by Ali Parker
“I understand that you made the decision to go to Diamond because of the money,” I said. “You want a better life for you, Mikey, and your mother. There’s no way I can be upset about you wanting something like that. You’re an amazing woman who inspires me every day to do better for others. You don’t have to come back to work for me at Truitt, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together outside of work. I miss you, and maybe this is what we need to have a normal relationship. Maybe having a normal relationship would be good for us. I just don’t want to lose you out of my life.”
“I appreciate you being so honest with me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I don’t have a lot to say back to you. I don’t want you to think I didn’t love working at Truitt, because I did. What I didn’t like was struggling through life from paycheck to paycheck. Sure, I made the decision when I was the most upset with you, but it wasn’t to get away from you.”
“I understand that,” I sighed. “And I want you to know that you’ll always have a place in my company. You don’t have to stay at Diamond if it doesn’t make you happy. I know what it’s like over there. I would love nothing more than to see your shining, ambitious face back in that office at the end of the hall. Your team misses you, Dalton misses you, and I miss you too. Even the board has been asking where you are, though I think that may be because of Clayton.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t even think about the fact that you were supposed to work with me and only me.”
“Nor should that have played a part in your decision-making process at all,” I said. “You were put in an unfair situation, and that was never my intention. What my fate is depends on me and what I do and what I’ve done with the company. Besides, that’s all in the past. We have figured out a new way to make this all work. Marcus agreed to be a co-owner in the company, taking over the ad department in my place and putting me back out in the field where I’m most effective.”
“You did really good in the ad department.” She smiled. “You were a big reason why Cartier was so successful, but you may be right. You’re exceptional at bringing in clients.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling. “I shouldn’t keep you. I’m sure the guys are waiting for you upstairs.”
“Listen,” she said. “I appreciate you laying everything out for me. I appreciate that you’re able to tell me how you feel. And I appreciate the invitation to your company. That being said, it is a lot of information, a lot I wasn’t expecting or prepared for today. I’m going to need some time to think about everything before I make any more decisions. Everything has been changing so fast around us, me and Mikey, that I need to slow it down and get our lives back in order.”
“Of course.” I smiled. “I’m not here with a timeline. I just wanted you to know how I felt.”
“Thank you,” she said, staring up at me with her beautiful eyes. “Anyway, I better get inside before they start rummaging through the cupboards. I’ll be in contact, okay?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
“And thank you for dinner,” she smiled kindly as she turned and walked up the stairs.
I stood and watched her until she had disappeared inside the building. I had come and done what I wanted to, and now I would have to wait and see how everything panned out in the end. One thing I had been lying about was the fact that I didn’t care if she came back or not. I desperately wanted her back at the company and back in my arms. I wanted the whole nine yards, but it was completely up to her.
Chapter 54
Amanda
When I got inside of the complex, I walked to the side out of his view. I peeked around the corner and watched as he hung his head and walked back to the car waiting for him. I watched him until the car had pulled completely out of sight, feeling butterflies taking over my stomach. I didn’t want him to go, but I wasn’t in a place yet to have him stay. I felt the same way that I had when we were together, and that was what had scared me the most. It was easy to force myself to be angry at him when he wasn’t there, but when he was standing in front of me, telling me everything that he felt, apologizing for hurting me, all of that anger just melted away.
I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to gather myself before heading upstairs. I let out a deep breath and turned, taking the stairs up to my apartment. When I got inside, the guys stopped playing their video game and turned toward me, staring with big eyes. I set the food down on the table and walked over into the kitchen, ignoring their glares. I pulled down some plates and paper towels and set them up.
“Here is food for you guys,” I said.
“Yes,” Mikey said, running over and sitting down in front of his box.
“Thank you,” Dalton said with a smile. “I see you made it through an entire meal.”
“I survived it,” I said. “I figured you two would be hungry and mad if I came back empty-handed.”
“Right.” Dalton chuckled. “Sooo, what happened?”
Before I could tell Dalton to shush it, Mikey spoke up.
“Yeah,” Mikey said with a mouth full of macaroni and cheese. “What happened with Elon? Did you two make up? I like Elon, and I think you should give him another chance. I don’t know what he did, but he came all this way and bought you dinner.”
“Dalton,” I said, slapping him on the arm. “You told Mikey what was going on?”
“Ow,” he said, rubbing his arm. “I wasn’t planning on it, but he strong-armed me.”
“Right, my eleven-year-old strong-armed you.” I rolled my eyes.
“Okay, maybe not physically, but mentally, he strong-armed me,” he said. “I am a terrible liar. I didn’t tell him everything, just that Elon had big hearts in his eyes for you. He messed up and now was begging for your forgiveness.”
“Oh, is that all?” I scoffed.
“It’s okay, Mom,” Mikey said. “Don’t be mad at Dalton. I already knew you two were dating. I’m eleven, not four. I see these things.”
“Oh, you do?” I chuckled, sitting down next to him. “You’re quite perceptive. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you from the beginning. I just didn’t want you to get attached in case something like this happened.”
