Chapter 48 – Sliding Doors
When I saw Lily standing toward the side of the room by the door talking to Cody, I knew she was heading for the restrooms. So I walked out the door at the other side and headed for the elevators. Lily had to pass them to reach the restroom door.
Stepping inside, I slipped my key in the lock and closed the door. Having the penthouse gave me some perks. Counting to ten, I figured Lily would be approaching the doors any time now so I turned the key and the elevator doors swished open.
There she was looking over at someone in the corridor but still walking, and as soon as she reached me I grabbed her wrist and pulled her inside switching the key and pushing the PH button.
The doors closed and the elevator began to move upwards, and Lily was still staring at her hand. “Please stop this right now,” she hissed. Shaking my head and staring into her eyes as the car sped up the shaft and stopped at the Penthouse suite, I thought no fucking way. She was going to listen to me.
Henry and Steve were outside the elevator, and when they saw me they retreated back into their alcove. Pulling Lily along toward the penthouse door, she dug in her heels and said, “I’m not going in there with you.”
“You don’t have to, Lily. I don’t expect you to. I saw you heading for the restrooms and took my chance. I wanted to be alone with you… so now… I am.” Swallowing, she licked her dry lips.
“Always the same, Alfie, aren’t you?” she said shaking her head. “Can you even hear yourself? You wanted to be alone with me. What about what I want, Alfie?” She looked away.
“Well you say one thing, but you forget, Lily, I know your body. It’s telling me a whole different story.” Fuck was it ever. Her chest was heaving, her pupils were dilated, and her eyes were full of lust, even in this fucked-up situation.
“What about Zoe? What the hell are you doing with me…to me? You gave me the whole, “I’ve never been with anyone since you, Lily.” You expect me to believe that now? After the little display you’ve been putting on for me here? What’s your girl doing while you’re here with me?”
Running my hands through my hair, I wondered how to explain to Lily that Zoe was no more than a fuck buddy. Yeah, that would have gone down very well, if I’d just said that,
“What I told you was true. I had never looked at anyone else but you, Lily. From the day I met you, until about thirteen months after your last call. Until Zoe, I wasn’t interested in anything more. I’ve never been with anyone else since Zoe either. That’s not how I work.” I was pissed she still thought that about me.
“So this isn’t being unfaithful to her? Lusting after me? Kidnapping me and pulling me into the elevator? Bringing me up here is you being faithful to her?”
Pushing Lily back against the wall I slapped my hands either side of her. I was tired of this shit, she loved me, and she knew I loved her. Staring intensely at her, I leaned in and dropped my forehead onto hers.
“Don’t Alfie. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t,” she said softly, shutting her eyes and shutting me out. She started crying and a tear ran down her cheek. I caught it with my mouth and salty taste of her made me so sad for our situation.
I swallow hard and it clicked at the back of my throat and took a sharp breath in, before letting out a forced breath again. “Fuck, please…you’re killing me, Lily.” Then I gave her a silent, “Please.”
Lily just stood there staring. Saying nothing. This was definitely not the time to keep quiet, I was pouring all my feelings into this, and she was shutting me out.
Banging my hand against the wall, I stabbed at the button to call the elevator. When it arrived I shoved my key in and told her press the PH button and send the key back, then walked away.
When the elevator left I screamed, “Fuckkk!” Henry poked his head out, and stepped back again as soon as he saw I was upset. Tears fell there was no way I could hold them back. Lily was driving me fucking crazy.
I was still standing in the same spot when the doors opened in the elevator and Lily stood in front of me again. I was completely over this fucking cat and mouse game, and I grabbed her and pulled her hard against my chest taking a hungry, passionate kiss. And, fuck, did Lily kiss me back.
She was covered in goose-bumps and a panting mess, and I had all but lost control, kissing every inch of the skin on her neck, still holding on to her like she’d disintegrate if I didn’t.
Suddenly, she pushed me back against the wall, and I staggered against the other side. “Stop, Alfie. I came back because I knew I couldn’t leave with a bad feeling. I came back to speak to you, not for that to happen.” She pointed at where we’d been kissing.
