by Lucy Gage
“Of anyone in particular?” She was fishing.
“Not necessarily.” Which was a complete lie. “Just thinking about things. What it was like before Em was around. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. You know that, right?”
She nodded and swallowed. “Yeah. Yeah. I know. Let’s get some sleep. We both have an early day tomorrow.” She lay her head back down on his chest and within ten minutes, she was asleep, gently snoring every once in a while.
Liam, on the other hand, couldn’t fall asleep at all. First, he thought it was that she was attached to him like a barnacle. He had never done well sleeping with a woman on top of his body except Jenna, so he usually made a no-cuddling-all-night declaration at the beginning if he even considered spending the night with a woman. But he’d never told Nina that, so he always let her fall asleep before he slipped out of her embrace. Moving didn’t make a difference this time. He lay there, stared at the ceiling, and tried to will himself to sleep, but it didn’t work.
In the past six months, this had happened numerous times, where he couldn’t sleep and all he could do was think about and miss Jenna. Before he met Nina, that usually meant jerking off while he recalled all the hot sex he’d had with Jenna so that he could pass out in orgasmic bliss. Tonight, it wasn’t about needing sexual release. In fact, this hadn’t happened since he met Nina. Usually, he was sexually satisfied and Nina often wore him out, so he’d slept pretty well next to her.
No, this was about more than the physical. This was about missing the emotional connection he had to Jenna. Despite his best efforts to try and be a better man, to be a good boyfriend to Nina, he still hadn’t felt an iota of the current that had always hummed between him and Jenna. The invisible thread he felt that had connected him to Jenna from the beginning was just not there yet with Nina. He wondered if it ever would be.
Rather than wake Nina by tossing and turning, he went down to the living room with his phone. Might as well play Angry Birds and listen to the Stones if he wasn’t going to sleep. As he scrolled through his music, Liam saw a file he hadn’t noticed before.
He had a ton of music on his iPhone, but he often played a lot of the same stuff or the playlists he’d created for things like running. He rarely surfed his music because he knew what was in there and he stuck with his playlists. This file looked unfamiliar. Unlike most of his iTunes music, there was no image attached, it was just a video icon called SongForLiam.
He had very few videos in his music library – a couple from concerts he’d attended with Rob and one or two music videos of hot singers like Pink. For some reason, his gut didn’t tell him that this was malicious, so he figured he’d see what it was. Worst case, he was due for a new phone. Thankfully, he wore his headphones. He wasn’t sure he could have explained what he saw that easily to Nina if she heard it, let alone if she saw it.
The video was obviously something Jenna had made for him at some point in the past and he’d never noticed it before. She sat on the bed in her L.A. apartment, wearing the hot little red swimsuit she’d been wearing the day he met her. Last he knew, she still had it, but he’d asked her to stop wearing it in public the day she taught him to surf. Which could mean this had been on his phone for years. This phone had been new when he met Jenna three and a half years ago.
At the beginning of the video, she gave a James Bond spiel:
“Hi, Liam. I wanted to make sure you didn’t forget about me when we’re apart. What you’re about to see is for your eyes only. You try to copy it, share it, save it anywhere else, it will self destruct. I know that’s geeky and sort of espionage-y. You know you love that about me. You also know I’m not stupid. I can’t prevent you from letting anyone watch this on your phone. But here’s the catch. You want to see it again, it’s password protected after the first viewing and only I know what that password is. You want the password, you call me and I’ll give it to you. Every time, you’ll need a new password. And, yes, I’ll be able to tell you what it is. So, enjoy. And remember how much you miss me.”
Oh, God, if only he’d seen it before. Just looking at her made his heart race a little, but what she was doing on the video, he didn’t know if he could take it if he watched the whole thing. He swallowed hard.
An 80’s song began to play. He assumed it was called Don’t Forget Me When I’m Gone, based on the repeating chorus. He got the message, even if he hadn’t heard the song playing.
