This wasn’t just about keeping Pen safe anymore. Maybe in the beginning his desire to help her had been more about helping himself, because she was right, he needed to be needed, and he wasn’t ready to deal with the fallout of facing his own repressed shit.
The brokenness inside him found a kindred spirit in this woman. She drew him in like a moth to a flame, and everyone knew the fate of that poor thing. Would Pen burn him as well? The fire between them was certainly hot enough. There was no other rational explanation for his attraction to her. It certainly wasn’t her adorable personality. But, as with Willow, he’d learned to see the person behind the pain, and he was pretty damn certain he was falling in love with Penelope Cantrel.
And tonight, when she’d crawled into his bed, he’d foolishly hoped she was feeling it too. But as hot as the sex had been, something was still missing. An emotional connection? He didn’t really know, because he’d never felt or wanted one before. But he’d sensed Pen was holding a part of herself back.
Their disconnect hadn’t been physical. He’d never felt so much pleasure—ungloved and coming inside her. The sensation, the intensity…there were no words. Even now he felt himself growing hard just from the memory. No, that definitely had not been their problem. The issue, he feared, was emotional. And the struggle to synch Pen’s body with her mind was going to be a challenge. Question was, could he do it? Because he was starting to wonder if his efforts wouldn’t be fought at every turn.
Something in her past had broken her. He didn’t know what, how, or by whom, but her reaction to him earlier left little doubt in his mind. And even the possibility that she’d been abused—physically?—sexually?—filled him with such protective rage, a part of him almost feared discovering the truth. But how could he be the glue to help mend her broken pieces if he couldn’t figure out how they fit back together? She was a puzzle to him, a complex enigma he wanted to solve because, somewhere deep down, he knew the prize would be her heart.
Pen shook her head, looking utterly and completely lost. “I don’t know, Kyle. This isn’t supposed to be real. And it scares me that you’re changing the rules.”
“And you didn’t change the rules when you climbed into my bed? What the hell was that about? You think because you made them, you can break them without consequence? Or is it because I fuck around that you think you get a pass—that this means nothing to me.”
As each word flew out of his mouth, he could see it ratcheting her fear. And yet he couldn’t seem to shut up. Her defenses were high and there was no getting past those walls, yet he kept battering them with his verbal ground and pound assault. He wasn’t leaving this room until one of them tapped. Unfortunately, he was starting to get concerned that someone was going to be him.
She shook her head in denial, stepping back. And because he was a fighter, he advanced—countering her move for move until her retreat was halted by the bed.
“It was a mistake. This was a mistake.”
“Oh, now it’s a mistake? Because I’m not interested in being your boy-toy? Because you’re scared I might actually want something from you, like, oh…an ounce of trust? A glimmer of emotion? Something to tell me that I might mean something more to you than a cock to get off on?”
Her eyes narrowed, little hands tightening into fists, and he knew he’d pushed her too far.
“What the hell, Kyle? I thought I was the one with the vagina! Just because we fucked that doesn’t give you a one-way pass into my life. You don’t have any more right to my secrets than I do yours. You don’t see me trying to pry into yours, do you? We’re friends—with benefits—and if you want us to stay that way then respect my goddamn boundaries.”
“With benefits? Thanks, anyway. I think I’ll pass. I can fuck anytime I want. I don’t need you for that.” He turned to storm out, but her parting words were what won that round and had him tapping out.
“I was talking about the friends part.”
Pen’s mind was spinning as she watched Kyle storm out. Her pulse hammered inside her chest with the familiar feeling of fight or flight, but her heart ached with the foreign sensation of regret and loss. What in the hell just happened? She was torn between wanting to throw herself into his arms for being the first guy to ever give a shit about her, and the urge to kick him in the balls. Seriously… He’d come at her like a bulldozer, expecting her to just start talking about her past like it hadn’t almost killed her. Kudos to him for giving a shit, she supposed, but his delivery officially sucked.
