Drinking a lot that night when we came off stage, I was more relaxed than usual. As gigs go, this one left me on a high, and the company was great backstage afterwards. It had been a while since I’d drunk that much and I’d gone back to the bus feeling mellow.
Opening the bus door, Zoe climbed in, her bare legs showing in the little skater dress was wearing. Sitting on the couch opposite the one I was on, I could see her purple lace panties covering her crotch. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t deliberate, just how she was sitting. Talking all casual and the atmosphere was kinda cool.
Feeling horny, I smiled saying, “The guys keep telling me I should fuck you, Zoe.” As tanked up as I was, I knew that wasn’t the right thing to say and was about to apologize when Zoe spoke back. “So, do you usually do what you’re told?” Furrowing my brow I told her, “Not at all.” Zoe stood up and walked over to me, pushed me back against the back of the couch and straddled me. “Pity.”
As soon as the words were out, we were making out on the couch, and my hand was sliding up her thigh and down between her legs. Rolling her over, I shoved her dress up to her waist and ripped her scanty thong away from her, leaving her bare.
Zoe was smiling up at me, and I leaned in and kissed her again. I didn’t waste any time when I found her folds were moist and sunk my fingers into her pussy. Zoe groaned loudly, and my dick grew harder in my pants. Standing back upright, I stared down at her, laying there all dishevelled and turned on. Hesitating, my first thought was, what are you doing, Alfie? My second was condoms.
When I started to walk away Zoe began to get off of the couch. “Stay there, don’t move,” I ordered. Des’s stash of condoms were scattered all over the floor so, scrambling around, I collected three and walked back toward Zoe, unbuckling my belt.
No sooner had I reached her, and she had undone my fly and was stroking my dick in her hands. I popped the button on my jeans and she stopped and yanked them to my knees a second before sinking my dick deep in her mouth.
Zoe’s hands and mouth worked my dick so hard. I’d had plenty of blow jobs to compare her efforts to, and damn she was incredible. Sucking my balls one at a time, strumming her nails over my perineum, and fisting my dick in her hands, Zoe worked me like a pro, her hands and mouth were everywhere. She was a dirty girl as well, wanting it deep in her throat and playing with herself the whole time I was doing that.
Feeling her pussy, it was wet and hot, so I grabbed her legs at the knees and splayed her wide, my dick was aching to penetrate her, and with no foreplay for her whatsoever, I was working my hips like a piston. We didn’t talk at all and apart from the initial groans there were no sounds. Taking her hard, I fucked her fast, her eyes widening, and she had a salacious smile on her face.
Thirteen months and I had broken the bind that was left of me and Lily, all the holding back was over. Feeling kind of embarrassed, I came too quickly, since it had been so long that I’d had sex, and I was finished within a few minutes. Zoe had come twice so I didn’t feel so bad about that.
Mumbling an apology, I blamed it on the drink. Zoe wasn’t fooled and asked me who was on my mind. Swallowing hard and thinking that was not exactly the best time to share, I did anyway, pouring everything out. I told her in loose terms about Lily.
Careful not to name her, I’d already told the guys and Elle I didn’t want them comparing or talking about Lily with her. She was my business, and the world had enough of my life already.
Hearing what I had to say about Lily, Zoe was more than sympathetic, telling me she understood and that she was happy to keep things on a sex-only basis with me. Swallowing hard, I kind of thought there was no way I should get into that kind of situation again, looking at where it had got me the last time.
Before the others came home, Zoe had sucked my dick again, re-sheathed me, and rode me reverse cowgirl style. Showering with me, she took another round of fast and hard and put me to bed. Thoroughly sated, I slept alone, and I didn’t think about Lily again after our initial conversation.
Lily was there when I woke up… in my thoughts I mean. Thinking how I had let her down by being with Zoe, especially when I was drunk. Sitting up, I chided myself for being so stupid, because Lily probably had a whole other life to the one she’d had with me a year ago.
