by Tessa Marie
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Actually I do. He told me.”
“There are two sides to every story.”
“I think that’s what you need to hear. The other side.”
Roxy takes her lunch break and I fill her in on everything Luke told me. She listens as she picks at her salad. At first I’m not even sure she believes anything I say, but in the end she looks like she might cry.
“He tried so hard to talk to me after. Even showed up at my house. Of course my parents threatened to call the cops if he didn’t leave. I watched him from my bedroom window as he walked away. I remember him stopping and looking back at the house. For a second I thought he looked defeated. Sad even. But then I remembered the cops snapping cuffs on me. How alone and betrayed I felt. I shut the curtain and never looked back.”
For years she believed her best friend abandoned her in the woods. All this time spent hating him was for nothing. Three years wasted.
“I just thought you should know.”
“Thank you. I have to get back to work, but Monday at school feel free to sit with us. It’s kind of sucked without you. It’s hard to talk to Dana when her lips are surgically attached to Paul.”
“Thanks.”
“Bye, Brady.” Roxy gets down on her knee and waves to Brady, my secret, before heading back to her own secret.
After giving Luke a day to cool down I try calling him. Three times. He never answers, and never calls back. Not like I expect him to. I dropped a massive bomb; I’ll be lucky if he ever talks to me again.
But I need to try. I need to explain. Force him to hear my side. Know how awful and horrible I feel for everything.
I pull up to Gimbel’s and get out of the car. It’s my day off, but I know Luke will be here. My heart beats out of control and I take calming breaths, but when I spot Luke walking away from a car I forget how to breathe and my heart slams into my chest.
His eyes glance in my direction and when they settle on me his steps halt. Anger, shock, a mixture of everything I did to him, flashing across his face, reminding me of how awful I truly am.
“Luke,” I say.
His lip curls in disgust and he goes to storm off, but I run after him and grab his arm. He rips it from my grip and even though I deserve it, it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
“Please talk to me,” I plead.
His blue eyes darken and I hate myself for taking the sparkle away.
“There’s nothing to say.”
‘Then listen. Because there is so much I have to say…”
He holds his hand up, cutting off my words. “Too bad I don’t give a shit,” he growls and every ounce of self-control I had flies away and tears pour down my face.
I refuse to accept that. I came here to make things right and damn it that’s what I’m going to do. “You can’t mean that. You’re upset and you have every right to be. But you need to know…” I’m just going to lay it on the table. Take a cue from him. “No lies. No bullshit,” I say.
“Hailey!”
I jump at his words.
“Don’t you get it? It’s too late.”
“No, no. It’s not. Because…”
“It is,” he says and storms off.
I choke on my tears as he gets farther and farther away. “Because I love you,” I mumble between my sobs, but it’s too late, he’s already back in Gimbel’s.
I’m dreading walking into homeroom today. I know just seeing him is going to send me into tears. Like Mom said, I dug my own hole, but she handed me the damn shovel and egged me on.
When I get to homeroom I notice everyone looking at me as I make my way to my seat. News of the breakup got out pretty fast. It’s no surprise to anyone when Luke doesn’t show up to homeroom.
It’s lunch time and still no sign of Luke. Relief fills me when I spot Roxy across the crowd. A smile settles on my face, knowing I don’t have to sit in the cafeteria alone. I’m about to head to my old table and reclaim my seat when a tap on my shoulder and an overpowering scent of vanilla stops me in my tracks.
“Hi, Hailey.”
“What do you want, Amanda?”
“It’s a bit of a shame really. Considering it seemed like Luke really liked you.” She’s here to gloat. “Too bad your whole relationship was a scam.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Tell me Hailey, what’s it like mothering a child at sixteen and then deceiving every person you know? I would think it’s exhausting.”
My stomach twists in knots as my eyes make me aware of all the people around us whispering and pointing. Flashbacks of my old school come pouring back into my mind. I can’t do this again.
