I opened my eyes to see Gibson running toward me; her long blond pigtails bounced around her shoulders as she bobbed along. Anna had long ago taken a seat in the crowd with Onnika, but Gibson had refused to leave my side. She’d been running around backstage, charming everyone she came in contact with. She was a lot like her mom that way. Sinking to my knees, I scooped her into a gigantic hug.
“There you are. Where’d you run off to? I thought I’d lost my best girl.” Behind her was Sam and one of the camera guys. Gibson had kind of become a backstage correspondent, chitchatting with all the contestants in her own special I’m almost four and I know everything about life kind of way.
“I helped Uncle Kellan.” She turned to give the camera a cheesy grin. “He loves me bestest. He said I’m gonna win.”
With a laugh, I kissed her hair. “I think he’s right.”
Gibson’s adorable face turned to a frown as she turned her attention back to me. “But I want you to win.” She stared at me like she was giving me superpowers, then she smiled. “There. I gave my win to you.”
She was so sweet, I had to swallow the lump in my throat. The theme music started playing, and knowing I needed to leave soon, I gave her another hug. She didn’t want to let go from this one. “Gibby, I need to go, honey. You stay with Sam, okay?”
She was frowning again when I pulled her off me. “When will you come home?” she asked me.
I felt like she’d just impaled me with a foot-long icicle. “Oh…sweetheart…soon, okay? I promise.”
She nodded, then, as only a child could, her mood flipped around and she gave me a gargantuan grin. “For my birthday?”
With a laugh, I nodded. “Yes, definitely for your birthday.”
She clapped, then squeezed me in a hug. When she pulled away, she pointed at me with such a serious expression, it was hard not to laugh. “Mine though…not Onnika’s.” Onnika was turning two in a few weeks, while Gibson’s fourth was a couple months away. “Just mine,” Gibson reiterated, her face firm.
With a sigh, I grabbed my daughter’s shoulders and made her look at me. “Honey, you need to stop being jealous of your sister. Just because I love her doesn’t mean I love you any less. I love the both of you…so much. You’re both wonderful, beautiful, talented, special little people…” My voice trailed off as I considered my own reoccurring jealousies. Had Gibson picked up on my attitude and felt inadequate next to Onnika because she watched me struggling to let things go? God, I hoped not. I didn’t want her to live that way. I cupped her cheeks. “You are the most amazing you I know, and you don’t need to compare yourself to anybody. There will never be another little girl like you. Ever.”
She stared at me a second, then grinned. “Okay.”
I kissed her nose, then stood up. It was time for me to be the most amazing me I could be. I gave Gibson to Sam, thanked him for keeping an eye on her, then headed toward the stage to take charge of my fate. Time to own this shit.
And I did. When my name was called for introductions, I stepped out onto the stage like I was receiving thunderous, earsplitting applause, and in my mind, I was. As I stepped right up to the spot where I’d made love to my wife, the thrilling image of driving into her filled me. I would visualize that moment every time I came out here. It would help me get through this.
With a knowing smile on my lips, I kissed my fingers, then found my wife in the crowd and held them out to her. You’re my everything. Anna was screaming for me as she held Onnika in her arms. Onnika was clapping, and even though I couldn’t hear her over the cheering, I could tell she was saying, Daddy! Damn. I had the best family ever. How did I almost give them up? Matt was right. I was a fucking idiot.
Liam was announced after me, and I tackled him in a friendly hug around the neck when his moment in the spotlight was over with. He was all smiles as he wrapped his arm around me. It sort of blew me away how close I felt to my family now. I’d always had a bond with them, but now, after everything I’d gone through recently, it was more than that. I’d fight tooth and nail for any one of them.
Spotting my family in the crowd, I waved at them while the rest of the contestants were announced. Mom was hollering for her two sons, Dad was grinning ear to ear, and Chelsey had tears in her eyes. It moved me, made me want to win this for them so they’d be proud of me, although I was pretty sure they already were. Mom had said as much when she’d called me this morning.