Damn she was crying again. “I hate the fact that we can’t even be in the same room, but I can’t get involved with you again. It’s not what I want. I am beginning to do something with my life, Alfie.”
My jaw twitched. “You don’t have any idea how I feel about you, do you?”
Lily smirked. “Alfie, you moved on. Zoe’s your life now. I bet that poor girl did what I wouldn’t, and gave up everything, just to be with you. I would say she loves you more than I do after that, wouldn’t you?”
“Leave her out of it.” Lily frowned.
“You’re a piece of work, you know that? You’d blow this girl’s life just like that, huh? Poor girl, you’re so fucking selfish. I’m glad I made the choice I did, but I don’t want this constant mind fuck every time we see each other.”
Growling, I held her by her arms. “Tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll walk away.”
Swallowing, she held my stare.
“Part of me will always love you Alfie, but I am not in love you anymore. I just don’t like to see you hurting. I’m still attracted to you, but that’s not the same thing. Don’t blow everything you have now with Zoe because of me. I’m never going to change my mind about you. Luca’s my future now.” Lily was a bad liar. I knew she still loved me.
“The reason I came back up here was because it is totally possible we are going to run into each other from time to time. We both need to be able to handle that. We’ll be pleasant to each other, but apart from that, I don’t want you to converse or seek me out to do this shit again. Do you understand me?”
Staring at her for what seemed like an age, finally I said, “Fine, go.” I hit the elevator button again for her to leave.
Traveling down with her this time, and as soon as she stepped out I closed the door. Standing in the elevator, angry because she was wasting time, one way or another Lily was going to be mine.
A few days later I was lying back watching a movie and I picked up my cup just as my cell started vibrating next to me. The number wasn’t one I knew, and I was wary of answering the phone in case some fan had found my number, “Yeah?”
“Alfie, it’s me, Lily.”
Completely stunned, I said, “Hey, it’s really you?”
“Can you talk?” I stood up from my leather couch and went on to the balcony because Zoe was hanging around and I didn’t want her to hear me saying Lily’s name, and it wasn’t the ideal place because there was a guy cutting the lawn below me.
“I can now.”
“I need to talk with you about Elle and Drew.”
“What about them?”
Chuckling when she told me how she was maid of honor, and we had to try to get along for them, and suggested some get together evenings leading up to Christmas. Hell she could have suggested we all jump off of a cliff and I’d have done it as long as she was coming along.
“Lily, I’ll do whatever it takes to spend some time with you.”
“This isn’t so that we can spend time together, Alfie. I’m doing this to make our friends feel happy at having us in the same room together for their big day.”
Feeling chastised, I murmured, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make Drew and Elle happy.”
“Great, make sure Zoe has plenty of rest. Us girls are going to party hard from now onwards. Oh, and Alfie, I will make sure tha
t Zoe feels part of the group, just make sure you do the same with Luca.”
Well there are some things I draw the line at.
“You want me to be friends with some other guy that’s fucking you, Lily? Are you out of your tiny mind? You really think I can do that?”
“Not only do I expect it, but for Drew and Elle, you have to do it.”
Concluding the call, Lily said, “I’ll call you tomorrow, have a great night.” Sounding sarcastic, I answered, “Thanks,” but she hung up the phone before I could say anything else.
Needless to say I didn’t sleep at all that night and at about three in the afternoon I had a text from Jack,
Jack: Well hello Alfie Black, quite a turn of events. I hear we’re socializing. D’mond tonight 8pm. Be on your best behavior.
The rest of the afternoon dragged by, and I had Henry drive me over to pick up the rest of the guys and Elle. Glad we were first to arrive, I was as nervous as hell about seeing Lily but feeling determined to get it right tonight.
We were in a cordoned off section of the club, so we were free to move back and forth to the bar without a lot of attention. Grabbing some beers, Drew and I took a seat at a large table and Elle stayed at the bar talking to one of the waitresses.
