“Smart and sweet?” He sneered. “How fucking naïve are you?”
I flinched but didn't back down. He was scared. That had to be it. “You could sell your work and I could help you until you get on your feet–”
“Get out.”
“What?” I shook my head. I couldn't have heard him right.
“We're done. Contract ended.” Cade took a step toward me, but there was no desire, no emotion in his eyes. “You got what you wanted, Bree.”
I caught my breath. He'd never called me Bree. Not once.
“I taught you how to fuck, how to seduce a man.” He gave me a tight, humorless smile. “And you got to try to save the whore. Too bad the whore doesn't want to be saved.”
I stepped back. I didn't want to hear this.
“I like who I am. What I do. Why would I want to give up fucking hundreds of gorgeous women and getting paid obscene amounts of money to do it?”
Each word was a blow and I couldn't stop the tears this time.
“Just get out.”
“You bastard,” I whispered. I turned toward the door, using all of my self-control not to run. I had to preserve at least that much of my dignity. I didn't have much left. Not after I'd bared my heart to him, let him do things to me I'd never considered doing. Shame and humiliation flooded me, mixing with anger and hurt until I wasn't sure I could handle feeling anything else. I needed to get as far away from here as possible. And I needed to forget I'd ever heard of Cade Shepard.
Chapter 9
I barely got out of bed for the rest of the weekend. I didn't curl up on the couch and watch chick-flicks or finish off the half-gallon of ice cream that was in the freezer. I didn't eat anything. I'd taken a shower when I'd gotten home, desperate to rid myself of the smell and feel of his body. I scrubbed myself harshly, trying to get him off, making my outside feel as raw as my insides. I'd taken out my comfy pajamas but then remembered what had happened the last time I wore them. Finally, I'd ended up just crawling into bed naked and rolling myself in my blankets until I'd been unable to move. I got up only when it was necessary and then just fell back into bed and burrowed under the covers.
When I finally crawled out of bed Monday morning, I felt worse than I'd ever felt before. Worse than when I'd had to face the wedding guests and tell them Ronald had left. Worse than when I'd found out my best friend had paid Cade to have sex with me. Worse, even, than finding out Adelle had still been sleeping with Cade. I'd thought I'd had my heart broken by Ronald, but this was beyond broken. I was shattered. It had taken me falling for Cade to realize what I'd been missing with Ronald for a long time. I'd trusted Cade with everything and had been prepared to walk away because he said he didn't get emotionally involved. But then he'd gone and gotten my hopes up. He'd made me think I was something more than a job to him.
I closed my eyes and took a slow, deep breath. “Pull yourself together, Bree. He isn't worth it.”
A pang went through me as I realized how much that sounded like what he'd said about me and about how he saw himself. It wasn't true though. I didn't think he wasn't good enough for me because of what he did. Good enough had nothing to do with it. He wasn't worth my tears not because of what he'd done, but because he'd chosen other women over me.
I looked in the mirror and winced. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, my face puffy. My hair was a tangled mess that was going to take me twice as long as normal to get through. Worse, though, were the things I couldn't see. The way my body ached as if I'd spent the weekend doing an intense work-out. The phantom feelings of his hands on me. The memory of how he'd felt inside me.
I climbed into the shower, letting the hot spray beat down on my aching muscles. I didn't really have the time to linger, but I pushed it anyway. The sound of the water was soothing white noise, helping to drown out thoughts I didn't want to entertain. I kept my mind virtually blank as I got ready for school, pushing back the thoughts as they came forward, memories of how Cade had commented on my wardrobe. I wished I had enough money to buy new clothes, not because I felt like I needed them but because I couldn't quite stop myself from thinking about how Cade had said I hid behind my work clothes.
“Fuck him,” I said the words to my reflection. I dabbed on a bit more concealer. “He doesn't know me.”