On the video, Jenna removed the bikini in a strip tease. She showed him every bit of her skin, places that were covered on the beach, ones he knew intimately, assets that turned him on just looking at them, let alone touching and tasting them.
That alone would have been enough, but to top it all off, she lay down on the bed and showed him all of her as she stroked her clit and came.
Liam thought he might die. Holy God, once he’d had her, what the hell was he ever thinking, hooking up with anyone else? He wanted to watch it again, but he knew he couldn’t. If she said that was it, that was it. He’d have to call her. What would he say?
Hey, Jenna. Remember that hot video you put on my phone once, of you masturbating for me? Yeah, can I watch that again? I know you’re through with me, but I really wanted to watch it so I can get off. Because that got me hard and made me want you more than I wanted my girlfriend while I had sex with her earlier. You don’t mind, do you?
Right. Don’t call a girl for six months after you tell her you love her, but call her so you can watch a sexy video again?
Not likely.
Liam looked at the file, called up the details, but it didn’t give him a created on date, so he had no idea if she’d made it over three years ago or six months ago. Damn, if he’d seen that before, even if it had only been there the past six months, he’d have called her for sure, no matter what they’d done in the past.
That would have knocked some sense into him. How many women had he ever known who were that smokin’ hot, who could turn him on instantly, and who were smart enough to make sure he was the only one who could see a video worthy of professionally-created internet porn? Never mind that she made him laugh and smile, and made his heart ache when he was away.
Only Jenna had done that.
He couldn’t stop thinking about it or her. It made him recall actually watching her do that in person, and all the things that came after that, and he needed to find a release.
Nina was always up for some middle-of-the-night-sex, but that wouldn’t be fair. He’d be thinking about Jenna the whole time. Not to mention that he knew thinking about Jenna masturbating would take a while to build the damn – especially when he’d already climaxed that night just an hour or so ago – but when it burst, it would be a killer orgasm.
Sex with Nina wasn’t conducive to that.
The only right thing to do, was to take a shower and stroke it until he blew a big load. He was standing in the shower a little while later, hands against the wall, coming down from his orgasm – which had been the best one he’d had in a while – when he heard the door open.
“Liam, you okay?” Nina’s voice asked.
“Yeah. Taking a hot shower to help me fall asleep,” he lied. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie – it was to help him fall asleep. He just didn’t mention the part about jerking off as he visualized his last girlfriend touching herself.
“Want me to help you?” she asked seductively. What should he say? If he said yes, she’d come in and touch him, maybe want him to take her against the shower wall, and he didn’t think he could hold her up long enough to get off again. That might require answers to questions he didn’t want to discuss, and it was easier to beg off.
He shut off the water and pushed the curtain aside, grabbing for his towel. “You know what, I think it worked. I’m finally feeling really tired. Maybe we can shower together tomorrow when I get back from my run. Sound good?”
She nodded. “You sure you’re okay? You don’t usually have a hard time sleeping.”
“I’m fine. Probably
just drank too much caffeine today or something.” He faked a yawn that actually turned into a real one. “Guess it’s finally wearing off. That will teach me to drink Coke after 4 p.m.”
She kissed him sweetly. “See you in bed?”
He nodded. When she closed the door, his shoulders sank and he blew out a breath. Right. Like he was going to be able to stop thinking about that video of the sexiest woman he’d ever known touching herself, just for him. How the hell was he going to be able to keep this up with Nina when he clearly wasn’t over Jenna? While he’d been thinking, at first, about Jenna’s hands all over herself and then all over him, what entered his mind as soon as the release happened was holding Jenna all night.
And that was not about the physical.
Chapter 20
Liam gently pushed the bedroom door open, balancing the tray full of breakfast dishes. “Rise and shine, beautiful,” he said. As he turned toward the bed, Nina rose to a sitting position and the sheet fell, exposing her creamy white breasts before she pulled it back up. Liam’s dick swelled in appreciation. She had fantastic breasts.