As I looked up, Lily was walking toward us dressed in a short, clingy, dark red satin dress and her signature stiletto heels. And the Latin guy she was with looked confident and completely at ease.
“Luca.” His soft, low Italian accent cut into the quiet between songs, as his hand extended toward me. Standing there checking Luca out, I knew I was frowning, and I didn’t care. I wanted him to know I was pissed he was with my girl.
Luca was checking me out as well. Let him look I thought, he’s the complete opposite of me, a suited business man, and I was a rocker, and to be honest, I had no clue what Lily was doing with him.
Luca gave me one last glance. “You have a very beautiful girlfriend, Alfie.” Cody distracted me and when I looked back Lily was hanging on Luca’s arm, her hand on his chest, his arm was around her waist. She was smiling up at him and the fucker bent his head and kissed her forehead.
“Fuck.” I turned my body away from her, because I couldn’t bear to see that. And I heard him say something to her in Italian.
Gordon City blared out ‘Ready for your love,’ and the sound filled the room, and when I turned to look back at Lily again, she was being led to the dance floor.
Lily began dancing with her back against Luca’s chest and closed her eyes. He was stroking her belly, his hand skimming back and forth against the satin material of her dress. They were both swaying to the music. And me, I wanted to knock another dude the fuck out for being with my girl.
When the music changed she opened her eyes, and stared straight into mine. Sitting forward on a bar stool with my legs apart, one elbow balancing on one of my thighs, and my beer bottle was just sitting against my lips. Staring at her, I wanted her to know that I knew exactly what she was doing.
While I was staring, I was stroking my lips with my beer bottle. A completely absent- minded gesture at first, then when I saw the look on her face, I realized she was linking what I was doing with what happened with a beer bottle on another night at a club. Lily might have been leaning against him, but I was in no doubt that she was thinking about me.
She turned away from me and threw her arms around Luca’s neck, and he went in for the kill. Kissing the guy like he was me, she was giving it everything she had. Taunting me, Lily was trying to say she didn’t care about me anymore by what she was doing, but I saw it as a desperate act by a girl who was fighting her feelings for me.
Now, to say I was crushed by what she was doing would be an understatement. And I could have gone over there and got all ‘alpha male’ in the dude’s face. Beaten the crap out of him and left him laying bruised and bleeding on the floor.
What if I had gone with my gut? A. The dude would have had the sympathy of everyone present. B. I’d have been judged as the fucked-up emotional wreck I was trying to hide, and I was failing miserably at already. C. Lily would have turned against me completely. So I was sitting there, sucking it all up, seething, and feeling so fucking angry I could have done just about anything.
Shaking with temper, I knew I had to play the long game with this—there was a bigger deal at stake, so I sat there looking like a fuckin’ pussy and rolling over. That was how much the prize meant to me.
When Lily came off of the dance floor Zoe walked over to Elle and, to be honest I wasn’t in the mood to keep her and Lily apart. It might do Lily some good to see that she wasn’t the only one who could feel jealous. In fact, I was so pissed at her that I hoped Zoe would give her a run for her money.
Jack came over and started talking to the girls then persuaded Elle to dance. Before he did he managed to kiss Lily on the lips, telling her he was saving his best for her. Jesus, I was so fucking tired of men touching her, hugging her, fucking kissing her. And it was ticking me right off.
Zoe bunched her brows. “You’re with him? I’m confused. I thought you were with the hot Italian guy.” I smirked and put my bottle down.
“Yeah, it’s all too easy to get confused about her, honey. She’s with everyone.” Luca scowled at me and stood up, and I thought, game on, I’d actually get to punch this guy, but Lily threw her hand up to stop him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she looked angrily at me.
Shrugging, I said, “I don’t know, you tell me. I can’t keep up, and I’ve known you a while. I can see how she’s confused.” My teeth were clenched and my jaw ticked, and I was barely containing myself. Pushing to stand up, I walked away in the direction of the bar.