And what in the hell was all that boy-toy crap? Did he really think she was using him to get off? Because yeah, the sex had been incredible, but hello…she’d let him inside her without a condom! And he wanted to talk about trust? That was trust right there. Couldn’t he see that? Was he really so dense that she had to spell it out for him? She’d given him her body in a way she’d never willingly given it to another man before and that jackass had the nerve to stand here and accuse her of not getting emotional?
Sure, it wasn’t the same as saying “I love you,” but with her, this was just about as real as it was going to get, so if that wasn’t good enough for him then he could fuck off, because she was not talking to him about her past.
She was about to go after Kyle and tell him as much, when her cell lit up on the nightstand. Her heart sank.
Where are you little bird? Playing hide and seek? I love games. Do you really think I won’t find you? Shall I begin counting? I’ll give you until ten. One…two…three…
“And another thing, Pen—”
Kyle was back in her doorway, yelling at her, but the anger on his face quickly dissolved when he saw hers. Their fight forgotten, he immediately was at her side, which was good, because her legs were starting to give out. Slipping his arm around her back, he helped her sit on the side of the bed.
“What’s wrong? What happened?”
She handed him her cell and he growled a foul curse. “He’s just messing with you. That’s all. He won’t find you here.”
She didn’t respond as she sat there numbly, trying to fight back the fear threatening to choke her. She thought she’d been handling this pretty well—all considering—but in light of the past few weeks, she’d finally reached her breaking point.
“I just want it to be over, Kyle.” Burying her face in her hands, she broke down.
He sat beside her and pulled her against him, hugging her tight. “I know you do, sweetheart. And it will be. I promise. The police are going to catch this guy.”
“They didn’t catch him before it was too late for Peyton.”
He slid a hand beneath her legs and pulled her into his lap, cradling her in his arms. “Yeah, but Peyton didn’t have me protecting her.” He pressed a kiss against her temple and held her while she cried.
Unbelievable. They could be in the middle of a raging fight, and the moment Kyle knew she needed him, all their drama and conflict was forgotten. He was there for her—comforting her, protecting her, taking care of her. How long would she remain a slave to her fear of needing someone? Maybe it wasn’t dependence that made a person weak, but the fear of letting someone in.
Pulling up the covers, he stood and tucked her into bed. Bending over her, he whispered against her forehead, “Try to get some sleep. It’s late.”
He started to step back and Pen caught his wrist. “Kyle…will you…stay with me?” She hiccupped the request. Exhaustion overwhelmed her and that was always when her nightmares were the worst, as if fatigue dragged her into a deeper slumber that made it more difficult to escape the demons when they came for her. Maybe if Kyle was with her, on some subconscious level, she’d know she wasn’t alone.
He quickly masked his surprise, but hesitated as he studied her a moment and then nodded. Slipping beneath the covers, he climbed in beside her and tucked her against him like he had that night at her house. With her back molded against his chest, and his arm tucked protectively around her, she closed her eyes and tried not to dream.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The following days passed uneventfully and Pen wasn’t sure if this was a blessing or a curse. There had been no messages in almost a week. Although she hoped whoever was doing this had simply lost interest, the fear constantly hovered in the back of her mind that this silence was the calm before the storm. Was he waiting for her to get comfortable and grow careless? Was he searching for her?
She and Kyle seemed to have forged an unspoken truce. Since the night of their blowup, he had backed off her and was respecting her boundaries and not pushing to talk about things best left unsaid. Without the constant tension brewing between them, they had quickly settled into an easy routine. They were doing life together and she liked it—a lot, actually.
Who would have known she could be so domestic? Pen didn’t even miss clubbing and the partying. She’d traded her dance shoes in for fuzzy slippers, and the change of pace was nice. But then maybe it was Kyle that suited her more than the sedentary lifestyle. He was easy to be with, possibly because he craved routine, and that gave her the stability she hadn’t realized her life was lacking. His was disciplined, predictable, and patterned—up at the same time every day, then straight to the shower, then in the kitchen making whatever god-awful green smoothie concoction he always drank by six a.m.
