“What difference does it make? Is there something you want?”
“Yes. I want to know how you are.”
“I’m still alive. I’ll be able to make the trip. Does that make you feel better or worse?”
“It doesn’t make me feel anything. I’m numb. I want to know if you’ve changed your mind about the surgery.”
“No. I haven’t changed my mind.”
“You’re a fool.”
“Like mother, like daughter. Right, Mam? So why don’t you just get off my back?”
Maggie hesitated, trying to think of things to say. At least Sawyer wasn’t hanging up on her. It was almost as though she wanted her to stay on, to bait her, to keep the verbal exchange going. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“It’s too late. You’re always too late, Maggie.”
“I know,” Maggie said, and Sawyer could hear the pain in her voice. “Nothing can ever be the same again. We aren’t the same people we were back then. But I think we’re wiser now. Why can’t we come to terms, try to work things out? I’m willing.”
“You should be. After all, it’s easy to be forgiving when you’re the one who screwed up. I’m the result of your screwup. You want me to forgive you; well, I can’t. So why don’t you just hang up and let me alone?”
“Why don’t you hang up?”
“You called me, remember?” Sawyer said through clenched teeth.
“I want to see you before you leave for Hawaii. I’ll come to New York with the boys. I won’t stay. I just want to see you.”
“Why?”
“Because I care how you’re doing. Because I want to see you with my eyes.”
“You want to play ghoul so you’ll feel better is more like it. Well, I don’t look so great, so save yourself the trouble,” Sawyer said, her voice cracking.
“I’ll be there with the boys. You can always tell me to leave. Will you let the boys see you act like that?”
“They know my feelings.”
“I suppose they do, but they don’t understand them. Not anymore. I don’t think you have either of them mesmerized anymore. They know you’re being selfish and acting like a fool.”
“Let them tell me that.”
Maggie sighed. “Sawyer, regardless of what you think, you know I care. I want to help you if you’ll let me.”
“Don’t you mean you want to help yourself? You can’t help me. No one can help me.”
“That’s a damn lie!” Maggie screamed. Rand came running, and so did the boys. They stood helplessly in the doorway while Maggie ranted into the mouthpiece. “You’re being stupid! Everyone wants to help you. Mam, Adam, Rand, all of us. Dr. Marlow is the best surgeon Sloan-Kettering has to offer and he will do his best for you. His best. Do you hear? Goddamn you, Sawyer, use your head and stop blaming everyone! You’re really getting off on this phone call, aren’t you? You like making us sweat. Admit it!” Maggie cried. “You like playing martyr. It must have been a real comedown for you after being pampered and coddled all those years. You’re getting all the attention again, just like before. Let’s all pity Sawyer. Look how noble she’s being. She’s going to die. Rally ’round, everyone. Coax Sawyer, plead with her, tell her how much she’s loved and cared for. You make me sick. If I were Adam, I’d have booted your tail out of there a long time ago. You must make him sick, too.”
“Get off this phone and don’t call me again!” Sawyer screamed.
“No!” Maggie screamed back.
“Go to hell!
“I’ve been there and back. It’s not a nice place. Think about that. God will punish you for giving up. You’re a Coleman.”
“Shit on the Colemans!”
“We’re only good enough when it’s convenient for you. Is that it?”
“Hang up! Damn you, hang up!”
“No. You hang up on me.” When Maggie heard the sound of crying at the other end of the line, she gently replaced the receiver. Tears streamed down her face, but she was smiling when she turned to face the trio at the door. “It isn’t what you think. She wouldn’t break the connection. She’s starting to reach out.”
“Mother, is she all right?” Cole asked fearfully.
“She’s on the way. She’s thinking, considering the odds. I don’t know which way she’ll go. Pray—that’s my best advice.”
While Maggie, Rand, and the boys shopped and packed, Sawyer took long walks in the park and saw Nick Deitrick every day. She paid two visits to the Sloan-Kettering Institute. She called her grandmother, and the gentle sorrow in Billie’s voice was almost more than she could bear. Why didn’t she rail her out the way Maggie and the others had done? “I want to come up there to talk with you, Grand,” she begged.
