by Adele Hart
“Yeah. I twisted my leg in a way it wasn’t meant to be twisted.”
“Okay, well, have a seat on the table so I can get to work on it.” She puts the file down, then picks up a bottle of massage oil and squirts some into her palms.
“So that’s how you want to play it?” I fold my arms across my bare chest. “You want to pretend you don’t know me.”
“I don’t think I do know you. The Ethan I thought I knew didn’t exist.”
“How can you—”
“Don’t you dare pretend that you're the one who got hurt," she says, pointing one finger at me. Shaking her head, she says, "You know what? Forget it. None of that matters. I need this job, and you need a massage, so let's both just act like professionals and get this over with."
“Fine,” I say, hopping up on the table even though I’m totally pissed right now. My ego won’t let me walk out. I need to prove to her I can handle this.
She pauses for a moment, looking a little uncomfortable, then steps forward and puts her hands on my thigh. My cock twitches and I have to dig my nails into my palms to fight the hard-on that’s building. I cannot get hard right now. No matter how fucking good she smells. No matter how she looks.
I stare straight ahead which makes me eye-level with her. She keeps her gaze on my leg as she rubs her way up the center of my thigh. “Hurts there, right?”
“Nope.”
Leveling me with a dirty look, Jess says, “This works much better if the patient isn’t trying to be a tough guy.”
“I’m not,” I say, locking eyes with her.
"Well, according to your chart, this is where you're injured so you should feel something. If you're all healed up, there's no need for me, is there?"
“Wrong leg.”
“Shit,” she mutters, yanking her hands back. She takes a deep breath, then moves over to my right leg.
When she hits the right spot, I wince the slightest bit.
“Right there?”
"Yep." Christ, she smells good, even if she is a heartless bitch. My hands itch to reach out and touch her, but instead, I just sit and stare at her, taking in as much as I can while she works. Finally, when I can't take it anymore, I turn my head and look down at the floor, trying to pretend it's not her touching me—I tell myself it's some old guy. I tell myself it means nothing, which is true, I guess.
She moves a little closer now so she can work on my upper thigh. I hold my breath, trying not to notice that her face is so close to mine now that I would barely have to move to kiss her. No, dammit, don’t think about that.
I glance at her hands. No ring. But I guess that doesn’t mean much since she probably would take it off when she goes to work. She presses her thumbs into my muscle and runs them the length of my quad, working the oil into my skin. The warmth of her touch is so familiar, so perfect, that I find the last two years erasing from my mind. All the pain, all the questions seem pointless now that she’s right here again.
Before I can stop myself, I say, “Why’d you move to Florida? For some guy.”
"Something like that." Her voice is quiet, and I can't read the expression on her face. She doesn't seem to want to fight. She doesn't want to talk. I watch as she lifts her hands from my leg and walks to the counter to get more oil.
God, she has the best curves I’ve seen. It’s all I can do to stay on the table instead of getting up and walking up behind her and pressing myself against her back.
“I need you to lay down so I can work the entire quad.”
“Sure thing, Jess. Whatever you need.”
Thirteen
Jess
Whatever I need? How about some money so I can move out of my aunt’s house and afford to buy your son a new car seat? How about an explanation as to why you pretended you loved me after you left town? Or why you never called me back?
Angry thoughts swirl through my head as I work on his leg. I’m not just furious at him but at myself, too. I promised myself that if I saw him again, I’d slap him in the face and walk away. I promised I’d never let myself want him again. I promised I’d move on and find someone better, someone who would really love me, but I haven’t. I haven’t kept even one of my promises when it comes to Ethan.
Instead, I’m alive with lust and an angry passion at seeing him in only a towel. Touching him is like torture for me. My body is betraying my heart by wanting him to kiss me and rip off my clothes and lay me down on the table so he can fill me full of that big hard cock of his.
Part of me wants to just blurt it out—to tell him he has a son who looks just like him and can already run as fast as a three-year-old even though he's not much past one. I don't know if I should feel guilty for keeping Will a secret or if I've been doing Ethan a favor by letting him off the hook. I've thought about telling him so many times in the past two years. Different scenarios where I call the team's head office and demand that they pass a message on, or I post about our love child on social media and cause a big scandal.
In my weaker moments, I've fantasized that he would come looking for me and would wrap me in his big, muscly arms and tell me that he'd never let me go. Then, I'd tell him about our child, and he'd be so happy, his eyes would fill with tears, and we'd go straight down to the courthouse to get married.
But instead, I've done nothing but sit back and be too scared to do anything. And now, I'm too scared to lose my job to stand up to him or tell him the truth. So, I do my best to concentrate on what my hands are doing, and I take my time, hoping he'll say something that will help me understand why he ditched me.
I press extra hard with my thumbs and Ethan winces.
“Sorry,” I say, my cheeks flaming with embarrassment. “Just let me know if anything I’m doing hurts.”
“You mean like disappearing from my life without an explanation?” he asks, his tone full of venom.
