by Dara Nelson
His eyes went wide. “Five times? In a row? But, how?” he whispered as he turned and sank onto the bed. “How am I supposed to do that five times, when each time I drain you I’ll be worried that I’ve taken too much, taken it all? And what if there’s a certain order for draining me? Maybe that’s key too. Maybe if we did it in the wrong order it wouldn’t work,” he dropped his head in his hands. “This is hopeless! I can’t do it, Sarah.”
“No, it’s not,” I said. “It’s not at all hopeless. I know you can do this, I know I can do this, and I know what the order is,” I smiled.
“You do?? But how?” he said.
I went to my bag and found the picture I was looking for “Look at the cups,” I said. “The cup at its neck is almost completely full, the one at its right arm is ¾ full then the right leg is half full, the left leg is ¼ full and the left arm cup is almost empty so it must be last. It goes in a circle.”
“But how can we do this?” he groaned.
I took his face in my hands. “Look,” I began, “I knowthat you can do this. The Voodoo priestess told me, well she didn’t actually tell me since she never actually spoke, but she sort of communicated to me that the formula she gave me increases my heart rate to keep the blood flowing much faster, and that it’s essential that I stay conscious. She said there will be great pain but I had to stay away from the black. And she told me that our scars help keep the virus alive. Doing it this way is still slower than the machine that the Elders have. That’s why you didn’t have a scar before, it’s not necessary when you do it their way. And the formula you drink slows down the speed that you drain me so you can stop in time. You can try to practice stopping when you’re drinking blood until you’re hopefully able to leave a little in each pint you drink,” I said and smiled, and he tried to smile too. “We can do this, YOU can do this, Matt. I knowyou can,” and I kissed him, urgently, passionately, pressing myself into him as my hands slid up his back under his shirt. Truthfully, I was scared shitless and still fighting doubts and fear, but I pushed that aside. He needed this right now. I could worry about me later. I felt some of the stress of the moment leave him as his body began to respond to me… and I happily spent the next few hours trying to convince him I was right.
We continued like this for the next two weeks, safely tucked away in Aaron’s vacation home on a deserted island near the Bahamas. Plenty of trees provided the shade we both needed (I’m not much of a sun person, never have been, which will come in handy later). We took long walks on the beach, hiked around the island. During these walks I would talk to him and ask questions to try to alleviate my fears. “The Elders haven’t been around forever, have they?” I said during an evening stroll on the beach.
“No. They’ve been around for about 800 years. But when they came into power, they destroyed or hid most of our written history,” he said.
“So there were methods for creating vampires a long time ago, right?” I said.
“There must have been, but there aren’t too many vampires around who are older than the Elders, at least very few who are willing to talk. Why, Sarah? You’re still having doubts, aren’t you?” he said.
I opened my mouth to say no, but stopped. This was a huge decision, not just because of the risk but also because of what I would become if it worked. I owed it to myself and him to be completely honest. I nodded. “Matt, if I wasn’t having doubts about changing who I am, then I wouldn’t be the person that you fell in love with, would I?” I said.
He stopped and wrapped his arms around me. “I really wish that I could tell you with absolute certainty that you would be exactly the same person you are now. But, if we’re being completely honest here, then you and I both know that I can’t,” he said.
“I know Matt. But you and Carlos are both great people. I adore both of you. And Bahiti and Omoruyi are so sweet. So maybe I won’t be different or bad. And the thing that seems to be foremost in my mind is the idea of not just spending the rest of my life with you, but of spending forever with you. That thought right there makes my fears go away,” I said.
“So, what are you saying, Sarah? Are you saying that you’ve decided?” he said as he looked into my eyes.
“It’s not really that I’m deciding to do it, but more that I’ve realized how can I not?” I said. “I love you so much, Sarah,” he said and the ocean breeze embraced us both as his mouth came down on mine.
Our nightly routine grew to include me warming up five pints of blood for him before I ate. He was getting better, first leaving a tiny drop or two in a bag, then some in more than one bag, then a little more in each bag.
