Anything for Her

by Janice Kay Johnson

  He stared at her.

  “When I was born, my parents named me Chloe. I was Chloe Marr.”

  He made an odd, hoarse sound.

  “When I was thirteen, my family went into the Witness Security Program. We had...we still have our own handler.” She tried to smile. “A U.S. Marshal.”

  Nolan swore, leaning forward. His electric eyes never left her face. “Why? What happened?”

  Allie took a moment to collect her thoughts. She felt as if, by saying her true name aloud, admitting to the Witness Security Program, she had peeled off a layer of skin. Every nerve in her body was now exposed. Allie was bared in a way she had never been before. She wasn’t sure she could stand to be touched.

  She told Nolan the story then, how her mother had stayed late at work one day to finish up a project and had overheard enough to realize the company was a front for a mob organization. Worse yet, a hit had just been ordered and carried out. The killer was reporting his success to his boss.

  “Mom went to the FBI. If she was to testify in court, she had to disappear immediately. She would never be safe, they told her. My father didn’t want her to testify. I overheard them arguing.”

  Her tone a dull monotone, Allie kept talking about her mother’s determination to do the “right” thing, her father’s anger. She even told him why her father had objected to the sacrifice all of them would be making when the victim of the crime had been a crime figure himself. She admitted to the bewilderment she and her brother had felt.

  “His name was Jacob,” she told him. “I was jealous when they moved us because they chose the name Jason for him. It was close enough that it still sounded like him. They named me Laura. I hated it.”

  She talked about the three and a half horrible years in Oklahoma. The terror of the week when her mother had gone back to New York to appear in court, the fear her family felt that the Morettis would somehow get to her. Then she told him about Laura Nelson.

  “I suppose I was always quiet, but I used to have friends. I was confident. But from the moment we left our house in the middle of the night, leaving almost everything we owned behind, I was paralyzed. I didn’t make a single friend in Fairfield. I felt like I’d had my tongue cut out. People would ask me questions and I couldn’t think of the answer fast enough because it wasn’t true. I’ve never been a very good liar,” she said apologetically.

  He offered her a crooked smile. “I noticed.”

  “I suppose you think that’s a good thing.”

  “Yes.”

  “My life would have been easier if I was a better liar. I might have adjusted.”

  “I am sorry for that,” he said, voice low, deep and still gentle.

  “That wasn’t my only problem.” She fanned her fingers and again focused on them rather than his face. “I was a dancer. I was in a special school. I’d already performed with the American Ballet Theatre. Because I was considered a dancer with unusual promise, I’d been featured in newspapers and on television. My face could be easily found with an internet search. When we went into Witness Security, I was told I could never dance again. Someone, somewhere, would recognize me.”

  He made another sound, gruff and grieving, and held out a hand. “Will you come over here, Allie?”

  She shook her head. “Let me finish.”

  Nolan nodded. She still couldn’t look directly at him.

  “I realize now that my parents’ marriage was probably already in trouble before all this happened. But Mom’s decision ended it, although it dragged on for another year.

  “Dad was the third generation to run his family’s company. Of course it had to be sold. He had to find something different to do with his life. I think he felt so much resentment, whatever love he’d had left for Mom died.

  “Jason...well, he’s two years older than I am. He was really angry, giving up his friends and having no say in what happened to us. He blamed Mom. When Dad and she split up, he went to live with Dad.” She swallowed. “He was the only person...” It was too much. She couldn’t finish.

  “The only person?”

  “Who I could be myself with. Chloe.”

  “And he moved out.”

  “Yes.” Heaven help her, this was hard. She felt naked in a way she’d never been. No, worse—raw. “Then we got word that someone might have found us or at least was getting close. It freaked the U.S. Marshals Service and they decided to move us and give us new identities again.

  “They would have done the same for Dad and Jason, even though Mom and Dad weren’t married anymore. In fact, I don’t think they liked it when Dad said no, he was done. And then...and then Jason, too.”