When I was finally convinced that I looked presentable, I was running late, but it had been worth it. I didn't want anyone knowing what had happened over the weekend, and I needed to be able to fool not only the kids and faculty, but Mindy as well. If she saw how completely miserable I was, she'd call Adelle and the two of them would have some sort of crazy intervention or something. I knew Mindy wasn't exactly thrilled about my arrangement with Cade, and while she'd never say 'I told you so,' it'd still be there. And, of course, I had no clue how Adelle would take things. Ever since the whole incident with her canceling her appointments with Cade, things had been a bit fragile between us. We were moving past it, but it didn't make things any less uncomfortable at times.
Maybe, I thought as I quickly gathered my things and headed out, me being finished with Cade would speed up the process. And that, I'd decided, was what I was going to tell them. Cade and I had ended our arrangement because I was done. There wasn't anything else he could teach me. And if Adelle asked if I minded her calling him again, I'd tell her to go right ahead. Cade would never tell her the truth about what had happened and if she wanted to fuck him, who was I to say no? In the end, I wasn’t any different than his other clients. I ignored the pain in my chest at the thought.
Mindy was waiting in my classroom when I arrived, the expression on her face saying I was later than I thought. I almost always got in before her, and she was never ready before me. She was visibly worried.
“I overslept.” I gave her a smile I hoped was more convincing than it felt.
“Long weekend?” She raised an eyebrow suggestively.
That was a perfect segue to share the latest about me and Cade. Even better, there was the possibility that she would tell Adelle for me. I just had to manage to say it without any emotion.
“Cade and I were finishing up our arrangement,” I said nonchalantly. “He says I'm ready to go out and have some fun.”
“That's great!” Mindy practically squealed. “We're so having a girls' night out Friday after dinner. We're going to a club and we're going to get you laid.”
I rolled my eyes and tried to not grit my teeth. “The entire point of this… this adventure was to prove to myself that I could get my own men and don't need help.”
“Of course,” Mindy hurriedly agreed, her eyes falling to the floor. “Adelle and I will stay out of it completely.” She threw her arms around me. “We just want to see you work it.”
Wonderful. Terrific. That's exactly what I wanted. Dancing and flirting with random guys while my friends watched to see if I’d been ‘fixed’. I so didn't want to go to a club this weekend. I didn't even want to go to dinner, but I knew Adelle and Mindy would get suspicious if I tried to call off.
I gritted my teeth and hugged Mindy back. “That sounds great,” I said. “Some girl time sounds like exactly what I need.” That was such a lie, but Mindy bought it.
“We'll talk more at lunch,” she said as she released me. “We'll want to go someplace special.”
I nodded and then made a show of looking at the clock. “Best get back to class. Who knows what the hellions will do if you're not in there.”
She grinned at me and headed for the door. “Lunch. Don't forget.”
“I won't,” I promised. I wouldn't want to go, but I'd do it to prevent her from asking why I bailed. I could do this. I could get through lunch pretending to be happy. I could get through the entire day being fake. And then again tomorrow, and the day after that, and however long I had to fake it before it became real.
It was harder than I thought, but I managed. By the time I entered my apartment building, I was exhausted, but no one had suspected a thing. I was so tired I didn't even see the per
son standing just inside the door until I ran into him.
“Oh!” I stumbled and my hands came in contact with a hard, muscular chest. I looked up into a pair of twinkling green eyes. “I'm so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going.”
“It's okay,” he said. He put his hands on my upper arms to steady me. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” I nodded and took a step back to put some distance between us. “Just lost in my thoughts.”
“It happens.” He flashed a brilliant smile at me, a dimple appearing in his cheek. He held out a hand. “Finn Colson.”
“Bree Gamble,” I answered. I didn't even consider introducing myself as Aubree. That name wasn't one I wanted to hear again anytime soon. I shook Finn's hand and tried not to think about how his grip lingered.
“You live here or are you visiting someone? A boyfriend maybe?”
My smile was actually half-genuine. “Three E,” I said. “What about you?”
“Not visiting a boyfriend.”
I surprised myself with a laugh.
