from him. He smelled of wood smoke and earth. His eyes, drilling into hers, were as blue as the sea. Her heart was thudding so loudly she thought he must be able to hear it. Gently he slid his hand behind her neck. The feel of his fingers on her skin sent tiny shots of electricity fizzing through her.
She didn’t know if he pulled her towards him or whether she was the one to make the move, but suddenly they were kissing. Softly at first, almost exploring each other’s mouths, and then, as desire lit a flame in her belly, she was in his arms and he was kissing her as if his need for her was all-encompassing. No, no, no, a voice was shouting in her head. Don’t do this. Nothing good can come of this. But her body wasn’t listening. She could no more pull away from him than she could have walked across the desert.