  “Did you ever consider staying behind with your father, too? Finishing out your senior year where you were?”

  She shook her head. “No. By then, Mom was all I had. And it wasn’t as if I was happy there. I don’t even know who Laura Nelson was. And I know it wasn’t fair, but I felt as if Dad had already abandoned me.” Jason, too. That might have been even more devastating.

  “So you became Allie Wright.”

  “Yes. Of course, we were given an entirely new background we were supposed to memorize. I didn’t do a very good job with that. I’d already decided when I was Laura that I just wouldn’t answer when people asked questions.”

  “Then I started interrogating you.”

  She met his eyes for the first time in several minutes. Allie was surprised to find she was smiling, although it felt...not quite right. A distant part of her wondered what that smile looked like. “I kept getting muddled. I guess you noticed. Or I’d go blank and I could see you thinking, ‘What’s that about?’”

  “Did you ever consider just telling me the truth? Or—” his tone was pained “—weren’t you serious enough about me to think I was entitled?”

  A part of her wanted to protect her mother, not admit to their painful conflict and her own realization that Mom’s decisions all along had been about her. Not her husband, not her son, not her daughter.

  “Mom was...scared,” she said carefully. “I told her I wanted to tell you everything. That I had to. She said I couldn’t. That we’d all committed to never looking back. She said I am Allie Wright and the past doesn’t matter.” She was very close to breaking down. “But it does. It does,” Allie finished in a whisper.

  “God.” Nolan moved then, as if he couldn’t wait another minute. He scooped her out of her chair and returned to his, sitting with her on his lap, wrapped securely in his powerful arms. “Oh, damn, Allie. I wish I’d known.”

  Her cheeks were wet when she pushed back enough to see his face. She had to ask. “Have I ruined everything?”

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “RUINED EVERYTHING?” NOLAN cupped her face with one hand, wiping at the tears with his thumb. “Of course you haven’t. I’m the one who should be asking you that. I’ve been such a jackass. Demanding everything from you, not letting myself see what stress you were under.”

  Her eyes shimmered, the dampness making them even more beautiful, like a pebble that came to life in the water. Droplets glittered on her dark lashes. For a long time, she searched his face as if she couldn’t understand—or believe—a word he’d said. And then she crumpled. She grabbed his shirt in both hands to anchor herself, buried her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed.

  Nolan’s eyes stung, too. He’d done this to her. No, he thought on a burst of anger, not only him. The father and brother who had let her go as if she didn’t matter, the mother who by most standards had made the noble choice but who, in doing so, had unalterably damaged her daughter’s life.

  He rocked Allie, his cheek pressed to the top of her head, and murmured nonsense meant to comfort. “It’s all right. Oh, sweetheart. Thank you for telling me. God, I’m sorry. So sorry, Allie. Shh. Oh, damn it, honey.”

  He was sure she was going to make herself sick. But maybe, it occurred to him, she needed to surrender to all this hurt. Had she ever let herself cry like this? Somehow he doubte
d it.

  He understood so much about Allie now. Her astonishing physical grace and poise, the seemingly unconscious care of every small movement down to the tilt of her head and any casual gesture of her hand. The creativity and absolute commitment she brought now to her quilting, learned as a young girl pursuing an entirely different passion. The shyness and caution that made her so guarded and even aloof. Her delight and surprise at moments of real intimacy.

  The way she identified with Sean.

  Her odd reaction when they talked about the possibility of changing the dog’s name. That must have hit painfully close to home.

  The crying slowed at last. By the time the final sob shook her slender body, Nolan was probably in as much distress as she was.

  He wanted to take care of her, to save her from ever feeling this kind of pain. He hated everyone who had ever hurt her. He was furious at himself. And yet, the huge bubble of emotion in his chest was something altogether different. It was gratitude, because she had opened up to him even though doing so had been enormously difficult for her.

