by Ali Parker
The truth was, I could have really used Amanda’s help. She was fast, she knew some of the technical stuff that I didn’t, and she was used to doing this kind of work. From what others had told me, she was constantly staying late during projects to meet deadlines, but now it was me, and I didn’t really mind. It would have been nice to have her there with me, though I wasn’t sure if that was coming from a business perspective or a personal one. It was probably both, which was all the more reason to send her home. Marcus was right. I needed to keep the relationship between Amanda and me just business. I didn’t need any distractions or office romances since I was trying to keep my job, not lose it and definitely not complicate it. Besides, Amanda was the one who’d said this was business, and we were going to forget everything that had happened in the past. I wasn’t sure if it was easy for her or not, but it was definitely not easy for me.
I did know that in order to keep things professional, I needed to trust my gut. I had made the right decision sending her home, not only because she really did deserve it, but because it would be a bad idea to be alone with her. I wouldn’t be able to keep things professional if I had time alone with her. There might not be any actual physical anything, but flirting seemed to just ooze from me whenever she was around. Just sitting there in the office, I was pretty sure I flashed her my signature charming smile at least four times. That, on its own, was enough to remind me I wouldn’t be able to control myself with her alone.
I tried to push the thought out of my head and get back to work. There was too much to be done to be sitting there daydreaming about something that couldn’t and shouldn’t happen. However, as the silence of the office started to seep into my brain, visions of Amanda at dinner that night crept in. I had to get moving with my work. Otherwise, Amanda was going to be my biggest distraction yet.
Chapter 31
Amanda
I was impressed that Elon was taking the initiative to work late on the project, and as much as I wanted to stay and help, I was glad he had told me to go home. We were definitely trying to keep things professional, but after he flashed me that smile more than once, I wasn’t sure being alone was the best choice for the two of us. It was like he brought out that giggly girl in me every time I was around him, and flirting was not something I could afford to do with him. It had to stay business, for both of our sakes and for the sake of our jobs. Distractions led to mistakes and mistakes were not something we could afford with this client.
I left Elon’s office and met up with Dalton so we could head out for the day. We had both driven instead of carpooling since Dalton had woken up late and refused to leave without doing his normal moisturizing routine. It was probably for the best because I had run out during that day and done some investigation on the client company, so I could get a better hold on what I was looking at with the client.
“What’s he doing?” Dalton asked as we rode the elevator down.
“He’s staying after to get us caught up on the deadline,” I said. “We’re working with such tight timelines that someone is going to have to do it, and I’m just glad it’s not me for a change.”
“Elon came to my office today to chat,” Dalton said proudly.
“He did?”
“Mmhm,” Dalton said with pursed lips. “He wanted to know what I did, how I felt about the project, and where I thought we should take it. Of course, I showered him with my knowledge of the company and told him my ideas. I have to say, he seemed pretty impressed.”
“That’s because you know what you’re doing and what you’re talking about.” I laughed. “That’s why I brought you in as soon as I could. I knew you would be perfect for the field.”
“How much do you want to bet I could totally get Elon to change his mind on women?”
“You really need to get your head in the game,” I said, not amused. “You have the perfect opportunity to show your talents to the owner, and all you can think about is chasing tail.”
“Girl, I don’t need to tell him how good I am. He will see it in the final project,” he said.
“I know, but if you talk to him, let him know your expertise, not stare at his muscles, then he will have your name in his head when things like promotions and raises come up,” I explained.
“So, you noticed those muscles too,” he said with a grin.
“You seriously are the biggest pain in my ass.” I laughed.
“I know what you’re saying,” he sighed. “And I do that whenever I talk to him. Besides, I know he has no interest in me. He has his eye on someone in particular.”
“Who?” I said, looking up from my car door as I put my keys in.
“You, dummy,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I told you. It’s strictly professional.
“Right, right,” he said. “I forgot. Are we heading to your place?”
“I was actually going to ask if you could check in on Mikey so I could go see Mom for a little while?”
“Absolutely,” he said, smiling. “Tell Momma hi.”
“I will, and tell Mikey I love him,” I said.
I got in the car and pulled out of the parking garage, heading toward the hospital. I turned the radio off and enjoyed the silence of the drive for a few moments. Going to the hospital was always so stressful, knowing what I was going to see when I walked through those doors. I didn’t hesitate in the parking lot this time like I usually did and, instead, headed right up to her room, not wanting to miss putting Mikey to bed that night. When I got there, I sighed, walking into the same room and the same scene that I always did. There was a part of me that hoped one day, I would turn the corner, and she would be sitting up in the bed, smiling and talking. But not this time. She was in the same position, same heart rate, and same peaceful look on her face.