She was much slower to get moving in the mornings, which almost always had her running late for work. By the time she hit the landing, ready to race out the door, Kyle was shoving a cup of French roast with extra cream into her hand and a protein bar into her purse. He occasionally made the comment that living with her was oddly like sharing his home with Willow. Apparently, she was also kind messy, a little disorganized, and a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants kind of girl.
Since Pen had begun sharing Kyle’s bed on the regular, she’d been sleeping much better. The nightmares hadn’t gone away entirely, and they probably never would, but when sleep found her, she could finally rest. It was almost as if she knew she was safe and that Kyle would protect her. Not even her demons were brave enough to take on the fearless MMA fighter.
As if conjured by her thoughts, Kyle appeared, coming through the office door with a brown paper bag in hand. She inwardly sighed at the sight of him, swooning like some silly schoolgirl. His knowing smile was a sexy twist of his lips that confirmed her long, appreciative look hadn’t gone unnoticed.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Kyle greeted as he approached her desk, paying little mind to the patients waiting to see Dr. Hendricks. His schedule was packed since Vi left. He was running late because of Bob—big surprise—and the natives were getting restless.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” It wasn’t like him to drop in unannounced, but it was a nice surprise.
He leaned across the desk and slipped his hand behind her neck, planting a quick kiss on her lips. “I was in the area. Thought we might grab lunch together.”
“I’d love to, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to get away. Dr. Hendricks is behind.” She nodded toward the patients lining the chairs against the wall.
Kyle held up the paper bag. “It’s a good thing I got it to go, then.”
Her stomach growled and Kyle chuckled. “See? Your stomach agrees with me. You eat the protein bar I tossed in your purse this morning?”
“Yes, I did. And thank you for putting it in there, or my stomach would be gnawing on my spine right now.”
“Kinda sounds like it is,” he teased.
“Stop it,” she laughed. “You’re going to make me self-conscious.”
“Aw, you know I think you’re beautiful.” He came around the desk and took Pen’s hand, pulling her to her feet. “Step away from the desk with me for five minutes and get something to eat with me. These people don’t look like they’re going anywhere any time soon.”
Unfortunately, they did not. “All right, but only five minutes. We can go into Vi’s office.”
The room was still stacked with boxes she needed to send to New York. Since Vi had left, she’d tried repeatedly to call her friend’s cell, but had gotten no response. Then last time she called, Pen got an error message that her line had been disconnected. She was worried about Vi and had even tried reaching out to Nikko to find out if he had any idea why she’d run back to New York, but he hadn’t returned her any of her messages either.
“It’s so odd… Violet up and taking off like that,” Kyle commented as he sat in the chair across from the desk and started pulling containers out of the paper bag.
Ah…Chinese. A man after her own heart.
“Still haven’t heard from her, huh?”
“No. And now her number is disconnected. I’m really worried about her.” Pen took the seat behind the desk so she could keep an eye on the lobby and reached for one of the white cartons. General Tso… He remembered her telling him it was her favorite. She slipped a pair of chopsticks from the wrapper and dug in. “Could you try talking to Nikko? I called him but he’s not answering.” She popped a piece of spicy chicken into her mouth and moaned. “Mmm…this is sooo good. I was starved.”
Kyle chuckled. Opting for a fork, he stuck it into a container of vegetables and noodles. “I try giving him a call this afternoon and see what’s up.”
“Thank you. Hope you have better luck getting ahold of him than I did. So…does anyone know you quit the CFA? I still can’t believe you’re actually doing it.”
He shook his head and reached across the desk, sticking his fork into her General Tso. “I’m pretty sure Coach hasn’t told anyone or my phone would be blowing up. He won’t mention the job offer until I give him an answer.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do yet?” She peered over the desk into his carton. He tipped it toward her so she could see what she was grabbing with her chopsticks and snagged a saucy snap pea.