“I just moved here. To the city, not just the building. All the way from Sacramento.” He gave me a shy smile. “In fact, I was just thinking how I needed to find someone who could show me around.”
I started to shake my head.
“Or maybe just show me where to get a cup of coffee,” Finn continued, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “But I don't need an answer right away.” He stepped around me. “I'm running late for a business dinner, but I hope to see you around.”
“I'd like that,” I answered automatically. I meant to be polite, but as soon as I saw Finn's eyes light up, I knew I'd come across as flirtatious. It looked like Cade had done a better job than I realized. I gave Finn a wave and then headed toward the stairs. The physical exertion would help keep my mind off things.
I opened the apartment door and turned on the light, just in time for my foot to kick something across the room. I looked down and saw an envelope. I frowned. Sometimes the super would leave notes, but they were usually taped to the outside of the door, and I couldn't think of anything he'd need to tell me. If it wasn’t him, who else could it be?
A thrill of hope went through me and I dropped my bags, snatching the envelope from the floor. Was this some sort of ploy from Cade, a note telling me he was sorry? My hands were shaking as I tore it open and pulled out a single sheet of paper. It was folded in half, writing only on one side. The moment I opened it, I knew it wasn't from Cade. The handwriting was all wrong. My disappointment, however, was immediately overshadowed as I read…
Back off, bitch. Cade is mine. Stay away from him. I know where you live and I know people who'd love to hurt a pretty little blonde thing like you. Go near him or contact him again and you’ll regret it.
Chapter 10
Cade
My heart was racing, adrenaline coursing through my veins. My entire body was flushed and hot. I curled my hands into fists, my breathing harsh and fast in my ears. Strangely, my mind was blank. Well, not blank, but not exactly thinking in clear and coherent thoughts either.
When the door slammed behind her, my stomach lurched. She was gone.
I'd never fought with anyone before. Not like this. Whenever women got too attached, I cut them free and whatever protests they made, I ignored. I didn't care what they thought of me. But, Aubree's final words, the expression on her face when she'd called me a bastard... I'd never been cut so deeply. Not that she wasn’t right, I knew.
I was a bastard. A bastard for breaking my own rules, a bastard for thinking I deserved anything more. A bastard for setting my sights too high.
That's what I got for letting someone close, I told myself as I stomped to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I had known better than to fall for her, but after nine years, she'd been the only one who'd tempted me to break my own rule. I stepped under the water without waiting for it to warm. I shivered as the cold hit my overheated skin. I hated cold showers, but at the moment, it was the wake-up call I needed.
I closed my eyes as the temperature started to rise but all I could see was her face. The hurt in those beautiful violet eyes.
“Fuck!” I yelled and slapped my hands against the wall. I rested my forehead between my hands. What the hell had I done?
Actually, I knew the answer.
I sabotaged myself on purpose. As I'd told Aubree before, I always knew what to say. Sure, I had a hard time telling her how I felt, and it had been difficult to share details of my past, but only an idiot wouldn't have known my little announcement wouldn't be taken well. And I wasn't an idiot. I'd known before I spoke that if I told Aubree I was planning on continuing my work as an escort, it'd drive her away.
Pain laced through my chest and I went to my knees. I never should have told her how I felt. Never should have acted on it. I should have just told her she was ready and cut her loose. Free to pursue relationships with whoever she wanted. I buried my hands in my hair as water poured down my face. The thought of her being with anyone else made me sick to my stomach.
But it had needed to be done. I'd gotten caught up in the moment, in the idea that she and I could have a life together. The moment we were done, however, real life had come crashing back down and I'd known it wouldn't work. Not because I didn't feel anything for her, but because I felt too much. She deserved better than me.
“...piece of ass... all you're good for...”
I squeezed my eyes shut, as if it would keep me from hearing the thoughts from my past. I was in enough pain. I didn't need those memories coming forward, reminding me of exactly how little I was worth.
“...pretty skin... tight ass...”
