“You know, I’m starving.”
I had totally forgotten we hadn’t eaten. “We still have the pizza from last night if you want me to go and get it.”
“Something tells me you don’t eat in bed.”
“Well, I don’t usually because of the crumbs, but I’m willing to make an exception for you.”
“You’re the most unusual person I’ve ever met.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know many twenty-one-year-old guys that eat pizza with a knife and fork.”
“It’s just the way I am.”
“I’m not criticizing, but I know very little about you apart from the fact your family must be very wealthy to have bought you a house in Kissing Hills.”
“They have money, but we’re not so different really.”
“Come on, I’ve never met anybody like you: the way you talk, the way you dress, how well-mannered you are. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a member of the British Royal Family.”
“Ha!” He wasn’t so far away from the truth. “My mother and father have always expected me and my sister to mind our manners, but aren’t most parents like that?”
“I suppose.” He finished his beer. “Tell me about where you come from?”
“It’s a quiet, little village miles away from anywhere. Not many neighbours, and we prefer to keep ourselves to ourselves.”
“Do you have friends back in the UK?”
“Yes, but none I would call best friends. As I said, I keep myself to myself.”
“There is more to you than meets the eye, Edward.”
“My family are the same as most others. I am expected to behave a certain way, and I do for the most part.”
“Did they not care about you being gay?”
“Gosh, no. It was the worst coming out, ever.”
He was lost in our conversation. “How come?”
“Because they already knew I was gay, so it wasn’t this big thing I imagined it to be.”
“And your dad was okay about it, too?”
“He was more concerned I’d crashed the Porsche—” Shit, I slipped up.
“The Porsche?”
“Well, yes, but he loves me for who I am and only wants me to be happy. He is the most amazing man, and my mum is lovely, although I can’t say the same for my sister, Felicity.”
“What’s she like?”
“A nightmare most of the time.”
He found it amusing. “I haven’t met any of them, and it’s like learning about a whole new world.”
“Why do you think I came here to study?”
“You’ve never said.”
He was right. I did tend to avoid talking of my home life. “I longed to experience life outside of the fishbowl.” I’d said too much, not yet ready to go into the complexities of being a Baines-Tennant.
“Are you and your sister similar at all?”
Thankfully, he didn’t press me. “If I’m a bimbo airhead, then yes.”
He rolled over, laughing at the description of my sister. It was good to see that side of him.
“Why don’t you invite her over here for a break?”
“Trust me, my parents might be down to earth, but Felicity would take one look at Kissing Hills and head straight back to the airport.”
“If she thinks this place is a dump, your house must be like Buckingham Palace.”
“Hardly.” He wasn’t far off the truth, again. I felt uneasy. I didn't want him to feel he couldn’t be a part of my world.
“Maybe one day I’ll see it for myself.”
“That’d be cool, but do you know what I want right now?”
Milo leaned in and growled into my ear. “Tell me.”
I was distracting him from asking further questions. “I’m ready for number six.”
He didn’t need much encouragement before he pounced on top of me. “I’m ready to ride you like a bull.” Then he slapped my arse.
Chapter Nineteen
Milo
I clicked my pen and pushed my test to the edge of the makeshift desk. I hated taking exams in the lecture halls. The seats forced me to sit half cheeked on the edge in order to wrap my left hand around to scribble on the little wood plank attached to the chair. Very few professors allowed students to sit on the far-left seats where the desks were for left-handers, which further frustrated me.
Edward sat two seats over still writing. This philosophy class began with one irritating Englishman breathing down my neck and invading my personal space at every chance he had. Now, it’s all I could do to keep myself focused on the end game. He consumed my thoughts, and most nights, we ended up at his house under the guise of studying as we neared the halfway point of the semester.
“Are you finished, Mr. Garcia?” Professor Grant tapped his fingers across the lecture podium. A habit that drove me nuts.
“Yes. I’m grabbing my backpack.” I lifted in jest toward him but, it took everything inside me not to glance one more time at Edward; his sandy-blonde hair perfectly styled, waiting for me to mess it up.
“You’re doing quite well. I’m sure you’re ready to defend your daddy when the time comes.” His sentiments hissed only loud enough for my ears, but he resonated the feelings around campus and the community of the pride everyone held for Clay Wilcox.
The grade for philosophy was the last of my general ed requirements, and as much as I wanted to roar and tell him what a bastard my father was, I only half raised my lips in amusement. Silence coated the response with no real message of my plans and allowed those completing the mid-term to finish without my anger billowing through the room. The curse of my gene pool never left me for a moment.
Instead of waiting for Edward, I jogged over to the gym, desperate for a hard workout; the burn of my muscles a sure way of shedding away the constant reminder of the tough road ahead for my mother and me. The courts worked at a snail’s pace, and with the holidays around the corner, we’d be lucky to settle things with his assault and their divorce before spring or summer. Fortunately, Clay Wilcox laid low after being sprung from jail a week ago. I’d heard a rumor he shacked up with someone who massaged his ego. This person didn’t concern me, as Mom and I had settled into a peaceful existence with him out of the picture.