After introductions, we were separated into groups to perform as “bands.” I was picked to be the lead singer of my group, which made me a bit uneasy, considering the bad reviews from my lackluster attempt at an album. I put the doubt aside though, and redid a D-Bags song with my own personal flair. Instead of just singing the lyrics, I rapped a part of them. It was a slow, steady rhythm that perfectly matched the classic song we were doing. The crowd went nuts after we were done and, shocking the hell out of me, our group got a standing ovation from the audience…including the judges. Even Matt was beaming as he applauded us.
By the end of the show, I felt exhilarated and energized, and I felt great about my chances of surviving this.
The results show was the next night. My stomach was twisted into knots as I waited to hear if I’d be moving on or not, but I’d kicked ass last night, and I held on to that fact as tightly as I could. They’d liked me. A guest performer was brought in to entertain the crowd, and I was both surprised and not surprised to see who it was…Avoiding Redemption. Justin’s band.
I looked around for him backstage, but it was Gibson who found him. “Daddy! Uncle Justin’s here!”
Remembering my last words to him, I felt a little stupid when I was face to face with him. “Oh…hey…good to see you, man. How’s it been?”
Justin crooked me a smile as he looked me over. Gibson was holding on to his hand so tight, her little knuckles were white; she already had a thing for rock stars. I was not going to make it through her teen years.
“Things are good,” Justin answered me.
Running a hand through my hair, which was finally down to my eyes again, I let out a sigh. “Hey, I’m sorry about the stuff I said, about the album. I was being a dick. It wasn’t your fault your label didn’t want it. And honestly, it was crap.”
Justin’s eyebrows shot right up his forehead. “Wow. I totally thought you’d just gloss over that incident, pretend it didn’t happen.”
As I heard the theme music begin to play, I smiled. “The old me would have. But, you know, I’m trying to be more mature and shit.”
Gibson nodded. “And shit.”
Justin laughed as he looked down at her. “I can tell.” When he returned his eyes to me, he extended his hand. “Good luck tonight.” As I took it, he admitted, “I voted for you, by the way.”
I was surprisingly touched by his admission. “You did? Thanks, man. That means a lot.” After we separated, Justin bent down to kiss Gibson’s hand, then he handed her to me. For once, she didn’t want me. As I struggled to hold her away from him, I asked, “Hey, how’s Kate?”
Justin flashed me a grin that made Gibson sigh. I frowned at her while Justin said, “We’re great. I asked her to move in with me and she said yes. She’s moving to L.A. by the end of the month.” He seemed really pleased that I’d asked about Kate for once, and not Brooklyn. I probably should have been more encouraging about his and Kate’s relationship.
Clapping him on the shoulder, I tried to make up for all of my inappropriate comments. “That’s great. I’m glad you guys have decided to shack up. It’s about time.”
Justin frowned, then laughed and shook his head. “It’s good to see that you’re not entirely mature yet. I don’t know what I would do if you completely grew up.”
I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by that, but with a smirk and a shrug, I let it go.
After introductions and music from Justin’s band, it was time to begin hearing the results of last night’s voting. I was a wreck while I stood onstage waiting out my fate. They were makin
g the announcements in groups of three. Liam had been in the group right before me, and he’d heard the golden words I was hoping to hear—You’re safe. I was the last one in my group of three. Both guys before me had been saved. I was happy for them, but at the same time, I knew that their success minutely made my odds worse.
With a straight face, I stared over at Matt, Evan, and Kellan. The three guys looked nervous as the host stepped up to me. I knew they didn’t have a say in my staying or going, but I hoped they were hoping I was continuing on. Breaking eye contact with them, I turned to the host when he said my name.
“Griffin Hancock…you had quite a night last night, but…was it enough?” He gave me a long, hard look before slowly opening the envelope in his hands. He took forever fumbling with the paper. I wanted to grab the damn thing out of his hands and see for myself if I was moving on or not, but instead, I made myself calmly stand there. It was the longest fucking ten seconds in my life, but finally, the dude gave me an Oscar-worthy grin. “It was. Congratulations, you’re safe.”
