“Yeah, so?”
“Milo isn’t the only one not being entirely honest.”
“Oh?”
“He knows virtually nothing of my family, where I’m from, well he knows where, but he doesn’t know Kissing Hills is akin to a flea pit when compared to my family home.”
“And you’re worried Milo won’t fit into your world, is that it?”
“Well, yes, how could he ever slot into life with me in rural Cambridgeshire?”
“If you think that way, why bother trying?”
“Because I’m in love with him, Logan, and I don’t give up.”
“Then tell him, but everything and not only the parts you think he can deal with.”
“I can imagine it now… Hey, Milo, guess what? My dad was knighted by The Queen and yeah, sorry forgot to mention I’ve been to Buckingham Palace for Earl Grey tea and cucumber sandwiches.”
Logan laughed. “When you put it that way…”
“Milo is happy under the bonnet of a car, not dressed in a tuxedo and shaking hands with passing royalty or members of the aristocracy.”
“How do you know what he is and isn’t capable of? You’ve only seen him interact in the diner, Seth’s place, or yours.”
“We did go out once, on a kind of date, well I knew it was a date, he wasn’t so sure?” I finished the last of my beer.
“And how did that go, remind me?”
“Disastrous.” I cringed at the memory. “Some skank with big knockers I think he must have had a thing with, served us.”
He tutted and shook his head. “You’re in Milo’s territory now, so you’re always gonna come up against his past, but don’t judge him without seeing him interact socially first, especially when he hasn’t had the same courtesy from you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I climbed onto my high horse.
“You might not like hiding your sexuality in the closet but you’re still hiding something.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are, Ed.”
“How?”
“You’re hiding who you are. Don’t you understand that? Milo is your man for all intent and purposes and knows only what you present to him.”
“I suppose you have a point…”
“Tell me, what happens if things get to the next stage for you both, don’t you want your family to meet him?”
Dread coursed through my veins. I pushed her visit to the back of my mind. Burying my head in the sand had done me no favours. I was born into the Baines-Tennant family and should feel no shame. I accepted Milo’s working-class roots so why would he not accept mine. “My mum is coming back to Kissing Hills with me after Christmas break.”
His arched eyebrow spoke volumes. He knew he was right, and so did I, as much as I wished it wasn’t the case. Logan slapped me about the face with honesty. It was a hard pill to swallow, but what good had I done pretending to be part of something I was not.
“So she is either going to meet Milo then or you will make excuses not to see him, and if you do decide to put them together, from what you’ve told me of your mom, she is not one to mess with. Do you not think he will see her for who and what she is?”
“What am I going to do?”
“Trust him, Ed, because if you don’t, you have nothing.”
“I do trust him.”
“Not enough to talk to him about the real you, your fears, your worries. Sit him down and let him see you’re not perfect, that you, too, can make fucking huge mistakes. He’s kind of an asshole but not a bad guy. It’ll probably make him feel better—you have high standards, Ed, which kinda rubs off on all of us.”
“Oh, God, don’t say that, I can’t bear the responsibility.”
“Don’t put yourself down. You helped me out so much and if it wasn’t for your encouragement, I wouldn’t have considered buying the bar or taking the business course. You inspired me, if we’re talking truths, and I don’t think you should ever hide who you are or where you come from because all I see is a decent dude with a big heart. Milo is one lucky fucker.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Milo
Nick’s buzzed with patrons two days before Thanksgiving. Seth never left the register, and my shirt clung to me, thick with sweat as the heater warmed the seating area but cooked my ass while I made the coffee drinks—the ones that made them more milkshakes than authentic, wholesome coffee. My shift flew by with the constant rush, and before long, Seth locked the front door and hit the main lights, leaving us to clean the kitchen and service area.
“Damn. We busted hump today.”
“Too bad Rodney called in sick. We could have used his help today.” Seth hated when people called in sick. He usually ended up seeing the late calls post some selfie on social media where they were out messing around. His snark told me Rodney fell into the douche category.
“Lindsay had to pick up her grandparents, so she apologized for not coming in to pick up the slack.”
“I know. She asked me for the day off months ago.” He filled the mop bucket while I wiped down the kitchen area. “Thank our lucky stars, Casey came in and cooked.”
“No kidding.” I squirted more cleaner on the stainless prep station and swayed to the music quietly playing over the speakers.
“So. Did you tell your mom yet?” I knew what Seth meant, and I glanced around, making sure Casey left the building. The news of my dad’s arrest and arraignment of charges made constant headlines in the local paper.
“Not yet. I’m not sure I want to say anything when she’s preoccupied with the crap about my dad and the divorce. The last thing she needs is to worry about me and my choices.”
“Edward isn’t going to stay hidden for much longer.”
“What are you talking about, hidden?” His comment irked me. I never once told him how to handle his relationships. Edward also knew I was under tremendous stress. He mentioned my situation once, and I shut the conversation down. No need for more bullshit once Edward figured out how fucked up my real home life was. The papers didn’t know everything.
“He’s been talking to Logan.”