“You made me breakfast?” she asked, happy but surprised. He smiled and set the tray across her lap. “Oh! Pancakes and sausage. It looks delicious, Liam. Thank you.” She touched his cheek and then kissed him sweetly.
Liam sat next to her and watched her eat. It was nice to see a woman actually eat. He’d spent so much time on movie sets, that he’d seen more women starving themselves or barely eating than he had women who actually consumed calories. Nina wasn’t afraid to eat.
“I’m sorry,” she said around a forkful of pancakes, “I’m being a pig. I should offer you some.”
He laughed. “These are yours. I ate while I was cooking. Enjoy yourself. I love watching you eat. You appreciate food.”
“In other words, I’m a glutton,” she said, setting down her fork. He felt bad that he’d made her self-conscious, so he picked up the fork and fed her another bite.
“Not even close. You’re gorgeous, Nina. The fact that you look this way and still eat like a normal person is refreshing. Now eat, or I’ll be insulted that you don’t like my pancakes,” he teased. He fed her the rest, the both of them grinning the whole time.
As he fed her the last piece, syrup dripped onto her breast. Liam set the fork onto the plate and removed the tray to the floor. Then he went back to where Nina lay down on the bed and licked her skin until the syrup was gone. She looked ready to explode. This was one of the best parts about her responsiveness, that simple things could easily become erotic.
He flung the sheets away and grabbed the syrup container. He drizzled syrup on her skin in places he knew got her aroused, then worshiped the rest of her body with his tongue until every drop of maple flavor was gone and she was writhing in ecstasy.
“God, Liam, you’re…you’re just…OH!” she cried as he paid extra attention to the most sensitive spot on her body.
She came again before he sheathed himself in a condom, took her quickly, and they came together.
They lay there, panting, and Nina laughed. “You are so damn spectacular. That was amazing.”
He laughed. “Spectacular, huh? I’ve been called many things – often unflattering – but never spectacular.”
She rolled to her side. “Well, you are. That was a lovely way to start the day.”
“Oh, we’re not done yet. We still need to shower before we head to the Sidewalk Art Festival.”
Nina’s pupils dilated. She loved showering together and he had plans to make up for his bad behavior earlier in the week, looking at a video of someone else and jerking off in the shower. He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the bed, led her into the bathroom and started the shower. He kissed her while it got warm, then they stepped under the hot spray and he kissed her some more. He loved that kissing her could be so sensual and titillating – she meant what she said, he could get her off with just kisses.
When she was ready to explode again, Liam grabbed the condom from the edge of the shower and handed it to Nina. Once she got him covered, he lifted her into his arms and drove into her in one, swift motion. She cried out immediately. By the time he came, she’d had at least two more orgasms, the last one together.
He let her down gently and washed her hair, soaped her skin. Touching her breasts all soapy like that got them both excited again and she dropped to her knees to take him in her mouth. He knew it would take a while – he’d already come twice in the last hour and he wasn’t a teenage boy anymore – so he had her stand.
She looked sad and he reassured her, “Some other time, when it won’t take forever.” With a nod, she gave a small smile and returned the favor of cleaning his body, stroking him and kissing. Focusing on her pleasure, he dove between her thighs and Nina came again. He felt vindicated for his shower earlier in the week.
Eventually, the water grew cold and that effectively silenced his libido for the moment.
Half an hour later, they were dressed and walking, hand in hand, down the hill toward the Old Port for coffee before they went to Congress Street for the Art Festival.
“What time did Em and Rob leave?” Nina asked.
“Early. I think it was 6 a.m. They were meeting Rick and Kelly at Whole Foods so that Liv could make the trip to Pushaw Lake with them. I think she wanted to escape a long car trip with her brothers.” Rick and Kelly’s oldest, Liv, was a teenager and the only girl in a family of five kids, with four brothers plus two male cousins.
