“No, Pen. I’m not. If you want to know the truth, I haven’t been fine for a long time, and I’m not sure I ever will be.”
Her eyes softened at his confession, but it wasn’t pity he saw staring back at him. It wasn’t surprise, or disappointment at discovering he wasn’t as strong or infallible as he pretended to be. It was compassion and understanding—like she honestly, truly, understood.
“It’s all right, Kyle.” She took his hand, threading her fingers between his and held on tight. “I’m not either. Some of us are just better actors than others, but I’m convinced we all wear masks. Only few are brave enough to ever take them off.” She shrugged. “I wish I was…brave like you.”
He took her face in his hands and studied her, relishing this rare moment when her walls were down. She was giving him a glimpse of the woman behind her mask. But it was more than that. She was showing him a part of her heart, and in turn, she was stealing his.
“Even when you think you’re weak, you’re still the strongest man I know.”
He pulled her to him as he leaned forward and kissed her—a light, lingering caress that told her things he couldn’t speak out loud. Their kiss was slow and unhurried, but full and deep as he delved his tongue past her lips to stroke against hers. He could almost taste her emotion in the bitter-sweetness of her kiss, as she gave herself over to the moment, to him. Not in the combustible way they’d exploded together last night, but in the gentle yielding of her lips against his. As she surrendered, she placed no demands on him, no fight for control. This was the first time he’d ever touched her, ever kissed her, that he felt like he was with the real Penelope Cantrel.
And here they were parked in the lot of the DOC—excellent timing. It took all his strength to let her go and he brushed his lips against hers once…twice…in a parting caress while wishing he could remain in this moment of connection with her. He knew the second they opened the doors, her walls were coming back up, and so were his, because Kyle was about to come face to face with the man who’d destroyed his life.
As they entered the penitentiary, a guard met them at the doors and guided them through a metal detector. After they were cleared, another officer led them down a long hallway. The tension inside Kyle ratcheted with each step. Similar to the energy he experienced every time he walked down that long aisle toward the octagon. Only there were no screaming fans, no blasting music, just the hollow echo of footsteps. How he wished he was stepping into the cage with this opponent instead of a make-shift courtroom.
The guard opened the door for them to enter and as they passed by, he told Kyle, “Victim’s family sits on the left.”
Pen caught his hand as they stepped inside, giving it a reassuring squeeze as they slipped into one of the back rows. The parole board consisted of three members already seated at the long rectangle table at the front of the room. Campoli and his lawyer sat at a smaller table facing the board members. His father and some other people Kyle didn’t recognize filled the seats behind him.
Kyle and Pen were the only people on the victim’s side of the room and everyone turned their sights on them. Clearly, they weren’t expecting anyone to be here. The smug confident expression on Sean Campoli’s face quickly turned to surprised concern when he locked eyes with Kyle. They thought they’d won. With Willow out of the picture, no one would contest the parole and they’d walk right out of here as if none of this had ever happened. Yeah, not if Kyle had anything to say about it.
He held Campoli’s stare as if they were at a weigh in for a title fight. The tension in the room was palpable and it took Kyle everything he had not to leap across the chairs and choke the life out of the piece of shit. Campoli’s stare wavered and then finally broke as he turned his head back around to face the parole board.
“All right. I believe that’s everyone we’re expecting,” the board member in the middle announced. “This is a parole hearing for Sean Campoli. Accused and found guilty of two counts of manslaughter, and one count of second-degree attempted murder. Mr. Campoli has served five of a fifteen-year sentence and under the state statutes, the Nevada Board of Parole Commissioners deems Sean Campoli eligible for parole. Victims or immediate family members will be allowed to speak at this parole hearing. One support person may accompany the victim or family member to this hearing, but support persons are not permitted to participate in the hearing.
“I’d also like to say that each member of the board has thoroughly reviewed the case, and this is not a trial to determine guilt or innocence. We’re here to determine if Mr. Campoli’s behavior suggests risk of reoffence. At this time, we’ll start by taking statements from the victim’s family. Mr. Kyle Scott, please come forward to the podium.”
There are times in a person’s life when they can go through an experience and know that, whether good or bad, they will be forever changed. For Pen, all those moments had been marked by tragedy—until now. This time she was witnessing Kyle’s, and as she sat in the back of the courtroom listening to him recount in graphic detail what had happened to his parents and Willow the night of the accident, her heart broke for him.
As he stood at the podium speaking, his eyes never wavered from Sean Campoli. His expression determined, confident, fearless. His voice was void of emotion, but the truth was in his eyes, and he was seething with hatred. She’d never know how he made it through that testimony without breaking down. Then again, anger could get a person through the unthinkable. She knew this from experience. It was how she’d survived three years of her life. But given the chance, she didn’t think she had it in her to do what Kyle was doing—to face the person who ruined her life, to look William Cantrel in the eye and hold him accountable for his crimes.
She’d meant every word when she told Kyle he was the strongest person she knew. And even as she listened to him talk, witnessed the dispassionate lockdown of his emotions, she knew how gut-wrenching this was for him, and she found herself wanting to ease his pain. It was hard for her to sit here and not go to him. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was that this happened. The impulse was so out of character for her, but Pen’s soul recognized a kindred connection with him, one that could only be shared by survivors of tragedy.