“It’s okay, Mom. I just want to see you happy, and Dalton said Elon makes you happy,” he said.
“He did,” I sighed. “At one point, he did. He took me to the diner, and we started off with just normal, everyday conversation about how work was going, how he was doing, how I was doing. Then, I let him talk. He apologized for what he did, he told me what his intentions were but where he’d lapsed in judgment. He told me I could come back and work at Truitt anytime I wanted, but even if I chose not to, he wanted to have me in his life. He pretty much spilled his guts to me, was completely transparent.”
“And did you say anything back?” Dalton asked.
“Not really,” I said. “I listened, I thanked him for the apology, for realizing exactly why I was upset, and for seeing beyond his own intentions. Other than that, I really wasn’t sure what else to say.”
“You could have told him you love him,” Mikey said.
“I wish things were that simple in the real world.” I chuckled.
He rolled his eyes. “They only aren’t because adults make it be that way.”
“That is probably a very true statement.” Dalton chuckled. “I know I sprang this on you. But I want you to know I would have never agreed if I didn’t think it would be what was best for you.”
“I’m not upset with you, Dalton,” I sighed. “In a way, it lifted a lot off my shoulders talking to him, hearing what he had to say, and finally knowing exactly how he felt. He’s a man of few words when it comes to feelings normally, so this was a nice break from that.”
“I thought about that when he asked me to do this,” Dalton said. “It surprised me, and that is a good thing. He needed to tell you what he was feeling, and you needed to hear it just as much. The both of you were holding everything in, so I’m glad he did this. I
can tell that he really loves you. You can see it in his eyes when he talks about you.”
I didn’t know how I felt about what he was saying. I knew I had strong feelings for Elon, that wasn’t a question. Everything had changed so much, though, and I was getting used to the idea of settling back down into a comfortable routine. Learning to lean on someone else was terrifying, and even more so with Mikey by my side. If things went wrong, and I relied on them, or Mikey relied on them, it could be devastating to everyone involved. Elon was a good guy, but after so many years of relying on myself and only myself, I wasn’t sure I could break that cycle at that point.
“He did say you always have a place at Truitt,” Dalton said. “What do you think you’ll do about everything?”
“I have a new job,” I said. “I want to follow through with that. There’s a lot of potential for a better life there. As far as everything else, if it’s meant to be, then things will fall into place for the two of us. There’s no reason to change everything in my life because of one dinner. In fact, that would be dangerous for me to do, especially not knowing if he and I will work out at all.”
“Right,” Dalton said, looking disappointed with my decision.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s move on with our night and watch a movie.”
“Sounds good to me,” Mikey said, picking up his plate and taking it to the kitchen.
“All right,” Dalton sighed. “But I’m telling you right now, you really need to think about these things because your happiness is as important as every other aspect of your life. What is money good for if you’re miserable all the time?”
I nodded my head and got up from the table, not wanting to talk about it anymore. We watched a movie in silence, and then Mikey jumped in the shower and got ready for bed. Dalton kissed me on the cheek and smiled sweetly, leaving for the night. I stood there in the kitchen thinking about everything that had happened, wondering if Dalton was right. I knew that happiness was important, but my whole life, I’d based my happiness on whether Mikey was happy or not. I hadn’t taken the time to figure out what made me happy. My father told me I had no room to be selfish anymore when I’d gotten pregnant with Mikey, and I held that close to my heart for a long time. He was right that there was no room for me to be selfish when I was responsible for another person, and at this point, I was responsible for two other people, one of whom gave up so much to make sure I grew up happy and healthy. I couldn’t turn a blind eye to that just to make sure I ended up with a happy life for myself.
“Mom,” Mikey called. “I’m ready for you to tuck me in.”
“Coming,” I said, tossing the towel in my hands on the counter and rubbing my face.
I walked into the room and smiled, seeing him all curled up in the bed, the blankets pulled up to his chin. I walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, running my hands through his hair. He was such a good kid, a kid I could really be proud of. I leaned over and kissed his cheek before starting to stand, but he grabbed my wrist and looked up at me.
“Mom,” he said. “I know you think I’m too young to understand, and you’re right about that for most of it, but I did see how you were when Elon came to my party. You looked really happy for the first time in probably ever. I like Elon. I can tell he’s a good person, and he really cares about you. I want you to enjoy life a little, be happy because you do for everyone else all the time, but you never take time for you. Dalton was right. You need to be happy too. Maybe you’re scared because of me, but you don’t have to be. I’ll be okay as long as you and I are together.”
“I know I haven’t given you the benefit of the doubt. I still think of you as a tiny little boy,” I smiled. “But things are going to change for the better. I won’t have to worry about being able to afford everything you need with this new job. You’ll get all the opportunities you deserve. That is really important to me.”
“I know it is, and I love you so much for that,” he said. “But money, its just another way to be stressed out. I don’t care about the money. I only care about you. I want you to be happy, and I know money isn’t going to make you happy.”