After that night Zoe and I kind of drifted into being together. We talked long and hard about my worries about keeping things casual. Zoe reassured me that she wouldn’t get involved emotionally. Lily and I had said the same, and that was a disaster.
Weeks turned to months and Zoe was good to her word. Always the same, she was compatible in the bedroom and a great friend outside of it. Never once, pressing me for anything other than the occasional push to go dancing.
Content to be in the background, but Zoe always stepped up when I needed her to. It wasn’t perfect, but the relationship between us was one I could deal with and actually, I was becoming emotionally attached to her in the sense that I missed her if she went out with Elle for the day.
Life started to feel good again, and I was making it. Feelings I had about Lily were still running deep and in my heart as I suspected they always would. Zoe knew that, I made no bones about it. Telling her that she could never have my heart because I’d already given it to my girl, whether she wanted it or not.
I wanted Zoe to be taken care of in all of this and told her at any time she was free to walk away. I’d told Lily that too, except in her case that wasn’t true.
Making sure everything possible was covered. We found a place for Zoe and I set her up with an allowance and a tidy sum of money for the time when our arrangement no longer suited one of us.
Zoe was all in, quite happy to be involved in that, which gave me confidence that she would eventually move on when she was ready. No sign of that happening at the time, as both of us connected really well both as friends and as sexual partners.
Chapter 45 – On The Verge
Toward the end of the tour, Keiron came to talk to us about headlining at ‘On the Verge of Fame,’ a festival on The Treasure Coast, and we were more than happy to play at the gig.
We’d played there once before we went state-wide for our tour. Some brilliant bands played there, and we were more than happy to support new talent. Besides it was our stomping ground, and I had the chance to spend Christmas with my aunt and my sister. First time since our dad died that Layla and I were spending that day together.
Festivals were always brilliant for people watching, and I was sad that I couldn’t get out there with the crowds anymore and just wander around soaking up the atmosphere. Probably the thing I missed most since I’d become famous; being able to just go out being me, Alfie Black, instead of Alfie Black, lead singer of Crakt Soundzz.
When Keiron shared the line-up, and I saw who was on our list, I nearly dropped dead where I stood. XrAid were playing earlier in the day, and I was so near but so far from Lily. There was a meeting that day at the record company I had to attend, and I knew that Lily’s band would have been and gone, if she knew I was headlining on the same stage. So I asked Keiron to change the running order to give me the chance to at least talk to her.
Trying to describe the feelings I had when I saw her band’s name was difficult—all the battles that raged in my belly, the ache in my heart and the endless knots of nerves swirling around inside made me swallow hard, while acid built in my stomach at the thought of dealing with Lily face to face. Every beat of my heart becoming more and more irregular with every new thought and scenario that I figured would play out, until I drove myself almost insane with it all.
Flying into Miami at night, seeing all the grids lit up, block after block of white lights in the inky darkness, was comforting. Drew and Des had been home several times during the past year; I hadn’t because I knew I had to stay away from Lily. Now, I felt I could handle seeing her and not be with her. After all, I was with Zoe…well kinda.
Executives patted each other on the back as the meeting concluded the followin
g morning, and I couldn’t wait to get over to the festival. Determined to see Lily and desperate to make sure that I never missed that chance.
Since I didn’t have to worry about money anymore I had bought a condo at South Beach, and when I went back to the apartment Zoe was fresh out of the shower putting some jeans on. Smiling she came over and tried to kiss me, but it didn’t seem right when I was going to see Lily. Zoe looked fed up when I told her she wasn’t coming to the gig with me.
Everyone was flapping because I had arrived so early. I explained that I wanted to see a few of the bands from the side lines on stage. Pretending to ‘be the good guy,’ I wandered through the dressing rooms of the bands that had either just played or were waiting to go on. Seeing XrAid’s logo on the door suddenly made the situation very real.