I walked over and ran my hand over hers, leaning down and kissing her forehead. It broke my heart every single time I saw her. She had always been such a strong woman, never letting anything take her down. Even as a kid, I could remember her wiping her nose from the flu while reading a text to me and helping me study, cleaning something at the same time. In the hospital, she looked so drained, so pale, the light of her eyes gone and the rosiness of her cheeks missing. I hated seeing her like that, and it choked the life out of me every single time.
“Hey, Mom,” I said, leaning over and kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry I didn’t get by yesterday, but it was a late night at work. Mikey and Dalton send their love. They’re at the apartment waiting on me and eating dinner. I couldn’t go home, though, not without coming by to see you and tell you I love you.”
I stood up and breathed deeply, still waiting every time for her to answer me back. When she didn’t, I sat down in the chair and put my chin in my hand, leaning against the arm of the chair. I stared at her heart monitor, listening to the steady beeps, the sound of the ventilator in the background. I looked up as the door opened slowly, and her doctor walked in.
“They told me I would find you here,” he said as I stood up and shook his hand. “You look tired.”
“It’s been a long day,” I said. “How’s my mother?”
“The same,” he said. “Everything is staying stable, but that is usually the case on life support. Things don’t really change that often. We have moved her every day in order to keep the circulation going and to avoid bed sores.”
“Any other responses?”
“No,” he said. “The neurologist came in, and there are still no signs of recognition in any of her limbs or nerves.”
“Right,” I said. “You know, one day I am going to see you, and you’re going to have good news to tell me.”
“I hope that’s true,” he said. “But like I told you before, the chances of her making any kind of recovery much less surviving off life support at this point are slim to none. There is no response in the heart muscles during the pumping, and her lungs move with the tubes.”
“A girl can hope,” I sighed, looking over
at her.
“Amanda,” the doctor said, pulling out a sheet of paper. “I know you have your son and your best friend, but I was thinking it might be good for you to talk to people who understand what you’re going through. There are a lot of people who have to make these kinds of difficult decisions, a lot of people who understand exactly how you’re feeling. There’s a group that meets every week. It’s sanctioned by the hospital but runs independently. It’s a support group for people with family on life support. I think it might be good for you to sit in on a group, even if you don’t talk, and just listen to what other people are going through. Sometimes, it helps to make these hard decisions when you know you aren’t alone in it. Here’s the list of meetings this month and the contacts if you have any questions. It’s not mandatory, and it’s not forced, but it is an option that could help you through all of this.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll look into it.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “As always, we’ll call you if anything changes.”
“Thank you.” I watched the doctor walk from the room.
I took the paper and set it down on the table, sitting down and taking my mother’s hand again. I stared over at her, remembering how many times I had come into that hospital room and poured my heart out with no response from her. It almost made things harder for me, but in my mind, I kept thinking she would wake up and tell me how she felt. It never happened, though, and no matter how much I wanted to admit it to myself, it was probably never going to happen. I could try to fool myself over and over again, but the fact of the matter was, there was a really good chance my mother wasn’t even in there anymore, and what I talked to every day was nothing more than a shell of the woman I used to know. I sighed and grabbed the paper again, noticing that there was a meeting the next night after I got out of work.
When my father had died, the counselor at the hospital had gotten my mother to join a support group for widowers. I thought it was a silly thing at first, but over time, I could see how much it had helped her. She had stopped going when she moved in with Mikey and me, but she didn’t need it anymore at that point. She had accepted his death, mourned him, and moved forward. That was the thing about my mother. She knew that living in depression and loss forever would only make her miss out on everything else in life. She did what she could, she let herself feel the loss and the hurt, and then she took in a deep breath and moved forward, convinced she would see him again one day. I didn’t know what I believed about the afterlife, which may have been one of the reasons I had such a hard time letting her go, but I knew if there was one, she would be there with my father, looking down and shaking her head at me as I stared at her body all hooked up to machines. Still, that didn’t make the choice any easier.
Maybe the doctor was right. Maybe talking to other people, or at least hearing their stories, would help me make my own decision. It definitely couldn’t hurt anything at that point. I felt about as alone as a person could get in a situation like that. If nothing else, it might help to get other people’s perspectives on the issue. No one, including Dalton and the doctor, had ever tried to force my hand on the issue, and they all tiptoed around me like I was a doll. Sometimes, it took hearing the hard truth for someone to break out of their own grief. Or, it might just make things harder for me, seeing the kind of pain others were feeling. I figured that even if that were the case, I wouldn’t be any worse off than I was right there in that room with all of the machines.
I folded up the piece of paper and stuck it in my pocket, standing up and looking down at my mom. I smoothed her hairs down and pulled the blankets up over her. I often wondered, if she was still in there, what she was dreaming about.
“I love you, Mom,” I whispered. “I’ll see you soon.”
