“Go, Rachel! Go, Jenn!” I can hear our friends, and even my parents, screaming from the bank.
The volunteer firemen are a boat’s length ahead of us. “Y’all are doing great.” Jack’s voice is steady. “Let’s try and get our oars in sync. Row hard and don’t look behind us.”
Jack starts calling out commands in rhythm, and our canoe seems to fly over the water. I can hear the screams of the crowd as we catch up to the firemen.
“Just a little farther.” Jack’s voice guides us from the back of the boat.
Suddenly, we’re at the bank. Jenn and Dirk cheer. Jack helps me climb out of the boat and gives me a big hug. A big hug that, despite the life jackets between us, still makes me a little shaky.
“That was so much fun.” I high-five Dirk and Jenn. “Way to go team!” The firemen and elementary teachers yell congratulations, and we wave.
“One more race to go before victory is ours.” Jack motions for us to gather around him. “Same strategy. I’ll call out the commands. You guys row as hard as you can. Sound good?”
We all nod.
“Okay, let’s do it.” Jack puts out his hand, and one by one we put ours on top of his. “Row, row, row, on three. One—two—three. . .”
We all cheer and climb back into the boat. For the championship, we’ll be rowing toward the crowd. This time we’re racing the winners of the first two heats—a group of paramedics and the four Jones boys who are home from college for the summer.
“Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the Shady Grove Annual Canoe Racing championship. It looks like all of our teams are ready.” Blair’s voice reverberates from the loudspeaker. “Five—four—three—two—one—go!”
We take off, using the same strategy as before. Jack is in the back, Dirk is in the front, and Jenn and I are in the middle.
Jack’s voice guides us as we row.
Our competition is tougher this time, and we’re practically neck and neck with both of the other boats.
“Ladies and gentlemen, this race looks tighter than ever,” Blair drones on from the announcer’s box, and I can’t help but listen to her commentary. “It appears that the local paramedics might be the team to beat. They look like they’re in pretty good shape. But don’t count out the Jones boys. Their mom told me they’re all weight lifters.” She pauses.
“Keep rowing, slow and steady,” Jack calls from behind me. “Just ignore the announcer.”
“And the third team includes Shady Grove’s newest power couple, chiropractor Dr. Rachel Donavan and rodeo hotshot Jack Westwood.” Blair’s voice cuts to my core. “If they can concentrate on the task at hand instead of each other, maybe they’ll have a shot.”
For a split second I quit rowing.
“Rach, just keep going. Don’t let her get to you.” Jack calls to me from the back of the canoe. “It’s not worth it.”
I glance at Jenn in front of me, the daughter I gave up. The daughter who will probably never forgive me if she finds out the truth. I feel Jack’s gaze on me from behind. Jack, who loves me for my honesty and is determined to convince me that we have a future together.
And sitting there in the middle, it hits me. I’ve been desperately hanging on to that middle ground, as if I could have my secrets and still keep Jenn and Jack. But there never was any middle ground. If I’m going to have a relationship with this man, I will have to tell my deepest secrets and possibly ruin the lives of those I love best. What kind of dangerous game have I been playing?
“Come on, Aunt Rachel, you can do it.” Jenn’s prompting breaks my thoughts. I grip my oar and start rowing on Jack’s command.
“Let’s go, Rachel and Jenn! Go, Dirk and Jack!” The Pinkies are cheering for us as we get closer to the bank.
Just as we’re about to reach the finish, the Jones boys power ahead.
“Second place is nothing to sneeze at.” My dad helps Dirk and then Jenn out of the canoe. He holds his hand out to me, and I grasp it.
“You’re exactly right. That was a great job.” Jack climbs out of the canoe and pulls me into a loose hug.
“I guess you just couldn’t keep up with the Joneses,” Adam teases us.
Victoria punches him. “I think he was hoping they’d beat you just so he could make that joke.”
“You know how to hurt a man, Vicky,” he says.
The chatter goes on, but I can’t help but think about freezing up back there. I’ve got to put an end to this conflict inside me.