I pull my hands away. “What are you talking about? I disappeared? I left messages on your cell phone. You never called me back.”
“What?” He sits up, his eyebrows narrowing as he stares at me.
"I left you several messages. You never called back." My voice comes out weak and breathless, and I hate myself for it.
“When?”
“Two months after you and I…” I can’t bring myself to say it. Suddenly, it’s all too much. I have to get out of here before I break down. “It doesn’t matter. We can’t go back.”
Ethan opens his mouth to speak, and I can tell by the look on his face, he's mad as hell. There's a knock at the door before he can say anything and it swings open, revealing one of the team's trainers. He pokes his head in and says, "Almost done? We need you on the field."
"We're all done here," I say, walking to the counter to pick up a hand towel.
“Good. Thanks, ummm…”
“Jess.”
“Right. Thanks, Jess. Send the bill to our head office, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Ethan, let’s go. We don’t have a lot of time.” The man says.
Ethan gets up from the table and gives me one last look before he leaves. As soon as the door shuts behind him, I walk into the bathroom, lock the door, and let the tears flow.
“Hi, baby!” I say as Will comes running to greet me at the front door. I crouch down and scoop him up, hugging him tight to me as he puts his chubby little hands on my face and says, “Mom, mom, mom.”
At fifteen months, he doesn't have a lot of words in his vocabulary but hearing him call me mom is my favorite one.
“Did you have fun with Auntie today?”
He nods his huge, enthusiastic nod and then gives me a sloppy toddler kiss on the cheek.
"Oh, I missed you, little man," I whisper, tucking his head on my shoulder and rocking side to side. Tears fill my eyes, and I think about the father I'm depriving him of, but then I remind myself of how his father is dating a pop singer and probably wouldn't want anything to do with him.
Aunt Karen pokes her head around the corner from the kit
chen. “There you…” Her voice trails off as she takes in the sight of my face. “What happened to you, sweetie?”
“I can’t talk about it just yet.”
“Okay. Supper’s ready. We’ll talk after we get this little monkey to bed.”
"So, you didn't tell him?" Karen tops up my glass of wine. We're sitting at the kitchen table. It's late in the evening, and Will is finally asleep in his crib so we can talk without interruption.
“No, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It was just such a shock to see him again. I kept thinking I needed to do my job and get out of there as fast as I could.”
“But, Jess. He’s a multi-millionaire now. He should have to live up to his responsibilities.”
I trace the lip of my glass with one finger. “I know, but what if…” I stop myself before I can say something stupid.
Karen stares at me, waiting for me to go on.
“Nothing. What if nothing. I should get some sleep. I have an early client tomorrow.”
A knock at the front door startles me. Karen and I look at each other, then she says, “I’ll let you get that. I’m going to bed myself.”
I get up, and before I answer it, I already know instinctively that it's him. I walk through the living room, stepping over scattered toys while I smooth my hair down. I open the door a crack and there he is, standing with his back to the door, running a hand through his hair like he's stressed.
I slip out onto the front porch and close the door behind me before he can see into the house. “Ethan, how did you find me?”
When he turns, his face is intense with emotion. "I called our head office and begged the girl at the front desk until she agreed to give me your address. I couldn't just leave town without seeing you again. Can I come in?"
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
His face falls. “Are you with someone, Jess?”
"No, I'm not. I just don't want to wake my aunt. She's a really light sleeper." I gesture to the wicker loveseat, and we both sit down.
He's so close to me that our arms are touching. My breath catches, and I have to force myself to stay calm.
“Jess, all this time, I’ve never stopped thinking about you. Not for a day, no matter how hard I tried to get you out of my mind and to move on.”
I snort, skeptical of his words. “What about you and Lacey Riveria?”
He shakes his head and turns his body to face mine. “Just rumors. We met once for about two minutes. She’s not my type.”
“But you must have found someone to warm your bed by now.”
"Nope. There's been no one since you. I've tried dating, but no other girl has a chance." He glances down at my lips, and my body begs me to close the distance and kiss him, but I'm too scared.
Ethan reaches up one hand and touches my cheek with his fingertips. "Jess, if there's a chance you could want me…"
I close my eyes, and my words come out a mere whisper. "I want you so much it hurts."
And with that, his mouth is on mine, claiming me with the most passionate, perfect kiss I could ever imagine. My entire body turns to jelly at his touch, and I moan with desire.
Ethan pulls me onto his lap and wraps his big arms around me, and we kiss like it's the last time and the first time all at once. We kiss like we'll never see each other again. I take his face in my palms while his hands find their way to my ass. I can feel his huge erection under my bottom, and I rub against him until he groans with lust.
He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine, and we both pant for a moment, trying to regain control of ourselves. “We can’t do this on your front porch. Someone will see us.”
“I know, but you can’t come in.”
“You’re a grown woman, Jess. Will your aunt really be mad?”
“It’s just that my life is…complicated, and once you find out what it’s like, you may not want to be part of it.”