Finally, it was our last night there. We had decided to leave for the safe house the next day. We were going to do this in a few days or not at all. The Enforcers were getting too close;they were last seen in Haiti. This was his last attempt to leave a small amount in each bag. I placed each of them in front of him. He looked into my eyes, took a deep breath, picked up the first bag, inhaled deeply… and then he was done. He exhaled and looked at me. He was afraid to look down. I took his hand and we looked together. First bag, about an inch left in the bottom, good. Second bag one and a half inches left, better, third about half an inch, not great but it would still do, fourth, an inch again. My heart was pounding in my chest as I looked at the fifth… and it was empty, gone, completely drained. His head dropped to the table with a thud. I moved around and wrapped my arms around him, comforting him. After a minute he suddenly shoved the chair back and stood up. “That’s it, I’m done, I’m taking you home,” he said as he began rapidly packing.
“Wh… wh… what?” I stammered.
“I can’t do this. I can’t risk your life anymore. I’m taking you home and then I’ll worry about the Elders.”
I sank down on the end of the bed and began running through everything in my head that we had gone through up till now. I was crushed. I thought about the danger, the intrigue, the excitement, the happiness, the passion, the love. I didn’t want to lose any of it. I wasn’t going to lose any of it, not if I could help it. I could feel the anger building in me. How dare he. What gave him the right to decide? This wasn’t his freaking decision. I was the one risking everything here. I was the one who might die, not him. I stood suddenly and bellowed “Matthew Michael Pearl. You stop what you’re doing right now and listen to me!”
That shocked him enough. He stopped and turned to face me, a look of surprise when he saw the anger in my eyes.
“You don’t get to make this decision,” I said. “This is about me, my life, and our life together. This is my life that I’m risking here, not yours. It’s my decision to choose whether to risk dying or to grow old in front of you, not yours. It’s my decision to risk being a different person in order to be with you. What I choose is an eternity with you and I’m willing to risk anything for that. I know you can do this.” He started to protest and I held up my hand. “No, don’t speak. Just listen. I know in my heart, my still-beating heart, without a doubt, that you can do this. I know because with me it will be different. I’m not just some blood in a bag here, I’m me. I’m the woman you love, and you’ll KNOW that when you’re draining me, you’ll know that and you’ll stop when you need to, I know you will. Damn it, this was a difficult decision for me. You don’t get to do this. I am not going home!” I was gasping now, clenching and unclenching my fists, hoping I had convinced him.
He stared at me for what seemed like forever then he softly shook his head, muttered something about no resistance again and started to grin as he walked over. He wiped the tears from my cheeks, wrapped me in his arms and kissed me… I knew then that I had said the right things. “Woman. You are insane, dangerous, irresistible… and I love every ounce of you,” he said as he pulled me into his arms.
We left that morning by seaplane and were at the safe house in Houston by late afternoon. Matt paced and worried for the next hour until Carlos arrived, in his usual way. He walked through the door without knocking and said, “Hey k
ids, what do you say we make us a vampire?”
I smiled and gave him a hug, whispering in his ear, “He’s really struggling Carlos, help me convince him, please?” He nodded, walked over to Matt and placed his hands on his shoulders. Matt stopped pacing and stared at him as Carlos gently guided him to sit on the bed. Matt’s frantic eyes went from Carlos, to me, back to Carlos, back to me. Finally he stopped when Carlos whispered something in his ear that I couldn’t hear. Matt nodded and dropped his head. I went and sat next to him on the bed, placing my hand on his arm. Carlos began sorting through the tubes and syringes.
He came around to me, said, “Sorry Sarah, this is gonna sting a bit,” I nodded and tilted my head to the right, giving him easy access to my jugular vein. I tried not to wince as the needle went in. He watched as the blood made its way to the end of the tube, then, with a twinkle and a wink, he leaned down and licked a drop off of the end. “Delicious,” he grinned. He taped it on and clamped the end of the tube. Matt looked up. Then, suddenly realizing what Carlos was doing, he jumped off the bed and began pacing again. “Wait,” he said, to no one in particular, “we can’t, not yet, we might have missed something. I can’t lose you Sarah. I just can’t.”