Patriotic music blares as we make our way out of the crowd and start up the tiny trail. The orange sun casts long shadows ahead of us.
“It was nice of your parents to ask Jenn and Dirk to sit with them during the fireworks. I think they knew you could relax a little bit if you didn’t have to keep a constant eye on her.” Jack leads the way up the trail that he and Craig scouted out earlier.
“Yeah. I know my dad will be watching them like a hawk.” I laugh. “No matter how romantic watching fireworks in the dark is, I have a feeling sitting with the Grands will take it down a notch.”
“Lucky for us, we’ll be the only ones on our blanket.” Jack’s voice is husky.
True. We will be the only ones on our blanket. Is it too late for me to go fetch Jenn and Dirk and drag them back to where we’re sitting? Maybe throw in Mom and Dad for good measure? “Well, even though you and Craig found us that ‘really cool’ place up on the bluff, Lark, Craig, and Sheila will be right beside us, so it’s not like we’ll be completely alone.”
Jack looks like Cocoa and Shadow do after I scold them. I almost feel sorry for him. But after my epiphany in the middle of the lake, I know I can’t give him the relationship he wants. The relationship he deserves.
“Hey, guys. Great job out on the lake.” Craig is standing beside our blanket. I immediately notice that their blanket, along with Lark and Sheila, is nowhere to be seen.
“What’s going on?” I toss my bag down on our blanket and search Craig’s strained face for an answer.
“Lark wanted me to wait until you got here to let you know that we’re going to have to miss the fireworks. Sheila wasn’t feeling well.” He looks irritated. “Something about too much sun.” He shakes his head, and his sour expression disappears. “And keeping Sheila healthy and happy is the most important thing right now.”
I have a feeling he’s quoting Lark but don’t say so. “Well, I hope she feels better soon. Tell Lark I’ll call her tomorrow.”
Craig hurries off, and we sink down onto the blanket. “He seems a little unsure about the whole Sheila situation. Did you tell them about the waitress the other night?”
I pull out a couple of bottles of water from the cooler and offer one to Jack. “I told Lark. She says it’s probably just a misunderstanding.”
“But you’re not so sure?” Jack’s steady gaze never leaves my face.
“I’m trying to give Sheila the benefit of the doubt. I just hope it all works out the way Lark wants it to.” I take a sip from my own water bottle. “Having a child means everything to her right now.”
Jack leans back on his elbows. “How about you? Do you think you want to have kids someday?”
I feel the blood rush to my face, but hopefully the impending darkness gives me some cover. Now would be the prime time to tell him the truth. But I just can’t bring myself to ruin such a perfect day. “Maybe. I guess it just depends on what my future holds.”
Jack nods. “I know exactly what you mean. A couple of years ago, I figured I’d live a bachelor’s life forever. Run the ranch, work with up-and-coming cowboys.” He looks at me intently. “But lately I’ve been thinking there may be more to life, you know?”
Boy, do I. Here I sit, lakeside on a sultry evening, about to watch the night sky light up with fireworks with a handsome man at my side. But it’s not just his looks that make me yearn to be in his future. Jack is everything I’ve always hoped to find. Unfortunately, he’s also everything I don’t deserve. And although my mind knows this and has for weeks now been
sensibly explaining to me why he can never be my “more to life,” tonight my heart is tired of listening to reason.
So as I look into his eyes that are practically enveloping me with their warmth, I decide to put my fears aside. At least until after the fireworks are over. Because right now, in this moment, I know that he has a piece of my heart. I can’t help but let myself enjoy it, even if it’s just for a couple more hours.
The streetlights and stage lights go out, and the crowd oohs. “Almost time.” Jack sits up and pulls me closer to him. He takes my hand and raises it to his lips for a slow kiss. “Enjoy the fireworks, Rach.”
As he lowers my hand, I’m left wondering if he means the literal fireworks in the sky or the ones that seem to be sparking between us. I try and relax against him, my hand still encased in his.
The music gets louder as the first fireworks erupt. Brilliant reds, whites, and blues begin showering over the lake. I glance over and admire Jack’s profile, illuminated against the light.