On the other side of the partition ropes, there was a group of guys who when they saw me shouted, “Fucking hell, it’s Alfie Black. Come and have some shots with us, Alfie, you’re awesome.” Normally, I would have smiled and declined gracefully, but that night I was feeling reckless, so I went over and joined them. I was feeling pretty pissed and just wanted to get out of my head and on liquor to dull the pain I was feeling.
Tapping my shoulder, I half expected to see a fan, but it was Lily standing in front of me.
My eyes widened and not taking them off of her, I said to them, “Sorry guys I need to spend time with my girl here.”
Pushing up from the table, I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in close, and I didn’t care whether she wanted me to or not.
“Don’t, Alfie, for goodness’ sake get a grip.” Glancing down at where my arm was I pulled her tighter.
“Is this tight enough now for you, Lily?” I asked seductively.
She pushed me back, but I managed to kiss her neck before she did.
“So you’re going to treat me like a whore now?” Dropping my hands instantly, I threw them up at chest height with my palms facing her.
“Jesus, Lily, you know me better than that.”
Lily started telling me how we were supposed to be doing this for Elle and Drew and how selfish I was behaving. I continued to stare intensely at her and ran my hand through my hair.
I was feeling so fucking exacerbated with her. “No Lily, it’s not because I’m thinking about myself. It’s when I’m thinking of you. Don’t you know you fucking destroy me? Do you realize what it feels like to see some guy with his tongue down your throat, but more than that, when you’re responding to it? I remember how we both felt when we did that together.”
Swallowing hard, I put my hand on her arm and stroked it, just needing to make that physical contact again. Lily turned preparing to leave. Looking over her shoulder again she said, “What the hell are you doing? Your girl is sitting thirty feet away Alfie.”
Letting out a heavy breath, “You know what Lily? Zoe is a great girl, I really like her. I do. She’s not you though. It’s always going to be you. You fucking own me. I love you more than life itself. Forever, Lily,” I whispered.
“Stop it, Alfie.”
Grabbing her wri
st, I’d had enough. I was so fucking tired of her bullshit. “Stop what, Lily? The feelings I have for the only woman I’ll ever love? Stop loving the one person who could complete me? Tell me how the fuck I do that? Seeing you with that guy is killing me. When he lays his hands on you, I want to beat the shit out of him. You have no idea how fucking hurt it makes me feel. I’m dying a little inside each time he touches you.”
“Don’t Alfie. Stop telling me. I can’t change things about us.” Her eyes searched my face.
“Please meet me. Please talk to me. I need to see you without all this shit.” My hand pointed at the dancing and crowds of people. “And I want to talk without all of them over there.” I wagged my finger at our friends.
“Alfie…no. I’m with Luca. You’re with Zoe. My relationship with him is going great. He makes me happy.”
Snickering and so fucking frustrated with her. “He makes you happy; does his touch do what mine does for you?”
“Don’t do this,” she pleaded.
“Answer me.” Giving her a solid stare, I swallowed hard.
“Yes, Alfie. Yes it does, what we had was great, but it has to be over. Luca’s my future now.”
Over my dead body he is. The shitty revolving door we were in again was wearing me out. I closed my eyes, and slumped onto an empty seat by the bar. “It’s really over, Lily? There’s no way around this?” Searching her face, willing her to give up her bullshit act and just come clean.
She shook her head and said nothing further, but the look on her face made me feel so fucking gutted.
“I’m sorry, Lily. For everything. I’ll never be done being sorry for how we started out, how it shaped us, and our whole relationship.” She took my hand.
“We need to start living. Without each other, Alfie. I mean…really start living.”
Grabbing her other hand again, I squeezed it tightly. She had goose-bumps, and my body was humming, my heart beat beginning to race. I stared down at where we were connected and shut my eyes. The fuck this is over.
Lily’s hand slipped from mine as Luca stood up and came walking toward her smiling. “Bellissimo.” She stepped into his arms, and he cradled her in them, and my heart beat was so fast, the feeling was like an electrical current had struck me in the chest, and I could either go and punch him out or calculate my plan B.
Love with Every Beat Page 45