“I don’t know if it’s quite that simple.” I smiled. “Money itself, stuff, no, it doesn’t make me happy, but that isn’t why I’m doing this. I’m doing this for opportunities, to be able to care for you without feeling so stressed that I cannot enjoy anything.”
“I know,” he said. “But once you have that financial freedom, then what? You’ll still be sad because you don’t have Elon.”
“Maybe you’re right.” I smiled. “But I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it. I have made a choice, and I have to follow through with it. But right now, wise little boy, you need to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay.” He yawned. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whispered, kissing him on the forehead and walking from the room.
I shut his door and wandered over to the window, pulling the curtain back and looking out at the street. I didn’t have the kind of view that Elon had from his place, but I did see more than I could imagine, and all because of the words my eleven-year-old little boy spoke. It shouldn’t be that he was wiser than me, more understanding of the way it should be, but he also wasn’t crowded with all of the details. I wish things could be that simple, that easy, but I still felt like there was a boulder on my shoulders. Maybe one day I could have it all, but for now, I needed to focus on the next steps and not let the events of the day derail me.
Chapter 55
Elon
Monday mornings were usually the days I had to pull myself from the bed kicking and screaming. They were the beginnings of a long week ahead, and the day I hated the most, much like most of the team. That morning, though, I woke before the sun, getting dressed and heading to work early. I had spent all day on Sunday thinking about my dinner with Amanda on Saturday night, wondering if that talk had done any good at convincing her to come back to Truitt and to me. I needed to get there and watch to see if she would come to work. Obviously, there was a part of me that understood who she was and that her returning was improbable, but I pushed that into the background, not wanting to believe things wouldn’t turn out perfectly. I had to believe that. Otherwise, I didn’t know anymore what I was fighting so hard to have.
I went to my office and put down my stuff, deciding to sit out in the pit as everyone arrived. I tried to act nonchalant, but in reality, I had one mission and one mission only, and that was to keep my eyes pinned on that elevator. I wanted to be the first to see her beautiful face when she came walking back into the office. I wanted her to know how much I was hoping she would show. As the minutes passed by and person after person cheerfully coming to work greeted their coworkers, my hopes began to fade. It was almost torturous sitting there, watching the elevator doors open and shut, over and over again. The sound of the dings from the elevator reverberated through my head, again and again, like some haunting song, but Amanda still didn’t walk through the doors.
I glanced down at my watch, seeing the seconds slip by, telling myself I would give it just five more minutes, until an hour had passed, and everyone was there. I put my hands on the edges of the desk I was sitting on and looked down at the floor, shaking my head at my foolishness. I knew her better than that. I knew that one dinner wouldn’t change her mind. Maybe I should have left her alone and moved on like Marcus had told me to do. I breathed deeply before pushing myself up on my feet, fake-smiling as several team members passed by me. As I stepped toward my office, the bell dinged again, and I couldn’t help pausing and waiting to see who exited. It felt like an eternity as the doors slid open, and I perked up slightly, watching Dalton walk out. He looked up at me and stopped in his tracks, smiling kindly in my direction. He could tell the answer I was seeking, and his smile faded as he sadly shook his head back and forth.
I stood there staring at him as he answered my question with a simple shake of his head. He took a step forward, but
I shook my head back, turning and walking into my office. I didn’t need to talk to Dalton because no words could tell me more clearly that Amanda was gone than that shake of his head. It was the first time in my life that I felt completely defeated, no more ideas of how to get her back even daring to enter my mind. I shut the door and locked it, walking over to the window and looking out, wondering how she was doing at her new job. The pink colored letter was still sitting on my desk, and I grabbed it, tearing it to shreds and tossing it in the wastebasket. It was useless, utterly useless, and I really had no idea how to react.
As I stood there, though, the streams of the early sun cascading through the windows and brightening the room, I could feel a pain in my chest that I didn’t recognize. I rubbed my skin over my heart, feeling dread bubbling in my stomach. I realized there was nothing wrong with me, no heart attack or indigestion. I had what millions of people every day all over the world felt, heartbreak. I had spent my entire life up to that point so engrossed by the idea of building an empire, that I had managed to sideswipe ever feeling that simple emotion of heartbreak. I didn’t even recognize it at first, but once I did, I knew I never wanted to feel it again. That surge of pain in your chest, the feeling of your stomach bubbling and your nerves standing on end, it was the worst feeling I had ever had. It drew my thoughts from the future to the past, leaving nothing but emptiness inside of me.
I gripped my fists together and straightened my jaw, trying to push it away, but I couldn’t. I could see Amanda in my mind, smiling, laughing, working right down the hall from me. But when I opened my eyes, I was still alone, standing there in front of the window, wishing I was anywhere else. A knock on the door startled me back to the present, and I rolled my neck, trying to pull myself together. I walked over and opened the door, seeing Marcus standing there in front of me. He smiled and walked past me into the office, but I didn’t say a word.