“So, they’re friends.” Good thing my sweat-soaked shirt and the heat inside this building hid the red streak creeping up my neck. The fury only fueled the jealousy inside me.
“Well, Logan’s pushing him to tell you to hurry up with your identity crisis.”
“Wait.” I stopped cleaning and walked into the dining room to hear this face to face. He stopped mopping and wiped his brow with the back of his arm. “How are you privy to this information? I thought you and Logan had a quick thing together and then parted ways?”
“We did have a thing. But sometimes we get together when the well is dry if you—”
“Oh, I know what you mean. I always figured you’d tell me these things. I’ve been an open book with you. I tell you everything.”
“Is that so? How long were you sliding your meat into Edward before you told me?”
“That’s not the same. So, Logan is spreading my business around town?” My automatic nervous reaction returned, and I began pacing up and down the brick flooring between the aisles of tables.
“No. He spoke to me because we’re friends and sometimes fuck buddies. He’s concerned you’re using Ed.”
I bit out, “Don’t call him Ed. He doesn’t like it.” It pissed me off that Logan spoke to Seth, and Seth hid this little secret from me.
Seth dropped the mop in the bucket and raised his hands in a sign of peace. “Look, Milo, you and me, we go way back. I won’t judge you for any of this or whatever else you do. My God, you’ve managed to fuck half the girls in town, and they all pine over you. Somewhere you have a charming aspect to your personality. I know the other side of your bullshit, though. Don’t tell me it’s beyond others in this community to ask questions when you switch teams and then hide it.”
“I never flaunted anybody around, so Edward is no different.”
“Except he has a dick, an
d in our town, that is a problem. Look how difficult it’s been for me?” I knew he spoke the truth, but deep down, it scared me how much I cared for Edward. In reality, his time in Texas, and the US, held to an expiration date by a stamp inside his visa. So really, where might we be? He’d leave, and I’d still be here trying to support my mom and all the shit I stuffed in the baggage I carried. Why come out when I’d return to hunting pussy after he left me.
I hissed out as I stopped pacing and dumped the last of the days coffee, “How about you keep your pillow talking to where you want Logan’s dick and away from me and my business. I’ll handle what’s going on with Edward?”
He approached me with a hesitation in his step. “For the record, my lips are sealed when it comes to you. I’m not tryin’ to rile you up, but I worry about you too. You’re playing with fire and one you’ve never been burnt by before. I think you’re going to go up in epic flames. Can you handle that?”
I whipped my head in his direction, “I can take more than you realize.”
“Whatever you think, mighty Milo, but when you’re running in my direction with third-degree burns, ripping your heart apart, I’m going to tell you I told you so.”
“Fine. Let it go. I’ll handle my mom and Edward in my way.”
“Alright, boss. Thanksgiving should be interesting.”
“It will be business as usual.” I grabbed my car keys, threw the cleaning towels in the bucket, and left Seth without saying goodbye.
Sadey started with a roar as I burned rubber out of the parking lot. Seth’s words seared a hole in my chest the entire drive. I pulled up to the stoplight about three miles from Nick’s. A low budget motel on the right of me caught my eye. It had been in town all my life but changed owners about every two years, or so it seemed. Walking out of one of the rooms was Deborah. A very pregnant Deborah.
I blinked hard a few times when behind her stood my father. His hand placed intimately on her lower back as he turned her and planted a wet passionate kiss on her lips. My stomach rolled over, and I opened the door and threw up on the asphalt to the side of Sadey. Disgust blanketed me as the scene continued to play out before me.
My eyes darted back to them as the great Clayton Wilcox—the man who came up through the Friday Night Lights program and continued to train future athletic stars like they were a dime a dozen; in our town, they were all attributed successes because of him. He opened his car door for her. His hand slid up and underneath her skirt as she climbed into his truck. When he first whispered in my ear about Deborah leaving me for him, I thought he said it to ruffle my feathers in the heat of the moment. I never dreamed he’d knocked her up.
The restlessness continued in my gut. My eyes returned to the road ahead of me in disgust of what they witnessed. As the light turned green, I sped my way to Edward’s, slowing to press the remote for the large iron gates to swing open. He’d given me the clicker to the front entrance a few weeks ago.
As I drove into Kissing Hills, I never felt more out of place. Seth’s talk with Logan about my intentions with Edward, seeing my smarmy father with Deborah, knowing I continued to lie to my mother, it all hit me like a wrecking ball into a dilapidated building coming down to start anew.
I laid out my plans, writing them out in a clear path years ago, but meeting someone who believed in me never factored into my plan to escape this hell hole. I checked every box and understood all the angles down to the degree I planned on earning in a few months, and the type of jobs I’d apply for to put this plan into action. Edward showed up in my hand; the wild card, and this little hiccup now divided me and became the crux of my problem.
He gave me freedom beyond my obvious imperfections. He allowed me to air my opinions and not once judged them or told me what I thought invalidated me in any way. Seth was right: what was I doing with Edward? Why did Edward want any part of me? The underlying question at hand.