“No, I’m sorry. You can’t come here. I can’t make decisions for you. It’s not the operation anymore. It’s Maggie. Don’t confuse the two. I can’t help you, darling. Only Maggie can help you. Don’t be afraid. Make the first move . . . and call me again if I can help.”
“She thinks I’ve forsaken her for Maggie,” Billie said sadly after she’d hung up. “She really believes it, Thad.”
“No she doesn’t. She’s just floundering. She has to struggle before she can accept what she needs most. You did the right thing. Poor darling, your heart is breaking. It’ll be all right. I have a good feeling about it.”
“If you told me it was light outside and I knew it was midnight, I’d believe you.” Billie smiled wanly. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“With the dogs?”
Billie laughed. “All ten of them.” She whistled, and they came from every corner, slipping and sliding on the kitchen tile, then lined up with unbelievable precision at the door.
“This is the way we’re going to do it, gang,” Thad told them. “I go first because I’m an admiral, and Billie goes next because she’s an admiral’s wife. You follow one at a time. There will be no cheating.”
Billie looked over her shoulder at the dogs, who trotted in single file till they were on the road. Then Thad clapped his hands. “Disss-misssed!” The dogs scattered.
“We should take pictures of that. No one would believe it.”
“It’s just a question of authority. It’s the tone, the rank, and my straight back.”
“And the gumdrops you’ll feed them when we get home.”
Thad sniffed. “That’s just a small part of it.”
“So I’m Sawyer’s authority figure. Is that it?”
“I knew I married you because you were bright.”
“What about beautiful and charming?”
“That, too.”
“You always make me feel better. It will be all right, won’t it, Thad?”
“Yes, darling. Like I said, I have a feeling about it. But let’s pray that someone up there is going to help us out.”
On one of the shopping expeditions into Austin, Cole and Riley both picked out a gift for Luana—unbeknownst to each other, of course. Riley chose an exquisite bottle of perfume called Joy. Cole, more daring, bought a Gucci shoulder bag.
Cole didn’t know what was worse: being with Luana for a few minutes of furtive kissing and hugging, or worshiping her from a distance. He’d obeyed the rules because he didn’t want to see Luana get hurt. But he knew he was in love and wondered how he was going to get through the summer without seeing her. He imagined all the things he would buy her—native jewelry, a muumuu, a flower lei. He knew she liked him best, even though she hadn’t said so. She’d cried when he’d told her he was going away for the summer. Then she’d asked offhandedly if Riley was going, too. He wished she weren’t so nice to everyone. It gnawed at his gut.
Right now she was angry with him because he wouldn’t risk going over to her apartment. But tonight was Saturday, date night. He was going to hang around the back porch like some ninny, hoping Luana would come out and sit with him on the steps. Maybe, just maybe, he’d take a chance, and if Ben Simms did go into town, he might...
When dinner was over, Riley left
the table to get dressed for his date in town. “A cool chick,” he told Rand, laughing. “She knows all about sports, and baseball is her favorite. She knows all about ground balls and sliders, and she says my curveball is the best she’s ever seen.”
“As compared to what?” Rand teased.
“As compared to an older brother who plays ball in the minors. I don’t think I’ll be too late, Aunt Maggie.”
Maggie and Rand were going to the country club. Susan had a date with Ferris, and Ferris’s mother had a date with Jessica. Cole was on his own.
In his room he could hear Riley whistling. He hated the sound. They’d both been fighting long and hard for Luana’s affections, but Riley, not content to put all his eggs in one basket, kept dating—one girl after another. Evidently Riley wasn’t as lovesick as he was. Cole hated what the feeling was doing to him. He wanted her. The other girls, even the ones who chased him—something he thought would never happen—didn’t appeal to him at all. He knew the guys talked about Luana. Tease, trash, slut—they’d whispered all the worst names, and he’d heard them. But he knew in his gut that Luana was a virgin. Besides, she’d told him she was. And she was different with him. She didn’t pretend the way she did in school. He knew how hard it was for her there. He hadn’t belonged in the beginning, either.