The crowd erupted into shrieks and my knees partially gave way. Thank God…for now, I was safe.
Chapter 27
Reconnecting
To give the potential bandmates a feel for what going on the road was like, all the contestants were being sequestered in the hotel…no visitors allowed. It made me miss Anna and the girls like crazy, but it gave Anna and me even more time to reconnect over the phone, which was surprisingly wonderful. And it usually wasn’t sexual either, which was sort of weird for us.
“What did you do after that?” I asked her. “Kick her ass? ’Cause that’s what I would do, if I heard some chick talking shit about you.”
“Well,” she hesitated, “I’m technically her boss, so I can’t really get physical with her…but I did make her wear a giant drumstick and walk up and down the block all afternoon. It was awesome.”
I laughed at her story as I lay back on the bed. I could totally picture Anna getting revenge on a lippy employee that way. Nobody messed with Anna and got away with it. “I also wrote her up and threatened to fire her if she ever called me a silicone-enhanced slut again.” She scoffed. “As if I’ve had implants. These puppies are real.”
I groaned as her breasts flashed in my brain. “Yes. Yes, they are. They’re perfect…just like you.”
She let out a happy sigh. “I’m nowhere near perfect, Griffin.”
“You’re my kind of perfect, and really, mine is the only opinion that matters.” I laughed, then sighed. “Well, mine and the entire nation’s…”
Understanding my reference, Anna murmured, “Are you nervous about tomorrow? Picking the final four…that’s a big one.”
Just her words gave me anxiety. “They’re all big ones…and yeah, I’m a little stressed.”
“Well, you were amazing tonight,” Anna said in encouragement. “I’m certain you’ll make it through.”
I wasn’t so sure. Everyone who was left was good. Really good. Over the past several weeks, the original twenty contestants had been tested, tried, and then, almost cruelly, weeded down. Since there were so few weeks in the contest, the cuts had been drastic. I’d been close to the chopping block a time or two, and positive that I was finished more than once. But somehow, I was still here. There were eight of us left, but after tomorrow…only four. Then next week, only two. Then the week after that was the finale, and only one person would be left standing. God, I hoped it was me.
Changing my focus, I told her, “Thank you for going on this crazy journey with me. I love you with every part of me. You’re my best friend, my soul mate, and I’m one lucky fuck for having you in my life.” I said something similar to this every time we talked, and the words flowed from me now. It was almost ridiculous that they’d ever been hard to say.
Anna was silent a second, then she said, “You don’t have to tell me that all the time, you know? I know you love me, Griff.”
“No, I do have to say it. I don’t want to be the douche who doesn’t let people in. I want those I care about to know I care about ’em. And you and the girls…well, nothing is more important to me than you three.”
A throaty laugh escaped her. “I like this new sensitive side to you, babe. It’s incredibly hot.”
I smiled in the darkness. “If you think that’s hot, just wait until this is over with. I’ll be so sensitive, you won’t know what to do with me.”
“I’m sure I’ll think of something…Good night, babe. Good luck tomorrow.”
“Thanks. Night.”
We hung up and I stared at my ceiling for thirty minutes before I finally passed out.
The next morning, I woke up with a very familiar pain in my stomach. It sort of felt like I’d eaten a pile of rocks last night, and they had all merged together into a super-rock that my body was never going to be able to pass without fatally injuring me. I knew the sensation would go away as soon as the results were read though. I was either moving on or not. Simple as that.
As I walked around backstage with Gibson on my shoulders—because even a rule about sequestering couldn’t keep my daughter from the stage—I muttered complaints about how the producers should give the contestants a heads-up on the results. “I mean, the polls closed at midnight, so they’ve known the results for hours. How hard is it to slip notes under our doors, letting us know if we should pack or not?”
“Well, I think it’s supposed to be a surprise…otherwise the people who didn’t pass would just leave. Kind of anticlimactic for filming.”