Chapter 32
Elon
The project was coming along just fine, but we were starting to reach the point where we needed that in-house technical graphics person. I couldn’t ask Marcus again for help, not unless it was a complete and total emergency. I put my hand in my lap and leaned back in the chair, letting out a long breath. I could feel the tension in my shoulders getting worse, and I realized I had been consumed with the project so much that I hadn’t been to the gym since the week before. I didn’t have time, though. We were not going to meet the deadline if I didn’t put in extra hours, and we were definitely not going to reach it if I couldn’t get the team I needed in place. I was starting to get incredibly frustrated with the entire thing. I had worked my ass off trying to make this work, trying to keep my company, bring in huge accounts, and something like a technical artist was standing in my way at almost every turn. Why couldn’t things go like they had in the beginning? Everything was smooth and thought through, and now, it was constantly a struggle.
I looked up at the clock and found it reading five o’clock again. Where did the time go? I felt like I had just gotten there, but I had been working since before anyone else had arrived and was still hitting roadblocks. Everyone in the office was finishing up the last of what they were doing and packing up to head home for the day. I really wanted to do the same thing, but it looked like I would have another long night, especially if I was going to have to teach myself technical graphics, which I knew would end in disaster.
Across the pit was Amanda, looking over some designs that one of the artists had laid out. She was talking, nodding her head, and smiling excitedly. On the outside, everything looked like it was going smoothly, but I knew it was more complicated than that. I knew we were really close to not meeting our deadlines, and I knew the artist issue was one of the biggest things in our way. On top of that, I really did need some help getting through everything. I hated to tempt my fate and ask Amanda, but I needed her help. Despite my best efforts to avoid alone time with her, I had reached a point where it seemed it may be unavoidable.
I put down my work and stood up, pulling my tie from around my neck and rolling up my sleeves. If I was going to be there late again, I might as well be comfortable while I do it. I walked out into the pit and looked around, my hands on my waist. I smiled at the team as they collected their things and headed for the elevators. Amanda finished her conversation and turned to walk to her office.
“Amanda,” I said, hurrying over to her. “Things coming along okay?”
“Yeah,” she said. “They were showing me some of the preliminaries they had finished. It really helped them a lot by you going through all of them and tossing the ones we couldn’t use. They came into work today freaking out, but when they saw that, they all took a deep breath and dove right in. It looks like that creativity from Cartier rolled right over into this project, which is good. The parameters are different since the company caters to a completely different segment of people, but they’re getting the hang of it.”
“Good,” I said. “And I’m glad I could help. Do you have a minute that we could talk in my office?”
“Uhm, sure, I mean I have somewhere I need to be soon, but I have a couple of minutes,” she said, looking at her watch. “Let me go grab my stuff from the office, and I’ll meet you over there.”
“Great, thanks,” I said, turning and walking back to my office.
I sat down behind my computer waiting for Amanda to come in. I thought about what she said and how all of my work had helped the team out. It made me feel good, motivated almost to stay and do the same thing that night, only this time, I definitely needed Amanda’s help. I looked up as she walked toward my office, Dalton stopping her before she walked in.
“You are going?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, looking over at me. “I just am going to help Elon for a few. I’ll see you when I get home. Tell Mikey I love him.”
“I will,” he told her with a smile and a nod toward me.
“Please, sit down,” I said as she walked in and put down her things.
“Thanks.” She smiled. “It feels like the day went by in the blink of an eye.”
“I was just thinking that
earlier.” I chuckled. “I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get what I need to get done finished.”
“God, tell me about it,” she said. “Even when I get home, I feel like it’s time for bed when I walk through the front doors. The laundry is starting to pile up, my ten-year-old attempted the dishes, which we can all imagine was a disaster, and Dalton is threatening to boycott babysitting Mikey until I’ve cleaned up the dust in the house.”
“I’m one of the lucky rich assholes who has a cleaning crew.” I laughed. “But I am pretty sure if I throw my clothes in the hall or wherever I am when I drop, again, they are going to start picketing outside of my house. But hey, I can hire your son to come take care of it.”
“Ha, if you want all your whites pink and your dishwasher overflowing with dish soap.” She laughed.
We both laughed, sitting there in the now empty office and talking. For a moment, it almost felt like it did before. However, as soon as both of us realized that, things got quiet and slightly awkward. I sat up in my chair and cleared my throat.
“So, we’ve reached a critical point,” I said. “We need that technical artist, at least for a couple things before sending over the preliminaries. It’s light work, even someone interviewing could knock out for us, but unfortunately, we need it done yesterday.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” she said. “I inquired with the recruiting department, and they said they can get several people in on an hour’s notice. I can do that first thing tomorrow, the tasks we need done on the preliminaries can be their tests or show of talent, and maybe one of them will wow us enough to bring them onto the team for good. Either way, we’ll get what we need done for Friday, and then we can go from there.”