Listening, there wasn’t a sound from the other side of the door, but I knocked and waited, eventually opening the door to find the room empty. Disappointed and relieved, I had mixed feelings, not sure whether to feel pleased or gutted that I hadn’t found her. Heading back to our dressing room, I walked over to the mirror, placed my head on my arm on the dressing room counter and stared into the mirror.
Lily was out there, I could feel her near me. How would she feel about seeing me? Jeez, what if she was with Lennon or Cody? They were both good-looking guys, and they adored her. How the fuck would I cope if I found that out? Damn, I hadn’t thought this through, my dick and my heart were fighting with my head for control again, and I was fucked whatever way this played out. It had been far too long to go back now.
Des and Andy showed up and said Drew was on his way. We still had a couple of hours until we were up, but XrAid was up in less than twenty minutes. Thinking they must be in their dressing room by now, I braved it out and made my way back to their door.
My fist raised, I was ready to knock when I heard Lily’s voice on the other side. I froze, feelings I thought were difficult to deal with before I heard her became incredibly overwhelming.
Adrenaline coursed through me, making my mouth dry and my heartbeat thud hard against my chest, the echo of it swishing in my ears. Lily was on the other side of the door, and I was about to come face to face with her for the first time in two years. Swallowing so hard it clicked in my throat, I moistened my lips and waited for a few seconds to compose myself.
Suddenly, the door flew open Lily’s head was turned over her shoulder looking at Shawn walking behind her. “If you say so, Shawn.” Her hair looked very different and from behind, she could have been mistaken for someone else after all this time, but I’d have known her smell anywhere. There was barely time to assimilate anything before she turned around and walked straight into my body, her head bumping off my chest.
Hands grabbing her bare arms to steady her, I took in her appearance, goose-bumps on her arms and hormones began flying throughout my body, making my dick stand to attention. Looking perfect, she was wearing a jade green, leather thigh length dress and some black patent six inch stiletto heels. Lily was absolutely breathtaking.
The whole interaction happened in a few short seconds, but it felt like the world had slowed right down so that I could savor the moment.
Lily’s eyes caught up, and she stared into mine. Locked in a magnetic stare that was so intense I was sure she could see my soul. Shocked and dazed to find me there, I imagined. At least I’d had a few moments to prepare before I actually saw her.
“Hey,” I said softly, smiling at her. Indescribable feelings about how happy she made me from simply touching her. Seeing the shock on Lily’s face, I waited for her to pull whatever she needed together to enable her to speak.
“Two minutes guys, you need to be up front right now,” the stagehand called. Lily didn’t move, we were locked in an intensive silent stare, until suddenly she was moving past me. Cody had her by the hand and was pulling her quickly down the corridor toward the stage. He was saying something to Lily that I couldn’t hear, and she was shaking her head.
By the time I caught up at the side of the stage it was too late, “Please give it up for XrAid,” the emcee announced. Lily was suddenly out there and doing her thing, rocking the crowd in a kick ass outfit and an extremely sassy attitude. Watching her from backstage, I had time to catch up on some of what I had missed during our two years apart. No longer a girl and every inch a sexy woman with a strong identity, Lily had definitely arrived.
Gone were the long curly locks, her hair, still long but sleek and styled, impeccable makeup and an even sharper dress sense for her maturity. Damn, my eyes struggled to keep up with the feast before me, as my dick was competing for attention in my pants, and I was trying to ignore all of that and just listen to the music.
Seeing her play with Cody made me as jealous as hell. Completely in sync, their obvious affection and musical collusion was mutual between them. Difficult to watch really, someone you love and who you should have nurtured being brought to that level by some other guy.
Cody walked over and squeezed her hand, and the look Lily gave him made me sick to my stomach—she loved the guy. His eyes glanced over at me then he spoke to Lily again, smiling. She nodded, and he walked over in Lennon’s direction and began the next number.
Enjoying the music her band played, the sound was old school but fresh and when the last song finished Lily didn’t hang around, her guitar was off her head, handed to Cody, and she disappeared into the wings at the opposite side of the stage from where I was standing.