  “I love you,” he said hoarsely. “I love you.”

  She stirred at that. He loosened his arms so she could straighten and see his face. Her face, blotchy and swollen and wet, had never looked more beautiful to him.

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Of course I do. It’s been killing me by inches, knowing you were hiding one hell of a lot. You’ve been tearing me in two.”

  Her face worked again. After a struggle she regained her composure. “I’ve been breaking into a thousand pieces. Oh, Nolan. I love you. I do. I was so afraid.”

  She loved him. The knowledge blazed inside him, torching every last doubt or fear. He bent forward until his forehead touched hers. “Thank you for telling me. Thank you.”

  Allie still hadn’t released her grip on his shirt. From this angle, he could see her two fists clutching onto him. He liked knowing she wasn’t willing to let go.

  Her slight nod bumped against his head.

  “Do you feel better now?” He squeezed her neck. “Or worse?”

  “I...don’t know,” she admitted. “Somehow I have to put myself back together, and I have no idea how.”

  “I’ll do anything I can to help. Anything.”

  On an inarticulate exclamation, she pressed her mouth to his. The kiss hurt for a minute, their lips jammed between their teeth. That bubble in his chest expanded until he couldn’t breathe. He opened his mouth and coaxed her to do the same. The next instant, they were kissing deeply, passionately, utterly lost in each other.

  “Love you,” he growled, pulling his mouth away long enough to kiss her neck.

  She took the opportunity to bite his earlobe. His body surged and he rose to his feet, adjusting Allie so that she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist.

  He wasn’t sure he’d make it to the bedroom, but there was no sofa in the living room and not much floor space, either.

  Somehow he made it around the quilt frame and stumbled down the short hall and through the door into her room. She didn’t help matters, her mouth open and damp on his throat, her tongue slipping out to taste his skin.

  Nolan collapsed with her onto the bed, his weight compressing her into the mattress. If she minded, it wasn’t obvious. She moaned and lifted her hips to cradle him.

  Their clothes disappeared. Fabric ripped at one point. Getting a condom on was a miracle. Driving into her felt better than anything ever had in his life. The only way to silence the guttural sounds he was making was to kiss her again.

  Her fingernails bit into his back. He’d lost all ability to take this slowly, to handle her gently, but she didn’t seem to want that. She met every thrust with a ferocity that matched his urgency. He wasn’t going to last, but he had to wait for her. He gripped her buttock and lifted her higher.

  She cried his name and came in spasms that destroyed any last remnant of control he’d held on to. He pounded into her, blind, deaf, the pleasure barely short of pain. “Love you,” he managed to get out. And when it ended, he collapsed.

  If he was smothering her, it took her a couple of minutes to notice. At her first wriggle, Nolan managed to roll onto his side, taking her with him. To his regret, he slipped out of her body. If he could have stayed there for the rest of his life, he’d have been happy.

  “Damn,” he said in a thick voice. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?’

  “Hurt me?” Her lack of comprehension was obvious. A frown puckered her forehead while she thought about it. “No,” she finally decided. “You couldn’t.”

  “I could.” He rubbed his bristly cheek on her head. “I’m so much bigger than you are.”

  A giggle was his answer. It fizzed, pure effervescence. “Bet I can jump higher than you can.”

  He’d gone to a ballet once. A woman he was dating in Chicago had bought tickets. He couldn’t say he followed the plot, if there was one, and the experience wasn’t one he’d had any interest in repeating, but the athleticism was mind-boggling. The lead ballerina had literally flown.

  “I bet you can, too,” he admitted. Light on his feet he wasn’t. “Next time I’ll let you dance on top of me.”

  She stroked his chest, her fingers curling in the dark hair. “That sounds like fun.”

  They were quiet for a few minutes. Nolan had never felt so sated, boneless, relaxed. The curve of her slight body against his was perfect. The only part of him inclined to move was his hand, which traced patterns on her back.