Ever since he and Riley had gotten their own cars, though, things had changed. Luana seemed to prefer his Cougar convertible to Riley’s Berlinetta. His mind raced as he tried to figure out a way to take Luana for a spin this evening. If he just happened to be out on the road leaving Sunbridge, and she just happened to be out there, too, he could pick her up. He could christen the Cougar. Jesus. He almost fainted with the thrill of excitement that rushed through him.
Riley had given up whistling; now the Oak Ridge Boys were singing. Cole grimaced and stuck a Lionel Richie tape in his player, turning up the volume. Luana liked Lionel and Michael Jackson.
It was just starting to get dark when Cole heard the Berlinetta roar out of the driveway. He looked out his bedroom window and saw Luana sitting outside the apartment door, an open book on her lap. He craned his neck to see if her father’s truck was in the yard. It wasn’t.
Quickly he finished dressing. Preppy tonight—a white polo shirt, gray slacks, a navy-blue blazer, and topsiders. He doused himself with Brut after-shave, then slicked his hair back with both hands. He was ready. This was going to be the night; he could feel it.
In the circular driveway Cole pretended not to see Luana. He made sure, though, that she saw the way he was dressed. Susan had just secured Jessica into her travel seat and was about to climb behind the wheel. He walked over nonchalantly and leaned in the car window.
“Wow!” Susan said, whistling. “Don’t you look nice. And you smell terrific.” She grinned. “Big date?”
Cole knew their voices would carry to Luana. “Yeah,” he drawled. “There’s a party in town.”
“You’re going to have to fight the girls off with a stick, looking the way you do. Remember now, don’t drink and drive.”
“I won’t, Aunt Susan. Did Mother and Rand leave yet?”
“About five minutes ago. You have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Cole backed away from the car and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. That’s what movie stars did to show nonchalance. He was going to turn in a second now and walk to his car, at which point he would notice Luana for the first time. He turned, a look of pleased surprise fixed on his face.
The look turned sour when he saw Luana was gone. He sprinted upstairs and grabbed the big white gift box with the red-and-green stripes, then raced down the back steps, across the yard, and up the stairs to the apartment above the garage.
It was empty.
Cole tossed the Gucci box on the kitchen table next to Luana’s books. Where the hell was she? She’d been here just minutes ago. He’d be dead meat if Ben Simms found him here. Maybe she’d gone for a walk. His pulses pounded in his ears on the way down the steps. By the time he climbed into the red sports car, he was in a near frenzy. He slammed it into reverse, then first, and was already in third when he tooled out of the yard onto the long stretch that would lead him to the main road.
Just outside the arch, Cole flicked on the high beams and screeched to a stop, his hand working fast as his left foot stomped on the clutch. There she was. He let the car idle as he pulled to the side of the road. The window slid down with a press of his index finger. “Want a lift?” he asked coolly.
“Where y’all goin’?”
“Party in town. Want to go?”
“I wasn’t invited and I’m not dressed for a party,” Luana said, pointing to her jeans and faded T-shirt. “If you have time, I could go to MacAllister’s for a Coke.”
“Sure, why not. Those parties never start to move till after ten anyway. Hop in.”
“I do love this car, Cole,” Luana cooed breathlessly as she hooked on her seat belt. Cole felt like groaning when he saw the way it mashed her breasts. He wanted to reach over and slide it between her breasts instead of over them.
“By the way,” he said casually, “I left a present for you on your kitchen table. One minute you were there and the next you were gone.”
“I didn’t want to see you leave. Everyone from the big house was going out. I saw Riley leave. I felt jealous, so I decided to work it off by going for a walk. You didn’t have to get me a present. It was nice of you, though. What is it?”
“When I drive you back home, you’ll see it.” Cole knew Luana was smiling in the darkness.
“I’m going to miss you guys when you leave. Just a few more days,” she said softly.
“I’ll send you a postcard, or I could write you a letter.”