Racing down the corridor to her dressing room, I knew what she was doing. Always, Lily ran when she didn’t want to face anything. Well, anything that had to do with me, anyway.
Still holding the door handle as Lennon walked toward me smirking, “She’s gone, Alfie. Lily’s left already.” I didn’t get a chance to say anything before Cody was on my case as well.
“Leave her the fuck alone, dude. She’s been doing just great without you.”
Lennon continued to reinforce his point of view. “Alfie, she’s gone, doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know? She didn’t want to see you.”
Digs spoke softer, but I knew he had Lily’s back. “Sorry, dude, you’re too late to want to talk to our girl.”
Chuckling at how possessive they were, I said, “Will you listen to yourselves. ‘Our girl?’ She collectively belongs to y’all now? All I want is to talk to her, make things okay between us.”
Cody got pissed. “She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Know. Besides, dude, it isn’t all about you. This is about Lily, and she’s doing what’s best for her now. The fact she’s left already makes me think her not talking to you makes things okay with you both in her world.”
As much as I didn’t want to hear it they were right. Lily skipping out spoke volumes—I had been filed in the ‘ex- boyfriend’ category. That thought made me both pissed and embarrassed that I’d put myself out there for Lily in front of them all again. Opening the door I stormed out without another word and made my way back to my band’s dressing room.
Feeling sick and stupid, I had even tried to make that happen, make her see me. What the hell did I expect to happen? Knowing all along there wouldn’t be another chance to make things right between us.
These actions of a desperate man, but I just couldn’t get her out of my head or my heart. No one matched up to Lily, and no one had ever made me feel what I had when we were together.
Striding back to the dressing room, one of the technicians caught up with me. He had been looking for me because he had some technical issue with a mixing board, and I needed to change something in the set. Following behind him to the stage, my thoughts replayed what and how I had felt when I saw her, triggering what I should have said when I had the chance. Probably should have thought that all out before I saw her, but my focus had been just getting in front of her again.
Technicians did a great job, and ours were some of the best, so a few minutes after I’d got beside him, we’d ironed what he needed, and I was heading back to prepare for the gig. St
age settings were strange places, especially outside ones, all metal scaffolding, heavy black drapes, and corridors made from black painted hardboard to prevent us from being seen and getting mobbed by the general public.
Jumping down from an upper level I caught hold of one of the scaffolding poles and swung myself around it, as I neared the ground I knocked someone over with my legs, it was so dark down there that I couldn’t see, but as I reached down, my hand felt the soft body of a woman. Vibrations began to disseminate throughout my body, and the scent of her was so Lily. My heart was telling me I was holding her in my hands, my head was telling me she left already.
Pulling her to her feet, I could smell the same scent of Lily. Swallowing hard, I tried to sound as casual as I could. “Sorry, darlin’ I didn’t know anyone was there.”
For a second she said nothing, and I wondered if she was feeling as choked with emotion as I was feeling. Eventually, Lily found her voice,
“I’m fine. Let me go. I’m in a hurry. I need to be somewhere.”
Hearing her voice, and the way it was an octave higher than usual told me she was definitely affected by our meeting. “Lily? Is that you? God, are you okay?”
Fingers sunk a little more into her waist as I anticipated what Lily would do next. My heart beat was thumping in my chest, and my dick was hard, and all I was doing was standing in the dark with her. She tried to take a step back, but I caught her shoulder and tugged her closer into my chest. “Yeah, sure I am. I need to go, Alfie,” she mumbled, clearly feeling out of her depth, as was I.
Tired of wasting any more time, I was due on stage soon, and I needed to make the most of this. “You can’t even speak to me? After all this time, we’re just going to be what… strangers now, Lily?”
Lily sighed, and I sensed she was getting ready to run, so I gripped her wrist.
“Of course we can talk, but I’m late. I need to run.”
Drawing a deep breath, I grabbed her other hand and began pulling her back in the direction of my dressing room.
Love with Every Beat Page 42