by Jae
Nattie shuffled her papers, as if sorting them would bring order into her jumbled thoughts. "Why haven't I heard about this before? None of the books I read mentioned two women together."
"Because most people believe what they have and what they think is the right way — and anything else must be wrong," Nora said.
A smile tugged at the corner of Nattie's lips. "Sounds like Amy when she was stomping her feet, refusing to believe that her way of doing multiplications wasn't the best way."
"Kind of like that." Nora laughed. "But instead of stomping out to hide in the barn, adults come up with long explanations about why anything but their way is wrong, unnatural, and sinful."
Nattie paled. "The reverend preached about sin for a whole hour today. Is that why Tess and Frankie didn't join us for church? It must hurt them to hear people talk like that."
The compassion in Nattie's eyes filled Nora with pride.
"Does the reverend know?" Nattie asked.
"No." Nora caught Nattie's gaze and held it. "No one can know, Nattie. Please keep this to yourself. Frankie and Tess are our friends, and we need to protect them. Some people might not react too well."
Nattie clamped her fingers around the sheets of paper. "You mean someone might hurt Frankie and Tess... because they love each other?"
"You never know what people will do, but it's better not to take stupid risks."
"That's why they tell everyone they are cousins."
"Yes." Nora tilted her head and regarded Nattie. "I know this comes as a surprise to you, but do you think you can accept what I just told you? Can you still be Frankie and Tess's friend, without letting your differences stand between you and them?"
"It seems strange to me." This time, Nattie looked her right in the eyes. "But I guess I'll be fine once I have a little time to get used to it. Life's also too short to throw away friendships."
Tears shot into Nora's eyes. Oh, what a girl. It seems Luke and I did everything right with her. When she drew Nattie into her arms, a sheet of paper fluttered to the floor.
Phin's image grinned up at her.
Nora lifted her brow. She's drawing pictures of Phin?
"It's a wedding gift," Nattie mumbled into her shoulder.
Touched by her thoughtfulness, Nora pulled her closer.
* * *
When Nora knocked, Hendrika opened the door inch by inch, her reluctance clear.
At least she's not running away, like Amy. Nora stepped into Amy's room. She perched on the edge of the bed and smoothed her hand over Amy's pillow. "Come sit by me for a moment."
Eyes wary, Rika sat next to her.
"Tess and Frankie are my friends, but you're quickly becoming a friend too, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable staying here."
"Oh, no." The brown eyes glowed, sparking with a passion hidden beneath Hendrika's down-to-earth façade. "I'm not uncomfortable. I really like it here. I also like Tess and Frankie. It's just that..."
"What?"
Hendrika kept her gaze on the tip of her boots. "They shouldn't kiss each other like that. It's wrong. Against nature."
The words weren't unexpected, but still they hurt. Nora bit her lip.
"They're cousins, after all," Hendrika added.
Nora's mouth fell open. She sees two women kiss and that's what she focuses on? At least this was one thing she could explain. "They're not cousins, Hendrika."
Hendrika lifted her gaze. "They're not? But they said —"
"I know what they said, but it's not true. Frankie and Tess aren't related in any way, and I know they aren't proud of lying, but it's the only way."
"The only way for what?" Hendrika asked.
"The only way to travel together and be affectionate without giving people the wrong idea... or in this case, the right idea."
A sharp line dug itself between Hendrika's brows. "I don't understand. Do you mean to say that they..." She lowered her voice. "They are..."
"In love with each other, yes."
"That's... that's..." Hendrika rubbed her thumb over her bottom lip. "I never heard of such a thing before."
"It's unusual, but it's not something you should hate or fear. It's just love." Nora squeezed Hendrika's hand to make her look at her. "Do you understand?"
Hendrika blinked. "I guess so."
"Mrs. Hamilton?" John's voice drifted up the stairs. "There's a man here who says you ordered a box full of books."
"Just a minute," Nora answered. She stood and smoothed wrinkles out of her skirt. "I don't expect you to understand all at once. Talk to Tess and Frankie if you want. But please keep this to yourself, or we might all be in danger."
Hendrika nodded.
Nora looked at her for a moment longer, then crossed to the door.
"Nora?"
She turned around.
"Is Amy all right?" Hendrika asked. "She seemed awfully upset earlier."
What a sweet girl, to think about Amy in a moment like this. Nora forced a smile. "She'll be fine. She just needs some time." The door clicked shut behind her, and Nora blew out a breath. Now if only her talk with Amy would go that well. Somehow, she didn't think it would be that easy.
Hamilton Horse Ranch
Baker Prairie, Oregon
June 22, 1868
"THERE SHE IS! Finally!" Tess scrambled across the ranch yard when she saw Amy's red mare come down the hill, the early-morning sun making the mare's coat and Amy's hair glow. Frankie followed closely behind Tess.
