by Tessa Marie
Ten minutes later Hailey pulls into the lot. Her hair is thrown up in one of those elastic band things. It’s slightly messy, very cute. It’s natural for her. She doesn’t need to cake on the makeup or over-style her hair. With Amanda I was never sure of what her face actually looked like beneath the layers of makeup and fake tan.
“Hey nice uniform,” Hailey says as she approaches me.
“Don’t mock the one with the power.”
She holds her hands up and comes to a stop. “I’m not mocking.”
“Sure, you’re not.” Playfully I raise my eyebrows in her direction. In response she gives my shoulder a gentle shove.
“Come on, it’s time to get me a job.”
“I should’ve known you’re just using me,” I say and she arches her one eyebrow. “But that’s okay. I don’t mind if you use me.” I go into Gimbel’s, pulling my smock up and tying it loosely around my neck. Nothing drives Stan crazier than looking sloppy and unprofessional.
Stan’s in his office, the tape on his calculator streams out as he ferociously types in numbers. I know better than to interrupt him. His finger stops and I wait a few seconds to make sure of it.
“Stan?” He looks up, his eyes bloodshot and tired. “This is Hailey. She’s wondering if she can apply for the cashier position.”
“Hello,” Hailey says from beside me. “It’s very nice to meet you.” She leaves my side and goes directly to Stan, her hand extended in greeting. Good move. I don’t think she realizes, but she just gained major brownie points.
“I think she’ll be perfect,” I say.
“In that case, why don’t we skip the whole application process and go right to the interview,” Stan says.
“That would be wonderful,” Hailey says and I can’t help but smile when she does.
“Luke would you mind?” Stan asks.
“No not at all. She’s all yours.” I close the door to Stan’s office behind me. He likes to talk, which means Hailey’s going to be in there for a while. May as well make my rounds before my shift starts.
“Hey Carl,” I call out, prompting him to stop restocking the oatmeal.
“You’re here early.” Carl has been working at Gimbel’s since he was fifteen. He’s now fifty-two. He rests his hands on his thighs and pushes himself up.
“That I am. Brought someone in for the cashier job. She’s with Stan right now.”
“She?”
“Yes, she,” I say, handing him a box of oatmeal.
“Hmm.” Carl gets that look on his face like he smells bullshit.
“What?”
“This happens to be the same someone who’s been ignoring you for the past week?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
“Hmm.” He picks up more oatmeal and continues stocking.
“Stop doing that.”
“It’s just dangerous territory. That’s all I’m going to say.” Carl has always been very opinionated. The only problem is he never elaborates. He gives you a one-line answer, and it’s your job to figure out the fine print.
I have no idea what the fine print is.
Pictures, of what I assume are Stan with his employees, plaster his office walls. He hasn’t changed much in the past twenty years, other than a little hair loss and a bigger waistline.
He also has drawings of Japanese animation. They’re really good, like something you would find in a comic book or a video game. Except they’re original copies and instead of being in frames like they deserve to be, they’re hung by a piece of tape. He must know the artist.
Receipts and calculator tape are scattered across his desk and strangely enough, no computer. A computer would definitely help with organizing this mess.
“So, Hailey is it?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Don’t call me sir. My father was sir. It makes me feel very old,” he says, leaning back in his chair.
“Sorry.” I didn’t mean to offend him, but then he smiles and I realize he’s not at all.
“So you want to be a cashier?”
I would scrape gum in the parking lot if it would get me a paycheck.
“Yes.”
He grills me about my work history and my past experiences with money and cash registers. I thank my lucky stars for those six miserable months working the counter at the pizza place. Any nervousness I felt when I walked into his office vanishes. I don’t feel like I’m being interviewed. More like I’m talking to an old friend.
“Any preference for hours?” he asks.
“I can work Monday through Friday from two-thirty to six-thirty and on the weekends if you need me.”
“Well…” He sits up straight and rests his hands on his desk. My heart stops. I brace waiting for the no. It’s been hard to find a job with my availability. “I think I can make that work.”
“Seriously?”
“If Luke vouches for you that’s enough for me. He’s a good kid and a damn good worker. Welcome to Gimbel’s.”
Stan stands from his desk and moves around it. I rise from the soft cushion and try not to jump up and down and hug him. Fluorescent light from the store floods into his office, which is only lit by a floor lamp in the corner. He holds out his stubby hand and I shake it, sealing the deal.
I can’t believe Stan is willing to hire me based on Luke’s reference. I am so excited that when I hear Luke call my name I scream, “I got it!”
He waves to someone and jogs over to me. “Congratulations!”
Without any reservations, I throw my arms around Luke’s neck. He steps right into the embrace and I can’t believe how perfectly I fit in his arms. I lose myself in the scent of cedar and lemons as I squeeze him tight. This is something I can get used to. It feels right. I pull back, catching those pretty blue eyes, and even though there’s an entire supermarket around us, for that single moment, it’s only me and him.
“Ahem.”
I snap my attention from Luke and look up at the black woman with long braids, and her hands on her hips.
I try my hardest to keep the heat from rushing to my cheeks.