I looked over at Liam with knitted brows. “I know I asked a question, but I didn’t really want an answer. Especially a logical one.”
He looked at me blankly for a minute, then nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. We’re all in the same hotel. It would take them five seconds.”
A huge grin erupted on my face. “Exactly!”
I heard the kitschy theme music beginning, and saw Sam coming around the corner to collect my daughter. He always watched over her for me when it was my turn to perform. “Time’s up, baby girl,” I told her.
She whined as I removed her from my shoulders. “I want to go with you!”
I’d heard this before, but the producers had made it quite clear that she couldn’t go onstage with me, not even for introductions. They said it would give me an unfair advantage. I had to agree with their assessment. Anyone who laid eyes on my angel’s blond curls and sky-blue eyes would vote for me in a heartbeat. The backstage footage of the two of us together was probably the real reason why I’d even made it this far. God, I hoped I passed.
Liam squatted to her level when she began to pout. “Gibby, you’ve got to stay here and look after Crock for me, remember?” He handed her the stuffed crocodile he’d bought early on as a bribe. Gibson snatched it away from him and hugged it tight. Liam held his arms open. “I need my good luck squeeze.” She obliged him, and he laughed as he held her.
Seeing how close they were made me smile, but it faded the minute I heard our cue. “Time to go, bro.”
Liam’s grin faded as he looked up at me. “Right…”
When it was time for the results to be read, Liam and I were in the same group. I hated it when that happened. It made it even more nerve-wracking. The host doubled up the anxiety by reading our names together. I squeezed Liam’s hand as I scanned the crowd for Anna. I found her and Onnika right as the host delivered our fates. “You will both be moving on! Congratulations!”
It took me a minute to register what he’d said. Anna understood first. She started jumping and hollering for me. She was so loud, she startled Onnika, who started to cry. That’s when it sunk in for me…final four. I’d done it. I was moving on.
The next week’s results were just as gut-churning. I swear, by the end of this, I was going to have an ulcer. They had the final four stand onstage together as they announced the final two. I hated that we were all together for this—it meant I had to see the losers’ reactions, and if I lost, I’d have the winners consolin
g me while they were bouncing up and down with excitement. I’d rather be told the news separately so I could take a minute before facing the world. All my dreams were on the line here.
The four of us clenched our hands together as the host walked down the line, saying our names and giving us each meaningful glances. My heart started pounding in my chest. Just read the fucking card already.
“Are you guys ready to learn who the final two contestants will be?” The four of us looked at each other, nodded, and squeezed hands tighter. This was going to suck.
“All right,” the host said. Our pairing for the final show is…” I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst. “Liam and Griffin!”
My eyes shot open as surprise flooded my body. No fucking way! Liam and I were going to the finale? I’d hoped that would happen, but there were times when my doubt had been so strong that hope had seemed a million miles away.
For the final voting show, we got to play with the D-Bags. Liam went first, while I watched from backstage. The first thing that struck me while I watched him was how natural Liam looked up there with the guys. Matt and Liam joked around while they got ready, Evan gave him a friendly pat on the back, and Kellan helped him breathe. They all looked like they’d been performing together for years. And then, when the camera turned on and they started playing, the sound struck me. They were good together. Seamless. Flawless. The song they’d chosen had a pretty complicated bass line, but Liam was killing it. He sang all his backup vocals on time, and from what I could hear, on pitch. It was a little painful to see how perfectly somebody else could fit in with the D-Bags, and it reminded me of something I should have remembered when I’d ditched them—I needed them more than they needed me. I’d been given a gift when I’d been invited along, and I hadn’t appreciated it. I did now.
After Liam’s turn, it was mine. I bumped fists with him when he exited the stage, then I gave him a hug and told him what a great job he’d done. He was damn near glowing from his performance high.
Kellan was the first one who approached me when I climbed onstage. He gave me a hug, then said in my ear, “Ready to kill it?” I nodded and he smacked my shoulder. “Just like old times, huh?”
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