I push my way through the crowd. The exit’s only feet away, yet it seems I’ll never reach it. As I push past the last group of people I feel the tears building.
“Hailey,” Roxy calls after me.
I don’t want to turn. I don’t want to talk to her, but this is all because of her.
“How could you, Roxy?”
“I didn’t, I swear. It wasn’t me.”
Other than Luke, she’s the only one who knew. Luke was mad, but he would never. Would he? No, I don’t believe it for a second. He doesn’t have it in him. But Roxy. She hated the idea of me and Luke. She was so pissed when I didn’t listen to her warnings. So furious at me that day she showed up at my house and Luke was there.
“You were looking for a way to get back at me and you got it. Call it even.” I don’t wait for her to respond. My feet hit the vinyl tile of the hallway and I take off running as fast as I can, pushing my legs to their max. I don’t know where I’m running to, just anywhere but here.
Hailey is a mom. My dad is dead. I have a long lost aunt. And I have money for college. Hailey is a mom. My dad is dead. I have a long lost aunt. And I have money for college.
I thought the more I said it the more believable it will become. It’s not working. I spent the night driving around aimlessly, going over every detail of the night in my head. Still, it all seems like a dream, a nightmare.
In order for me to understand I need to know the whole truth, and the only way to get that is to find my aunt, who I thought I lost a long time ago.
The only place I know to look for her is the hospital where she used to work. The same hospital my father took me to when I fell off my bike and broke my arm. Aunt Barbara pulled some strings and got me seen immediately, and then afterwards she gave me a lollipop for being so brave.
The doors to the hospital open as I approach them. I step through, taking a deep breath preparing myself for what’s to come. At this point nothing can shock me because nothing can top the new revelations that popped into my life less than twenty-four hours ago.
Vibrations in my pocket alert me I have a text. Mom’s been trying to get a hold of me since last night, but I’m not ready to talk to her yet. I open my messages and it’s not from Mom, but CJ.
Dude I don’t know where you are, but did you hear about Hailey? Dude she has a kid.
Great. If CJ knows, then that means the whole school knows. So much for keeping a low profile for the time being. Shit. Who else knew?
At the front desk I find an empty chair. Of course. Patiently I wait for someone to return. I’m hoping they’ll know my aunt. Hopefully she still has the same last name, or I’m shit out of luck.
I look around, taking in the sights, the sounds and that awful smell of antiseptic. The person returns, but I don’t need to ask if she knows my aunt. The dark hair, light eyes and the cleft in her chin tells me it’s her. She hasn’t changed much in ten years, other than the crow’s feet around her eyes.
“Luke,” she says. She blows out sigh of relief as her lip quivers. Tears of what I’m assuming is joy build in her eyes and pour down her cheeks. Her arms wrap around me, somehow engulfing me completely even though she is half my size. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I came face to face with her, but now I don’t want to let her go. I squeeze her into me as i
f it’ll bridge the gap ten years has created.
She pulls away, taking my face into her hands. “You look just like him.” And then tears roll down her cheeks. “So you know.”
“I do. I don’t know how I feel about any of it.”
“Do you have time?”
“I have all the time in the world.”
“Give me five minutes, I’ll take my lunch and we can talk.”
Five minutes later we’re in the cafeteria and I’m picking at some runny macaroni and cheese.
“Your mom wasn’t going to tell you about the money,” she says. “She didn’t think you’d accept it if you knew.”
I stab the noodles with my fork and push them around my plate. “She was right.”
“Your dad made a mistake.”
I narrow my eyes at her and scoff. That’s where she was going with this?
She rests her small hand on mine and I glance up meeting her eyes that are so similar to my own.
“A big mistake. You and your mother were the best thing that ever happened to him.”
“Then why’d he leave?”
“That’s a good question. He never said. But I honestly think he felt you guys were better off without him.”