I parked Sadey in the driveway and cut her motor. I sat in the quiet of the early evening, contemplating if I should cut my losses with Edward now or continue down this reckless path while he stayed in the US. Who would be the wiser if we played house a few more months? My phone vibrated on the passenger seat.
Edward: Are you coming in? I heard you pull up. I’m in the bath.
Milo: Are you sick?
Edward: No. Why?
Milo: Only sick people and women take baths.
I hit send before rereading what I wrote. I waited for him to berate me for the sexist comment. The three dots appeared and disappeared several times. A heavy weight pressed on my chest with each minute passing and no response. His strange neighbor poked her head out of the curtains of the front window and glared at me. She reminded me of the nosey neighbor, Mrs. Kravitz, from the old TV show Bewitched. Some people couldn’t help themselves but to be up in everyone’s ass. I waved at her, and she scowled and pulled her curtains tight. The dots reappeared.
Edward: Stop bothering the neighbours and get in here.
Milo: I didn’t do anything.
Edward: You’ve already annoyed me. But I don’t want to text. Come in.
Milo: On my way.
His eye roll could be felt outside the house and in my car, which had me chuckling, as I grabbed my bag and locked Sadey’s doors. My mother didn’t expect me home tonight, and she had a few girlfriends coming over, so I wanted out of the house anyway. I also knew I needed tonight to figure out how Thanksgiving would pan out. I had a big decision to make about telling my mom or keeping Edward in the friend zone. Tonight, we needed to talk and keep our hands to ourselves while I figured out all the shit happening in my life, including what I’d witnessed on the way over.
I sat on the couch and left Edward to his bath. With a water bottle in my hand, I slunk down on the sofa and leaned my head back. My eyes closed, and the thump thump of my heartbeat thrummed through my ears. Being Milo Garcia turned me into an exhausted, confused, and angry asshole. Everyone says that college and your twenties are the time of your life. I call bullshit on the idea. The rhythm slowed, and before I could stop myself, I slipped into my dreams.
“Are you okay?” Edward asked as he approached in a bathing suit, and the waves of the ocean crashed along the shore. Odd, I’d never been to the ocean.
“I’m great.” I glanced around, and nobody on the beach seemed out of place—families with children, teenagers, and couples all placed in random clusters along the white sandy beach.
“Your mum was getting burned, so she took shelter under the grass hut over there.” Edward pointed behind us.
I slid my legs off the lounge chair and stood to look for her. Beyond the lifeguard stand, a little outdoor bar sat closer to what I assumed a hotel. My mom sat with her feet on a well-built, handsome man’s lap. He massaged her feet, and then they leaned in, shortening the gap between them. My mother stopped moving forward as she stalled on something preventing her from bending further.
I rubbed my eyes. Her belly sat round, and she laughed as they both patted her beach ball hidden under her suit. Holy fuck, she was pregnant; the man sitting across from her was not my father. Almost odd to see her smile and enjoy someone else’s company. Not like I ever experienced a memory where she truly loved the time she spent with my father. Who could blame her?
“Who is that with my mother?”
“Don’t be daft. It’s her husband.”
“What?”
“Milo. Milo?”
I shook my head, clearing the mild fog of the dream.
Edward stood, looking down at me from the backside of the couch.
A grin spread across my face as my vision cleared, and his bare chest curved over me. Deft fingers pushed through my hair, and my neck sunk deeper into the couch cushion. His junk sat close to the top of my head behind the towel slung low on his waist. If any other man placed his dick close to my head, I’d be upset, but somehow this situation felt more normal than anything in my past.
“What were you dreaming about? You were restless. Bad da
y?”
Edward asked too many questions at once. “I wasn’t dreaming. I rested my eyes for a minute.”
“No good snapping at me, moody arse. Long day?”
I huffed out, “Long life.”
“Why don’t you take a shower, and I’ll get dressed. Maybe we could go out to dinner?”
“I’m good.”
“You smell of stale coffee grounds and bacon grease. Go freshen up. I’ll figure something out.”
The smell of Nick’s, coupled with sweating my ass off all day, did have a certain aroma not nearly as pleasing as whatever Edward stocked his shower with. Lord knows where all his money came from, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t buy our toiletries from the same stores.
“You’re right. I smell like a horse’s ass, and a shower might do me some good.”
“Great. Off you go.” He shooed me off the couch.
As I lumbered up the stairs, I called over my shoulder, “Let’s stay in. I think we need to talk.”
Ascending the staircase and taking a left to his room, the dream came back to me. Deborah was pregnant, not my mother, and that was no beach in the United States with all that glorious white sand and miles of aqua water. I’d seen beaches of the US, and nothing looked familiar along that mesmerizing shoreline. Greece, maybe? Dreams always made me wonder how the human mind worked, but right now, I needed a soothing shower to clear my head and figure out how to get my life back on track.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Edward
“What is it?” My suspicions about Milo’s off kilter mood were about to be confirmed.
Shattered Beliefs Page 19