Kyle’s eyes flickered past Sean Campoli for the first time since he’d taken the podium and locked on hers—and it was that moment the realization struck her. I think I’m falling in love with this man.
When he finished speaking, one of the board members addressed him. “Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Scott, and taking the time to speak with us. On behalf of the parole board, we would like to extend our deepest condolences to you and your sister. As a courtesy, you will be notified of the outcome of the hearing as soon as a decision has been made.”
Kyle thanked them and stepped away from the podium. As he headed down the aisle, his eyes never left hers—as if Pen were his destination and not the exit behind her. Tears pricked her lids as so many emotions welled up inside her. She blinked a few times to clear her vision, hastily drying her cheeks. She stood to meet him in the aisle, barely resisting the urge to rush forward. As soon as he was close, she reached for his hand and he clasped it tightly. Together they walked out as a united front. It felt good being needed. Maybe she wasn’t so bad at this girlfriend stuff after all.
“You did great,” she told him as they left the DOC and headed toward the parking lot.
“Thanks.” His stare remained fixed ahead, his steps brisk and determined, as if he couldn’t get out fast enough. “That fucking sucked.”
The sun was hot, intense, the kind of heat that made a person break out into an instant sweat. Yeah, that was it. It definitely wasn’t the realization that she was falling in love, or the churn of anxiety in her gut. Caught in the dichotomy of her emotions, if she allowed herself to think about it too long, she’d likely have a panic attack. On one hand, she’d never felt safer than when she was with him, and on the other, she’d never felt more vulnerable.
What would Kyle think
if he knew she was falling for him? There were times recently that he’d said and done things to make her think he had feelings for her too—genuine feelings, not those put on for the public eye. Though she had to admit, he was a mighty convincing actor. The joy she might have felt to discover Kyle shared her growing interest was continually overshadowed by the plaguing thought that Kyle didn’t truly know her. If he was falling for her, then he was falling in love with a lie because, if he knew the truth, knew what had happened to her and how tarnished she really was, he wouldn’t want her anymore and that loss, that rejection… It would be devastating.
Pen had no doubt if the truth came out, Kyle would be as disgusted by the sight of her as she was every time she looked in the mirror.
“I know it did, Kyle. But I admire you for having the strength to do it. I never could have done something like that. Confronting the person who ruined my life…”
He shot her a skeptical look. “Are you kidding me? You don’t take shit from anyone. If you had a cage name, it would be Pen ‘The Punisher’ Cantrel.”
She laughed, and considering the intensity of the last hour, it felt really good. The corner of his mouth curved ever so slightly. “You think so, huh? You’re such a sweet talker. You really know how to get a girl right in the feels.”
That made him laugh, and she felt the throaty rumble roll through her like an auditory caress. He slung his arm around her shoulders and hugged her against his side. “Aw, baby. You know I love it when you bust my balls.”
They stopped outside her car door and she turned to him, reaching between his legs, and cupped him. He flinched at the contact, seeming surprised. His breath caught in his throat when she gave the heavy weights a gentle squeeze. “Do you now…?” she purred, brushing her thumb over the base of his rapidly swelling shaft.
The sound rumbling in his throat was half groan, half growl. “Careful, Pen,” he warned. “You’re playing with fire.”
Rising to her tiptoes she flicked her tongue over his top lip. “I thought it was getting awfully hot out here.” She released him and slowly dragged her palm up the length of his erection. He grabbed her wrist before she realized he’d even moved. His grip was tight, but not painful. He kept those stunning eyes locked on hers as he slowly raised her hand. Bringing it up, he held her stare as he brushed his lips over the underside of her wrist—over her tattoo and the scar that lay beneath the promise of forgiveness. Unfortunately, she’d never been able to forgive herself.
Nobody touched her scar. She never allowed it. So, then why was she letting Kyle brush his lips over the thin white line? He didn’t realize what he was doing, or what the gesture that was sexy and so sweet did to her. Could he be the one? The one to take her pain away and make her forget?
“Kyle…” Her voice cracked with emotion as she laid her palm over his heart and found it thundering as fast as her own. She said nothing else, words failing her.
He cupped the side of her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek. “You want to get out of here?” His voice was a husky caress.
She nodded. It was time to go—time to put Sean Campoli behind them. They could both use the distraction. He opened the door for her and she slipped inside. He closed it, rounded the car, and got into the driver’s seat. “Where do you want to go?” she asked.
He checked his watch. “We’ve got almost two hours before your meeting with the detective. I’m thinking we should go someplace where we can get a little more physical.”
Chapter Twenty
“Kyle, when you suggested we get physical, this was not what I had in mind.”
He chuckled as he assumed his “ready” stance, the one she’d seen him take time and time again when she’d watched him on Unchained. He wore nothing but a tight-fitting pair of fight shorts and a sexy as sin grin. She glanced through the cage at the curious stares that made her feel more self-conscious than she already did. It was an imposing feeling, being locked in the cage with an undefeated welterweight MMA fighter who was eyeing her like a piece of meat he wanted to devour.