“Thanks for staying down here with me.”
“No thanks necessary. I wanted to stay with you. I’m glad we finally get some time to ourselves. We haven’t had that outside the bedroom since we met.”
“Is it like that all the time?” she asked.
“Yeah, unfortunately. Especially now. I’m not really Rob’s guard anymore, so I don’t get relief the way I did before. But those two will want time alone at home, once they have a house. We’ll be able to do stuff together then. When they’re at home, they only need one guard. It’s not like Brian and Rick want to comb the bars for chicks. They’re both happily married to insanely beautiful women who have given them multiple kids. I think they’re both pretty content with what they’ve got.”
Nina smiled. “What about you? Are you pretty content?”
Liam grinned at her. He was actually feeling pretty great at the moment. It had been an excellent morning.
“Yeah. I think I am.”
They grabbed coffee and walked to Monument Square, where the Festival began at the north end of Congress Street. Nina didn’t say much about the artwork. Liam was used to being with Rob, Em and even Jenna going to art events. All three of them were art connoisseurs – Rob and Jenna as both patrons and collectors, and Emily as an art historian. Liam had taken art history classes in college, so he could keep up, but it could be overwhelming if you were with more than one of them at a time. Initially, this was a nice change of pace.
After a while, Nina’s lack of comments was awkward. Liam never realized how much he’d been listening in the past and not actually discussing. So, he tried to initiate the conversation with Nina to get things moving.
“This guy’s photos are reminiscent of Ansel Adams,” he said.
“Aren’t those in black and white?” Nina asked.
“Mostly, but these days, you don’t have to actually use black and white film, you can make changes to digital prints in the computer. You could take this one and switch off the color digitally, then print it and people might think it was Ansel Adams.”
“I guess I don’t see what you mean.”
“Well, for one, this is Acadia, right? Isn’t that the cliff face by the beach? What’s it called?”
“The Beehive.”
“Right. Adams is famous for his Yosemite shots, but this is the kind of composition he’d make. See how the sun is hitting the rock face from behind? It’s sunrise, so the light is really beautiful in color, but if you took away the color saturation, there are
some great shapes in there, too.”
She sighed and seemed sad. “You know a lot about this stuff. I guess art isn’t my thing.”
Liam touched her cheek. “Hey. Don’t worry about it. I’ve spent years with Rob. He loves this stuff. And I like photography. Ansel Adams is one of my favorite photographers. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”
“You should get this,” she said.
“Nowhere to put it yet. Once they have a house, then I’ll have my own space.”
“Let’s take his card and the schedule of where he’s showing. We can get you something for your room later.”
He smiled at her. “Sounds like a plan.”
Through the rest of the Festival, he only talked about the artwork in a vaguely aesthetic way, asking Nina if she liked this painting or that photograph. He supposed he didn’t need a girlfriend who could discuss art. After all, they’d had some really fascinating conversations about world politics, and that wasn’t something he’d done much with Jenna. She wasn’t unaware, but she wasn’t as enamored with politics as Liam had always been. Nina read actual newspaper every day, not just the blurbs online.
But the whole time they were looking at art, Liam thought about Jenna, the stories she’d told him of her European sojourns, first with her grandmother as a child, then later backpacking on summer breaks. She’d talked about them taking trips together, which was impractical when he worked for Rob, but he’d loved the idea of it. And looking at this art, thinking about the artists’ influences, it made him miss Jenna.
He had to try harder. It wasn’t fair to compare sweet, lovely Nina to the one that got away. If only he could stop.
**********
Eventually, they ditched the art festival and drove to Freeport to escape the crowds that had engulfed Portland. They sat on the deck at Gritty McDuff’s for a couple of hours, drank beer, talked, ate dinner, fed each other dessert. A band started playing and they stayed to listen.
“Dance with me,” Nina said.
“I’m not a dancer.”
“Come on. Please?”