My eyes pleaded to Carlos, who nodded and went to Matt, guided him back to the bed (again) and tried to calm him down (again). But as soon as Carlos’ attention was elsewhere, Matt was up again pacing, “No, we can’t… it might not… what if it doesn’t…”
Over and over we went through this, until finally, as Carlos sat him down yet again with his back against the headboard, I moved to face him. I climbed onto his lap and wrapped my legs around him. I forced him to look at me,
“Honey,” I said, “It’s okay, I’m not afraid.” (Okay, honestly, I was terrified… but he didn’t need to know that). “I know you can do this,” then I kissed his cheek. When I pulled back, the panic was still in his eyes, but I could see resignation there too. I held Matt’s palm out to Carlos, who sprinkled the powder on it, then I held out mine and he did the same to it. My palm burned slightly, the powder smoked and sizzled, then stung as the scar opened up. He sprinkled more powder onto both of our scars, then handed me the vials. I opened one and held it to Matt’s lips. “I love you more than anything Sarah,” he said.
“I love you too.”
Matt turned to Carlos and pleaded, “Please don’t let me hurt her.”
Carlos nodded and said, “Not a chance, bro,” and then Matt opened his lips and allowed me to pour the liquid inside. I quickly drank mine and joined my scar with Matt’s. I squeezed my hand tight as I could, closed my eyes, and waited…
My eyes opened and I looked around, trying to remember where I was. The room was pitch black, but it slowly registered that I could see everything. I looked around and found him, sitting in a chair in the darkest corner of the room, watching me. I smiled at him and relief flooded into his face. He was instantly at my side. I stretched and yawned. “What happened? Where are we? I’m dying of thirst… and WHO is snoring so loud?” I said.
He smiled and kissed the back of my hand and said, “It worked. We’re still at the safe house. Of course you are. And that’s probably someone sleeping soundly miles away.” He stared at my face, waiting for what he had just said to register. Realization came to me in reverse.
“I’m hearing somebody snoring who’s miles away? What safe house?” and then the final one hit me. I gasped and my eyes flew open, “It worked?” I whispered. I let this sink in, concentrating on everything I was feeling. “But I can still feel my heart beating. It’s much slower and the beats feel larger and stronger somehow, but it definitely feels like it’s beating,” I said.
“It is,” he replied, “Our hearts still beat. Every muscle in our bodies remains, including our hearts, and they are stronger, much stronger.”
“But why couldn’t I feel or hear your heartbeat before?” I said.
“I’m not sure. Maybe the beats just can’t be heard by human ears. And our chests are so protected by thick, strong muscle, that you couldn’t feel it before,” he said.
I closed my eyes and concentrated on everything that seemed different. I was hearing sounds that obviously weren’t coming from this room, I wrinkled my nose at some of the things I was smelling, I’d just woken up and yet I had no sensation at all that I needed to pee (a usual morning occurrence for most) and I wasn’t hungry at all… I was thirsty, oh boy was I thirsty. Then I thought about what felt the same. I still felt the same overwhelming love for Matt. I still felt so happy to be here with him. And, most importantly, I still felt like me. Carlos burst into the room then (of course, no knock) and I was instantly aware of a horrible stench, it hurt my head and burned my eyes. I knew instinctively that the only way to eliminate it was to consume it. I hardly noticed that he had an arm full of warmed pints of blood, “Anybody thirsty?” he said. By the time he finished saying that, I was across the room and dropping the last empty bag to the floor. I looked at both of the smug, surprised looks on their faces and grinned sheepishly, “That was probably a little rude of me,” I whispered. “I probably should have asked if anyone else wanted some too.” Matthew laughed and held his arms open to me, where I happily went. He hugged me first and then reached behind me and grabbed both my hands. Our scars (yes, mine was still there) touched then, sending the strongest jolt between us that we had ever felt. “Oh my God,” I groaned. “What the… what is… oh my God.” This completely surprised and excited both of us. I moaned and leaned into him, kissing him hard. I definitely didn’t want gentle and tender this time. This was something I had to do, something I couldn’t stop. I still had so many questions about what had happened. I wanted the answers to those questions, soon, but this I needed. I was feeding a hunger, a yearning, unlike any I’d felt before. When he had touched me when I was human I thought nothing could ever feel so good, nothing could excite me so much, nothing could feel so perfect. But I knew instantly that those feelings were NOTHING compared to what I was feeling now, and what I was about to feel. Before it was like I was climbing to the top of Mt. Rainier, now I knew there wasn’t a mountain tall enough to compare. Everest wasn’t even close.