I moaned as the memories came flooding forward. I couldn't help it. I'd been telling the truth about my mother's murder, but that wasn't my only dark memory. As horrible as that had been, these memories were almost worse.
I could hear myself screaming, begging. I heard the laughter, that deep masculine laughter that promised pain. And, as always, I could hear his voice. It had been nearly ten years, but I still remembered every word, every action.
***
“What do you think gives you the right to say no to me, you worthless piece of shit?”
Pain exploded across my face and I cried out. The second blow came so fast I didn't have the chance to defend myself. I dropped to the floor, my head ringing. A third punch and I whited out. As hands tore my shirt from my body, I wished for darkness to take me. I knew what was coming, and I didn't want to be awake when it did.
“You're just a piece of ass. That's all you're good for.”
I could feel his hands on me, pulling off my pants and boxers. I tried to hit away his hands as he wrapped his fingers around my soft cock, but he laughed and squeezed. A flare of pain went through me and I cried out, even as the pain started to clear my head.
He released me and manhandled me onto my stomach. His knee pressed against my spine, keeping me in place as he bound my wrists above my head, then tied them to something I couldn't pull free from. He moved off of me and ran his hand down my back and over my ass.
“Pretty skin and a tight ass.”
I tried to get away, pulling against my restraints until I felt them cutting into my wrists. He kicked my side and I gasped, losing my breath. Another kick, and I screamed as something cracked. I pulled my legs up, trying to protect myself, but the gesture only pulled and twisted my shoulders. He laughed again and pulled my legs down, tying both of them apart.
The gravel scraped and tore at my chest, my stomach, my cock, sending pain shooting through me, but still, I struggled. I screamed for someone to help, anyone, and he didn't care. My head knew that meant no one would hear me, but I screamed just the same.
He slammed his fist against my temple and I saw stars. He slapped my ass, then dropped his hands to squeeze my balls until I whimpered, unable to make a louder sound.
“Did you really think you were so special that you could just waltz out of here because you don't s
wing this way? I don't give a fuck if you're straight. Just means I get to be the first one to take that cherry.”
He released my balls and slid his hand between my cheeks, his finger pressing against my asshole. I began to beg, my pride shredded away. My only thought was to stop the inevitable.
“And when I'm done with you, I'm going to leave you here, let whoever wants have a crack at you. Maybe then you'll realize that no one gives a fuck what you want or who you are.”
I began to pray that he'd just kill me and get it over with.
***
I rubbed my wrists as if I could still feel the ropes around them. I stood, shivering. I turned the cold water almost all the way off, scalding my skin. It still couldn't chase away the ice inside me. With the cold came the hopelessness and worthlessness I worked so hard to keep at bay. When I blocked out my past, I could almost pretend I was as confident as everyone thought I was. But when it hit me, it was a struggle to beat it.
As I felt the hot water starting to cool down, I turned off the shower and reached for a towel. I turned my face away from the mirror as I dried off, not wanting to see my reflection. In my head, I knew I'd see the same thing I'd seen for years. Hair that might've changed style according to current trends, but was still basically the same. Skin that was still smooth and tanned. A body unmarked with the exception of the tattoo I'd gotten for my mom with my first real paycheck.
But a part of me was afraid I'd see that same scared seventeen boy who'd gotten the shit beaten out of him on the streets. The boy who'd had everything his father had ever told him solidified in a brutal fashion.
And that's why I couldn't be with Aubree, why I'd had to pretend to want to keep being an escort. This was the only thing I was good at. I hadn't been lying about that. But it wasn't just because there wasn't anything else I could do. It was also because she deserved someone who wasn't broken, someone who was worthy of her. And that wasn't me.
I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed to the main area. I quickly turned away as I saw the bed. Fuck. Now I was looking at the center of the room where the cushion, blanket and lights were still set up. That wasn't any better. My stomach knotted at the thought of Aubree stretched out on the cushion, following my every direction. The toys we used were still on the blanket.
Casual Encounter: The Complete Series Box Set Page 24