How can I walk away from him? There’s no way a guy like Jack will wait around forever while I try to get my life figured out. Some other girl will swoop in and scoop him up. I’ve seen it happen. And I can’t tell him the truth until I’m ready to tell Jenn. If I’m ever ready to tell Jenn.
“Something wrong?” Jack catches me looking at him. “No. Just enjoying the evening.” I pull my gaze away from him and try to pay attention to the gorgeous fireworks. They must’ve had an extra large budget this year due to the centennial celebration, because I don’t remember the fireworks ever being more incredible. I glance at Jack again. Or maybe it’s just the company I’m keeping.
The first strains of the “William Tell Overture” float out of the speakers, and Jack leans in even closer.
“I think this must be the finale,” he whispers, his lips brushing my ear.
I turn my face toward his and meet his eyes. As the fireworks flare above us, Jack leans in and gently kisses me. “Just this once,” I murmur against his mouth.
“What?” he whispers and touches my lips with his once more.
“Nothing,” I murmur. How many years can I live on the memory of this moment?
Jack pulls back and smiles. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long. And just so you know, it far exceeded my expectations.”
Mine, too. The internal battle waging within me is fierce, my heart in total mutiny, my mind rolling over and playing dead. I am so desperately falling for this man. But the timing is all wrong.
Jack reaches over and takes my hand again. “Was that okay?” He looks concerned. “I hope I didn’t overstep any boundaries.”
“It was perfect.” And it was. I put my head against his shoulder and congratulate my heart for winning tonight’s battle. Unfortunately, I know the war is just beginning.
The next morning as I watch the familiar scenery fly by my car window, I psych myself up for talking to Jack. And try to decide the best way to do it. The possibilities—so many possibilities—are marching through my mind like little ants to a picnic. Okay, maybe ants don’t really march, but in my mind they do. Yes, I know that’s the same mind that went haywire last night, but in the clear light of day, reason is once again king.
I glance over at the empty seat beside me. I love going out to ride the horses with Jenn in the morning, but I also enjoy the days she sleeps in. For one thing, I get to ride Sweetie on those days, and while Lady is a wonderful horse, she’s not my horse. But I guess I enjoy it most because, on the days I ride alone, I can just be me. I’m not the teacher trying to perfect Jenn’s barrel-racing skills or the prison guard trying to keep her and Dirk from being alone. I’m just me.
I run my hand over the steering wheel as I turn onto the lane leading to the ranch. This morning I’m just me. . .with a mission.
My phone rings. I glance at the caller ID and flip it open. “Are you watching me again?” Oops. Joking is not a part of the mission. “I mean, good morning.”
“Good morning.” Jack’s deep voice sends shivers down my spine even at six in the morning. Danger! Danger! Remember the mission.
“And no, I’m not watching you. I just know this is when you usually go out to ride.”
I laugh. “I was kidding. I’m glad you called.”
“Is Jenn with you this morning?”
“Nope. She slept in.”
“In that case, would you like some company on your ride?”
“I’d love that.”
“Want me to meet you over there?”
“Sounds good.”
By the time I get Sweetie saddled, I hear Jack outside.
I climb up on the mare before I go out the barn door. Not my normal practice, but I think my heart needs the safety of me being out of reach when I see him. It would kind of ruin my plan if I throw myself in his arms. Although after last night’s fireworks, that’s incredibly tempting.
Jack is standing beside his black gelding, Lightning, when I ride out. He looks up, surprise etched on his face. He rubs his hand over his chin and adjusts his hat. “I take it you’re ready to ride.”
I smile. “If you are.”
“Sure.” He easily slips into the saddle and gives me a nod. “You lead the way.”
I lay the reins against Sweetie’s neck and turn toward the trails behind the barn. We ride in silence up the hill and into the edge of the woods. Then, by unspoken agreement, we break into a gallop down the forest road. When we get to the creek, I pull up. And he does the same beside me.
For a second we rest; then, I’m not sure what the imperceptible signal is or which of us even gives it, but we’re off again down the creekside trail, the wind whipping my hair and making my face tingle.