Thankfully Carlos took this as his cue to leave, quietly laughing and shaking his head as he backed out of the room and closed the door.
Lying in Matt’s arms much, much later, I was finally to the point where I could concentrate on something other than sex, I think, but I wasn’t sure. I knew I had questions about what happened that I needed answered. He must have sensed what I was thinking because he said, “Tell me what you remember.”
I hesitated, unsure of how honest to be. “I do remember the pain, a lot of pain,” I said quietly, “and I remember waking up in your arms in the tub once.” I turned to him. “Tell me what happened, tell me how was it for you, tell me everything, please. I really need to know.”
There was a look of utter pain on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. I grabbed his hand and whispered, “It was bad, wasn’t it?” He nodded. “The worst thing you’ve ever seen?” He nodded again, anguish breaking across his face. “Something you never, ever want to see again?”
“Yes,” he sobbed.
I hugged him, “Tell me then. Tell me everything, you need to get it out,” I said.
“Just making the decision to try was agonizing,” he said.
“I remember that part,” I said. “You must have changed your mind at least a dozen times.”
“At least. I was so terrified of losing you, Sarah,” he said, then continued, “The transference itself didn’t take too long, although cycling your blood through me the required five times was a little… difficult after a while. Carlos was amazingly fast, and encouraging. He knew I was so worried. He moved like lightning between us. And each time I drained you he kept saying, “It’s okay, you’re doing fine, Matt. Can’t you hear her heart? Listen. It’s still beating.”
I nodded at this, remembering feeling an amazing surge of energy, of a
drenaline, of my heart feeling like it was going to explode in my chest and then the pain. Oh my God, the pain. The pain that tried so desperately to claim me. I shook my head and decided to leave that one alone.
“And obviously the technique we used isn’t the same one the Elders use,” I said.
“That’s right, with them they use that machine that’s faster than any blood pumping machine that’s available in a hospital. The timing is critical. Whatever germ, bacteria or virus it is in us that changes you only survives outside of our bodies for seconds so the transference has to be done very fast. Musetta told you this before. And I remember waking up briefly when they were changing me and seeing the tube running from me up to this machine and down into the arm of the oldest, frailest looking creature I had ever seen. I immediately thought they were using my blood to save him, and then I passed out again. But back to you, back to us,” he said,“each time I drained you, I had to take the right amount. Too much and your heart would stop beating, leaving no way for the new blood to spread throughout your body, too little and it wouldn’t work, and the trauma of it would probably kill you but even if it didn’t there’s no way I would have the nerve to try again, Sarah. You and I both know that. But a few minutes after the fifth time your heart did stop beating. Nothing in our travels prepared me for that part. I freaked out. Carlos tried to tell me this was normal, but I know he didn’t know that for sure. I spent the next few minutes thinking you were dead. I thought that I had killed you, Sarah. They were by far the worst minutes of my life. My torment finally ended when I heard your heart sputter, then there was one strong beat, then silence again, then another stronger beat, then a slow, steady, incredibly strong rhythm. A little while later the sudden decomposition began. This I knew about, or had been told about anyways. I carried you in to the tub, to wash away everything that was being eliminated from your body.”