  As his brain slowly revived, he became aware of how very thin she was. Damn it, he hadn’t been able to feel her ribs the last time he’d held her like this, had he? Her delicate vertebrae were definitely more prominent.

  “You’re still losing weight.”

  She didn’t move for a moment. He wasn’t sure she was even breathing. At last she sighed. “I do that when I’m worried or unhappy.”

  “This time it’s my fault.”

  “No. We couldn’t have gone on with me lying to you. I told you. It was tearing me apart. Mom refused to understand at all.” Allie went quiet. “That was the worst part,” she said finally. “She was...pressuring me to stay quiet.”

  “Will you tell her?”

  “That I opened my mouth and absolutely everything spilled out?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yes,” Allie said softly. “She needs to know. Anyway, I’m not a good liar. Remember?”

  “I remember.” He nuzzled her hair. “Will she be upset?”

  He didn’t like the way she kept going quiet. He felt so good himself, he hated to think that all her worries were already building again inside her.

  “Yes,” she said. “I think she will be.” She lifted her head to stare fiercely at him. “You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone. Not even Sean. Especially not Sean. He’s a teenager. Nobody can know. Nobody. Promise me.”

  “I promise.” He couldn’t imagine what he’d tell Sean, but not this. Allie’s secrets, Nolan understood with some shock, had now become his. The man who insisted on complete honesty now knew things he’d never be able to tell another soul, even his sister. “I swear, Allie.”

  Her eyes burned into his, but finally she nodded and laid her head down again. The way she snuggled closer as she relaxed felt like trust to him. His arms closed more firmly around her. God, he loved her.

  In the peaceful time that followed, he tried to decide how uncomfortable he was about keeping Allie’s secret, but didn’t find as much uneasiness as he might have expected. Her safety and happiness had become the most important thing in the world to him. He would never do anything to endanger her or her mother.

  Thank God, he thought suddenly, he’d stopped the P.I. when he did. What if the guy had succeeded in tracing the Nelsons to New York? Somehow identified Allie Wright as the talented young dancer Chloe Marr? A chill passed through him. No wonder the investigator’s visit had scared the crap out of Allie’s father!

  Did Nelson have som
e way to get word to Allie’s mother that someone had come around asking questions? Nolan hoped not. Should he call the P.I. and emphasize that he should call it quits?

  No. Better to pay the bill and let it go.

  Guilt did a dip and roll in his gut. Did he have to tell Allie what he’d done?

  He stared up at the ceiling. Yes. He’d demanded complete honesty from her, and he had to give it to her in turn. But...not yet. She’d had enough trauma for one day.

  Tomorrow, he decided, ashamed of his relief. Or maybe the day after. Right now, he’d keep holding her close and revel in the knowledge that she loved him.

  * * *

  ALLIE HAD AWAKENED the next morning smiling. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that.

  If only Nolan had been able to stay the night. Of course she’d understood; he had a teenage son and couldn’t not go home.

  She wanted to wake up with him every morning. Go to bed with him every night.

  He hadn’t said anything about the future. Given that he had Sean, Allie couldn’t see him suggesting she move in with them. No, a man of his rock-solid integrity would ask her to marry him. Maybe he thought they needed more time first, though, and maybe he was right.

  I love him. She hugged herself in delight.

  What she didn’t want to think about was the shadow that hung over her. She had to talk to her mother. Say, Mom, I told him everything. Soon.

  Today. Better to get it over with.

  Midmorning she called her mother’s mobile number and suggested they have lunch together. When she offered to pop out to the Pea Patch or the bakery and pick up the food, Mom insisted that she had a full hour off, she’d be glad to bring the meal.

  By the time she ended the call, Allie felt horribly guilty. Her mother had sounded so relieved. She thought everything was fine now, that their little tiff was past. She wasn’t going to like what Allie had to say.

  Mom had taken her break late to accommodate the quiet time in the quilt shop. She arrived in a bustle with bags in hand.