"I don't care how complicated it is, now that I found you again, I'm never letting you go." He kisses me again, letting me know he means every word. I want so badly to believe him, but I'm filled with fear.
What if he’s angry when he finds out about our son? What if he hates me?
He breaks the kiss then stares at me, his eyes searching my face for a reason that we can’t be together. “Tell me, Jessica. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
My heart pounds in my chest and I turn my face away from him. “I’m so scared that you’re going to hate me after I tell you.”
“I could never hate you. Hell, I’ve been trying to hate you for two years, but I can’t.”
“This is different.” I try to get up off his lap, but he holds me tighter. Closing my eyes, I manage to get the words out. “I…have a son.”
“A son,” he says, his head snapping back in surprise. “Whoa. But you said you’re not with anyone.”
“I’m not.”
“What? Is the father some deadbeat who abandoned you the moment he found out?”
"No. I never told him," I say, managing to slide off his lap. I turn and take a couple of steps until I'm standing against the railing, facing the street. I have to do it. I take a deep breath and turn to Ethan. "I haven't been with anyone since you."
I look into his eyes and see the exact moment when he figures it out.
“Oh, Jesus. Are you saying…?”
I nod and cover my face with my hands.
“So, I’m a…?” He lets out a long exhale. “Holy shit. This is a lot to take in.”
"I know. I'm so sorry." Tears fill my eyes, and I'm filled with a desperation like I've never known. "If I could go back in time, I would try harder to reach you. I left messages on your phone, but you never called me back so I just thought that you didn't want me and that you wouldn't want to be saddled with looking after a baby. Not when you were just getting started with the team."
He lifts my chin so I’m facing him. When I look at him, his eyes are filled with tears. “What’s his name?”
“Will.”
Ethan nods, his face filled with emotion. “That’s a good name. I would pick that name. Can I see him?”
I nod and walk to the door, opening it and leading him through the mess of toys and down the hall to Will's room. When I push open the door, the light from the nightlight glows, letting Ethan get a first glimpse of his son, his little face turned away toward the wall, showing off his mess of dark brown curls.
Ethan stands next to his crib and reaches his hand out and over his head. “He has your curls,” he says in a low tone.
“And your dark hair. He has your smile, too,” I whisper.
“Can I hold him?” He asks.
I nod, tears streaming down my face.
Ethan picks him up in his strong arms and places him on his shoulder, then kisses his head and inhales the scent of our little boy. His eyes are watery as he looks at me.
“I’m so sorry I let you miss this. I should have been brave enough to tell you the truth, even if you didn’t want me.”
Nodding, Ethan says, "Yeah, you should have. I hate that I've missed even a minute of my son's life, let alone a year of it."
Will stirs and lifts his head off Ethan’s shoulder, then stares directly into his eyes for a long moment, blinking slowly. Then, he lifts his chubby hands to Ethan’s cheeks and grins at him.
Ethan laughs a little, then shakes his head. “Hey, little man. I’m your dad.”
Will opens his mouth, showing off his four teeth, then says in a clear, loud toddler voice, “Cookie?”
I laugh and Will grins at me, then back at Ethan.
Ethan can't take his eyes off our son, but he says, "Now I wish I had brought some cookies."
I reach up and run my hand over the back of Will’s head. “Go back to sleep, sweetie. It’s nighttime.”
Ethan takes a few steps and sits down in the rocker, then runs his big hand up and down Will’s tiny back. Soon, his eyelids lower and he goes back to sleep, content in his fat
her’s arms for the first time.
I watch, my heart twisting with love and fear. What if he’s so angry, he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore? What if he wants to fight me for custody? I stand back and stare, fear gripping me even though everything in the room is so perfect.
After a long time, Ethan stands and puts Will back in his crib, then covers him with the blanket and places his hand tenderly on the baby’s head. When he looks at me, he looks shell-shocked.
We leave the room and go into the living room. I wait for Ethan to say something and it takes him a long time to find his voice. “This is all a shock, you know? I don’t know how to feel right now.”
“I know. I understand.”
“I’m going to go back to the hotel so I can think.” He rocks on his heels, then turns to the front door.
"Sure. That makes sense." I wipe the tears from my cheeks.
He reaches the door and twists the knob. My heart pounds in my chest. I want to do something to make this better. Anything, but I know there’s nothing that will give him back the time he’s lost with his baby.
Ethan stops and turns, a look of understanding on his face. “Brody.”
“What?”
“My old roommate when I first moved to Arizona. He took my cell phone one night, then he lost it.”
“Are you serious? So, you never got my messages?” My voice cracks and my heart goes with it.
"Not one. I called your house a bunch of times, and they said you moved but didn't know where."
“I came here to escape. I knew my aunt would help me.” I sniff and blink quickly, trying to stop myself from crying. “If I could give you back every minute you missed with Will, I would.”
“It’s okay,” he says, shaking his head. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is. If I had been stronger, if I could have trusted you…”
“You did the best you could given how you grew up.”
“I’m sorry.” I rush to him and place my hands on his hard chest. “I’m so sorry.”