When we get to the bluff, we pull up again, and he slides down from Lightning. Staying on the horse would be like remaining standing when a friend sits down. Awkward. I dismount and tie Sweetie’s reins around a tree limb.
My knees are trembling as I walk over to the edge of the bluff.
“Are you scared of heights?” Apparently he notices.
I shake my head. Just of getting my heart broken. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
He adjusts his hat. “Wait. Before you say something that’s going to ruin my good mood, look out there.”
I lift my gaze and take in the valley below me. Lush treetops stretch out forever, and the sun, hidden from view, makes its presence known by casting myriad shadows and splashes of light on the bright green leaves. “It’s beautiful.”
“So are you.”
He reaches up and brushes my hair away from my face. I take a step back. Whoa. Got to stay focused.
I think of the verse in Psalms I ran across when I was flipping over to Proverbs this morning. I have chosen the way of truth. . . . Since I’d been up most of the night trying to decide what to do about Jack, the words had a special significance to me. So I’m going to be truthful with Jack. As much as I can at this point.
“I need us just to be friends for a while,” I blurt out.
He frowns and looks up at the sky. Is he beseeching God to deliver him from me? Asking why out of all the barns in the world, I had to wander into his? I don’t blame him.
“Okay.”
“Okay? You’re okay with that?” Where’s my giddy feeling of relief? Is that what this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach is? I don’t think so.
He reaches toward my hand then lets his own fall back by his side. “I do have a question for you.”
“What?” “Do you want to just be friends because you’re not interested in me”—he glances at the ground—“in another way?”
“No!”
He jerks his gaze up to meet mine, and I feel my face grow hot. That denial was possibly a little too vehement.
“So you just need some time?”
I nod, not really trusting myself to speak. “Then you’ve got it. From now on, we’ll just be friends for a while. Good friends, right?”
“Definitely.”
He holds ou
t his hand to shake mine.
I hesitate, and he frowns. “We’re friends who can’t shake hands?”
I choke out a laugh and slide my hand into his. “You make me sound crazy.”
He shakes my hand firmly then releases it. “I think I may be the one who’s crazy.”
I think I’m crazy.”
Lark laughs and glances down the hallway toward Sheila’s room. “You are not. Why would you say that?”
“It’s been two weeks since I told Jack I just wanted to be friends. I thought that would fix everything, but I’ve never been more confused.” I take a sip of my green tea.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time together, haven’t you?”
I nod. “Lots of time. More than ever. Friend time.” “You tell him you just want to be friends. He agrees. And your problem is. . . ?”
“He treats me like a pal, a buddy, an old college roommate.”
She grins. “I take it that’s not really how you want to be treated.”
“Yes. No.” I rest my elbows on her table and put my face in my hands. “Lark, what am I doing? I came by to cheer you up.” This time I’m the one who glances toward Sheila’s room. “Let’s talk about you.”
She shakes her head. “No way. Your life is infinitely more exciting than mine right now. I’d much rather talk about you. Really.”
“Well, no more about Jack. I have to think about something else.”
“How’s Jenn?”
I smile. “She babysat for Allie today and is staying over tonight. But she’s doing really well. As a matter of fact, she hasn’t mentioned her birth mother search in a while. I’m hoping that with the excitement of the rodeo coming up, it might just blow over.”
Lark puts her hand on my arm. “Honey, you know you’re not honor bound to tell her the truth. When you give a baby up for adoption, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting that to come out.”
I nod. “I’ve kind of come to peace with that. So as long as I’m just friends with—” I stop, remembering my earlier edict. “With you-know-who, I don’t feel so bad.”
“You could tell Jack and still not tell Jenn.” “No, I couldn’t. I know it’s not logical, but with her wanting to know, I just wouldn’t feel right telling him and not her. If she ever found out I’d done that, she may feel so betrayed that she wouldn’t have anything to do with me. I can’t risk hurting her like that. Besides, if he knew the whole truth, there’s a good chance he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. This. . .” I hold out my hands. “This being friends thing is the best I can do.”
Along Came a Cowboy Page 19