“Well that’s just fucking stupid,” I say and she leans back at my words. “Sorry. It just seems like an excuse.”
“Isn’t it?”
I didn’t come here for excuses. I came here for answers. This was a waste of my time. I’m stand up, about to walk out and never look back when she reaches into her pocket and hands me a small picture.
A thick lump forms in my throat and I fall back into my seat. I’ve tried so hard to forget my past. To put it all behind me and not let my father’s abandonment affect me at all. But it has. In ways I didn’t even know. And now, looking at this picture, seeing me so small pressed against my father’s side, holding a baseball while he gives the camera a thumbs up, every memory slams into me like a goddamn brick wall.
I swallow the burn creeping up my throat, but it’s no use. It rises with a vengeance and I have to choke back a cry.
“I found this in his wallet after he died,” my aunt says and every horrible thought I had about the man slowly fades. He left me, but he never forgot me.
“Luke, he loved you. But he was never truly happy with himself and it haunted him. He thought you and your mom deserved better. You were too young. You didn’t see it. He was depressed and it really put a strain on your parent’s relationship. Your mom tried so hard. But she couldn’t fix him. No one could. And when he left you guys he was never the same. A part of him always seemed broken. I tried convincing him once to call you, but so much time had gone by and he thought it was best he let things be.”
A tear falls down my cheek and I swat it away. Aunt Barbara stands and comes to my side of the table, wrapping me in a warm hug.
“Because of his demons, he never got to be the father he should’ve been. When he died and I was left with his money, I just felt like it was his time to be the father he always wanted to be. The father that you deserved. Giving it to you is my way of trying to do that.” She looks up at the ceiling and smiles. “I think he’d be happy with that. So please take the money and go to college. Live a life you can be proud of.”
I can’t get words out, too busy focusing on keeping the new tears burning my eyes from falling, so I nod.
Aunt Barbara lets out a sigh of relief and squeezes my hand.
“Can I have that picture?” I ask.
“Of course,” she says.
***
My aunt leans in to give me a hug goodbye. If I didn’t think I’d see her again I wouldn’t have let go, but we already made plans for lunch on Saturday.
“Barbara, do you have Mrs. Ruggerio’s paperwork?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Mrs. Saldino?” Most nights I’d go to Hailey’s after her mom had left, but I’ve met her on several occasions.
“Luke.”
“Oh my God, you’re Hailey’s Luke?” my aunt says, her hand over her mouth as if she just solved the greatest puzzle of all. “Oh sweetie.” She doesn’t say another word but I know what she means. Poor me. I’m the poor sap who not only just found out his father is dead and just found his long lost aunt, but he’s also the boy who found out his girlfriend has a baby.
“This is your nephew?” Mrs. Saldino asks.
“Yup and yup,” I say to both. “How is she?” I ask, wanting to know about Hailey, not exactly sure why I care.
“Luke, I’ll see you Saturday.” My aunt squeezes my shoulder and walks away, leaving me alone with Hailey’s mom.
“Wait, why are you here? Shouldn’t you be watching Brady?” I ask.
“Hailey left school early so I picked up another shift. Every little bit helps.”
“So how is she?”
“Upset, hurt. She’s been burned by every guy she’s ever known. First her dad, then Nolan, and now you.”
So his name is Nolan. Suddenly I’m jealous and I hate the bastard. Hate what he did to her. Hate that he abandoned such a good kid like Brady.
“She’s going to go see her friend for a few days. Clear her head.”
“I want you to know I’m sorry. It’s just…she lied to me from the beginning and I don’t know how I can ever trust her again.”
“I understand, but you should know she never wanted to hide Brady from anyone. I asked her to. I wanted her to experience life as a teenager and if people knew she had a baby they would have treated her differently. Just like they did at her other school. I couldn’t watch her go through it again, but in the end she’s going through it anyway. And it’s worse because this time she lost the only guy she’s ever loved.”