She wasn’t afraid. Pen knew Kyle would never hurt her, but still, what he was asking her to do, expecting her to achieve, was impossible.
“Come on, Pen, take me down.” He gave her the hand gesture for come at me.
She didn’t move. “Kyle, I can’t do this. Look at me.”
“I’m looking, sweetheart. Trust me.”
That got a chuckle from the peanut gallery. She recognized some of the fighters gathering around and wished they’d all go away and mind their own business.
“What about your knee?”
“My knee is whatever. I haven’t been in the cage for weeks and I need this as much as you do. Now come at me.”
She shot the spectators another wary glance. “Go on, baby girl. Kick his ass,” a fighter called from the bench where he’d planted his ass, stretching into a last sprawl with his muscular arms crossed over his chest, looking as if he couldn’t wait for the show to start, an easy grin plastered on his handsome face.
“Shut the fuck up, Grim. Why don’t you get your ass in this cage and try to show her how it’s done?” Kyle baited the fighter who easily had fifty pounds on him.
Grim’s answer was a sharp bark of laughter, and others joined in, all enjoying the smack-talking banter. Kyle didn’t look angry, just eager to work out some pent-up energy. If she’d had to guess she’d wager they were friends.
“As soon as you jump up to my weight class, Betty, we’ll go a couple of rounds.”
Kyle gave Grim a one-finger salute and the others laughed again. “All right, Pen,” Kyle said, turning his attention back to her. “Ignore these assholes and focus on what I taught you.”
“I can’t do this, Kyle. You’re twice my size.”
“That’s the beauty of self-defense. With Hapkido, you don’t have to be big or strong to take someone down. You just need to know their weaknesses. I’ve shown you what to do. Now you just need to practice it. Come on. Mat me.”
There was another round of chuckles from the growing crowd. She didn’t sense condescension or arrogance from these guys. In fact, they seemed to be rooting for her.
“Careful, Scott. I taught Katie that move and she kicked my ass.”
Pen glanced at the newcomer strolling in and did a doubletake. Cole Easton. Holy crap, Cole Easton was watching her spar. He was an MMA god, a fan favorite, and she couldn’t deny it was a little wowing to have the attention of some of the most famous fighters in the CFA watching her.
“Oh, I remember that,” Nikko spouted off from the benches. “One of the happiest days of my life was watching that little midge take you down.” More laughs all around.
She didn’t want to embarrass Kyle with her failure. She didn’t want to let him down or make him look bad in front of his friends because he’d spent the last hour working with her and teaching her how to defend herself against an attacker. Now it was time to put it all together, to show him what she’d learned, and she was nervous she was going to mess up.
But Pen didn’t have much time to think about it because Kyle came at her. She side stepped him, grabbed his wrist, and twisted it counterclockwise while using his forward momentum against him. She shifted her hip into his, knocking him off balance, and sent him over her back. He hit the mat—hard. Boom! The gym erupted into cheers. She had to admit, as she stood there over Kyle and he smiled up at her with pride, it felt pretty freaking amazing.
“Yep, that’s the one!” Cole called out.
“See? Told ya you could do it,” Kyle told her from the floor. “Want to try it again?”
She did. It was fun playing around with him like this. She particularly enjoyed having his hands all over her during the instruction part of their little lessons, and she was learning a lot about defending and protecting herself. Once she got over her nerves and the insecurity of being watched, they got busy practicing all the defensive moves she’d learned. The other fighters called out helpful tips now and then, and Grim ev
en joined them in the octagon when she was having trouble with the logistics of a particular takedown. He let Kyle demonstrate the move on him a few times, sending him into the mat over and over again until she got the move down correctly.
By the time her lesson was over, both she and Kyle were sprawled out on the mat, chests heaving, breaths gasping—bodies drenched in sweat. “That was…pretty awesome.” She rolled her head to the side to find Kyle watching her.
When he smiled, it stole what little breath she had left in her lungs.
“Yeah, it was.”
“You should teach classes in this.”
He looked at her a little funny, as if the thought had never occurred to him before. “You mean self-defense classes for women?”
“Yes. Exactly. I know I gave you shit about being a hero, but this…teaching women how to protect and defend themselves, helping them to conquer their fear, that’s heroic. You have no idea how life-changing something like this could be for someone who’s been a victim of abuse. I’ve only had one lesson with you and I feel more confident—safer. If I would have known how to protect myself—” Pen abruptly cut herself off. She couldn’t believe what she’d almost said.
But her slip hadn’t gone unnoticed. Something stormy entered Kyle’s eyes and he rolled onto his side and sat up, his movements fluid and graceful—powerful.
“Protect yourself from what, Pen?”
His intensity intimidated her and she could feel herself retreating behind her emotional walls as her mind scrambled for an answer he would accept. He must have sensed it too because this time his tone held an edge of urgency that wasn’t there before. “Goddammit, Pen. Talk to me. Protect yourself from what? Who hurt you?”
She sat up and scooted back, putting a little distance between them. “Protect myself when I’d been locked in that closet, instead of feeling trapped and terrified and helpless.”
In for the Win (Against the Cage Book 5) Page 17