“Luke, where are your manners?”
“I’m sorry. Cecilia, this is Hailey. Hailey, Cecilia.”
“Well, hello there, sweetheart.” She reaches her perfectly manicured hand out to me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” I say as I shake her hand.
“Hailey is our new cashier. Stan just hired her,” Luke says.
Her hands land firmly on her hips and she swivels her head at Luke. “Does that mean you’ll be abandoning me?”
“You’ll still have CJ.”
“Uh huh.”
“Oh come on, Cecilia, don’t be like that. You know you’re my favorite cashier, but you’re married. I don’t have a chance in hell with you.”
Their back and forth banter is kind of adorable. I love this fun and playful side of Luke.
“That’s for dang sure.” She laughs a big loud laugh. “Okay,” she says, pointing her finger at me. “You better treat him right, you hear?”
Cecilia’s eyes narrow, waiting for my response. She and Luke were cracking me up and now I wonder if she’s actually mad. “Um…I didn’t mean to steal him,” I say, trying to justify it.
She swipes her hand at me. “Honey, you didn’t steal him. We’re just kidding. Luke isn’t assigned to anyone. I just steal him all the time. But if we have a choice, I’ll let you have Luke. He’s the best, so naturally he should go with the new girl.”
I’m the new girl. No matter where I go that’s who I am.
“In that case I’ll treat him fine. Just as long as he doesn’t do anything to tick me off again.”
Cecilia seems like the type who calls it as it is, and who can take a joke.
“And she’s feisty. I like you already.”
I think I’m going to like working here. Everyone seems so friendly. We finish up with Cecilia and head outside.
On our way to the car, I fill L
uke in on everything Stan said.
“He even gave me the exact hours I wanted.”
“That’s great,” he says.
“It is, and he thinks very highly of you might I add.”
“You don’t say.”
“He told me if I’m anywhere near the type of worker you are he’d be a fool not to hire me.”
“What can I say, people love me.”
“You are so full of yourself,” I joke.
I’m giving him a chance like he asked me to and so far I’m happy I am. His charm seems genuine and I just hope my instincts are right. There’s no point in holding the other night against him. Even if he is lying about what happened with Amanda that night, who am I to judge? I’m hiding the biggest secret of all.
I’m disappointed when my car appears. I couldn’t have parked farther away? Perhaps at the other end of the parking lot. It would’ve given us more time to talk.
“Hey, can I jump in with you for a minute, so we can talk?” he asks as I put my key to the lock.
My hand freezes before I turn the lock. I take a deep breath and look up and when I meet his blue eyes, I mutter, “Uh sure,” and unlock the doors.
I get in and go to put my seatbelt on, but decide against it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been alone with a guy. I’m not sure if I should turn and look at him or stay seated facing the front window. Maybe if I wasn’t so nervous, I could figure it out.
After squirming for several seconds, I finally decide to sit leaning against the door slightly looking at him.
“So…” I mutter not sure if I should say something, or if he’s trying to figure out what it is he wants to say. It’s awkward and I just want to get past that.
“Can we just forget about the other night?”
“Sure. You did nothing wrong. Besides I was warned about your lifestyle.”
“That girl needs to keep her freaking mouth shut. I can’t even imagine the lies she’s told you. You can’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth.”
“Why not?” I ask not sure what to expect as a response, but suddenly his anger dwindles and he takes a deep breath.
“Because I’m sure most of it’s not true,” he says. “I want to be straight with you so I’m just going to be honest here. That girl from the other night was someone I dated a while ago. It was a mistake.”
“She didn’t seem to think so.”
“I know. She won’t leave me the hell alone. But I swear nothing happened. And nothing is going to happen. I’m done with her.”
“I’m going to trust you on this one.” I don’t know why and I might be setting myself up for utter disappointment, but his blue eyes seem to plead with me to believe him and I do.
He smiles the cutest of smiles. The only thing that would be cuter is if he starts throwing his arms up in victory.
His smile pushes into a flat line and his eyes turn serious. “Look, you’re going to hear things about me. I’m not proud of some of the things from my past, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. I’d rather you know the truth though. People like to make shit up. So if you hear something please talk to me about it. I promise you nothing but the truth. No secrets. No lies. No bullshit. Deal?” He sticks his hand out and I feel like the Grinch because I swear my heart just grew. So without hesitation, I accept his offer.
“Deal. No bullshit.”
Luke’s eyebrows turn in and he leans into the backseat, holding up Brady’s bright green stuffed Tyrannosaurs Rex. A lump catches in my throat. A thousand lies run through my head, none of them forming a coherent sentence. I might as well scream out I’m a big, fat liar. He just opened up to me and here I am about to lie my ass off.
“Uh.” My heart races, palms sweat and all I want to do is drive away and never look back.
“I noticed you like frogs, but dinosaurs too?” I look down at my frog patterned steering wheel cover. Crap. I just told him no bullshit and I know the next thing coming out of my mouth will be a lie.
I try to keep emotion from my face, focusing on the green toy. It’s better to let it out now then be disappointed in the future. Give him the opportunity to run before he gets too involved.