Shock and joy and confusion barrel into me. “She loved me?”
“She never said it, but I could see it in her eyes. When she talked about you she lit up. She wanted to tell you. She tore herself up about it so much and then it all came out in the worst possible way.”
I still can’t get past the fact she loved me. I wasn’t alone. What I felt was real, and I threw it away.
“Do you know where she is right now?”
“Probably halfway to Becky’s. Give her time, Luke. You do need to understand though, Brady is the single most important thing in her life. Everything she does is for him. Every decision she makes is directly related to him, and she could never be with someone who doesn’t understand that. If you want to be with her you need to step up to the plate.”
***
Never have I hated time more in my life. This whole waiting game bullshit is pissing me off. I want to see Hailey so I can talk to her. Have a do-over. We may still break up, but at least there’d be closure.
I head down to the pier, suddenly craving a burger. A big, juicy, greasy burger. As I approach my usual spot at the snack bar I spot Russ in his corner. Bobby and Travis are with him. I still don’t understand why they hang out with him. A glance at the clock and I realize school let out an hour ago. Lucky me. I still hate the way Russ looked at me that day I accidentally made Amanda cry.
Speak of the devil. Amanda makes her way over to me. Does she not get the hint?
“Leave me alone, Amanda. I’m not in the mood.”
“I guess you heard the news.”
“Just leave.”
“My cousin happens to go to Hailey’s old school. Turns out Hailey isn’t as classy as you thought she was.”
“You’re the one who…” Anger surges through me, making it hard to keep my cool. “You are un-fucking-believable! How could you?”
“Easy, I needed to prove a point. Goodbye, Luke.”
Right to left I crack my neck, rage filling every inch of my body.
“Hey, Luke.” I hear Russ from behind me. Can this day possibly get any worse?
“Hey, Russ.”
“So are you and Hailey over?”
Is he fucking kidding me right now? “What’s it to you?”
“Considering she has a k
id and all, it’s obvious she’s an easy lay. But I don’t want to step on your toes or anything.” Without thinking I turn on my stool, hand in a fist, and lunge at Russ’s face. Heat rushes through my arm as his face makes contact with my fist in one rock hard thump. Blood streams out of his nose, leaving a trail down his lip and onto his white shirt.
“Out! The two of you out! Right now!” Kim jumps from behind the counter, standing between me and Russ.
“You’re fucking dead!” Russ says after he wipes his nose with the back of his hand and notices the blood streaked across his skin.
“Out!”
Travis grabs Russ and pulls him out the door, Amanda following closely behind with napkins. I want to go after him and keep hitting him until his face is a mangled mess. Bobby doesn’t follow them out. Instead he comes over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Sorry, Luke. He’s an asshole. Here, you look like you need this.” He hands me his flask and by the weight of it I can tell it’s full. “Just give it back to me when you see me. I have a spare anyway.”
“Thanks, Bobby.” I pat him on the back as he moves past me.
“Hey you,” Kim calls out to me as the door closes behind Russ.
I hold my hands up. “I’m leaving.”
“Come here.”
What? Is she going to lecture me or something? Regardless, I follow her. It’s the least I can do. She’s always been so nice, and I just caused a huge scene scaring away her customers. She comes to a stop behind the bar and hands me a bag of ice.
“For your hand.” I take the ice from her, a little confused. “I heard what he said. He had it coming. If you didn’t hit him I would’ve, but I can’t just kick him out. Technically, you’re the one who hit him. Come back tomorrow though, and keep that ice on your hand.”
“Thanks. Thanks a lot.”
Kim offers up a smile before returning to the remaining customers.
With Bobby’s flask in my hand, I leave the restaurant and head toward the beach. It’s cold. Thank God I had my winter coat in the backseat of my car. I zip it up to my neck and sit on the bench, right where the sand meets the sidewalk. My hand’s throbbing. Even though I’m freezing I hold the ice to my knuckles.