“I don’t know. I’m tempted to take the job. Might be weird, though, managing the fighters I’ve fought beside. But it’s a great opportunity. The more I think about it, the more I’m warming up to the idea.”
“Well, if it counts for anything, I love your ideas to grow the gym. I think you’re a great instructor. I know I look forward to our training sessions.” They’d been going to the gym every day and Kyle was working with her on her self-defense.
He laughed and twirled his fork into his container, pulling it out full of Lo Mein. “That’s because you get to kick my ass.”
She laughed. “True. I admit it gives a girl some confidence to toss a sexy MMA fighter around in the cage.”
He flashed her those straight white teeth, giving her a heated look she was becoming very familiar with. “You think I’m sexy?”
“You know I do, Scott.”
“Well, that’s good.” He stabbed a piece of her chicken. “Cuz you aren’t half bad yourself.”
“Not half bad?” she laughed. “Just for that, I’m going to make you beg for it tonight.”
At her threat, he rose from the chair and stalked around the desk. Slipping his hand into her hair, he tightened his grip, and tipped her head back to meet his stare that melted her every single time. “Maybe I’ll make you beg for it,” he growled as his mouth came down on hers.
Her protest was no more than a smothered whimper as she cast propriety to the wind and returned his spicy-flavored kiss. General Tso never tasted so good. Kyle could possibly be the first man to make her beg for it. And for some reason, the thought of letting him in the driver’s seat and submitting her pleasure to him wasn’t as frightening as it once was.
Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to contemplate the idea for long. At the sound of Dr. Hendricks’ door opening, her hands flew up to Kyle’s chest and she pushed the reluctant fighter back. Breaking their kiss, she shot up from the chair and shimmied past him. “I’ll be right back. I have to schedule a patient’s next appointment.” As she rushed to her desk, she could feel the heat of Kyle’s appreciative stare burning into her ass.
Bob was already at her desk by the time she arrived. He seemed to startle wh
en she came up behind him and he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Oh, you’re still here.”
“Yep. Just having lunch in the other room,” she said, forcing pleasantness into her voice. “You want to schedule your appointments next week? Tuesday and Thursday, right?” Pen slipped into her chair and called up Dr. Hendricks’ over-booked schedule. With Vi leaving so unexpectedly, he was extending his hours and told Pen this morning that he wanted her scheduling Bob’s appointments at the end of the day since they tended to run late. With Vi, it had been the opposite. She wanted him in right away in the mornings, but that was probably because of his creep factor. At the thought of her MIA friend, a pang of sadness welled up inside her. She really needed to call Nikko and find out what the hell was going on.
“That’s right.” He seemed pleased she remembered his schedule.
“I have a four-thirty on both of those days.”
“That’s great. Put me down.”
She was entering his information into the computer when Dr. Hendricks’ voice came over the intercom. “I’m ready for the next appointment, Ms. Cantrel.” She’d been working with this guy for three years, and he still insisted on calling her “Ms. Cantrel”. Pen wasn’t even sure he knew her first name. Rising, she excused herself, collected the Mathison family from the lobby, and escorted them into the office. When Pen returned, Bob was gone, and she joined Kyle back in Vi’s office to finish their lunch.
Turned out Pen didn’t need Kyle to call Nikko after all. Later that afternoon, he showed up at the office asking to talk to Vi. She didn’t know whether to pity him or be pissed. How had he not realized she’d been gone for two weeks?
“You don’t know, do you?”
He scowled at her and the scar running down the right side of his face did nothing to soften his sharp, masculine features. He was a gorgeous man—without a doubt—but holy shit… Pen thought she suffered from demons. Nikko “The Bull” Del Toro was the poster child for broken and damaged. She hadn’t realized how damaged he was, but now that Vi was out of his life…this guy was a fricking train wreck.
In for the Win (Against the Cage Book 5) Page 21