“That would be nice.” She noticed there was a Michael Jackson tape playing, although it was hard to hear with the wind roaring in her ears.
“What are you going to do this summer?”
“Summer school, and I got a part-time job as a mother’s helper for some six-year-old runt. The guidance counselor got it for me. The pay is three fifty an hour. I can use the money for school clothes in the fall.”
“Too bad I won’t be here to see them,” Cole said morosely. “Your clothes, I mean. I’m leaving the end of August for prep school for my senior year, and then it’s college.”
“Riley, too?” Luana asked conversationally.
“Riley’s going to Yale.”
“You sound pleased. Are you going to Yale?”
“No, Notre Dame. Riley almost had a perfect SAT score. Fifteen ninety. I only scored thirteen hundred. Riley is Yale material.” He wasn’t going to tell her he actually felt proud of his cousin, even if he didn’t like him.
“What are you going to do tonight?” he asked as one of McAllister’s carhops brought them their Cokes.
“Read The Red Badge of Courage for a book report. It has to be in on Monday.”
“You want to use mine? I got an A on it. I think I have it in my old papers from school.”
“That’d be cheating,” Luana said virtuously.
“Hey, I just asked. You don’t have to use it. I thought maybe instead of going to the party, I could take you for a drive somewhere. Unless your father is coming home early,” he added anxiously.
“No, he’s out for the night. Okay, I’ll use the report. Where do you want to go?”
“Hell, I don’t know. We can’t go to your place.” He slapped at his head as though he just remembered something. “Hey, I know! There’s an old line shack at the end of the north acreage. It’s got an old couch, a stove, and some chairs, I think. And a hurricane lamp. No electricity or bathroom, though.” He could feel his heart pounding.
“What’ll we do there?” Luana asked innocently.
Cole grinned. “What do you think?”
“All the way?” Luana gasped.
“I have some rubbers. Come on, Luana, you’re driving me crazy. You said you would when the time was right.”
&nb
sp; “My pa would kill me. You, too, if he ever found out.”
“How’s he gonna find out? I sure as hell won’t tell him. That leaves you.”
“He might be able to tell. My pa watches me like an eagle.”
“Hawk,” Cole corrected. He could almost feel her full, round breasts in his hands. “There’s no way he’d be able to tell. Make up your mind; the girl’s coming to take the tray.”
Luana considered. “What am I gonna get out of this? The first time is supposed to hurt, and I’ll have messy underwear. I’ve been saving myself. I know guys like you think that’s corny, but I don’t care. You’re going away pretty soon. What am I supposed to do till you come back?”
“Wait for me. I won’t hurt you. Maybe a little, but, you’ll forget it in a hurry. I have about two hundred dollars. Will that help you make up your mind?”
“Two hundred dollars! Well, sure, but there’s something not right about taking money for ... for ...”
“You don’t have to take it.”
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t take it. I sure could use it....” She thought it over for a few moments. “Okay, let’s go to the line shack.”
Cole’s gut churned as he backed the Cougar out of the parking lot.
Forty-five minutes later Cole sat in the line shack staring at Luana. He handed her the two hundred dollars and she quickly slipped it into her hip pocket. Then he watched, fascinated, as she pulled her T-shirt over her head. He sucked in his breath. She was wearing a pink lacy bra that barely contained her breasts. A moment later the faded jeans slipped to the floor.
As Luana put her hands behind her back to unhook her bra, the strangest thing happened to Cole. First, his whole life flashed before him. Then a vision of his future crowded out his past. When he could see clearly again, the half-naked girl who stood before him no longer interested him. He wanted to tell her so, but the words wouldn’t come.
Her breasts were free now, large and pink-tipped. There was no hunger on his lips to taste them. He continued to watch her as the bikini slid down. She was beautiful. She beckoned him with her eyes as she lowered herself to the old leather couch; her movements slow, sensual. Suddenly she squirmed and yelped as the sharp strips of aged leather cut into her skin. She jumped up, twisting and turning.
Texas Heat Page 47