One hundred and fifty pounds balanced the weight as I bench pressed it from chest to air and back again in a methodical manner. Nothing about my present situation made my life any easier. Edward and I were great when we were locked in his castle in Kissing Hills. We enjoyed movies, and Netflix binged several old American classics like Parks and Recreation and The Office. I’m not sure how much Edward loved them, but he did try to understand why I loved them so much. Edward did all those things nobody else, but my mother and Seth had ever done—he wanted to understand me. It scared me that Deborah, who I thought about marrying, never once spent the time to get to know the real me. She wanted a name, a ring, and a baby in that order.
“You look like your chest is going to burst.” Logan stood over me, silently volunteering to spot me.
“What are you doing here?” I wondered how he could be in the campus gym when it was for students and faculty only. Last time I checked Logan wasn’t in school.
“I picked up a few classes this semester. Business courses.”
“Good for you. I thought your Cocktail style bartending paid the bills well?”
He chuckled, feigning his laughter as if I needed affirmation that he understood the poke I’d tossed at him. “I plan to buy the bar when Jerry retires in a few years. Figured taking classes part-time and working would do me good.”
I pushed the bar up one more time and secured it before sitting up to face Logan. We hadn’t always seen eye to eye in our younger years. However, when push came to shove, and his wallet met with the price of my repair rates on cars, it pushed us together a few times. Although, I still didn’t trust him nor his relationship with Edward. Logan was me, but with men. It might be why we never looked past one another bey
ond the surface, anyway.
“What do you need, Logan?” I knew there was more here than a random meeting. We only spoke if he needed something from me. My nerves sat on edge thinking about Professor Grant, but now Logan’s actions had them firing off. His scowl told me he must know something about Edward and me. I hadn’t pressed Edward to find out if he’d told Logan—now I wish I had. The element of surprise never suited me well.
“My truck needs spark plugs. I wasn’t sure sure, with what’s going around about your pops, you’d be up for fixin’ her?”
“I can do it. Why don’t you come by the house this afternoon, two-ish?” He nodded, pulled his towel from around his neck, and walked out of the gym. Something about the way he rolled his eyes pissed me off as he left.
I settled myself at the curl up station, uneasy about Logan. When I asked Edward to tell him, it poured out of me with all the weakness of a jealous idiot. I wanted an eye for an eye on telling Seth, but when the reality of telling Logan, who potentially had the option of free will to spread our business to anyone and everyone about him and me and—
“Hey, I thought I might find you here.” Edward stood before me looking like a Nike athletic ad, matching shirt, shorts, socks, shoes. Who does that?
“Yeah, finishing my last reps, then I have a truck to fix.” I stood and brushed by him. The potential for exposure from the public caused my anxiety to rise, leaving me unnerved about what Edward and I appeared to be outside of his castle behind the wrought iron gates. I turned my shoulder and began making my way to the locker room to grab my bag and keys.
“Milo, I’m talking to you.” His indignation at my nonchalance with his presence gave rise to something I didn’t expect. “Don’t play games here. I’m warning you.” He hadn’t tongue-lashed me—well, outside of bed—in a few weeks. Nobody bothered to look up from their workouts, although there were only two chicks on the opposite side using the ellipticals and not bothering to look up from their phones.
I opened my locker and peered around, noting the place deserted this early in the day. Edward approached with the tips of his ears on fire at my behavior.
“If you think I don’t know you’re hurting, then you’re as blind as a bat.”
“This isn’t a topic for discussion.” I fumbled around with nothing particular, holding my insecurities tight inside where I’d stored them for years.
“Someday, all this bottling up of family secrets is going to get to you. I don’t want to see that happen.”
I hissed, “Enough.” Edward’s jaw tightened, and something about him furious stirred my desire.
People only acted with wild emotions if they cared. Edward cared, and it turned me on in ways I never experienced before. He made me a recluse and free in ways I never knew existed. With sweat still dripping down my neck left unwiped, I pulled him in, biting his lip before I begged for entrance. He stood stiff without care until giving in while my hand drifted up underneath his T-shirt.
Edward and out of control were synonymous terms for me, and I needed to figure out what we were and how to make my life work with him in it. He made me want to be better while also driving me out of my mind with a desire that came from more than the physical. It inspired me to do things. One of which happened in this moment as I shoved my hand down his pants in the middle of the men’s locker room because I had to know if he wanted me as much as I wanted him. The wet tip peeked out of his uncut cock against my finger.
This sent me over the edge. His arousal let me know I hadn’t fucked up beyond repair. If I didn’t think we’d get caught, I’d have him on all fours on the dressing bench in two seconds and begging me to pump his ass, his lips screaming my name with each thrust, but this was not the time or place for my fantasy to come to life.
I leaned back, separating our kiss and whispered a bit out of breath, “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you at dinner tonight. We can talk about all this then.”