“Um no…My…Brother’s. He just turned one.” The shame and guilt rips me apart. The car seems even smaller than when we first got in here, as if the walls have suddenly compacted. My stretch marks burn. My body’s telling me what my mind should already know. I’m not a normal teenage girl no matter how much I want to be.
“No shit. Must suck having to change diapers.”
“Yeah. I, um gotta go.” I don’t want to bullshit him, but I can’t help myself. I like him. The last thing I want is to scare him off.
Please, please, please just get out of my car before I word vomit all over the place.
“Oh okay. I should be getting into work anyway. Don’t want to get Cecilia mad. She can be very scary.”
I’m hoping he doesn’t see the panic in my eyes or sense it in my tone.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at school, and remember no lies. Just ask.”
Keep piling the guilt on, Luke. No lies. The words linger in my head, taunting me.
“Uh huh.”
He’s still shutting the door when I start pulling away. As soon as Gimbel’s disappears behind me, the tears spill over. A combination of guilt, shame and frustration streaming down my face in a watery mess.
So I do what any sensible seventeen-year-old does when they are inconsolable.
“Hello?”
“Mom,” I say through sobs into my cell.
“Hailey, what’s the matter?”
“I’m a no good liar.”
“Oh sweetie. Where are you?”
“Driving home.”
“Get off your phone and we’ll talk when you get here. Okay?”
“Okay.” Another whimper escapes my lips, which I try to cover up with a sniffle.
“I love you, Hals. Brady loves you too. He can’t wait to see his mommy.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you both.” The phone falls from my hand into my lap.
Knowing Brady is at home waiting for me dries the tears. Luke might be appealing, and knowing someone wants to be with me is enticing, but nothing compares to the love I have for my son. It’s so easy to forget when I allow myself to get caught up in a guy.
In my fairytale, I’d be open about having a kid. Luke would know, so there would be no lies, no misinterpretations of who I truly am and he could like me for the real me. Somehow Becky would move next door and all would be right in the world. If only. However, I know fairytales aren’t real. They’re only out there to get your hopes up before letting you completely down.
Did the Beast never raise his voice to Belle again? Was the Prince everything Cinderella thought he would be? Did Aladdin and Princess Jasmine really live happily ever after? I don’t know because they don’t want you to know. They only want to show you the happy parts of life, not the struggles. That’s why it’s called happily ever after. Nobody knows what happens after.
When the green shutters of my house come into view, the tears have completely washed away.
I walk in and notice a plate of chocolate chip cookies on the kitchen table. Mom always knows just the right thing to cheer me up.
“Brady, look who’s home,” Mom calls out in her excited baby voice, prompting Brady to throw his arms up in the air. I’m still waiting for him to say Mama. It’s as if he’s purposely withholding it. Waiting for the perfect time to finally let the word out. At least that’s what I’m convincing myself.
“Hi, my baby.” He’s in his high chair right next to the kitchen table. He smacks his hands down right onto his Cheerios. I clean off his little hands, lift him up, and kiss him on his cheek.
“Okay, have a cookie and tell me what that call was about.”
The cookies, even if they’re not homemade, are still heaven to my taste buds. Brady sits in my lap playing the drums (the table) with a spoon. It’s loud, but I tune him out. Mom
says it’s a mom thing. Brady can create as much noise as his little hands can make and for the most part, I can completely turn it off. It’s his crying and screaming that I can’t seem to ignore. Mom says that’s because I want to make it better, but I don’t know how and no matter how old he gets it will still hurt me to see him upset.
Her brown eyes are still full of concern.
The words begin to spill out. Everything I think, everything I’m feeling, just flows out as I fight the tears back. There isn’t much I keep from her. It wasn’t always like this, but after having Brady we found a much needed common ground because at times she’s the only thing that keeps me holding on.
“I want it all Mom, and… It doesn’t work that way.”
“Unfortunately it doesn’t. Life is about compromise. Besides…” She places her hand on top of mine. “Boys are going to come and go, but you can’t let them turn your world upside-down. One day someone will come along who will love you and Brady as if he was his own. But for now, you should be focusing on your school work.”
Mom always knows the right things to say. It makes me wonder if I’ll always have the answers for Brady. Right now I can’t imagine it, but at least I know that if I don’t, I’ll have my mom to turn to.
At lunch I still sit with Roxy. Dana and Paul aren’t lip-locked (for once) and are talking with Cara and Frank about some movie they went to see last night. Roxy checks her hair in her compact and applies a layer of gloss to her lips.
On my way to the snack line my eyes scan over to where Luke still sits with CJ and Bobby. I don’t avoid him anymore. He never comes over to my table, but if I’m alone on the lunch line he almost always comes over to say hi.
So it doesn’t surprise me when I’m ordering a blueberry muffin, he pops up beside me. His dark hair is slightly pushed to the side. It looks styled but I’m sure it wasn’t intentional.
“Hey beautiful.” Today it’s beautiful, yesterday was gorgeous, pretty soon he’s going to run out of synonyms.
“Hey,” I say like always.
“What’s the food of choice today?”
I hold up my muffin after the lunch lady hands it over to me.