Nora had just left for town, though. Maybe Amy timed it that way — returning home when she knew her mother would be teaching school.
Tess drew her brows together. She had kept Nora company late into the night until Nora finally gave up and accepted that Amy wouldn't be home that night.
The way Nora had clung to Luke's favorite chair, seeking comfort, told Tess how worried her friend was.
Tess worried too. But with every hour Amy stayed away, anger outgrew her concern. How could Amy worry her mother so? Why had she and Frankie been so careless? And, most of all, why was the world a place where being in love with a wonderful person created such a mess?
The barn door opened before they reached Amy. Hendrika stepped out, and when she saw that Amy was back, she leaned her pitchfork against the barn and hurried over. "Where have you been?"
"Checking on the herd," Amy said. She dismounted and turned away from Hendrika to check her mare's hooves.
"At night?"
Amy didn't turn but spoke over her shoulder, "By the time I found every foal and every yearling, it was too late to head back, so I stayed at a line shack."
"You promised me you'd be more careful," Hendrika said.
"I am careful."
Hendrika's slim frame stiffened. "Staying out alone all night is not being careful."
"She's damn right." Tess marched toward them. "Your mother is worried sick about you."
Amy's whirled around. Hendrika turned too. Now both stared as if Tess and Frankie were about to attack them.
Tess gentled her voice. "I know this is a lot to take in, but running away is not the solution. It's incredibly thoughtless —"
"Thoughtless?" Amy's voice rumbled like a cornered dog about to bite back. "You mean like you were thoughtless when you acted on those unnatural urges?" The color of her face matched her crimson bandanna. She wrenched her gaze away from Tess and pressed her lips together as if she thought she'd said too much.
Tess ran her hands along the bell-shape of her skirt, calming herself. Now was not the time for a shouting match and mutual accusations. "Let's go inside and talk."
"Not now." Amy gestured to the bunkhouse. "I need to talk to the men and get them started on —"
"Your mother already gave them their tasks for the day at breakfast," Tess said. Nora knew her daughter well; she had predicted that Amy would hide behind her responsibilities, so she had sent the ranch hands off before Amy returned. "Come on. Let's go to the cabin and talk."
Amy dragged her fe
et, but Tess resisted the urge to grab her elbow and pull her along. She wasn't sure how Amy would react to being touched by someone she now considered an "unnatural" woman.
Hendrika followed without a word. She wasn't a talker, but Tess had a feeling that a lot happened behind those brown eyes.
The door snapped shut behind them, and Amy flinched as if she were trapped.
They sat at the table. The leather of Amy's chaps brushed Hendrika's skirt, and Amy pulled her legs back, then continued to fidget in her chair. Next to her, Hendrika seemed calm in comparison.
She's good at hiding her feelings, but Amy clearly isn't.
"Listen, I know this is awkward as hell, but we've got to talk about this." Tess tried to catch their gazes, but Amy ducked her head. She glanced at Frankie and received a short nod. "You saw us kiss each other, didn't you?"
Hendrika's gaze veered to Amy, then back to Tess and Frankie. "Yes," she said, her voice a whisper.
A bitter taste spread through Tess's mouth. My love for Frankie is something that people only whisper about. She shook off her frustration and tried to keep her voice calm. "What did you think about that?"
"Nora said you're not cousins, but still it's..." Rika turned her hand back and forth as if trying to grasp the right word.
Amy lifted her head and stared at her. "You're not cousins?"
"No. People just have an easier time accepting two women being close when they think they're related," Tess said. "I'm sorry we lied to you, but we've learned to be careful over the years."
"D-does that mean... that you are living together like a man and a woman would?" Again, it was plain Hendrika who found the courage to ask while Amy continued to stare at her hands.
Under the table, Frankie's hand found Tess's.
"No," Tess said. "We're living together the way two women who love each other would."
The tips of Frankie's fingers slid over hers in a tender caress.
In the silence, the cabin's old boards creaked and groaned.
When Hendrika and Amy stayed silent, Tess said, "Most people who are lucky enough to find love find it with a person of the opposite sex."
"Like Mama and Papa did," Amy said, her voice low and her gaze still directed downward.
Tess's lips formed a tight line. Luke and Nora weren't the best example, but she couldn't tell Amy that. "Yes," she said after a moment's hesitation. "But every once in a while, there's a girl who grows up and falls in love with another woman. Or, I suppose, a young man who falls in love with another man."
"But..." A few tendrils of brown hair escaped from their pins and fell into Hendrika's face when she scratched her head. "But the Bible says —"
"I know what the Bible says." For most of her life, Tess had been branded a sinner because the Bible condemned anyone who was forced to lie, pretend, and sleep with other women's husbands for a living. "But when it comes to this, I couldn't follow the words of a book or a priest. I needed to follow my own heart." She waited until she read a hint of understanding in Hendrika's eyes, then added, "I know the church condemns it, and most people find it disgusting and sinful, but my love for Frankie is the purest thing I ever had in my life."