He blinked hard, twice as if he couldn’t understand what I said. He began, in a low incensed growl, “If you don’t come to tell me the truth about all this, then don’t bother.” He backed away and left me stiff as a board and yearning for him to forgive me for everything I had done, am doing, and would do.
“Will you be home tonight?” Mom caught me as I took one last look in the mirror. I knew I fucked up earlier with Edward; he deserved someone better than me, but it was too late for that. My sights were set, and until I worked out how this appeared long term, he had no other option than to forgive me and buckle up tight for this wild ride.
“I’m headed to Seth’s for a video game tournament. There’s a potential for money to be won. We plan to split it.” A bald-faced lie flew from my mouth as I walked past her, not answering her question in full. To be fair, we had won five hundred dollars earlier this year in an online tournament; it wasn’t so far-fetched.
“I’m not sure what’s going on here, but if you are seeing someone, you’re not hiding it well. I have no problem with you being twenty-one and having a girlfriend. But it isn’t fair to me to not tell me if you will be home or not. I worry about you, and we are living under the same roof.”
I stopped to face her. She, too, deserved better. “I am seeing someone. Seth. That’s it. I’ll be home late, but I’ll be home long before the rooster’s crow.” I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Before asking her, “Mind if we have our new friend Edward over for Thanksgiving with Seth’s family? I mean, he doesn’t have anywhere else to go. I figured with all of us here, one more mouth wouldn’t make a difference.” My rambling, along with denying seeing someone, burned in my throat as I held my mother close so I wouldn’t need to look into her eyes.
My secrets were not held as close as I expected when she probed around asking me if I was seeing someone. My mother always knew things about me, no matter how hard I tried to cover them or hadn’t figured out things to begin with. I loved that about her and loathed it at the same time. She meant the world to me, but how she might react to Edward when her words were distinctly girlfriend, hit my gut hard. My father never changed from being a homophobic bastard. Where he stood on the issue was clear.
I never asked my mother, but she always accepted Seth. It was never a big deal for her to ask him how a date went, or if he had his eye on someone.
But Seth was not me. I knew she wanted the world for me. I never thought about how she’d react to me falling for Edward. It wasn’t like I had eyes for other men. I had my eye on the best man. The only one who showed me I held value and made my heart beat in a different rhythm. One I didn’t want to lose. That reality scared me more than anything.
Where would I be without Edward?
He saw through my barriers and still wanted to get to know me. He called me out on my bullshit and expected more from me, and I willingly gave it to him. That was why I needed time to figure out how this all worked before telling my mother the truth. I couldn’t bear the thought of her turning her back if she knew I’d fallen for a he rather than a she.
“Are you listening to me?” She slapped my chest a few times light-heartedly, knowing I damn well hadn’t heard a word.
“Umm, sorry. Mid-terms must have my mind a bit like a bowl of mush.”
“I said, I’d be happy to have him. You need to ask him if there is a dish he wants us to make. I know it isn’t a holiday for him, but comfort food is important for everyone.”
And leave it to my mother to think of him before herself or any of us. “I’ll ask him. And thanks, Mom.”
“Milo, I’m going to tell you something before you leave this house tonight.”
“I would’ve thought you ill if you didn’t.” I winked at her and grabbed my car keys off the counter.
“I want you to know I love you no matter what.”
“I know.”
“I also want you to know that someday the truth will set you free.”
I gulped at her silent message. She knew.
All I could do was smile and walk away beca
use the lies I’d been feeding her ripped my heart apart. Deep inside, she loved me unconditionally, and, once more, her words came back to haunt me, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.” Tonight’s confession from her weighed heavy as I drove away.
Chapter Twenty
Edward
I have a somewhat photographic memory. Once I read something, it sticks, so neither tests nor exams phased me. While studying they were a part of my life so why get all hot and bothered about them? I realised I was probably in the minority having never revised a day in my life, but the world would be a boring place if we were all cast from the same stone.
Perhaps Professor Grant’s mid-term questions contributed to Milo’s odd mood earlier? Family affairs made public and dealing with pointed fingers and random comments of support embarrassing. Scrutiny from the press was a familiar part of my world and while my heart went out to Milo and his mother, I had tried to coax a tiny morsel of feeling from him in the hope of understanding what had transpired behind closed doors. But I’d been shut down almost immediately and swiftly dropped the subject. Rather than quell my curiosities, it only added to fuel them. I knew little of Clayton Wilcox save from the fact he was revered on campus as a bona fide football star.
I saw little star quality from my limited view but those opinions I kept to myself out of respect to Milo. For now, I stood on the sidelines looking into a world I knew nothing of. He would let me in when he was ready. Patience was the name of the game when it came to Milo.
I didn’t want to dwell on it because he more than made up for it in the changing rooms afterwards. I swear, the man was a walking porn star—sent to lead me further down the path of debauchery. It’s no bad thing as the lump in my shorts could attest to.
After a quick conversation with Logan, I called Seth, inviting him over for dinner and drinks. It would be good to spend time with him. Of course, Milo would be here too, but time together was easy now the elephant in the room had been addressed.
Shattered Beliefs Page 16