Hendrika nibbled her lower lip. Her gaze flitted to Frankie, and she opened her mouth but then closed it again without saying anything.
With a friendly smile, Frankie leaned forward. "If you have questions, just ask. It's not possible for us to live our lives openly, but I hope we're among friends here, so we'd like to be as open as possible."
The lip nibbling increased, but then Hendrika looked directly at Frankie. "Is that why you sometimes dress in men's clothes? Do you think of yourself as a man?"
Asking that took guts. Tess gave Hendrika an admiring nod. She had thought Amy would ask the questions while Hendrika would listen timidly. Instead, it was Amy who looked as if the conversation was giving her a bellyache. Hendrika's question made Amy flinch and smooth her hands over her chaps as if afraid that her wearing men's apparel would get her lumped in with Frankie.
"No," Frankie said. "I don't think of myself as a man, and when we are together, Tess doesn't pretend I'm a man either."
Thin lines carved themselves into Hendrika's brow. Clearly, she had never before considered the possibility of romantic love between women.
Tess sent her a sympathetic smile. "I know it's hard for you to understand, but part of what I love so much about Frankie is that she's a woman. Women are wonderful." When she gave Hendrika a wink and a motherly grin, Hendrika blushed, but a hesitant smile curved the corner of her mouth.
"Many people won't see it like this, though," Frankie said. "We could be run out of town, beaten, or worse if the wrong people learn about our relationship, so it would be better to keep this to yourselves."
Hendrika nodded.
"I hope we didn't make you uncomfortable." Tess looked from Hendrika to Amy.
"It's unusual."
"But?" Tess hoped that at least Hendrika would accept them. Maybe instead of Hendrika following Amy's lead, it would be the other way around.
"It's not my place to judge." Hendrika lowered her lashes and peered at black-rimmed fingernails. "From the moment we met, you and Frankie have been very friendly to me. I won't repay your kindness with hatred."
A clearing of her throat drew Tess's attention to Amy. "Mama said she knows about... about you. Does Papa know too?"
"Yes, they both know. I told Luke when we met him in The Dalles and Nora has known since our first evening here, right after we arrived."
Russet lashes fluttered. "They know and still they let you stay?"
Defensive instincts rose, but Tess fought them down. Amy didn't sound appalled or judgmental, as if she wanted Nora to kick them out. There's something in her voice... She tried to read Amy's expression even though Amy's glance still veered away from hers. Emotions rushed across the young woman's face. Hope. Relief.
Tess stared for a few seconds longer. Oh, good heavens! Why didn't I see it before? This is not about us. She's confused about her own feelings. Tess's grip tightened around Frankie's hand until Frankie flinched. Oh, Lord. I think Amy has feelings for women too, and she's scared to death to tell her parents. Now what do I do?
* * *
"Amy?"
Footfalls came closer and stopped in front of the tack room, where Amy had fled to after escaping from the cabin.
Amy looked up from a particularly stubborn sweat spot on her saddle. She set down the saddle soap and gritted her teeth. Someone had found her hiding place. "Yes?" She didn't bother to make her voice friendly. Couldn't she have a moment's peace?
The tack room's door creaked open. Frankie peeked in. She wore pants and a man's shirt. The sight had always made Amy feel at ease around her, but now it was a reminder of how different from other women Frankie was — and how different Amy was too.
"There you are," Frankie said. Her nose wrinkled at the odor of sweaty saddle blankets and horsehair, but she didn't retreat. She leaned in the doorway and studied Amy. "So this is your hideaway."
"I'm not hiding. The saddles need —"
"I had a hideaway too when I was your age." Frankie ignored Amy's protests with a smile. "Whenever I needed time away from my brothers, I slipped into the Chinese laundry. It was just a shack, really, but the couple running it let me stay as long as I didn't get in the way."
Amy nodded. She had seen Portland's Chinatown. Most folks didn't like the Chinese, so they were outsiders, like Frankie.
"I spent many afternoons watching Mei Ling iron the miners' shirts. She was stoop-shouldered from bending over the hot iron all the time, but she had the most elegant neck and eyes like the night. And when she smiled..." Frankie grinned.
She was smitten with the Chinese woman, and she's talking about it as if it was the most natural thing on earth. Amy still couldn't wrap her mind around it. "Did she...?" Amy didn't know how to ask or even what to ask. There were so many things she wanted to know.
"Did she like me too?" F
rankie finished the question for her. "Probably not. Not that way. Back then, even I didn't know I liked her that way. It took me years to figure out what was going on with me."
All the afternoons spent riding with Hannah came back to Amy. Had Frankie watched Mei Ling the way she had watched Hannah? Had she delighted in her company, in the pleasure of her laughter and the occasional touch to her arm? An image of Rika in the hayloft, face flushed and hair tussled, replaced the old memories.